Baby Comes First (10 page)

Was this her one and only chance to get
married?

She almost thirty-seven. Luke was right. She
hadn’t wanted to admit it, but she had abandoned her dreams of
someone, someday falling in love with her. Was it wrong now to find
some happiness with second best?

Luke didn’t love her, and she didn’t love
him. Did that matter? Years ago, many marriages were based on
friendship rather than passion. Would that be enough?

She thought of his kiss. It had been short,
no more than a brief touch, but it had been warm and gentle. What
kind of lover would Luke be?

She blushed, amazed that she was even
thinking about that. But after their conversation, she needed to
think about it. She’d always thought he was good-looking, but could
she marry him, actually sleep with him?

She was stunned to find the idea
intriguing.

There was also the financial aspect to
consider. She didn’t want to be mercenary, but marrying Luke would
make her life easier. She’d never thought of herself as some
overworked Cinderella, needing to be rescued, but it would be
wonderful to raise her child without worrying about earning a
living. Her child would have everything he or she needed.

Hannah sighed. She didn’t want to make a
mistake. She didn’t want to leap into a disastrous relationship
that would blow up in her face, but she also didn’t want to miss
the opportunity of a lifetime.

And Luke was the baby’s father, after all. He
didn’t know that, and she wasn’t certain how she’d have the courage
to tell him, but he was the biological father. Perhaps marrying him
was the way to make everything right.

The next day, Sunday, Christine came over
with a pot of homemade soup. Her husband stayed home with their two
girls, so they had time to visit. Christine sat in one of the
living room arm chairs, while Hannah lay on the couch.

After a few minutes of social chatter,
discussing the pregnancy and the Halloween costumes Christine had
bought for her girls, Hannah asked bluntly, “Do you love Greg as
much now as you did when you were first married?”

Christine seemed surprised by the question,
but she answered it after a moment of consideration. “I love him
more. I was in love with him when we got married, but over time,
that love has deepened. As we’ve gone through hard times, had our
children, worked together on goals, I think we’ve grown
closer.”

Hannah asked, “What, in your opinion, makes a
happy marriage?”

“That’s a tough one, because it’s more than
one thing. Kindness. Honesty. A sense of humor. Working together.
Forgiveness.”

“What about the romance?”

“To be honest, that ebbs and flows. Maybe
there was more of that tingly “oh wow, he’s looking at me,” feeling
at first, but even that deepens and changes over time. Sometimes I
think we’re in a slump romantically, and then he’ll smile a certain
way or tease me, and suddenly I feel like we’re on our honeymoon
again.” She smiled. “You’ve never asked details about my marriage
before, Hannah. Are you thinking about getting married
yourself?”

“I might be.”

“Tell me more,” Christine said happily,
leaning forward. “Who is he and where did you meet him? Is he okay
with the baby?”

“It’s my boss. Luke Jamison.”

For a moment, Christine was speechless. Then
she asked, “Does he know he’s the baby’s father?”

“Not yet. I’m not sure how to tell him, and I
don’t want to tell him unless I’m willing to marry him. Because if
I’m not going to marry him, it’s none of his business.”

“He wants to marry you, thinking that it’s
someone else’s baby?”

Hannah nodded.

“That’s amazing. Not many men would do
that.”

“I know. I can’t tell if it’s misguided
generosity or if he likes me, or what.”

“And what do you feel?”

“I don’t know!” Hannah wailed, and then
laughed at herself. “I feel as if I’m in the middle of a soap
opera.”

“No, if you were in a soap opera, you’d have
an evil twin or someone would have amnesia.” Christine smiled
gently. “Give it some time. You don’t have to decide this minute.
See how it goes. I’m sure you’ll figure out what is best for you
and the baby.”

Hannah hoped she was right.

#

On Monday afternoon, Luke sat in his office
staring out the windows, unable to concentrate on the motion he was
drafting. He kept thinking about Hannah, wondering what she was
thinking. He wanted to give her time to consider his proposal, but
he didn’t want to give her too much time. He called her number and
waited impatiently for her to answer. “How are you doing?” he
asked, when she said hello.

“Fine,” she said cautiously. He imagined her
lying on her couch, talking to him.

