August 9th (5 page)

Hi Tess,

The year started out great and Rogers Schmidt’s growth has been remarkable.

After a year and a half I was welcomed as a senior partner, with a big raise and an even bigger bonus plan. We now employ a support staff of ten people and have helped fund a dozen companies. One of our first deals just paid off big time when the company was bought by the chip company Intel.

My bonus last year gave us the opportunity to buy a very small house in Menlo Park about a mile from my office. We bought the house from one of the original partners at Rogers Schmidt whose family had outgrown the two bedroom, one bath, single story home. I thought housing was expensive in parts of LA but it’s ridiculously high here and it’s only going up. We at least were able to avoid real estate commissions by handling the transaction privately.

We moved into the house in February and two weeks later found out Maggie was pregnant. The timing seemed perfect. Work was great, we had the house and now we were going to start our family. Then on a Wednesday morning I got a hysterical call from Maggie. She complained of bad abdominal pain and terrible cramps. I got home in a couple of minutes to find her rolled up in a fetal position on the bed. She had started to bleed so I wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the car. In a few minutes were we at the hospital.

The news was devastating. Maggie had a miscarriage. The doctors thought she was probably in her 15th week. The physical pain Maggie incurred was nothing compared to the emotional scarring. I tried to do everything I could to help her but I wish I could have done more.

In discussions with her doctor, we were told they really don’t know what causes miscarriages, and Maggie’s family has no history of miscarriage. There are all sorts of causation theories but they’re just theories. We got the best news we could hope for from the doctor when he gave Maggie a clean bill of health and his recommendation that we don’t let the miscarriage affect our desire to have children.

I’d like to say the miscarriage didn’t put a strain on our relationship, but it has. In hindsight, and after many months, I think I was too clinical. I relied too much on Maggie’s male doctor whose role it is to be clinical. I thought if Maggie said she was okay she really was okay.
I wasn’t good at reading her moods. Too often we search for simple answers when there are none.

We took our long awaited honeymoon in the middle of June and I hoped the change of scenery and beautiful beaches of Maui would rekindle our romance. It did, a little, for a while but wasn’t a total cure. Unfortunately, I returned home to a ton of work that had accumulated over several months. I quickly resumed my normal 80 hour work week while Maggie spent most of her time at home, alone.

In July Maggie had the opportunity to get her old job at Cal back but declined. When I asked her what she wanted to do she’d just say she’d do something soon. I’m sure I didn’t communicate my genuine concern properly but I get frustrated, too. Things seem better the last couple of weeks and hopefully we’re past the first big stumbling block of our marriage. I think and hope I’ve learned a lot and I can’t imagine my life without Maggie.

One night during our trip to Maui I tossed and turned unable to sleep. Trying to get back to sleep I tried to clear my mind and relax. Preoccupied with our relationship it was a welcome relief to see your image so bright and clear. And, for the first time I just wanted to hear your voice.

Dear Tess,

We had a baby girl! On July 8th Maggie gave birth to our precious bundle of joy, 8 lb Caroline Mae Brewster.

The best news is that both baby and mother are doing great. Maggie had a relatively easy pregnancy which was a huge relief after the miscarriage. I can’t believe I’m a father and there’s nothing better in the world than holding my beautiful daughter.

The miscarriage was the first real challenge of our relationship. We stumbled, fumbled and yet survived stronger than ever. I can just sit and watch Maggie and Caroline for hours. I don’t know how people can tell Caroline looks like Maggie or me at a month old, but everyone seems to think she has my eyes.

Needless to say, Caroline’s grandparents are overjoyed. She’s the first grandchild for both our sets of parents. Maggie’s mom, Susan, flew up a couple days before Caroline arrived and was a huge help. Maggie’s
dad, Rick, and my parents flew up the day after Caroline was born and stayed at a nearby hotel. They insisted on bringing in food for lunch and dinner the nights they were here. It was an amazing scene to watch six adults stare in wonderment at every movement and expression Caroline made. Luckily I took lots of movies.

