Back to Life (22 page)

Subtle Emily, subtle,
I thought as I turned to face Emanuel. His stormy grey eyes locked with mine and held me hostage.  My mind went blank and I just gazed up at him.  I knew I needed to say something but I couldn’t think of anything except for how he made me feel all those years ago.  For the second day in a row, those long lost feelings were stirred up… making me reconsider if they were ever really lost.  Suddenly, I thought of the conversation I had with Emily and needed to get it off of my chest.

“
I called your hospital room every day. Every single day. Until I knew you were awake. I didn’t leave town until the doctor said you would be okay and the swelling had gone down.  But I need you to know that I called about you every single day. I’m sorry you thought that I just left without a second thought. I know that’s the apology you were looking for last night. I’m so sorry Emanuel,” I rambled. My eyes watered as I spoke to him. I bit the tip of my tongue to prevent myself from crying.

Pulling me around th
e corner into the empty hallway, Emanuel wrapped his arms around me in a tight embrace.  I allowed the anxiousness and tension to escape my body as he nuzzled his head in my hair.  He pulled back a little and I saw some unreadable emotion cross his face before he nodded his head and smoothed my hair down.

“I just wanted you to know.  I needed you to know. I didn’t
realize that you thought I left without giving you a second thought.  You were my—you meant so much to me Emanuel. Emily and I had this emotional conversation this morning and she told me and—I just didn’t know. I didn’t think. But I am sorry,” I babbled. Being in Thomasville was causing me to blurt out all of my emotions.
I need to get it together,
I huffed to myself as I got lost in his eyes.

With his forehead resting
against mine, his eyes searching mine, he murmured, “Let’s talk after lunch.” 

I could hear my heart pounding in my chest
as he pulled me in close again.
He was my first love. That’s the only reason I am having this reaction to him. I’m with Ty. I love Ty,
I thought as my skin warmed all over and the butterflies spread from the pit of my belly through all of my limbs.

I nodded, scared that my voice would betray me.
  His eyes dropped to my lips and then he met my eyes again.

“And you look beautiful by the way,” he added as he released me.  It was only then that I realized that he had me pressed between the hard wall and his hard
body the entire conversation. I shivered at the realization.

Chapter 21
  

“Sahara! It’s so great to see you! You look beautiful!” Emma Mills exclaimed with a slight accent as soon as I got within earshot of the table.  She enveloped me in her pale arms and rocked me like a child.  Her jet black hair tickled my cheek and her flowery perfume flooded my nostrils as I breathed her in.   

“Hi, Mrs. Mills.
Thank you. And thank you for inviting me to brunch. It is lovely to see you,” I said nervously as I returned her hug.  She was the closest thing I’d ever had to a mother and I missed her. She held me a little longer than necessary and I didn’t mind.

“Hi Mr. Mills,” I said as he too smothered me in a big hug.
He reminded me of my father.  They both had the same milk chocolate complexion, wide set brown eyes and large mouth.  They were the same height and even had the same build. Mrs. Mills said that when they were in college, everyone thought they were brothers when they both wore their hair cut short.  Even in pictures, people had trouble telling them apart.  At this point, the only notable difference between the American Samoan Evan Mills and African American Malcolm Lee was that Dad was no longer alive. 

“It’s so good to see you Sahara! You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman,” Evan Mills exclaimed releasing me and pulling out my chair. 

I sat down between Emily and Emanuel at the round table. I looked around the table and marveled at how in ten years this family, my family, hadn’t changed.  Emily and Emanuel were the perfect physical combination of Mr. and Mrs. Mills.  They had their mom’s striking grey eyes, straight, narrow nose and naturally arched eyebrows.  They had their dad’s thick black hair, full lips, and height.  Emanuel had their dad’s strong, square jaw while Emily had their mom’s incredibly high cheekbones.  Emily and Emanuel’s olive skin was attributed to the combination of their mom’s Lebanese and their dad’s Samoan backgrounds. The Mills family was athletically built and incredibly beautiful. 

“So how are you, my dear?” Mrs. Mills asked after the waiter brought over pitchers of water and orange juice for the table.

“I’m fine, thank you. How have you all been?” I deflected. I glanced around the table at their eager faces and I nervously looked down at the condensation on my water glass.  All of the possible responses to my question made me nervous.  I took a deep breath and willed myself to keep my breathing steady. I clasped my hands in my lap.

“We’ve been good darling. We’ve missed you obviously. But things have been going well…” Mrs. Mills launched into a familiar rant
informing me and reminding the rest of the highlights of the last ten years.  The family chimed in with their own version of the events Mrs. Mills described and we enjoyed many robust laughs. She briefly stopped once so that we could all order our food.  And by time the food arrived, I was completely at ease, feeling just as much a part of the family as always. 

