Awakening the Luminous Mind: Tibetan Meditation for Inner Peace and Joy (6 page)

Another aspect of pain can be experienced as the internal voices we generate. As you turn your attention inward and simply look at any discomfort you may be experiencing, what happens? Maybe you are thinking,
I am looking, but I’m not sure I really see it
. That is a voice. You are talking to yourself. Or you are saying,
It sounds very easy, but it is not that easy
. Again, you are talking. Or perhaps you are thinking,
Well, I can just look at my pain, but the other person never changes. I can look at my own experiences, but how does it help if the other person doesn’t change?
Again, more talking. If you are talking to yourself in this way, you are not paying proper attention to your pain. Can you hear this as pain speech? Pain is the one talking and you are identifying with the pain. You are confused as to who you truly are. The moment you realize you are not the voice of your internal dialogue, you become free. How do you do that? You draw attention to the silence. Stillness and silence are two different doorways but lead to the same place—the inner refuge. Here, because of your internal dialogue, you listen to the silence. The moment you hear the silence, that voice of your pain has gone, and you can become aware of the unbounded space of being. That pain voice has become a path, and the silence is what you have realized. Now it is a question about maintaining that silence, nourishing that silence, fully realizing that silence, integrating silence with every voice and every sound. That is how you transform or turn that pain speech into the medicine of silence through which we recognize the unbounded spaciousness. I refer to the medicine of
silence
as the “red pill,” and again, recommend that you take the red pill of silence frequently throughout the day.

At any given moment in which you look at your mind, it could probably be clearer than it is. Most of the time, we are not even aware of whether our mind is clear or not because we are focused on others or involved in inner stories or fantasies. When you bring your focus to your mind itself, even while feeling confused or disconnected, if you look at your mind in the right way, you can discover that the nature of mind is clear and luminous, and that it always has been. But if you are not looking directly at mind itself, if you are caught in the contents of your mind and identifying with the imagination of ego, you don’t see the clear and luminous mind. If you look at the mind itself, it is clear. It can never be anything other than clear. There is no force in the universe that can obscure the nature of mind. There is no force in the universe that can destroy space. Space is always here; it is just a matter of drawing your attention inward and discovering the unbounded spaciousness of being. When the mind moves into thinking, as you become aware of that, bring your attention back to the spaciousness itself. It is always right here; you just haven’t noticed or valued it. That is how you turn the confusion of your moving, thinking mind, into the path. I refer to discovering the medicine of
spaciousness
as taking the “blue pill.” Whatever challenging thoughts and emotions you are experiencing, whether individually or collectively, the medicine of spaciousness is always available.

Everyone wants to get rid of fear. People who experience fear are even fearful of not getting rid of fear. But even while you experience fear, confidence is always there. In pure presence there is no fear or hope. Staying longer in open awareness is the way to develop confidence. Be in that space. When you feel agitated, bored, confused, or angry, take one of the three pills and reconnect with the inner refuge. Knowing that inner refuge is the antidote, you can begin to turn toward it and recognize it when it occurs. As you recognize this, you begin to trust your experience. You cultivate confidence by becoming familiar with the inner space of refuge. So if you start doing that just five minutes a day, and gradually increase to ten minutes, and then half an hour, you will have less fear. It is a direct method.

Even trusting that there is such a refuge helps. How do you know where to turn? When fear or anxiety dominates your mind, you don’t know where to go. By turning toward stillness, silence, and spaciousness, you will feel some protection. Even if you cannot fully connect, trusting that space is there is a form of protection from fear. You will begin to taste the confidence that becomes increasingly available the more direct personal experience you have with the inner refuge. The reason the inner refuge overcomes fear is that the natural state is beyond fear. It is beyond fear because the unbound space of being is unchanging. So if you are aware of a deeper state in yourself that is unchanging, and become familiar with that deeper state, you naturally become less fearful.

