Autumn's Shadow (24 page)

His son looked at him. "What's the big deal? You can buy the old lady another car. The one I blew up wasn't worth anything. If I'd realized how fast the flames would eat up the gasoline—"

Turner pushed Burke out of the examining area. "Out! Out! I'm calling my lawyer!"

"Your son needs help," Burke urged. "Some kids use suicide attempts. Some use setting fires—"

"I won't listen to you," Turner raged. "You aren't the one to lecture me."

Burke stared at him. "Don't try to move your son out of this clinic." His voice sounded firm and cold. "He's to stay here under guard until the doctor releases him, and then he will be charged with arson."

Turner tried to object.

"Father," Keely said with as much force as she could muster, "just let it go now. Let it go."

For once, her father subsided. The resistance went out of him visibly.

Burke told her his intention and then went to wait at the clinic entrance for Rodd to arrive. Keely watched him walk away and felt as though he'd left her completely. She and Burke had just begun drawing close. Now she couldn't even imagine the attraction that had refused to be ignored.

Keely and her parents sat in the doctors' lounge. Dr. Doug had let them use it while he finished treating Grady's burns. Later, they'd go to see him settled in his room.

"This is awful," her mother said, weeping. "I can't face anyone."

"Grady didn't do it," her father maintained.

Keely looked back and forth between them. They were acting just as she'd expected they would, so that must not be upsetting her. What had snapped inside her? "This is a terrible shock to all of us."

"Grady didn't do it," her father repeated.

"How will I ever face anyone in this town again?" her mother moaned.

Keely closed her lips. Her own shock was too fresh. What could she say to them? She felt both her mother's shame and her father's denial flowing inside her. She tried to hold back tears but couldn't. Why had this happened? She'd worked so hard. She'd prayed in such earnest. What would be her father's next move? Would he be able to keep Grady from being prosecuted?

"Father, I have only one thing to ask you," Keely said in a voice that trembled. "How can you keep denying this? Grady admitted it in front of witnesses."

Her father didn't even react.

Burke was right. Grady was shouting for help. But would her father ever listen? Her brother could be dead now.

"Keely, this is Burke. If you're there, please pick up."

It was the next afternoon. Still in her pajamas, Keely sat in her family room, overlooking the lake. She stared at the phone.

"Keely?"

She didn't move. He hung up.

All the feeling had gone out of her. The sound of Burke's emotionless voice as he'd repeated what Grady had told him had started the freezing of her emotions.

She'd suspected Grady herself--but not of everything.  And not that he'd go as far as he had. Did he have any conception of the wrong he'd done? What were people thinking? What was her father going to do? He was capable of going to any length to protect his own.

Burke, we knew this wouldn't work out from the start. Why didn't we save ourselves from this pain?

I should get up and go to the clinic and see Grady. But her resolve to go on had somehow withered. She slid onto her side on the sofa and closed her eyes.

Early the next Saturday morning, a bright cold day, Keely drove into the Kainz driveway, dreading this meeting. But she had to come. Both Penny and Jayleen had asked her to be present. Why do they want me? I have nothing to do with this.

She parked her car and got out. The Weavers' minivan was already here. Patsy Kainz had invited Penny over to talk to Jayleen about Rachel's future. At Jayleen's request, it was to be just the four women. Bruce would stay home with Zak. What do they think I can do? I can't even run my own life.

She considered all she'd learned this past week. Grady had pushed Veda's car into the street, opened the gas cap, and poured a trail of gasoline from the car to the curb. Then he'd dropped a match. Trying to imagine him doing this while she and Burke sat inside the athletic field hit her as unreal.

Not only had Veda's car exploded but also the car nearest it. Evidently, it had had an undetected crack or the first explosion had cracked its gas tank. And the disaster hadn't ended there. Three other cars had been destroyed by the ensuing fire. Fortunately, Veda's tank had been nearly empty or it could have been much worse. Maybe Grady would have been killed in the explosion. Keely's father had already been served with papers suing him for loss of property.

