Autumn's Hope (Cowboy Seasons) (17 page)

Autumn
nodded. “I’ll be fine.”

Richard
gave her a long accessing stare. “I know you will. I’ll check on you later.”

* * * *

It
shouldn’t have surprised him that she’d left but somehow it did. The house
seemed so empty without Autumn. Her story incensed him. She didn’t come out and
say it but she was raped. All he wanted now was to hunt down the coward and
plant his fist in their face. He sat on her bed and held her pillow to his
chest. It gave him a slight measure of comfort. It smelled sweet like Autumn.

She
was right, he should have believed her. The name “foolish jerk” came to mind.
It fit him. But what was he supposed to think when she said she didn’t know who
the father was? Would Richard take good care of her? What about all those
stairs? Jonas put her pillow back, stood and walked to the window. He placed
his forehead against the cool pane and stared. She wasn’t supposed to be upset,
yet he’d upset her big time.

He
saw Dee Ann drive up and it didn’t make him happy. He’d been hoping she’d go
back to her home, but she just stayed. He needed to pin her down. Jonas spotted
Bob coming out of the barn. He frowned wondering why Autumn said Bob stared at
her. Dee Ann seemed to like him. They laughed together and it made him feel more
alone.

His
shoulders drooped as he gave into the loneliness. Autumn was the only one for
him and he’d blown it.

It
would have come to a bad end anyway. At least she didn’t have to see his
disfigured body. Too bad having a big heart didn’t negate his injury. Was it selfish
to hope that she never found anyone else? He’d been through break ups before
and he’d been through the pain of rejection. None of it compared to having his
heart ripped out this time.

He
had no one to blame but himself. It was easier to have someone else to blame,
much easier. Turning from the window, he gasped in pain. He’d have to use the
damn cane for another day or two.

Dee
Ann came in and gave him an understanding smile. “Leg hurt?”

Jonas
nodded and sat in one of the dark leather chairs.

“I’ll
get the salve.” She disappeared into her bedroom and returned a familiar jar.
“Take your pants off cowboy.”

He
tried to give her a semblance of a smile but he knew he failed. “I’m going to
need your help.”

She
hurried to the chair and she pulled his wranglers down when he lifted his
bottom off the chair. She took the top of the container and gently rubbed the cream
into his thigh, reaching inside his boxers to get at his hip.

“I
heard Autumn returned home. I’m sorry, I know you care for her. Some women
can’t get past scars and such and yours are pretty extensive. You can’t blame
the poor girl.”

“I
never let her see them.”

“It’s
probably just as well then.”

Any
other woman might have made him hard, but not Dee Ann, not once. Autumn made
him hard just thinking of her. Dee Ann probably thought his equipment didn’t
work. Let her think that, he didn’t care anymore.

“Thanks
for doing this for me.”

Dee
Ann smiled. “No problem. In the light of things I’d have to say that another
vet is needed around here. Damn shame what happened over at Colt’s place.
Someone mentioned that Stone wasn’t taking anymore rescues.”

“He’s
going on a trip or something.”

“He’s
one hot man. Those gray eyes and broad shoulders. He just does something to me.
I hope he’s not gone long.”

“I
don’t know. I think it has something to do with an old girlfriend.” Jonas
enjoyed her expression of dismay. She then stuck her bottom lip out in a pout.

“I
can’t say that I wish him luck. I didn’t see his horses at Colt’s place.”

“Holden
has that new barn that’s almost done.”

Her
eyebrows arched. “Oh really? No one told me.”

“I
guess like you he saw a need for more places to keep the horses. I haven’t been
by there yet. In fact with you here, I haven’t had to call Holden.”

She
took her hands away, they did work miracles.

“All
done. Hope it helps.” She smiled until her dimples showed.

“As
long as I can still walk, I’m grateful. They told me at the VA hospital that
I’d probably never walk and it was a dark time in my life.” He winced at the
pity he saw in her eyes.