“May I come over this evening?”

“Yes. That would be wise. If I’m going to
take your proposal seriously, I need to get to know you
better.”

Luke relaxed, pleased to hear that he hadn’t
ruined his chances completely. She still had an open mind, and she
was willing to consider marrying him.

He dropped by her house after work, and Mrs.
Parker made the lasagna he liked for dinner. Over desert, homemade
apple pie and ice-cream, he asked, “Have you chosen names for the
baby?”

“If it’s a boy, I want to name him Thomas
after my father. I’d call him Tom.”

He nodded. “That would be better than
James.”

She looked at him oddly. “Why?”

“James Jamison.”

She laughed. “I hadn’t thought of that. I
wasn’t thinking of Jamison as a last name, but now that you mention
it, no, I wouldn’t want to use James. I wouldn’t want my baby to be
teased as I was.”

Don’t take it personally. Just because she
hasn’t thought about using your last name, doesn’t mean she won’t
marry you.
He asked, “Was Hannah a family name?”

“No. My mother liked the name, and she
thought Hannah Hansen sounded cute.” Hannah rolled her eyes. “It
could have been worse, I suppose. In high school, I knew a girl
named Candace Kane.”

He thought for a moment. “Oh. Candy cane.”
Some parents were idiots. Why would someone purposefully give their
child a name that would cause them pain? He asked, “Were you teased
a lot?”

“Mostly in elementary school. By middle
school, everyone had gotten used to it. I don’t think about it much
now.” She finished the last bite of her pie and set the dessert
plate down on a table next to the couch. “That was delicious.”

“Would you like another piece?” he asked,
rising to his feet.

“No,” she said quickly. “Mrs. Parker is too
good of a cook, and if I’m not careful, I’ll end up the size of a
barn.”

He looked at her. She was pregnant, but she
didn’t have the puffy look that many pregnant women had. Her arms
and legs were still slender. Today she wore a lime green shirt and
a pair of black knit pants that bared her ankles and feet. Her
toenails were painted red. “You look great to me,” he said, then as
her eyes widened, he added in a more casual tone, “Besides, you’re
supposed to be eating for two.”

“Yes, but one of those two weighs only about
five pounds. And he or she will benefit more from carrots than
ice-cream.”

He asked, “Do you have a girl’s name picked
out?”

“Not yet. There are too many names I like. I
like Rachel and Vivian and Amelia, just to name a few.”

“Amelia Jamison is a mouthful,” he said. “I
like Rachel better.”

“Hmm. Rachel Jamison,” she said slowly. “That
has a nice ring to it. And Tom Jamison sounds good, too.”

He smiled. He was making progress.

“Not that I’m agreeing to anything, yet,” she
said quickly, as if sensing his approval. He could tell that she
was not going to irrevocably commit herself – not yet. “As far as
I’m concerned, the baby still may be Tom or Rachel Hansen.”

Not if I have anything to do with it.

#

Hannah took a deep breath of the cool October
air, and pulled the lapels of her wool coat around her throat.
After nearly two weeks of bed rest, it was wonderful to be outside,
and to be going somewhere, even if it was only to an appointment
with Dr. Armanzo.

She noticed that all the leaves from the oak
tree in her front yard had fallen to the ground. She made a mental
note to call a yard service when she returned home, but didn’t
mention it to Luke, for fear he would step in and do it himself --
or pay for someone to do it. She didn’t want to feel any more
obligated to him than she already did.

For the past week, he’d been on his best
behavior, coming by every few days, calling to check on her. And
today he was driving her to her doctor’s appointment.

As he held the passenger door open for her,
Hannah realized how far their relationship had progressed. Luke was
becoming a friend to her, and she was seriously considering
marrying him.

But she couldn’t marry him without telling
him that he was the baby’s biological father. That was the kind of
secret that would only get worse with time. The difficulty was –
determining when and how to tell him.

He started up the engine and asked, “Do you
want any music?”

“No, thank you.”

“You can adjust the seat so that you’re lying
farther back,” he said.

“I’m fine,” she assured him. “I’ll enjoy
sitting up for the few minutes drive.” She stared out the passenger
window, gathering her courage. “Luke?” she said finally. “I want to
talk to you about the baby.”

