Avoiding Commitment (8 page)

His face dropped. He had been expecting her
to give in. “You really mean that? You don’t even want to hang out
for an hour? A half hour?” he pleaded. “For old time’s sake?”

“Jack, I can’t. You can’t ask that of me.”
Her voice came out just louder than a whisper.

Still grasping the handle of her suitcase, he
yanked it around and protectively placed it behind him. “I am
asking it of you.” He took a step closer. “What do you
really
think is going to happen? Things are different now,
Lex.”

As she stared up into his gorgeous blue eyes,
she couldn’t help thinking that things weren’t that different for
her. He had obviously moved on and rather quickly, but that was not
the way it had happened in her world. She had tried to move
on...unsuccessfully. Deep down she knew that if he bent down to
kiss her just then, she wouldn’t have stopped him. As much as that
fact irritated her, it was the truth. Even after everything.

“Look, I just want you to feel comfortable.
If I can only have ten minutes of your time before tomorrow, then I
guess I could settle for that. If you’d rather me leave, and come
back in the morning when we were scheduled to meet, I can do that
too. Or if you’d rather us hang out all night reminiscing, even if
it means we have to sit on separate couches. I would prefer that
option.”

She hesitated before speaking. “Jack,
I...”

“You’re going to say you can’t, but you can.
You just won’t,” he said taking a step into her personal space. She
could feel the heat coming off of his body, and smell the cologne
he wore that took her mind to places it shouldn’t.

“Stop, just stop,” she murmured stumbling
backwards. “You know what you’re doing, and you can just stop that.
If I’m going to stay, it will be because I want to. Not because you
are using all your damn seductive magical powers on me.”

He looked amused as he gazed down the hallway
at her. “I have magical powers now?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m
talking about.” She glared at him.

He held his hands up in defeat. “Fine.
Magical powers it is. Now will you please stay?”

“Fine,” she stated only partially reluctant,
“I’ll stay.”

His smile was electric, as compelling as
ever. He marched down the hall and threw his arms around her
lifting her effortlessly off the ground. A giggle escaped her lips
as she latched onto him for support. He quickly placed her back on
her feet not wanting to press his luck.

After a short break in which Jack changed
into a familiar faded green t-shirt and black athletic shorts, the
pair arranged themselves on separate couches in the living room as
promised. Jack flipped on the TV setting ESPN’s college football
predictions as background noise. Lexi lounged back against the
brown suede. Her eyes took in the space, focusing in on things she
hadn’t previously noticed. Two copies of Sports Illustrated, a week
old Wall Street Journal, and a copy of Maxim were laid out against
the walnut coffee table. Heavy black marble coasters sat in a neat
stack within a matching enclosure.

What was strange was that there wasn’t a
single picture frame in the room. As she thought about it, she
couldn’t remember there being a single picture frame in the whole
house. When they had been in college, he had an array of picture
frames of his family at his parent’s country house when he was
younger, ridiculous acts captured with him among his college
friends, and some amazing photos he had taken himself when he had
been in a photography class for a semester. Now, none of that was
here. It was like he had erased his past. Lexi felt suddenly out of
place. She was a part of his past that he had so easily gotten rid
of. She let her eyes rest back on Jack as she tucked her hair
behind her ears several times.

“Why are you so nervous?” he asked, resting
his arm across the back of the couch and fixing her with an
attentive gaze.

“I’m not nervous,” she mumbled.

“You’re doing that thing with your hair,” he
said pointing it out just as a lock was placed behind her ear. She
caught herself doing it and quickly snapped her hand down to her
side. “It’s kind of endearing, but you always do it when you’re
nervous or anxious.”

“Well…I haven’t seen you in a long time. I
just can’t believe I’m actually here.”

“I can’t believe you’re actually here
either.”

Lexi’s eyes made their way back to him. “Hey,
that shirt!”

He looked down at what he was wearing.
“Yeah?”

“Oh my God, you’re wearing the carnival
shirt,” she said seeing the worn outline of a Ferris wheel.

“Oh, yeah. I guess it is. It’s the most
comfortable thing I own.” She stared longer, her mind whirling. “Do
you still have yours?”