“It
must have been hard but you are walking and it’s something to be proud of.” Dee
Ann wiped her hands on a towel and walked into the kitchen and washed them.
“Does this mean no more free dinners?”

“With
Autumn gone? There are some in the freezer but after that we’ll have to cook.”

Dee
Ann laughed. “Good thing you know who to use the microwave.”

“Dee
Ann, has Bob ever leered at you?”

She
stopped in her tracks and stared at him. She shook her head and sat down on the
couch. “Why do you ask?”

She
ground her teeth and Jonas’ gut clenched watching her. Something wasn’t right.
“Autumn seemed a bit put out about him.”

She
flipped her long brown hair behind her shoulder and rested her elbow on the arm
of the couch, leaning toward him. “I know he burnt her toast a few times. Bob
is one of the most stand up guys I know. Maybe Autumn was trying to make you
jealous?”

He
shook his head “No, I really don’t think that’s it. It really bothered her. I
guess, I’ll ask Bob about it.”

“I
bet it’s her hormones, Jonas. I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

He
sighed loudly. “Maybe you’re right. No one has complained about Bob before.” He
wasn’t so sure it was hormones but he couldn’t dismiss the possibility. He’d
known Bob since they were kids. Autumn was making him think like a crazy
person. He had no reason to be disrespectful to a lady. Hell, half the woman in
town were after Bob. Autumn must have read him wrong.

He
grabbed his cane and stood. “I’m going to turn in for the night.”

“Did
you eat?”

“I’m
not hungry. Good Night.” The sound of the cane against his wood floors put him
on edge. Days like these were a bit much to take. He closed his bedroom door,
undressed, and groaned when he caught sight of his hip and leg in the mirror. Closing
his eyes, he thought about touching Autumn and grew instantly hard. He chuckled,
nothing wrong with his equipment, nothing at all. If only. He put a cap on his
thoughts. It’d just make things worse. He’d get over Autumn. It might take a
while but he had time, lots of time.

Chapter
Ten

One
week later, Autumn stood in her apartment with her hands on her hips. “I can’t
stand it a minute more! I’m going downstairs.” She gave Richard what she hoped
was her meanest glare.

Richard
crossed his arms in front of him. His feet were shoulder width apart. His thunderous
expression and strong stance should have intimidated her but it didn’t.

“You
are not going down those stairs and I don’t have time to babysit you.”

“Babysit?
Really? This is my life and I’m going downstairs.” She tried to push Richard
out of the way but he was too damn big. “Get out of my way!”

“Fall,
what are you doing?”

Autumn
frowned. Who called Jonas? “Nice one, Richard. You called Jonas?”

Richard
nodded. “I can’t handle you and Jonas and I have come to an understanding”

Her
face heated. “He’s here to handle me? What kind of understanding?”

“The
type that makes us friends if it helps to keep you from hurting yourself!”

“I
don’t think I want you two being friends. You’re ganging up on me.”

Jonas
stepped around Richard. “It’s good to see you too, love.”

Damn
him and his Fall and love. He didn’t mean anything by them. He’d fooled her
before with his cute nicknames. He probably couldn’t remember her name. “Hi and
bye. I don’t want you here.”

“Now,
love—”

“Stop
calling me that. I’m not your love or anything else.” She’d been so intent on
drinking in the sight of Jonas, she didn’t notice Richard had left. Wait until she
got her hands on him.

“Is
it really that bad?”

“What?”

“Is
it really that bad to see me?”

Autumn
bit her bottom lip and glanced away. “Yes and no. I can’t explain it. I’m a
grown woman and I don’t need anyone to handle me.”

Jonas
grinned. “Still a spitfire. I’m here out of friendship for Richard. He can’t be
running up and down the stairs and cook. You know that.”

“I
just wanted to be downstairs with all the action. It’s a bit stifling up here. But
I promise to stay put so you can go now.”

“I’m
taking you back to the ranch with me.”