The natural state of mind is beyond birth and death. At death, it is only ego that loses. We will explore this more fully later in the book, but for now we can say that being in that space is the experience of openness that is deathless, changeless. Nothing changes. So when I become more familiar with that particular aspect, when I taste this sense of changelessness, a deep confidence and peace become available. This is not a confidence produced by thinking or having a philosophical point of view. Rather, it is a direct experience that is possible by recognizing what is already here.

So with the pain body or identity, we “take the white pill” and turn toward stillness; with pain speech, we “take the red pill” and turn toward silence; and with the pain mind, we “take the blue pill” and turn toward spaciousness. As we enter the experiences of stillness, silence, and spaciousness, our pain becomes the path to liberation. Each condition transforms into a path that leads to our final liberation—connection with the changeless essence.

You may think this is an oversimplification or a watered-down instruction. Does it seem too simple to be true? The
dzogchen
masters explain that the true nature of mind is so close we cannot see it. We all know how much we love complicated things. Whatever is harder to get we think is better. For some people, the biggest problem is always wanting something they can’t get, and because of that desire they cannot see what they already have. The simple but profound truth is that the greatest thing we have is this present moment. Therein lies the greatest richness possible. But we don’t see or experience ourselves fully in the present moment.

So whenever you feel pain, just be with it. Be a good support to your pain. Have a warm presence that is completely open and, most important, nonjudgmental. Just be there hosting your pain. People in the West often have a problem with stillness, silence, and spaciousness. When you are still, then you start looking for a problem. When you are silent, others get suspicious and think there is a problem. When you are spacious, others may think you’re not very bright. A cultural shock that I experienced when I first came to the United States was the mantra “I’m busy.” Everybody says this. If you say, “I’m not busy,” then something must be wrong with you. If someone asks, “What do you do?” and you reply, “Nothing much,” that person will think,
Something has got to be wrong here. This is not normal
.

Perhaps in your first moments of turning toward stillness, silence, and spaciousness you might feel a little relief. Then you think,
I don’t know if this is really going to help
. If you continue following that voice, definitely it will not help. It is very difficult to become free of that voice. You may reason,
Sure, I can do this. I can just sit with this. But what is this going to change in my life? How is this going to take care of a real problem like my broken car?
As you listen to the silence, you may become aware of some active voices within you. The truth is, the moment you begin listening to the silence, you will feel a connection to the space. But we simply have no good sense of how space nourishes us and how open awareness supports us. We have no clue about the nourishing power of awareness itself, and so we identify with the commentary that arises, indentifying with the “smart ego” that we feel is so necessary to manage and make sense of our experience.

Some of the most beautiful experiences I have with people are the moments when someone deeply connects to the silence. Within a very short time, tears come, forgiveness emerges, and strength, clarity, joy—amazing qualities—manifest. Where do these qualities come from? They freely and spontaneously emerge from recognizing the open space of being. This recognition gives birth to everything. Perhaps you are wondering why that didn’t happen before. We don’t recognize the space of being because the space was occupied; the space was obscured with your ego. If you have so many thoughts and so many voices, you have lost connection to the silence. If you experience so much agitation and movement, you have no connection to the stillness. How is something going to emerge from that space? The connection to space only comes when you acknowledge and care about the pain, which just means being open to it and hosting your experience. It is as simple as that.

When people clear their psychological mess or pain, they often say, “I have been working for all these years, and now I think this problem has finally cleared; it is gone.” But clearing your pain or your confusion is only half of the journey. The second part of the journey, and probably the most important part of the journey, has not yet started.

Let’s say you have had some obsessive thoughts for the last few days. Then suddenly you notice this pattern, you become aware of it, and without contributing or participating or judging, you simply open. Finally you just discover spaciousness in that thought that was occupying your mind. Now the thought is gone. Then you say, “Wow, this is beautiful! It’s gone.” Then what do you say? “Okay, what’s next? What is the next thing I have to worry about?” The one who is worrying always finds a new topic. If you begin scanning your life to see if anything needs fixing, you will always find something. When you find something, you begin to worry again. If you catch that process of worrying and looking for a problem and can be directly aware of that thought process rather than the content, as you observe it directly, it clears by itself.