She giggled then sprinted to the guest
bedroom. When she returned, she had a flimsy green shirt in her
hand. The material had several tiny tears. It had been washed and
worn so many times it was practically sheer. He nodded his approval
with a smile. She tossed the shirt onto the back of the couch and
returned to her earlier position.

After a brief pause, Lexi spoke up again.
“So, what did Danielle and Kate tell the new girl? I mean I’m
guessing that’s who she talked to.”

“Yeah, she met both of them. It was almost as
strange as calling you. Well, maybe not quite that strange.” Her
eyes narrowed when he winked at her. “Anyway, Danielle agreed
immediately. Thankfully, she had no qualms about meeting Bekah. Her
and I broke up on good enough terms, you know, for it not to be an
issue.”

Lexi giggled. “That’s not how I remember
it.”

“Luckily, that’s how she remembered it,” he
said sighing. “I haven’t spoken to her much since then, but her
sister lives in Atlanta now so she came and stayed with her for the
weekend.”

“Does she still live in Savannah?” Lexi
thought it was humorous that she was able to have this conversation
at all. When she had first found out that Danielle even existed,
she was so furious that she was certain she would never talk to
Jack again, let alone spend time with him.

“Yeah. She’s married now to some redneck that
dropped out of high school the year I graduated. He’s a real
winner,” he added smugly. “She’s raising his two kids from a
previous marriage, and she’s pregnant with another. You could only
just tell when she was here. Anyway, she told Bekah our story; that
we dated in high school and my first year or so of college. The
distance thing,” he stated vaguely, “didn’t work out for us, and so
we broke up. End of story.”

“So, nothing about me then?” Lexi asked just
trying to get all the information she could.

“Uh...I never told her about you,” Jack said
shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh, well that’s probably for the better,”
she said trying not to convey her emotions too strongly. There had
been plenty of reasons for Jack and Danielle breaking up. The
distance and Lexi were just two of the many. But if Danielle hadn’t
said anything about the others, Lexi wasn’t going to be the one to
bring them up. “What about Kate? Obviously she brought me up, so
I’m sure her story was interesting,” she stated sarcastically.

“Ugh,” he groaned. “Do we have to talk about
Kate? I know how you feel about her. I know how she feels about
you. And now Bekah knows how Kate feels about you. And let’s just
say, it wasn’t a conversation I wanted to be present for.”

“Oh,” Lexi replied slightly taken aback. She
hadn’t really thought about what Kate might have said about her
beyond the usual. Lexi had been so concerned with what she was
going to tell Bekah, that it hadn’t even crossed her mind what Kate
might have said about her. “Did she claim that I was the reason
that you wouldn’t commit to her?” she asked finally.

He let out a puff of air. “Not exactly, but
you didn’t help anything either.”

“Me?!? You
were
the one…”

He cut her off. “I
said
, let’s not
talk about Kate.”

She quieted, her chest heaving up and down in
a familiar burst of anger. “Fine.”

“What are
you
going to tell her?” he
asked hesitantly.

She shook her head deep in thought. She still
wasn’t sure herself. At first, she had been certain that she was
going to tell his girlfriend how Jack was an awful terrible person,
and that Bekah better get out before things went downhill. After
all, that was what she had told Chyna she was going to do. That’s
what she had screamed at Jack in the hallway. But, after finally
being in his presence, Lexi wasn’t sure if she could do it. “I’m
not sure yet.”

“There’s just so much you could tell her,” he
stated vaguely. Lexi could tell he seemed a bit anxious about the
whole situation.

“I know.” And she did. Their history went
back for six years and the fact that they hadn’t been together made
the whole story juicier.

“Did you mean what you said in the bedroom?
That you were going to tell her not to make the same mistake you
did.”

“I did when I said it,” she offered. “But I
was angry, and now I’m not so sure.”

“I guess that’s a good thing,” he said,
optimistic to the prospects. She could tell he wanted to ask more
questions, but he held his tongue. Lexi was grateful for that. She
didn’t really want to have that conversation.

Lexi pushed her hair behind her ear again
before asking the question that had been nagging at her since Jack
had called the first time. “Why didn’t you tell her about me? You
had to know Kate was going to say something.”