Caroline arrived almost exactly on the predicted delivery date. To be safe we painted her room in a neutral light blue but her grandfathers insisted on adding a little pink trim to her room before they left. Her grandparents also made sure Caroline will be the best dressed baby in town.

With good reason Maggie was very worried about her pregnancy. She was meticulous about everything she ate and did. As her baby bump grew so did the glow on her face. We took Lamaze classes and I was in the delivery room to help Maggie with her breathing. Never did the miracle of life have more meaning. After seeing Maggie with Caroline I’m glad she wants to be a stay at home mom at least until Caroline starts school. Besides, my work is going great and I’m making more than enough money to support our family. Another year like the last and we’ll be able to afford a bigger house. Remember, we want two kids.

Speaking of school, I now realize how important schools are when choosing where to live. We’re blessed to be able to afford to live in an area of the country where education is emphasized above most everything else. A good friend of mine who has two kids has always
told me, “When you have a child your life will never be the same.” He was right.

Caroline was such a monumental event this year that it doesn’t seem right to discuss other events that pale in comparison, but I do have one other comment. Tess, ten years ago today we saw Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, and each other. This is also the tenth letter I’ve sent you without knowing if you’ve received or read any of those letters. I can’t explain why I think you have except to say I choose to believe it. Thank you for being with me these past ten years. Oh, there’s one more thing. I’m constantly challenged by a grammar question. I always fumble with the words “affect” and “effect.” I know the rule but I’m still a little confused. Sorry!

Dear Tess,

It’s been another incredible year highlighted by our beautiful daughter.

Caroline weighs almost 20 lbs, can stand on her own, loves to put everything she can hold in her mouth and play with her toy phone. I think those are somewhat normal for a year old but she does do something that I’m sure is not normal. She likes to fall asleep to disco music, specifically music from Saturday Night Fever. I’m pretty much a rock guy but Maggie’s a little more diverse and will listen to disco music when I’m not home. One afternoon she noticed Caroline had fallen asleep while Saturday Night Fever was playing on the stereo. The next day she purposely played the Saturday Night album when she put Caroline down for her afternoon nap. Bingo! Before the Bee Gees finished their first song, Stayin Alive, Caroline was asleep.

Certainly our little muffin gets more guests than her parents. One set or the other of her grandparents seems to visit every other week and there’s a little two year old boy next door who likes to poke her belly and then giggle. Thank God, she’s now sleeping through the night. The first few months were really rough especially on Maggie.

I’ve already got quite a collection of home movies and we’re going to need an extra room to store all the clothes and toys she’s outgrown. My favorite thing in the world is lying on my back on the couch and just watching her as she falls asleep on my chest.

Not only is Caroline great but so is business. The companies we’re meeting with and investing in are predicting that in 10-20 years nearly every household in the country will have a personal computer. The stats we see today show less than 1% of households in the U.S. now have a personal computer. That means meteoric growth is going to produce some huge winners and Rogers Schmidt is positioned to take advantage of the tremendous opportunity. Unfortunately that also translates into long hours. Five years ago the 80 hour weeks didn’t bother me as much. Today, I struggle with the guilt of missing too many of Caroline’s “firsts.”

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in the midst of a modern day Gold Rush. Sadly, the results aren’t always positive. Too much money and too much overnight success can produce some unhappy endings. Gary, one of the guys in my networking group is living through that right now. His marriage has been destroyed because of
at least two affairs he had that are now public. He frivolously blew through a lot of money on these women as his soon to be ex-wife sat at home with his three small children.

One night after our networking group get together he talked me into going out for a drink. I thought he wanted a friend to talk to or perhaps vent about the living hell he created. As we walked into the small hotel bar it seemed like the perfect place for a good conversation. There was only one other occupied table with two very attractive, very young gals dressed like they were going to a party in Vegas. I was shocked when one of the gals called out Gary’s name. Next thing I know we’re sitting at their table and Gary orders a bottle of expensive champagne.