“Sahara, have you spoken with Robert lately?” Mr. Mills
asked between bites of his crab omelet and grits.

Just hearing Mr.
McMannus’ name made my breathing shallow.  Gasping, I felt a hand on my knee and I focused on it. Picking up my water glass, I took a sip, letting the warmth from his hand ease the tension out of me. I looked to my right and Emanuel was examining me.  I tore my eyes away from him and answered, “Yes.”

Mr. Mills looked at me expectantly
so I continued, “We discussed the hearing and my inheritance.”

“Good! I
was worried with you being gone you wouldn’t have gotten the paperwork squared away before the hearing.”

“Dad, can we talk about something else?” Emily complained, giving me a discreet wink. 

“Of course. I’m sorry Sahara. Emily didn’t want me to bring up the hearing or Robert but I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I understand. Thank you for thinking of me,”
I responded with a small smile. Emanuel squeezed my knee and I reached down to squeeze his hand back to silently thank him for his support.  I removed my hand from his but his hand remained on my knee. Although I tried to fight it, his hand on my knee made my smile grow bigger.

“So did you guys notice that Sahara and I are wearing the same dress?” Emil
y laughed. “Crazy right?!” We all laughed. The laughter trailed off and we sat in comfortable silence.  The waiter came and cleared our plates and brought the check.

“I feel like my family is back together again,” Mrs. Mills stated suddenly, dabbing at her eye. 

“I’ve missed you all very much and I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” I apologized, tears springing to my eyes.

“You are like a daughter to us Sahara. We’ve been keeping up with your whereabouts a
nd your accomplishments through your correspondence with Emily and Robert. But there’s nothing like having you here with us,” Mrs. Mills fanned herself and laughed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to embarrass you all!”

“It’s fine darling. Reunions usually bring tears
. Especially being reunited with family,” Mr. Mills comforted his wife and gave me a wink.
Family,
I thought feeling a wave of emotions that I packed away long ago.
This is my family. This has always been my family. These four people and Dad were the only constants in my life.

“You’ve been missed Sahara. Welcome home!” Emily smiled at me. I s
miled back feeling an overwhelming surge of love wash over me.

We all
exited Rosemary’s and when we got to the edge of the sidewalk, we said our goodbyes.

“Sahara, can we speak with you for a second?” Mr. Mills took my arm
and the arm of Mrs. Mills and led us toward their Lexus.  I mutely allowed myself to be dragged along, unsure of what was coming.

Mr. Mills cleared his throat before he began,
“You know your dad was my best friend and I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you how proud I am—how proud we are—of the woman you’ve grown into.  We didn’t get a chance to talk to you about this before you left—”

“I’m so sorry about that again,” I interrupted, dropping my gaze to the ground.

Mrs. Mills grabbed my shoulders and said, “We understand why you thought you needed to leave.  Emily filled us in on why you thought it was for the best. But it’s important for you to understand that you didn’t have to leave.  You didn’t have to run away from us. We are your family. Don’t you ever forget that!”  She pulled me into a hug and I squeezed tight.

“I won’t forget it. I promise. Thank you,” I said quietly.

“Okay ladies! Can I finish?” Mr. Mills laughed a deep belly laugh, causing us to join in with laughs of our own. 

“
Yes of course dear,” Mrs. Mills said with a giggle.

“I know he staggered your
mom’s inheritance to be distributed to you in stipends until your 29
th
birthday. Now you have access to the total sum of the money. At the time he arranged that with Robert, he also upped his life insurance and added me as a beneficiary.  I received 40% of the total sum in case I needed to care for you.  Are you following?”

I love my dad for always taking care of me. I love the Mills family for always being there for me. I love my family,
I thought.

I nodded, unable to speak as he continued, “
Emma and I have been keeping an eye on you from afar, making sure you were alright. The grief counselor we worked with suggested we give you your space and let your grieve at your own pace.  She said we shouldn’t rush you into reconnecting with us.  So we watched out for you from a distance.  We knew you worked nonstop and only used your mom’s inheritance for school and clothing expenses so we felt you were financially secure.  We suggested Libby Lofts to Robert to suggest to you because we knew it was safe so we felt good about your overall well-being. We kept up with you because we love you.”  The tears were trickling down my cheeks as I listened to Mr. Mills. 

Mr. Mills put his hand on my shoulder and said, “I invested my share of your father’s life insurance.  It has grown into a considerable lump
sum. Since I know your dad’s plan had always been to release the reigns of your birthright to your complete control on your 29
th
birthday, we want to transfer the account over to you.”