No matter what the pain, the medicine is stillness, silence, and spaciousness. You may protest, saying, “You have no idea about
my
pain. If I tell you my story, then you will think differently.” No, I won’t. When I was growing up in India I saw a lot of Indian movies. And all of these Indian movies had the same story. Five minutes into the movie you would know how the movie was going to end. Our pain is like that. In the end, the core of everyone’s suffering is very simple, but whether or not our pain liberates us depends on whether we acknowledge that simplicity.

Acknowledging and caring for pain is very important. When I use these words
acknowledge
and
care
, you might think we are dealing in mere concepts. But transforming pain into the path of liberation from pain is not a conceptual path. It involves nonconceptual awareness. It is just being open, hosting your experience in boundless space with arms of light.

I don’t think there is anything like the awareness of space to process emotion. That space is such an incredible processor. There is no analysis equal to the processing capacity of open awareness. When you are trying to analyze something, you don’t realize that the analyzer itself is part of the problem. Both the problem and the analyzer are constructions of the mind. But direct, open, naked awareness is not a construction of the mind but the nature of mind itself, and therefore is the greatest processor ever. If you
are
that awareness, everything is fully experienced. There is no unfinished business.

The beautiful thing about the open space of being is that it doesn’t change because somebody calls it this name or that name. And when you experience that open space of being, it is important not to call it anything. Calling it something will interfere with connecting. A name should serve only to lead the mind there, but the name is clearly not the experience or the knowing itself, and in that sense the name is a block. It can serve to get close, but in the end, the name itself is an obstacle. Awareness has no name, no author or owner.

Another beautiful thing about spacious awareness is that it is like light. And as light, it does not recognize the history of darkness—how long, how intense, or how complex the darkness is. Light simply illuminates darkness. Light is not saying, “Okay, let’s see about your particular darkness. Just how long have you been in the dark? And how many people have been in as dark a place as you have?” No matter how much confusion you experience, light does not recognize that. That is what is beautiful about awareness. Like the sun, it is not selective; the moment it shines, darkness is dispelled. The moment you are aware, the confusion of ignorance is dispelled.

Sometimes people have great experiences in meditation. Then they say, “Well, of course, this is only a momentary experience and it’s not as real as my pain. After all, my pain has a long history. This relief cannot be real. At the moment I am feeling great, but surely this can’t be real.” Isn’t it amazing that you can feel so spacious one moment and the next moment completely doubt the experience? The moment you begin to feel your pain, you proclaim, “Ah yes, now this is a familiar place. I knew that bliss couldn’t have been real.” As the old saying goes: A familiar hell is better than an unfamiliar heaven. That is a common experience for many people. When they feel pain, they say, “Yes, now I’m back home. This is it. This is me. This is my karmic cushion. It smells right. It feels familiar. I guess this is my lot in life.”

Sit and draw full attention to your body and connect with the physical experience of stillness. Don’t hold your breath, just breathe. Listen to the silence, especially when you are talking internally. That internal voice is an opportunity to find silence. So be open to that voice, allow that voice, and feel the silence in it. The moment you hear inner silence, the voice of your pain speech loses power. And resting in the silence is a very distinctive experience. If you look at your conceptual mind, the thought you are having at this very moment, even a thought such as
Oh, I’m listening to the silence
, can obscure spaciousness. If you identify with the thinking mind, it actually blocks potentiality and creativity. So rather than rejecting your thoughts or being excited by them, just simply be open and feel the spaciousness around and within them. Find and continue to recognize spaciousness. In spaciousness, host your experience. When awareness comes alive, thought dissolves. Your ideas no longer dominate your experience. You are more flexible. You are more spacious. You have more chance to grow. You have more chance to become creative. You have a chance to evolve.