Baby on the Way (11 page)

“It’s fine. Nothing pressing. Just some things I need to know. For the bank.” Gar bid the Andrewses good-night, then followed Jordan out of the room.

Caitlin sagged against her chair, flopping into it with relief.

“Sweetheart, you’re dead on your feet!” Eliza’s caring hands gently massaged her shoulders. “Thank goodness you’re off now. You were taking on too much.”

“I’m fine. Really. And I did have a good time tonight.”

“It was fun, wasn’t it?” Eliza looked around the room. “I remember this house from when the Cardmore sisters lived here. They loved to have tea parties, you know. We’d get all gussied up and come over for cucumber sandwiches and iced tea in the summer. They had the coolest house in town.”

Caitlin nodded, trying to stifle a yawn as Eliza continued her story.

“That was before air-conditioning. How those two used to giggle and twitter.”

Stan shook his head in remembrance and tugged at his wife’s arm. “Come on, honey. Caity’s falling asleep.”

“Of course she is! The poor girl’s been on her feet all day, I imagine. I’ll just load those few dishes into the dishwasher and then we’ll be off. You can help.”

Caitlin chuckled at Stan’s groan of agreement and watched as the older couple left the room. But she made no effort to hoist herself out of her chair. Instead she shifted her feet onto a footstool.

“Finally seeing the light?” Jordan strode across the room and sat down in a chair across from her.

“Pardon?” She knew exactly what was coming,
but Caitlin pretended ignorance. He didn’t have to rub her face in her capitulation.

“You know what I’m talking about, Lyn.” His dark eyes mocked her. “But I’m perfectly willing to play dumb if it means that you’ll allow my family to help out once in a while.”

She closed her eyes. “Don’t bug me, Jordan. I’m too tired to argue with you tonight.”

“You look beautiful.” The softly spoken words jarred her from her dream. “Am I allowed to say that at least? I like that misty-green color on you. It makes your eyes stand out.”

She snorted, glancing down at her stomach. “I look more like a pile of beached seaweed than anything wispy and you know it.”

Caitlin fiddled with her skirt, unwilling to look at him. His words, his touch, even his presence made her nervous when he stopped acting like Michael’s brother. She liked it, but it still made her nervous.

He sighed, exasperation evident in his body language. “I wish you could see what I see when you look in the mirror.”

“I’m glad I can’t.” she said with a self-conscious laugh.

“You’d see a gorgeous woman who glows with life.” He ignored her interruption. “Your skin has this luminous quality that the makeup companies would kill to emulate.”

“That’s because it’s stretched so thin.” She chuckled.

“Stop it! Stop decrying yourself. You’re a beautiful
woman, Lyn. Pregnancy has only added to that beauty.” He stood up as his parents came back into the room, his voice changing as he asked them, “All done?”

“Clean as a whistle. There’s nothing left for this little mama to do but to climb into bed and get some sleep.” Stan leaned down and patted Caitlin’s cheek as if she were one of his daughters. “Good night, Caity. Thanks for the party.”

“You’re the one who made it a party.” Caitlin smiled, accepting Jordan’s helping hand as she hoisted herself from the sofa. “Before your arrival, we were dying fast.”

“Why?” Eliza’s eyes glowed brightly with curiosity.

“Let’s jut say she’s not as good at matchmaking as she thought.” Jordan, tongue in cheek, ushered his parents to the front door. He found their coats, helped them on and wished them both good-night.

“Matchmaking?” Eliza’s brow furrowed, then cleared. “Of course! I’d forgotten all about that. I’ve been so busy with you two…well, anyway I forgot.”

“Good! I wish Caitlin would, too. You can’t force these people to like one another simply because you think they should. They’ve got a history to get past.”

“Rather like you and Caitlin.” Stan’s quiet voice drew their attention. “You two dated for a while, then broke up and Caity married Mike. Now here you are hosting parties together.”

“Jordan’s just helping out till the baby comes.
That’s all.” Caitlin felt the heat burn her cheeks as Stan’s glance met hers.

“I know.” He smiled and squeezed her hand. “And I’m really glad he is. It just goes to show that God can work in any situation, if we leave it up to Him.”

Caitlin wanted to stop him, to straighten out his obvious misconceptions, to get rid of that smug glint in his eye. But there was no time. Whatever Eliza and Jordan had been whispering about, they had not come to any agreement. Eliza’s lips were stubbornly pursed together and Jordan, well Jordan seethed with something, though he cloaked it well.

