Back to Life (18 page)

After a minute of silent observation, Mark insinuated with wiggling eyebrows,
“You look a million times better.”

Laughing, “I believe it.”

“That’s what I want to see from my girl when I propose. Your face lit up when you were talking to him,” Mark said. We reached the baggage claim for our flight and only a few people and a few bags remained. “Do you think I should do it tonight or tomorrow?”

“Do it when you are most comfortable,” I responded, as I grabbed my black luggage with hot pink tags.  Mark took the bag out of my hand and pulled it off of the conveyor belt. He pulled my handle up and handed it to me.

“Thank you,” I expressed with gratitude.

“No thank you. I tried to talk to my boys about this and they weren’t being serious enough to give me any real advice. I appreciate you listening.” Mark grabbed his bag off of the conveyor belt and gave me an awkward, one arm
ed hug.  My arms hung loosely beside me as I did not return the embrace.

“You’re welcome.” I backed away from his quick embrace
. “Good luck to you.”

“Thanks!” Mark turned and hurried
toward the rental car booth.

Looking around, I didn’t see Emily anywhere.
I walked slowly to the exit and pulled my phone back out of my handbag. Hovering over Emily’s name, I felt a presence coming up behind me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

“
Was that your boyfriend?” His voice managed to make my heart beat rapidly at the sound.  I whipped around, my brown eyes wide and he met my gaze with piercing grey eyes.  I quickly assessed the rest of him. His black hair was slicked back and his jawline was highlighted by his clean shaven face.  His full lips were moist as if he just licked them.  His thick, muscled body was encased in jeans and a grey and red plaid button up shirt.  He wore heavy black shoes that seemed out of place for summer. I returned to his face and noticed a 3 inch scar that seemed to start near his temple and flush out along his forehead.  He was different. His hair was different. He was more muscular. And his face was hardened. But I would know those eyes anywhere.

Chapter 17
 

“
Emanuel,” I gasped.  I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. He walked closer to me until there was no space between us.  I was frozen in my spot, held captive by his piercing gaze.  We stood like statues, unmoving.  The airport noise faded away and all I could hear was my heart beating a mile a minute.  My breathing picked up and I willed myself to look away. But I couldn’t. 

He leaned down a
nd pressed his forehead against mine and whispered, “Was that your boyfriend?”

I
swallowed hard and licked my lips. Feeling like the school girl who crushed on him for years, I was rendered speechless. I felt like I had teleported back to Fall 2002 and I was alone with Emanuel in the Mills’ stairway the day after Thanksgiving.  Emily and I had planned to go shopping early in the morning, but Emily was running late.  Emanuel and I bumped into each other in the stairwell while he was rushing back upstairs to his room and I was going downstairs to the kitchen.  Holding me and keeping me from falling, he wrapped his arms around me and held me. Although I was steady and on my feet, Emanuel didn’t release me from his grasp.  Instead, he stared at me like he’d never really seen me before.  He pressed his forehead against mine before he leaned in to kiss me.  As soon as our lips were about to touch, Emily yelled my name from the bedroom.

Push
ing the memory from my head as well as answering him, I shook my head no.

“Good,”
Emanuel breathed against my ear, before he wrapped me up into his arms and spun me around in a circle. Instinctively, I wrapped my arms around him to return the over-the-top hug.
Emanuel,
I sighed to myself as he put me down, sliding me down the length of his hard body.  “It’s good to see you again Sahara.”

Finally finding my voice again, I respond
ed, “It’s good to see you again as well.”

Taking my bag
from my hand, Emanuel gave me a smile and ushered me toward the exit.

“Where’s Emily?” I asked quietly, still in shock from being in Thomasville and seeing
Emanuel.

“
Em had a work emergency so she asked me to come and get you.”

“Oh okay.”
I don’t even know what to say to him. It’s been so long and ‘sorry I ruined your life’ doesn’t seem like enough,
I thought sadly. My lungs felt tight and my breathing became slightly more labored.

My eyes started filling with water as we silently walk
ed to the car.  Emanuel popped the trunk and unlocked the car with the buttons on the key.  As he put my luggage in the trunk, I slid into the leather seat of the white Acura. The car smelled like citrus.  I put my handbag firmly in my lap and I closed my eyes. With my head leaned back on the headrest, I focused on my breathing.
Calm. Down. Just breathe,
I thought as I ran through my breathing exercises.   