Keely had taken Monday and Tuesday off from school. She hadn't wanted to face the crime scene. But she'd forced herself back to school on Wednesday, just as she had forced herself to answer Burke's next call that same day. But she hadn't been able to make herself talk to him since.

Each day it only became harder, not easier, to get out of bed and go to her office. Her deep sense of involvement and failure became heavier and heavier. She told herself she wasn't responsible for what Grady had done. But she didn't think that was what was dragging at her, weighing her down.

Nightmares plagued her every attempt at sleep. In her murky dreams, she'd be standing outside the Family Closet as it blazed. Someone was inside;someone needed her, but she couldn't move. She couldn't get the person out. then she'd wake up, her heart pounding.

Keely walked over the newly frozen ground. Her exhaustion making her more susceptible to the chill, she knocked on Patsy's bright red door.

"Hello!" Patsy greeted her and ushered her inside. "It's getting cold out there all right. We'll be getting snow before you know it."

"I hadn't noticed," Keely said in all honesty, sitting down at the table in the kitchen where Penny and Jayleen already waited. Her knees shook she was so tired. December had arrived. The fundraiser and the holidays loomed ahead, and she couldn't work up an ounce of enthusiasm over anything. If I could just get a full night's rest. But would that be enough to help her?

Patsy bustled around the red-and-white kitchen, pouring tea and putting out sugar cookies shaped like turkeys. Watching the older woman's energy only heightened Keely's fatigue. The scent of the apricot tea and the sugar cookie sweetness was cloying.

"We have to finish these up. Time to bake Christmas cookies soon." Usually Patsy's upbeat liveliness charmed Keely. Today, she really couldn't take very much of anything. Can't we
just get
to the point?

Finally, Patsy sat down and looked around the table expectantly. "Jayleen," she said, "why don't you tell Mrs. Weaver and Ms. Turner what you want to say."

Keely felt a spasm go through her.  Jayleen looked like she was going to be sick. Penny looked like she was awaiting execution.

Jayleen looked at Penny, and then her eyes slid to Keely and back to Penny again. "I talked with my social worker about Rachel."

They waited.

"She says," Jayleen began again, "that I need to decide if I want to try to get Rachel back before she gets much older. That the older she is, the harder it will be for her to leave her...to leave you, Mrs. Weaver."

Patsy nodded, encouraging her granddaughter.

"We've been afraid—" Penny cleared her throat—"that the social services office might decide to move her to a different foster home. We had started adoption proceedings.... When you returned, that was put on hold...."

"I never wanted to lose my baby." Jayleen stared at the vinyl tablecloth covered with a pattern of golden fall leaves. "But I did. Then I thought I'd never see her again."

"You tried to get Rachel to me," Patsy reminded her granddaughter. "How could you have known the car would blow up?"

How could I have known how far Grady would go? Keely put both of her chilled hands around the hot mug of tea.

Jayleen wiped a stray tear away. "I still have years of high school to finish and then . . ." The girl shrugged. "I want to help out at the clinic. Dr. Doug was telling me that they need nurses' aides and you need training for that."

Another pause.

"Go on, honey," Patsy encouraged.

"I'm not going to seek custody of Rachel." Jayleen's eyes lifted but then immediately looked back down at the pattern on the tablecloth. "I think she should stay with you and Pastor Weaver."

The words took Keely's breath away. Jayleen's pain lapping around her like cold water, Keely's own suffering deepened. Oh, Jayleen, I'm so sorry for you.

"Jayleen," Penny said, "Bruce and I don't want to rush you into anything. We'd be happy to help you regain custody of your baby."

Keely understood Penny's reluctance. How could anyone feel joy in the midst of the tragedy Jayleen had survived and must go on overcoming?

Jayleen scraped her chair back. "No, I want you two to raise her. I don't want to mess up her life any more than I have already." The girl looked into Penny's face. "I could have gotten her
killed
." Jayleen's voice trembled, continuing to rise. "She could have been blown up in that car. Anything could have happened to her. I love her. I'll always love her, but I can't be her mother. I'd make a mess of it." The girl rushed from the room.

They watched her go. Keely couldn't bring up any word of comfort to share.

"Patsy," Penny said, "we don't want to rush her."