“We’d like you to come to dinner tomorrow, Caitlin. After church. Jordan can pick you up for the early service. We’ll all sit together.”

“Mother, I told you…”

“I’m not sure I’m going,” Caitlin prevaricated, glancing from one to the other as she handed out the gloves they’d left on the hall table. To Stan she passed the games.

“Good! Nine-thirty.” Eliza thrust her arm through Stan’s and hurried him out the door even though he was still juggling the games. “Thanks again. See you in the morning.”

Caitlin tried to say something. But before the protest could form, Eliza snapped the outside door shut, leaving her and Jordan alone.

“I don’t think…”

“You don’t have to…”

Jordan shook his head and smiled. “Sorry. You go first.”

“I was just going to say that you don’t have to pick me up. I can get to church myself.” She took off her shoes and padded back into the living room, toes scrunching into the thick pile. “What were you going to say?”

“Nothing.” He followed her in, shutting the door behind him.

“Yes, you were. What were you and your mother arguing over?” She peered up at him curiously. “Was it about me?”

“In a way.” His eyes avoided hers as he rearranged the cushions on the sofa. “But don’t worry, I set her right.”

“About what? What was she saying?” Caitlin shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. “Jordan?”

When at last he straightened, Jordan seemed to have recovered the calm good humor that was his trademark.

“She’s got some silly ideas, that’s all.”

Caitlin frowned, and shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

Had she missed something? Maybe Michael’s family were getting tired of having to care for “little Caity.” Maybe they wanted her to go to church so they could foist her off on some other poor souls.

“Jordan, please. What is going on?” she pleaded, hating the knot of fear that twisted in her stomach.

He wouldn’t leave now, would he? Not when she’d
begun to rely on his strength and capability? Not now, when she’d only started to realize how much she needed him in her life, not so much as a link with the past, but as a connection to the future?

“I can see the fear in your eyes, Caitlin. And you can just stop it. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here for as long as you and the baby need me.” His crooked smile tilted down at her as his big warm hands closed around her arms, holding her in that strong but protective way.

Relief swamped her, blessed, light-headed relief that she wouldn’t be alone to face this highest of all trials. Jordan, dear, sweet, dependable Jordan would be there to lean on.

Caitlin ignored the little gremlins that giggled inside her head and told her that having him around was exactly what she
didn’t
want. She’d be strong later, after the baby was born, when things were back to normal. That was the time to face life and the future alone, not now.

“Caitlin?”

She focused on the present and realized the same question still existed. “I’m okay. So what did your mother say?”

He sighed. A long, resigned whoosh of air that told her he didn’t like saying the words, but that he wasn’t willing to lie, either. That was Jordan. Truthful, no matter what.

“She thinks we make a good couple.”

Caitlin didn’t get it. She frowned lightly, tightening her fingers on his muscular arms. “I suppose we do.
After all, we were trying to host this silly party together. Unfortunately, no one but us seemed able to talk to each other.”

She stopped, searching his face as the silence stretched between them. There was something there, something that told her she’d misunderstood his meaning.

“Jordan?” The word came out quietly, half fearful at the glow of quiet purpose in his eyes.

“She meant couple as in a pair. Together. You and I. More than friends.” He held her gaze with his.

“Oh.”

Caitlin didn’t get it, didn’t understand what he was hinting at. Jordan
was
her friend. They laughed together, did things, had fun. That was all there was to it. Wasn’t it?

“But I’m Michael’s wife,” she blurted out, trying to reconcile his words in her mind.

“You were. Michael’s gone.”

“I know that.” Caitlin stepped back, dropping her hand from his arms. No, she wouldn’t go there now. “It’s late. I know you want to get going. I’ll find your coat.”

She scurried out into the hallway, half afraid of the glow that glimmered deep within those golden eyes.

“Here it is. Good night, Jordan.” She waited as he shrugged into the warm jacket, smiling warmly as she stepped forward to the door.

“Lyn?” Jordan stopped her, his hand curving around her shoulder to stop her progress.

She turned back to him, wondering at the strange
look on his face. The rugged planes softened as his hands drew her closer. Before she could do anything, his head came down and Jordan Andrews kissed her as if he’d been waiting forever.

It was over in seconds, but Caitlin didn’t pull away. She couldn’t. She merely stood there, locked in the circle of his arms, and stared blankly at his beloved face.

His hand came up to brush away the soft curls that fell around her cheeks. One finger traced a line from her forehead down her nose, past her lips to her upraised chin.

“Clayton Matthews has no business kissing you.” The words were barely audible.

