Awakening the Luminous Mind: Tibetan Meditation for Inner Peace and Joy (8 page)

The second refuge states: “I take refuge in the body of light.” The body of light refers to clarity or luminosity, consciousness, awareness—awareness of that indestructible space, awareness of the first refuge. Awareness is supremely important. It gives birth to whatever quality is needed in any given situation and provides much more than the ego could ever imagine. The awareness of space
is
knowing. This awareness is not awareness of an object, but awareness itself, awareness without author or owner. It is the vividness and liveliness of each moment, nakedly perceived.

“All the gathered clouds of suffering and misery” in the second verse of my refuge poem is a metaphor for the result of failing to recognize the clear and open space of being. The open, clear, and spacious sky is a metaphor for your being; the light that pervades the sky is a metaphor for awareness of being. In the natural world, clouds obscure the sunlight, and when the sunlight is obscured, whatever needs light and warmth will not flourish. Similarly, without the awareness of the space of being, we do not receive the nourishment we need in order to flourish as human beings.

There is a subtle wind that is connected with the awareness of the space of being. That is called the wisdom wind. This subtle wind supports the experience of the release or dissolution of pain and the glimpse of openness. In that glimpse of openness—that subtle movement within our consciousness—the clouds of suffering part. The awareness of openness is not obscured. This wind is not only a metaphor, but can be directly experienced. (For more detailed explanations of the channels and chakras and of the winds, see my book
Awakening the Sacred Body
, which includes meditation practices that clear the negative, obscuring winds and allow the wisdom wind to move.)

When the clouds of obscuration clear, there is light. This is the light of awareness. Internally, you are able to experience pure awareness. So we take refuge in awareness itself. Awareness is the direct cause for many qualities. Openness allows all our experiences, but awareness gives brightness to appearance. The sky allows, but the sun has more of a role in what you see right now. In terms of our inner experience, qualities such as compassion, joy, and love are linked with the presence of awareness as the immediate cause. The root cause of positive qualities is openness or space, but only when awareness of that space is present does the quality emerge. So many feelings become available because of being conscious, being aware of the space of being. It is possible to be open before being aware of it, but the moment you become aware of openness, it gives birth to positive qualities. I am making a distinction between openness and being aware of openness. Openness can exist whether you are aware of it or not, but when you are aware of openness, it gives birth. That is the reason we take refuge in the light, in awareness.

Let me try to express this in another way. If you are in the country and walk outside at three or four in the morning, it is dark. You can’t distinguish the objects or colors of the natural environment around you. While you may not perceive the details of the trees, birds, and flowers, nonetheless those things are there. The space is still holding everything, but you are not able to see anything. You may be able to imagine there are many beautiful things in this space, but you are not seeing them. You can imagine what surrounds you, and trust what is there because you remember what you experienced previously. Then, when morning comes, the sun rises and reflects on your surroundings, and you see the beauty of trees, mountains, grasses, flowers. Perceiving the beauty gives you access to the inner qualities. In
dzogchen
teachings we hear so many times that everything is perfected in the base of one’s being, the inner space of being. We may read or hear this many times, but until the sun shines, until you are aware of that inner space of being, you don’t see the perfection.

When the light of awareness shines, you are able to experience what is perfected. Genuineness and authenticity come from this union of openness and awareness. You see what is here. You take refuge in this body of light. You turn your focus inward and take refuge in awareness itself.

This body of stillness, emptiness, and this body of awareness, light, has nothing to do with any religion or philosophy, but it has everything to do with you. It is within you. Look directly within and you will see it. Look away and it is obscured. Why do we look away? Ego is not able to see it. Ego only sees its own imagination. Who sees it then? It sees itself. It knows itself. Therefore it is called self-realization. I already referred to one of the lines of supplication in the Bön and Buddhist traditions that express this as a sincere intention and request from the student to the teacher. I’ve included a few more: “Bless me to recognize my true face with my own eyes. Help me to recognize the treasure within, the refuge tree, the jewel, the source of enlightenment, my true self.” There is no knowledge greater than that recognition, and we cannot produce it or make it happen through any effort. That recognition is the greatest gift you can have in your life, and we acknowledge that in prayer.

T
HE
T
HIRD
R
EFUGE
: T
HE
B
ODY OF
B
LISS

The third place of refuge is in the body of great bliss. When awareness arises, something happens. From the space in your heart, from the light of awareness, the darkness of ignorance is dispelled, and a sense of great bliss manifests. Great bliss is simply the joy of being. It is not the joy of accomplishing or the joy of having or the excitement or expectation of having. You are, and at this point you know you are, therefore you are joyful. You are joy. You don’t have to feel joy because you are joy. You don’t have to look for joy because you are joy. You don’t even try to give joy because you are giving already. You don’t have to share because you are already giving by being. The more you
try
to give, the less you are able to give. The more you
are
, the more you give. You are fully present. You are that bliss; you are that joy; you have that recognition and you don’t have to try to do anything. That sense of joy is where we go for refuge. It is possible that we might not have connected with such joy, or we might only have glimpsed the experience, but nevertheless it exists in us. Therefore, we take refuge in the presence of joy in us.