"You're not. This has been heart-breaking for her and for me. I want that baby. I wanted my granddaughter to be able to raise her own child." The grandmother shook her head with sudden certainty. "But my granddaughter wants what's best for her baby. You'll raise Rachel like your own, and we'll know where she is and that she's safe. We'll watch her grow up right here. It's not like giving her away and never knowing. That would be the hardest part to me."

"She's made this decision?" Keely asked finally. "What does her father say?"

"We all told Jayleen that this was up to her. That we'd all help, but Rachel's her baby. She had to be the one to decide. Not us."

"I just feel ...," Penny faltered. "I . . ."

Patsy patted the pastor's wife's hand. "It's better for Jayleen to make this decision and get on with her life. She has thought and thought about what would be best for little Rachel—until I've seen her sick with thinking. She's made her decision. Now let's help her go through with it. There isn't a perfect answer to this situation, you see?"

Penny nodded, still looking devastated. "I pray we will be able to help."

Then Patsy turned over the latest Steadfast Times. The front page headline blazoned: "Turner Son to Be Charged with Arson."

"Now I'm not bringing this up to hurt you, Keely," Patsy said. "But I won't say something behind someone's back that I won't say to their face. If your father hasn't got the message yet, he'd better. We're not going to stand for him trying to hush this up. Your brother's a danger to everyone, including himself."

"But that's not Keely's fault," Penny countered.

"No one in the county thinks that it is," the older woman agreed, reaching over to pat Keely's arm. "Nobody reasonable that is. If your father had any brains, he'd have listened to you. Everybody who's not just mean knows you've done your best."

This was too much for Keely. She stood up. "I'll be going then. Penny, you and Bruce will make lovely parents for Rachel."

Patsy tried to send a plate of cookies home with Keely. She managed to escape without them and fled, her own sorrow clogging in her throat. Outside in the cutting wind, Keely opened her car door and got in. Behind the wheel, she broke down, sobbing. The Weavers would be excellent parents for Rachel. But Jayleen would have to live with this decision for the rest of her life.

Finally, Keely forced herself to drive away. Her eyes were swollen and her head hurt from thinking. Her emotions felt as though they'd been beaten and mangled. Maybe the right decision had been made for the baby. Who was she to judge? She focused on driving safely back home. That was all she could cope with now.

At least now Jayleen was taking care of her daughter in the best way she thought she could. If only Keely's parents were doing that much for Grady. Her mother hadn't left her home even to visit Grady at the clinic. She just called Keely and wept on the phone. Keely had been shocked by her brother's lack of remorse and how much help he'd need to come back from this. This was something that might last a lifetime too.

Keely sat in the back of the high-ceilinged courtroom feeling physically sick. Bandaged and in an orange jump suit, Grady was being arraigned on charges of arson. Their mother was still hiding at home. Keely wished she could have, too, but her conscience wouldn't let her leave her brother to face this with only their father at his side.

The courtroom was packed. Watching the proceedings against a Turner had drawn a crowd, mostly retirees who looked grim. A few of them had nodded politely to her as she entered. Most glared at her father's back and whispered heatedly. Keely recalled Harlan's warning to her father about what the county thought of Grady. Would it have made any difference if he'd heeded Harlan then?

Looking combative, her father sat behind Grady and their family attorney at the defense table, seemingly unaware of the hostile crowd. The bailiff called for all to rise as the black-robed judge entered. They all took their seats with a rustling of jackets and thudding of boot soles. It had snowed today.

As the arraignment started, Keely tried to follow the legal procedure, but her own reaction to this awful moment interfered with her ability to comprehend it.

Burke Sloan and Sheriff Durand were both in the courtroom. To give evidence? She remembered Burke's calm recitation of the facts against her brother at the clinic that night. How did her father expect to nullify Grady's confession in front of witnesses?

In the glaring light of the large room, she gazed at Burke's profile, and she felt as though she were a different person. It was like she'd died and had been reborn with someone else's emotions. Just a week ago, she'd felt so close to Burke. Now she felt distant, removed. And her nightmares had gotten worse.