“I’m listening.”

“I know you don’t approve of my going to a
sperm bank, but if we are going to get married –-”

“Are we?” He glanced at her, trying to read
her expression. “Is this a yes?”

“Not yet. Part of it depends on you. I need
to explain why I went to the sperm bank, so you can understand what
I was thinking and what I did.”

His jaw tightened, and he stared straight
ahead at the traffic. “That’s the past,” he said coolly. “You know
my opinion, and I don’t think any good will come from rehashing it.
I think we should focus on the future instead.”

“But if we don’t deal with the past, it may
cause problems later.”

“As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter
how you got the baby. I may disagree with your methods, but the
only thing that matters is that the baby is going to need two
parents – hopefully you and me, working together.”

He wasn’t going to let her get a word in
edgewise. “But there is more you need to know,” she persisted.

“I don’t want to hear it. I’m going to act as
if the baby is my own flesh and blood.”

“How convenient,” Hannah murmured.

“I’ll want him or her to call me Daddy. Kids
need security. No one needs to know that they came from a test
tube. That information can come later, when they’re grown up, if
you think it’s necessary. But it won’t make any difference in the
way I’ll treat the child.”

“I appreciate what you’re saying, but –“”

Luke’s cell phone rang. “Go ahead,” he said.
“They can leave a voice mail.”

She glanced at the caller ID. “No, it’s the
office. Take it. We can finish our conversation later.” She looked
out the passenger window as he accepted the call.

“Jamison here.”

“Hello, Mr. Jamison, this is Carolyn Dulane.
Can you hear me? I’m getting a lot of static from you.”

“You’re on speaker phone in my car,” he
said.

“Oh. Well, I’m just following up on your
temporary secretary. How is Marcia doing?”

“She’s adequate,” Luke said brusquely.

“That’s great.” Ms. Dulane sounded relieved.
“Hopefully she can stay until Hannah comes back. Do you have any
idea how long that will be?”

“You can ask her yourself,” Luke offered.

Hannah shook her head wildly, mouthing the
word, “No!” She did not want the Human Resources director to know
that they were traveling together, but it was too late, for Luke
continued, “She’s right here, sitting next to me.” Hannah
winced.

“She is?” Ms. Dulane’s voice rose in
surprise.

“Mr. Jamison is driving me to a doctor’s
appointment,” Hannah volunteered, hoping that mentioning her doctor
would somehow distract the woman.

“How .... nice.” Hannah could imagine what
she was thinking. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, and the baby seems to be fine,
too.”

“Marvelous. Do you know how soon you’ll
return to work?”

“That depends,” Hannah evaded. “I’m not
exactly sure when they’ll schedule the birth, and then I don’t know
how soon I’ll come back to the office.”

“Or ‘if’” Luke murmured, as he drove the car
into the doctor’s parking lot.

“Stop that,” she hissed.

“What was that?” Ms. Dulane asked. “I didn’t
hear you.”

“The connection is terrible,” Hannah said,
glaring at Luke. “I’ll call you later.”

Ms. Dulane said her good byes, and Luke
disconnected the call.

“I can’t believe you did that,” Hannah said
as the car came to a complete stop.

“What?”

“Ms. Dulane now knows you’re taking me to the
doctor’s. Within half an hour, everybody in the law firm is going
to know, too.”

“So what? I’m not hiding anything.”

Surely he wasn’t so clueless. “People are
going to talk,” she explained. “They’re going to wonder why we’re
spending time together. They will jump to conclusions. They’ll
think something is going on between us.”

Luke shrugged. “Who cares what they think? I
don’t.”

I do, Hannah realized. “I don’t want to be
gossiped about.”

“Then you shouldn’t have gotten pregnant,” he
said in a matter-of-fact tone. “You’re kidding yourself if you
think they haven’t been talking behind your back already.”

She hadn’t thought of that. Whenever someone
at work had asked about the baby’s father, she’d managed to evade
the issue by saying, “I don’t want to talk about it,” and people
had respected her wishes. She should have known that she couldn’t
keep them from gossiping among themselves, wondering who the father
was. She pressed her hands to her forehead. “Now, I can never go
back.”