He ran his hands back through his hair
several times thinking the question over. He adjusted his position
so that he was lying with his head back against the armrest before
addressing her. “I didn’t want her to know about you. I...” he
paused collecting his thoughts once again. “I met Bekah shortly
after you and I…well…you know. I had no interest in dating anyone.
But when I told you she was about as persistent as I am, I wasn’t
lying. After a few unremarkable dates with her, I called the whole
thing off.”

Lexi looked over at him surprised. She had
assumed their relationship was picture perfect. It was refreshing
to hear that it wasn’t. “Why? What happened?” she asked
curiously.

“She wasn’t you.”

Lexi gulped. She wanted to just scream at him
for not calling her afterwards, for not calling a month later, a
year later. They could have worked things out if he hadn’t run out,
if he had just come back to her. But instead he had been with
another woman. Now the distance between them was unbearable.

“Bekah doesn’t take no for an answer,” he
continued. “I was pretty messed up after I left New York, and she
slowly brought me out of all of that. I stopped trying to see you
in her, and I found that things went much better. I found I could
like her. Soon we were together all the time. The relationship
progressed rather quickly from there.”

Lexi sighed heavily. The way his eyes lit up
at the mention of their relationship pained Lexi. She could tell
Bekah made him happy...happier than she had ever been capable of
making him. Their relationship was everything she had hoped for
with Jack, but had never been afforded.

“I don’t know how much more you want to know,
but Bekah wanted to move in with me when her lease ran out. Her
parents are pretty well-off and have been helping her financially.
They told her they would cut her off if she moved in with her
boyfriend before she got married. That’s pretty much where we are
now.”

“So, it’s not because she wants to get
married so desperately? It’s about money and moving in with you?”
Lexi asked trying to process this new information. Jack had made
Bekah situation seem much more...desperate on the phone.

“No. No. No. It’s really about her wanting to
get married,” he remanded hastily. “She is playing it off like
those are the real reasons. Honestly, she doesn’t need her parents’
money or approval,” he finished. Even though Lexi wasn’t really
looking forward to meeting Bekah, she had obviously captured
something with Jack. Lexi was kind of curious about her.

“Can I ask you something?” Lexi asked sitting
up to get a better look at him.

“You just did.”

“Ha. Ha,” she said dryly. A smile appeared on
his face as he sat up to meet her gaze.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Where are all your picture frames?” Whatever
he had been anticipating, that hadn’t been it. “You used to have a
ton of them, but I don’t see any.”

“When you were snooping?” he asked playfully.
She nodded. His smile waned slightly when he responded. “The glass
broke in a bunch of them when I moved here, and the rest are in my
closet.”

“Why didn’t you put those up? I mean at least
the woods shot,” she said remembering a particular black and white
photograph of a rickety bridge over top of a creek surrounded by
age old pine trees at sunrise. It had always been her favorite.

“I don’t have it anymore,” he said
sheepishly, his eyes fixed on the floor.

“Where did it go?” she asked intrigued. He
had always loved that picture as much as she had. For the longest
time, it had hung in a thick black poster sized frame above his
bed.

“I destroyed the frame.”

Her mouth hung open as she imagined his
prized portrait torn to shreds. “Why would you do that? It was your
favorite picture.”

He shook his head. “It was your
favorite.”

Realization dawned on her. He had gotten rid
of it because of her. He couldn’t look at it anymore because of
her.

“Two days after I threw it away, I felt
terrible and fished it out of the garbage. The picture was still
intact except for a few small tears from where the glass broke. I
gave it to my mom.”

Lexi forced the conversation to lighter
subjects. She didn’t want to continue to suffer from long lost
memories. She told him about school and her internship. He bored
her with accounting information, and how his immediate supervisor
was an older woman he couldn’t stand. They watched highlight reels
from last year’s mediocre football performance from their Alma
Mater. Luckily, the team was still ranked in the top twenty-five
due to good recruiting. She listened when he told her about his
Fantasy Football strategy for the upcoming season, and gave him
pointers on who she thought was going to play well. He regaled her
with stories from Seth’s bachelor party in Las Vegas earlier that
summer. She told him about Chyna’s congratulatory weekend in
Atlantic City when Lexi had been accepted into her internship.