The result of taking refuge is certainty and confidence, inner peace, and the abundance of positive qualities. Deep confidence means that you are that stillness, you are that silence, you are that spaciousness. Genuine confidence does not come from our thoughts. It is not an internal cheering section saying, “Yes, you are good enough, you are loved, you are great, you are going to win.” Confidence comes from the realization that there is nothing to lose. That is true strength, strength that does not come from hope as opposed to fear. Hope and fear are the food of ego. When you experience deep confidence, you are free of hope and fear. No matter what you encounter in life, you don’t lose what you are. If you are still, you become that fully; if you hear silence, you become that completely; if you recognize spaciousness, you are that inseparably. In this way we overcome the root of the suffering of our pain body; we overcome the three poisons of aversion, attachment, and ignorance; and we achieve the three bodies of emptiness, light, and bliss. The realization of these three bodies is the fruit of meditation, and the fruit is already in us.

Since the fruit or result is already in us, it is important to emphasize that you don’t make the result, but you discover the presence of the result. If you have to make a positive result, forget about it. It is impossible. No intelligence can make that result through any effort imagined or unimagined. It is already there, so it is a question of discovering it. This is the
dzogchen
view. And meditation is the path or means of recognizing that view. The conditions and challenges in everyday life are our opportunities to discover again and again the truth of the view—that each moment is complete as it is. Through becoming familiar with your natural mind, you gain complete confidence in the presence of the three enlightened bodies—the body of emptiness, body of light, and body of great bliss—in yourself.

In contrast to recognizing these three bodies of refuge in ourselves, our ordinary mind is most familiar with the pain body, pain speech, and the pain mind. Often we not only experience pain, we feel we
are
pain. We identify with pain, and we are not even aware we are identifying with pain. We may try to love our spouse or children, but are not really able to truly love or share joy because we don’t feel it. And we don’t feel it because we don’t have access to the open space of being. We identify with pain or discomfort, and that is all that we experience. Still, we try to give what we don’t have. We try to give joy and end up giving sadness. We try to give love and end up giving anger or frustration. We try to open, and realize we are closing. This is stressful and effortful, and often people feel guilty because they think they should be more loving. Why is it so difficult? Because you can only give what you are connecting with in the moment. At such a time it is important to realize that rather than trying to produce a quality you don’t experience, you first need to
clear
the obscured space in which you experience yourself, the space that is obscured by frustration and thoughts and feelings and stories. At these moments, efforts to express love are wasted. Sadly, people can spend years and years of their lives with fruitless effort and end up feeling disconnected from themselves and inauthentic in their expressions.

If you really want to connect with and realize the benefits of openness, it is necessary to recognize the pain identity, the one who puts so much effort into being something other than who you are. Sometimes we feel that if we didn’t make an effort, we would just be a selfish, irritable, or sad person. But often we fail to realize that our effort to push or change ourselves is still an expression of the suffering we experience, and if we bring our attention directly to a moment of effort, something else becomes available—a big shift can take place. When you look directly inward, and nakedly connect with the openness that is always available, a new face will be seen, new qualities will emerge. If the qualities don’t emerge right away, you need to host your pain with arms of light as long as necessary. Only when the pain dissolves and the openness is recognized can you share the positive qualities so abundantly present there. When you discover a connection to a deeper authentic space within, the quality you are seeking will be found. You will find something you could never have produced through any effort imaginable. Effortless positive qualities spontaneously arise when you are open and aware.

The foundation of refuge is trust. Even if you don’t have access to a deep experience of stillness and the body of emptiness in a given moment, you can still trust that it is there. There may be times in your life when you are going through much pain, fear, confusion, and darkness, and you feel there is no light. Rather than saying, “I don’t see or feel it; it is not there,” you could say, “I don’t see any light, but I trust that it is there. I don’t feel it in this moment, but I trust that it is there.” That trust offers protection, even though you have no realization of inner peace at the moment. That trust gives you some strength and direction to contain those difficult experiences better.

Your challenges will not overwhelm you completely, thanks to the power of your trust. There may be moments when you don’t feel still. There is so much agitation and confusion, and so many thoughts and emotions and voices in your head. For you, there is no openness; there is no awareness; there is no bliss. You feel occupied with distractions of all kinds. But still you can trust. “I don’t have the strength to feel stillness or awareness or feel any bliss, but I trust it is here.” Trust that essence. Trust yourself. At those times the refuge poem can comfort you by encouraging and reminding you that there is a place within you that is trustworthy.

CHAPTER THREE

T
HE
G
IFTS OF
I
NNER
R
EFUGE

How do we personally benefit from the gift of refuge, and how can it benefit others? The body of emptiness, body of light, and body of great bliss are aspects of our being. We all have these three bodies in ourselves, but our realization of this is obscured. Through the practice of meditation with the three doors—recognizing and resting in stillness of the body, silence of speech, and spaciousness of mind—we release our pain identity and have clear access to space, awareness, and warmth.