Horrified,
her eyes widened. “I don’t think so, Jonas. Like I said, I’m fine and I can
make my own decisions.” Her voice wavered but her resolve didn’t. She was not
going back, there was no sense.

“Aw,
love, come home.” His voice was thick with loneliness.

“You
don’t need me, Jonas. You don’t want me. I can understand I’m just a big
balloon, but it hurts.” She turned away. If she kept gazing on him, she might
be persuaded. Her heart was heavy enough without adding more hurt.

He
walked up behind her and gently placed his strong hands on her shoulders. “I do
want you, love. It’s eating me up inside that I can’t have you.” He pulled her back
against his hard body. “Can you feel how much I want you?”

A
shiver went through her. His erection was rock hard. Need pooled within her and
for a second she was tempted to turn into his arms, but she knew better now.
She stepped forward, shrugging his hands off her shoulders. One deep breath,
then two, still she wanted him.

“Autumn?”
His voice was low and full of doubt.

Somehow
she needed to find some strength inside her. “I can’t do this. I just can’t,
Jonas.” Autumn tilted her head back trying to stop the tears from falling.

“Love—”

She
whirled on him. “I told you I’m not your love. I don’t know if you even like
me. You get close to me, then push me away time after time and like a fool I
allow it to happen. My heart can’t take it anymore, Jonas. I love you and
you’re tearing me up inside. I promise I’ll stay put in my apartment and you won’t
have to be bothered by me ever again.” Tears trailed down her face and she
sobbed. “Please just leave me alone.”

Jonas
stared at her. He opened his mouth then closed it, at a loss for words. He
walked to her kitchen counter and grabbed a box of tissues. Taking one out, he
handed it to her.

It
was a stupid gesture but that’s all it took for her to break down. To her horror,
her sobs became louder and there was no ceasing them. She grabbed the tissue
and sat on her blue couch, sobbing into the tissue and rocking back and forth.

Jonas’
strong arms went around her, drawing her head down to his shoulder. She didn’t
have the energy or the will to resist him. She turned her face into the hollow
of his neck, her whole body shaking with each heart breaking sob. Finally, she
was cried out but she didn’t move. Jonas’ hands rubbing her back eased her.
Pulling away and facing him scared her. He probably thought she was delusional
with her outburst of love.

Finally,
she did pull away and clasped her hands, staring at them. The silence
intensified until she glanced at him. The love that reflected in his eyes left
her breathless. Quick enough, she got a hold of herself. It had to be pity, not
love, she saw. She gave him a rueful look and sat back in the couch.

“I’m
sorry for all the waterworks. I don’t know what I’m doing or saying anymore.”
He cocked his eyebrow at her. She wasn’t fooling him. “I’ll be fine now. I know
you’re a busy man. I don’t want to take up any more of your time.”

He
gave her a slow, sexy grin. “Fall, you take up all my time. If I’m not with you
I’m thinking about you.”

Her
eyes widened. “I don’t, I mean I know that I did take a lot of your time but
I’m here now. You don’t have to be burdened with worrying about me.”

“Did
I say I worried about you?”

“Well
no but—”

“I
said I was thinking about you. There is a difference. I can’t get you out of my
mind. You are the most beautiful, kind hearted woman that I know.”

Autumn
shook her head. “You are one hell of a liar. I might be nice but beautiful? I
know I’m no beauty. You don’t have to be beautiful to cook. All through high
school I wished I was pretty but it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll be fine,
Jonas. I am strong and capable, well beside the whole bed rest thing.”

“You
make my heart smile and no one has ever done that before. I know I’ve hurt you
and I’m sorrier than I can ever say. You are beautiful.” He took her hand in
his. “I’m not lying to you, Autumn. If things were different. If I were
different. Oh hell. I’m scarred inside and out and I’d give anything not to be
this way. I do love you, with all my heart. I wish I was brave enough to take a
chance on that love…”