My breathing started to normalize when
I heard the car door open and close quickly.  I focused on my breathing while waiting for the car to start.  I didn’t hear anything so I turned my head toward the driver’s seat and slowly opened my eyes.  Emanuel was staring straight ahead, gripping the steering wheel.  I could see his jaw clenching as he stared out of the window.  The silence in the car grew to a deafening level. After a few minutes, I felt choked by the silence. As I felt my breathing become ragged again, he broke the silence.

“Sahara
, what happened to you?”

Breathing heavily, I turned my head away from him and looked out of the passenger window. My eyes filled with tears and I didn’t speak.

“Sahara, what happened to you?” Emanuel’s voice was a mix of quiet pain and anger. It cut through me and ripped me open. The tears fell down my cheek as I remained facing the window.  “Please, just say something!”

I wiped my face but the tears continued to fall.
I owe him an explanation. Deep down, that’s why I came right? To make amends. By speaking at the hearing and by staying with Emily, I hoped to make amends for all that I’d done. I know I can’t make them not hate me. I know I can’t fix their lives after what I did to ruin them. But I can help keep Chris Cole in jail and not walking the same streets as them.  I can try to be a better friend to Emily since she’s always been there for me… Even after ten years of not being there for her. I just have to be strong,
I thought in a rush as my tears turned into sobs. “I’m so sorry…” I apologized as I leaned forward with my head in my hands. 

I felt his hand on my back,
moving in circles.  Even though I had on my grey sweater, I could feel the heat of his hand through both the sweater and the shirt.  Circling my back, his hand soothed the sobs away and I was able to calm myself down.  Reaching into my handbag, I pulled out a tissue and wiped my face.

“That’s what I don’t understand. What are you
apologizing for Sahara? What is it that you think you did? Because I don’t think you know.” Emanuel looked at me.  I could see him out of the corner of my eye but I refused to meet his gaze.  Instead, I stared straight ahead and preoccupied myself with other travelers getting into cars.
Why does he want me to say it? I’ve never known Emanuel to be cruel. But this felt cruel,
I thought as I shut my eyes tight, willing the tears to stop flowing.

“Sahara, talk to me,”
Emanuel said before starting the engine.  The drive to Emily’s house was completely silent.  Emanuel didn’t even put any music on.  We were left to our own thoughts.  We pulled up to a darkened rancher style home with a looped driveway.  He parked the car, but didn’t turn it off.  The air conditioning kept the car cool as I felt the heat of my embarrassment and shame well up inside me.

“Sahara!”
Emanuel yelled into the silent night, startling me.  I opened the door and got out of the car.  I put my handbag on top of the car and bent over with my hands on my knees. 
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Inhale. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Exhale,
I said to myself as I tried to get ahold of my breathing.

Emanuel
got my bag from the trunk, grabbed my bag from on top of the car and tucked it under his arm. With his free arm, he wrapped it around my waist and guided me into the house.  I sat down in an overstuffed blue and green speckled chair in the corner of the living room. The chair didn’t match anything else in the red and cream living room. The chair was big and gaudy—it screamed Grandma Mills.

When
Emanuel came into the living room, he had a bottle of water.  He handed it to me and sat on the couch across the room from me. I took a sip of water before I asked, “Is this Grandma Mills’ chair?”  My voice was quiet and my eyes were downcast.

“Yes, it was.
”

“Was?!”
I gasped and my wide eyes found his. “What do you mean?”

“Oh no not like that. Grandma moved to a retirement community in Florida.  It was fully furnished so she gifted all of her grandkids furniture.  For obvious reasons, I declined.  But you know
Em. Her decorating skills were always eclectic.” He gestured around the room and I noticed the nick-knacks on all of the shelves and tables.

“You should see the guest bedroom,” he laughed.

I smiled at him and allowed a small laugh, “Like the hand chair she had in her bedroom all through high school”

“Exactly like the hand chair.” 
For the next few minutes, we laughed about Emily and Grandma Mills’ shared sense of decorating style.

“What’s the story with this picture?” I asked of a family picture that sat on the table next to me.  Everyone in the picture was jumping in the air—even Grandma Mills.

“That was from a family picnic a couple years ago.  The guy at the next gazebo said he’d take a couple of group shots for us. This was the last one he took.  He told us to do something different so we decided to jump up in the air off of the steps of the gazebo.  The picture came out good. A couple of us landed wrong.”  We laughed.

“How are your parents?” I asked suddenly. My mouth became dry and I took another sip of water.