Then Jordan tilted his head and kissed her again, a warm friendly kind of kiss that Caitlin wanted to go on and on.

She didn’t know how it happened but moments later she was free and Jordan was standing in the open door.

“Good night, Lyn,” he murmured, stepping backward onto the step. “Sweet dreams.”

“Good night, Jordan,” she whispered to the closed door.

“A
re you sure you should be doing this?” Clay Matthews shuffled awkwardly across the floor and took Caitlin’s hand. “I mean, Jordan didn’t seem too thrilled that you were helping me out. When I mentioned Monday, his face got all tight.”

“Well, too bad. Jordan Andrews doesn’t control my life. Now concentrate, Clay. You’re not dragging around a sack of oats, you’re dancing with Maryann.”

“Maryann’s not as big around as you,” he muttered, pushing her forward.

“Gee, thanks.” Caitlin rolled her eyes. “Can’t you pretend, just this once?”

“If I pretend too much, I’d be too nervous to do anything.”

Sighing heavily, Caitlin let him go and found the nearest chair, thankful she’d worn her sneakers for this. Her back ached like fire.

“Maybe we’d better delve into that area a little
deeper, Clay. Why does Maryann make you so nervous?” And how come I never make anyone nervous? Concerned maybe, protective yes, but nervous? Nah.

While Clay rambled, Caitlin fell to thinking about Jordan’s strange kiss and subsequent actions. He’d acted as if nothing had changed when he arrived the next morning to take her to church. And the dinner at his parents had gone off without a hitch, or another one of those knee-melting kisses.

They were pals, best buds, friends. So why did she feel so aware when Jordan scooped her hair out from her coat collar? And what about the way he’d so solicitously seen to her every need? He’d done nothing unusual, nothing to get upset about, and yet, every time his knuckles brushed hers, Caitlin felt herself tensing.

She’d told him she didn’t need him, that she could manage. And when he’d dropped her off, she’d insisted that she wanted to spend last evening alone, in front of the fire. So why had she expected him to come in and play checkers?

It was crazy, that’s what it was. And she was silly for even thinking about him like that. They were just friends and that was the way she wanted it. Right?

“Caitlin?” Clay’s somber eyes peered down at her. “Did you hear anything I told you about Maryann?”

A ruckus in the front hall saved her from admitting that she hadn’t heard a single word he’d said. “I’ll just see who that is,” she murmured, scurrying across the room as Jordan’s boisterous laugh rang out.

He was in the front hall, teasing Beth about her new boots.

“I doubt if you’ll even be able to cross the street after a good blizzard, if you wear those things,” he scoffed, trailing one finger down the new shiny leather. “The heels are way too high.”

“That’s good.” Maryann giggled. “That way she can dig them into the ice. Traction.” She and Jordan exchanged a look that had him slapping a hand over his grinning mouth.

“Well, I think they’re gorgeous,” Beth sniffed. “Caitlin, tell me what you think of my new winter boots.”

As Jordan and Maryann turned toward her, Caitlin bent to examine the pliable leather and avoid his scrutiny. It was stupid that she felt as if he might see through her, peer into her brain. He might figure out that she’d skipped dinner.

“They’re lovely,” she offered. “So stylish. They’ll look elegant no matter what you wear. I just wish I could manage to look as gorgeous as you do.”

“You could never fit into those boots,” Clay remarked from behind. “Your feet are way too big.”

Maryann groaned, her eyes rolling with disgust. “Nice, Clay. That will really make her feel good about herself.”

“It’s the truth!” Clay’s face turned a deep, dark scarlet.

“Don’t you know you’re supposed to tell a woman how lovely she is? Especially a pregnant woman. Believe me, we already know all our faults.” Maryann
glared at him, but a spark of teasing twinkled at the back of her eyes.

“I didn’t say she had faults.” Clay tilted his head to one side in confusion. “Did I? I don’t think so. I just said—”

“We know!” Maryann turned her back on him and smiled at Beth. “I really do like them, Beth. Especially those heels.”

“And I’ll take care of telling Lyn how good she looks.” Jordan’s voice rumbled in Caitlin’s ear, barely loud enough for the others to hear.

“High heels wouldn’t look good on you, Maryann. You’re already tall—” Belatedly, Clay held his tongue, his eyes just catching the glimmer of hurt in Maryann’s face.

Caitlin could have groaned when she noticed the other woman had on heels.

“Gee, thanks,” Maryann muttered, her face tinged a dark pink. “I think I’ll go before you offer any more of your sweet-talking compliments on my appearance.”