Mr. and Mrs. Mills sandwich
ed me in a hug as the tears finally slowed to a stop.  Mrs. Mills added, “We were going to come to Richland on your birthday and surprise you. But when Emily said you were coming home, we knew we could wait one more week to have a proper homecoming and give you the news here.  Things worked out perfectly. We are so glad that you are here Sahara.”

Oh my God,
I thought as my small fortune accumulated.  “Thank you,” I said quietly. “I love you both so much. I am blessed to have you in my life.”

“Hey, c
an we join in on that hug?” Emily yelled from the sidewalk.

“Hurry up, it’s almost over!” Mrs. Mills laughed as Emily and Emanuel walked over.

“Sahara, we can talk more later if you want. We’ve never said anything to Emily or Emanuel about your account.  That’s your business to tell.” Mr. Mills kissed the top of my head and we all released our hug.

“Guess I’m too late!” Emily giggled as she wrapped her arm around her mom, who was still wiping tears from her eyes. 

“We need to go now kids. We will see you first thing in the morning. If you’d like, we could all ride to the courthouse together. Call me and let me know,” Mrs. Mills said as she kissed each of us on the cheek.  Mr. Mills waved goodbye to us all as they pulled out of the parking spot.  The three of us stood and waved as they drove away.

“Okay so…I’m going to go back home. I feel like there’s some things you two need to discuss so I’m going to leave you to it,” Emily announced as soon as she turned around to face us. 
Her lack of subtly would be funny if it weren’t at my expense,
I thought as I fought the smile that played on my lips.

“Thanks sis,” Emanuel
expressed with gratitude and kissed her on her cheek. 

She gave me a hug and whispered, “Good luck.
Tonight we’ll have girl talk.” Then she turned and walked to her car.  We waved to her as she blew her horn and drove off, effectively leaving me and Emanuel alone.

“Let’s go,” Emanuel said as he placed
his hand on the small of my back and guided me over to his motorcycle.

“I’m not getting on that thing!” I informed him stopping dead in my tracks.
I slipped my sunglasses on and stared at the intimidating black and chrome death trap.

Getting behind me and putting his hands on my hips, Emanuel pushed me
toward the bike. Laughing, I begrudgingly moved in its direction.

“You can’t make me ride it,” I announced crossing my arms over my chest as we stopped in front of the motorcycle.

Leaning forward with his lips right beside my ear and his fingers flexing against my hips, Emanuel whispered, “I wouldn’t make you do anything you didn’t want to do.”

His words made my heart flutter and
I felt a tightening deep inside me. I looked over my shoulder and he was so close that I could smell his soap. I could smell his aftershave.  I could smell his minty breath.  We were so close I could’ve touched him with my tongue.  I let out a wavering breath and my eyes dropped to his slightly opened mouth. He licked his lips and then slowly backed away from me. He walked around me and the motorcycle to the bench on the sidewalk and sat down.  “Let’s talk,” he said as his eyes flashed at me.

I followed his lead and sat down next to him on the metal bench.
“Let’s talk,” I said quietly. I stared straight ahead and held my breath, waiting for him to say something.

“Emily told me how hard it was for you to talk about
what happened to us. But you don’t have to feel that way with us. We were there. We know,” Emanuel started.

I continued to look forward because if I looked at him, I knew I would’ve had the same emotional breakdown I had with Emily when we had the conversation.  “It’
s hard to think about the accident. But I think about it a lot. I don’t let it define me or my life, but I think about it all the time.”

He paused before he
said, “I think about you all the time too,” Emanuel said as he rotated his shoulders and straightened his back. I stole a glance at him as he leaned forward with his forearms resting on his knees.  His face looked pained as he was staring straight ahead.

I cleared my throat gently and trained my eyes on his motorcycle. 
“I do what I can to not think about it. But it always finds me at night.  Some nights it’s more intense than others. Most nights I have a fitful night of sleep. But when I think of my parents, or your parents, or Emily or you, I end up having nightmares that turn into panic attacks and I feel like I’m suffocating,” I admitted quietly.  “It hurts too much to think about what I took away from you all.”

I could feel Emanuel’s eyes on me as
I talked.  I wanted to avoid his probing stare, but I couldn’t. I felt drawn to him. My eyes flicked over to his and when I tried to look away again, I couldn’t.  His eyes always captivated me. I watched his eyes widen slightly as I apologized.

“Sahara, it wasn’t your fault.  Yo
u need to work through that.  Somehow, you have to work through it. You can’t use what happened as an excuse to not live your life.” His tone was low and somber.  We were quiet and I knew in my heart that Emily told him about our conversation.