“They are good.  Dad retired early.  Now he just spends a lot of time at home, getting on my nerves,” Emanuel laughed.

“Are you living with them?” I asked curious but scared to ask too many questions.

“Hell no!” Emanuel laughed again.  “I live about 25 minutes away from here. You know where they built the—well never mind, they just built it a few years ago.  Remember the fairground?

“Of course!
We lived there during the summers as kids!” I smiled at the memory.

“Well they built a mall over the fairground and a couple of miles behind the mall, they built townhomes. I live over there.”

“So how does your dad get on your nerves from ummm…45 minutes away?” I estimated the distance from where the Mills family home is and the location of the old fairground.

“Well Dad now believes that he can fix anything. But he can only do it with my help. So I’ll randomly come out of my house
on the weekends to find him in his truck with coffee ready to tackle some project.  Or he’ll call and leave long, detailed messages about how he needs my assistance with something,” Emanuel laughed good-naturedly.  Although he said he was annoyed, the look on his face was anything but.  Once the laughter died, seriousness settled around the room.

“You and your dad were always a good team,” I said reminiscing on childhood memories of
Emanuel and his Dad fixing cars together, fixing bikes for me and Emily.

We stared at each other from across the room for a moment before he walked over to me.  He kneeled down in front of me and took my hand into his. He asked again, “What happened to you?”

When I didn’t respond, he squeezed my hand briefly and stood. “You were always a fighter and when you ran away… it hurt.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry
Emanuel. I’m sorry.”

“But what are you sorry for Sahara?”

“Believe me, I’m sorry for everything,” I implored him, looking up at him through my lashes. “Everything. It was all my fault. I’m sorry.” I started to cry.

“
Don’t cry Sahara.” Emanuel squatted back down in front of me. “I’m not trying to make you cry. I’m just trying to understand why you left. It was hard…for all of us.”

“I don’t know what to say
. Except how sorry I am,” I wept softly. “I messed up. I ruined—I messed up. It was my fault. And I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.” A sob took over my body as I tried to stand. “I don’t want—”

“
Wait, do you think the accident was your fault?”

“Yes,
Emanuel! Yes! I know it is! I know it was all my fault. I ruined everything! For you. For Emily. For myself. It was all my fault! Are you happy?!” I yelled.

Sad, angry, shame filled
tears streaked my face as I stormed past him in the direction I saw him take my luggage.  Finding a bathroom, I locked myself inside. Leaning against the door, I slid down until my butt touched the floor. Feeling free to openly sob, I allowed my emotions to take over and release all of the pent up frustration and sadness. 
This was a bad idea! I never should’ve come here,
I wailed silently.

A few minutes passed before I heard a faint knock at the door. 
“Sahara…” I heard Emanuel’s muffled voice through the bathroom door. 

“
Yeah?” I responded a little nasally from the crying. I stood so I could get a few tissues and wipe my face.  I put my forehead against the door so I could hear him more clearly.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. I just—I’m sorry. I’m going to go for a ride. Emily will be here in 20 minutes.”

“Okay.” I croaked; my deep voice thick with pain.

I put my ear to the door and strained to hear the front door close.  Not able to hear anything, I waited a few more minutes.  I splashed water on my face and willed myself to calm down.  I opened the
door and peeked down the hall. I didn’t see or hear anyone so I looked for the room with my stuff in it. 

Closing the door
behind me, I flipped on the light switch and looked around the guest bedroom.  A wooden four poster full size bed with a pretty floral comforter complimented the wooden dresser and TV stand.  I lifted my luggage onto the brown ottoman beside the bed so I could put away my clothing.  The room was small, but clean. I searched for my pink sweatpants that I packed to lounge in. Finding them, I threw them on the bed.  I was in the midst of finding my white T-shirt when the door flew open unexpectedly, banging against the wall.

I screamed and spun around.
Emanuel charged toward me and grabbed my face. Crashing his lips against mine, he kissed me with enough passion to take my breath away.  Butterflies spread across my belly as his full lips overpowered my own.  Impulsively, I moaned and when my mouth opened, his tongue grazed mine sending shivers up and down my spine.  Before I registered what was happening, it was over. He took a step back and his eyes flashed with the same intensity as that fleeting kiss.  We stood staring at one another for a moment. 
Oh my God,
I thought with wide eyed shock.  I was winded and my skin tingled with desire.  I felt flushed and I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the buzz of my phone shattered the moment before I could formulate an intelligent thought.  As if awakening from a dream, we both started talking at the same time.