She hurried up the stairs, stumbling as she turned too quickly and her heel caught in the carpet.

“See, that’s what I mean.” Clay jerked his thumb toward the departing woman. “She always dresses up way too much for this place. Why doesn’t she just wear normal clothes instead of those expensive dresses and fancy things?”

A resounding slam echoed back downstairs. Caitlin sighed, wishing she’d never come out here. Clay had singlehandedly done more to set back his own cause
with Maryann than she could ever manage to correct, even if she paid for professional dance lessons for him.

She saw Beth jerk her head at Jordan and his almost imperceptible nod. Moments later he had his arm around Clay’s shoulders.

“Clay, you and I need to have a chat, a man-toman discussion.” He shepherded the other man into Caitlin’s apartment and firmly grasped the door handle to close the door.

“Well, maybe some other time. Caitlin was teaching me to dance!”

Clay’s plaintive voice made Caitlin smile. She watched him stick his foot in the space.

“I haven’t got a lot of time to waste talking, you know, Jordan.” He sounded frustrated.

Jordan nodded. “Believe me, pal, I know just how little time you have! And we won’t waste a minute of it. Besides, Caitlin’s supposed to be getting a manicure from Beth right about now. Isn’t that right?” he said over his left shoulder to the woman who stood holding her much maligned boots.

“Yes. Right.” Beth scooped up the box and moved toward her apartment door. “Come on, Caitlin. Let’s get at it.”

Caitlin frowned at her hands and the fingernails she’d trimmed, filed and polished only that afternoon. That bit of pampering had filled in one of the long, lonely hours of her second Monday off work, but she didn’t want to go through it all over again tonight.

“But I just…” She felt her arm yanked and scurried
behind Beth into the apartment. “I’ve already done my nails today,” she complained when the door had closed behind them.

“Fine. Then we’ll do them again. Or we’ll have tea. Or play Scrabble. Whatever. Let’s just give those two a few moments alone together.”

“You mean Jordan and Clay? But why?” Caitlin stared at her old school friend in puzzlement.

“Because Jordan can tell that guy a few home truths that you, even with all your careful wording, would never be able to explain to Clay Matthews.” She ushered Caitlin through her bright red-and-white living room to the kitchen she’d decorated in the same vibrant colors.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she admitted. “It’s not his fault. It’s just too bad he grew up with six brothers and a mother too tired from running a farm and raising those boys to have any time left over to teach the social niceties,” she grumbled.

“This looks really nice.” Caitlin admired the other woman’s panache in decorating. “My place is dull and boring beiges and greens. Nothing like this.”

“Your place is perfectly beautiful,” Beth staunchly defended. “I didn’t have much money to work with after setting up the shop, so I made my statement another way. The paint wasn’t much and the stencils really add something.”

“I like it. Veronica’s out?”

“My sister is making her millions baby-sitting for the entire town.” Beth rolled her eyes. “She desperately wants some new
cool
clothes, and since I need
her help in the shop in the afternoons, she’s decided to baby-sit in the evenings. She’s been great about everything, moving here, changing schools, making new friends.”

“That’s good.” Caitlin wished she had a sister to room with. It must be nice to have someone to talk to when you needed an ally, someone who would sympathize unconditionally.

“I noticed you in church yesterday.”

“Yes.” Caitlin sighed. “Jordan and his mother wouldn’t take no for an answer. In the end, I guess he was right. It felt nice to be back in the old place. I notice the organ hasn’t changed.”

Beth giggled as she put on the kettle. “Isn’t it awful? That squeak has been there for years and nobody seems inclined to get rid of it. Sort of makes it feel more like home though, doesn’t it?”

“I guess.” Caitlin shifted from the bar stool to a kitchen chair. “I don’t know. The truth is, I feel a little strange sitting in that church. Sort of guilty.”

“Guilty?” Beth sat down opposite her and frowned. “For heaven’s sake, what have you got to feel guilty for?”

Caitlin liked the way Beth sat there, waiting for her to explain. No pressure, no pushiness. Just the honest interest of a friend.

“It’s, well, kind of hard to explain.” Caitlin fought down the urge to pretend there was nothing wrong.

Beth sat where she was, her eyes softly sympathetic.

“I’ve blamed God, you see,” Caitlin murmured,
embarrassed at having to admit such a thing. “I couldn’t understand why Michael had to die, not when He knew we were going to have a baby. It seems so callous, not something a caring God would do.”

“Yes, I suppose it does.” Beth twiddled her fingers, grinning when Caitlin’s surprised eyes met hers. “Hey, I never said I was perfect. I’ve often wondered why I had to grow up in the home I did. I didn’t cause my dad’s problems, so why should Veronica and I have to pay for them?”

Other people questioned God? The very idea of it was so new to Caitlin that she simply stared at her friend in disbelief.

“I was really angry at Him for dumping me in such a situation and then abandoning me. I used to envy you, Caitlin.”

“Me?” Caitlin gaped, thinking of her scared, lonely teens. “Why would anyone envy me?”

“Because you lived with your aunt in a calm, fightfree house. You had it all together. Nobody yelled at you or called you an idiot. You were smart. You didn’t have to look out for anyone.”

“I couldn’t have,” Caitlin admitted quietly. “It was hard enough watching out for myself. And I had nothing together. I still don’t.”

“Besides, your aunt was no smiling violet,” Beth added. “You don’t have to tell me. I learned that later. That’s partly how I found the nerve to face up to the ruins of my life and move on.”

She walked to the stove, poured the boiling water
into a brown earthenware pot and added two tea bags. “It’s also how I found out God is bigger than anything I can lay before Him. I asked Him to show me what to do next when my marriage broke down and He led me up north. Even though we fought, I learned how much my husband loved me and I began to understand that God cared for me more than I could imagine.”

She set two big mugs on the table, poured the tea, retrieved the cream and sugar for Caitlin and then sat down.

“Just because I made a whole bunch of mistakes with my life, just because everything wasn’t a bed of roses, didn’t mean God had dumped on me. Even though all my circumstances changed, my duty remained the same.”

“Your duty?” Caitlin accepted the mug of tea and sipped carefully, trying to sort through what she was hearing. “What duty?”

“I should have explained better.” Beth scrunched up her eyes and thought before starting again.

“You see, Caitlin, if I wanted God to show me His way, I had to make Him the king of my life. Once I did that I had to accept His authority. Nobody gets to question a king. He makes the decisions He does and His subjects deal with them.” She passed a bag of chocolate cookies across the table.

“I needed to accept that my life was the way it was. Period. I couldn’t change the past, I couldn’t change the people. I could only move on, follow
God’s leading. That was the biggest relief. It was all up to Him.” She grinned.

“And so here you are.”

“Here I am, back where I started, thanks to you. Trying to do what God tells me, to follow His lead, even though I don’t understand it. I just have to believe that His way is best. That’s my duty.”

“Duty. Hmm.” Caitlin thought that one over, before glancing up into her friend’s bright gaze. “What do you think my duty is, Beth?”

“Sweetie, I can’t answer that. No one can. That’s between you and God.”

“I was afraid you’d say that. It just makes things worse.” Caitlin heaved a sigh and closed her eyes. “God doesn’t talk to me.”

“How do you know that? Maybe you’re just not listening. I do know that you’ll never find out if you don’t spend time talking to Him. Believe me, I know it’s hard! But we only go on making more mistakes without some heavenly direction.”

Beth’s small delicate fingers, punctured by the thorns and rough stems of the flowers she handled, closed around Caitlin’s.

“You have to let go of the anger and the worry and the frustration, Cait I know it’s hard to fathom, but God would never do anything to deliberately hurt us. We usually bring that on ourselves. We just have to learn from it and move on.”

“That’s almost exactly what Jordan said,” Caitlin murmured.

“And he’s right. Jordan wants to help. He wants
to be there for you, to do whatever you want him to. He cares for you, Caitlin.”

“That’s the hardest part of all,” Caitlin whispered, relieved to have finally said it out loud. “I can’t care for Jordan. Not like I did for Michael, not the way I think he wants. I…it hurts too much.” And even that wasn’t the truth. Not all of it, at least.

“And you think he’ll take off the same way everyone else did.” Beth’s voice was flat. “I can’t tell you he won’t, Cait. Nobody can do that except God and He doesn’t usually tell us His plans for the future.”

“So what do I do?”

“You let him be your friend. You let him share in the joy of the baby, let him be an uncle. And you leave the rest up to God. If He wants you to do something, He’ll show you.”

“That’s all?”

Beth grinned. “Isn’t that enough? Just take it one day, one step at a time. Jordan cares for you. Anyone can tell that by looking at his face, by watching him when he’s watching you. But he’s not Michael, honey. He’s not going to rush you into anything. For now, I think it’s enough for him to be there, helping you however he can. And you don’t exactly repel him, you know.”