Back to Life (24 page)

Before turning to the side, h
e glanced at me and the lusty look was gone.  In its place, a nervously shy look… the one that used to always grace his beautiful features as we were growing up.
I haven’t seen that look since 2003. Ever since picking me up at the airport, Emanuel’s been this confident, mature, aggressive force.  Shy would seem out of place if I didn’t know Emanuel, if I didn’t grow up with him. So what exactly is bringing about this throwback Emanuel?
I mused, cocking my head to the side.

“I know. I just need to figure it out
… I will take her to that bistro place that you like near your house and drop her off at 5:30… Okay, bye!” Emanuel hung up the phone and ran his hand through his hair.  He slipped his phone back in his pocket before turning toward me.

“So…we are going to
get dessert?” I asked as I pushed myself away from the railing, brushing the back of my dress off.

“That’
s the plan. Are you hungry? It’s been 4 hours since we ate. We could grab something light,” Emanuel suggested as he grabbed his motorcycle jacket and helmet off of the bench.

“
Sure. Sounds good,” I complied.

We walked to the motorcycle in silence.  A few people were exercising and one couple walked their dog.  I took in the quaint charm of the area. When we got to the motorcycle, Emanuel slipped his jacket on me and zipped me up.  He put his helmet on the crown of my head and kissed my nose before he pushed the helmet over my face.  As modestly as I could, I climbed on the bike and grabbed hold of Emanuel’s body.  I rested my head on his back and
I ran my hands down the rippled muscles of his stomach.  He grabbed my right hand and kissed it before putting it back on his hard abs.  I squeezed him tighter when the engine roared to life.
  He said he loved me, that he never stopped loving. I’ve spent so many lonely nights wishing I could hear him say those words. Emanuel makes me feel like I’m the same Thomasville girl I once was.  Except this time, I know he loves me,
I marveled silently as the words he whispered against my ear touch several different spots on my body. 

Emanuel easily and seamlessly maneuvered through traf
fic and we arrived at an Old World Italian bistro that was up the street from Emily’s neighborhood.  We parked and entered the establishment.  I looked around for a mirror so I could check out the disaster that was likely my helmet hair.  A well-dressed older man with wire rim frames greeted us as got closer to him.

“Good afternoon,
my name is Tony. Would you like to sit inside or outside?” the host asked.

Emanuel looked at me,
“It’s up to you, beautiful,” he said.

“Outside is fine.  The weather is
lovely today,” I declared.

“Outside it fine
,” Emanuel echoed to the host. 

We followed our host
Tony to a patio with tables and large umbrellas.  After he told us our waiter would be right with us, he turned on his heel and headed back to his podium. Emanuel stood closer to me than necessary and slowly slid the zipper of the jacket down.  I looked up expecting his eyes to be following the zipper downward; however, I blushed as his eyes were boring into mine.  Once he had the jacket unzipped, he removed the jacket and pulled out my chair to sit.

“
This song always makes me think of you,” Emanuel murmured as he pushed my chair in. “I Love, You Love” played softly through the speakers. Taking his own seat, he continued, “I always—”

“Hi folks!
What’ll you have to drink?” A younger woman with mahogany skin and shoulder length dark brown hair burst out of nowhere.  Her nametag said Nicole.

“We’ll take two waters and we need a few minutes
with the menu,” Emanuel said, turning the menu over in his hand.

“Okay I’ll be back with your drinks!” Nicole replied.

“That’s a great song,” I mumbled after Nicole left, feeling overwhelmed with emotions.

“I first heard it af
ter leaving therapy one day five years ago. And it was in heavy rotation. Every time I thought of you, I’d put it on and just think of all the things I’ve always wanted to say to you.  Before then, your song was—”

Interrupting, t
he waitress was back with our waters. “Here you are. Now what would you like to order?” Nicole asked with her pen poised over her pad.

“We’ll have two slices of tiramisu and she’ll have a
n iced mocha latte and I’ll have a black coffee—the robust blend.”

The waitress smiled, “It’ll be right up.”

“Thank you,” we said in unison.

Laughing, Nicole remarked, “
Aww, you two are cute together.” She walked back into the indoor dining area of the bistro.

“
We are cute Emanuel,” I declared as I gestured between us at the small table.

“I like thinking of us as
a we,” Emanuel replied, smiling.

“
Me too. I’ve had a good day with you today Emanuel,” I admitted.

“
Me too. You and I have always had a good time together,” he pointed out.

“Very true
.” I took in his sexiness as I sipped my water.

Clearly his throat, Emanuel began with his throwback hint of nervousness,
“Well, now that we are on the subject, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”  He paused and took a deep breath.

I was unab
le to contain the anxiety I felt as he remained silent. “What’s going on Emanuel?”

“Well first
of all, I meant what I said earlier.” He reached around our water glasses and squeezed my hand before returning it to his side of the table. “I’ve never felt for anyone what I felt for you...what I feel for you.”

He paused before he continued, “
I didn’t think I would ever get the chance to see you again to tell you in person how I felt.  I’ve thought about going to Richland a number of times throughout the years, but I couldn’t do it.  I told myself that you’d moved on so I’d have to do the same.  I dated a lot, but no one compared to you.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t find another you.  So I settled and wasted my time and their time.  But being around you again, just knowing you were coming into town, made me realize that I can’t settle anymore. I want you. I need you...” His words trailed off with a nervous shrug and his head slightly bowed.

A bevy of butterflies spread through my chest and belly
as I thought,
Emanuel wants to be with me? Emanuel wants to be with me!
I took a sip of water to cool down the flash of heat that radiated through my body.

Nicole
placed our tiramisu and coffee on the table before quickly leaving.  I barely even registered she was there because I just stared at Emanuel. He gave me a small smile while my mouth hung open as I rubbed my chest, right above my heart. My voice cracked when I started, “I—” 

“Man
ny!” a stunning woman who looked like the lovechild of Brad Pitt and Halle Berry boomed out of the corner of the patio.  “Manny!” she repeated loudly as her eyes stayed trained on me.

The look that
crossed Emanuel’s face spoke volumes as he recognized her voice.  He stood without turning around.  His eyes locked on mine and all I could see was pain in them.  I looked from him back to this gorgeous woman who was still staring at me.  She had short hair and every piece was in place.  She wore skintight jeans which showcased every curve and a shiny silver scoop neck top.  Her heels were black and at least 6 inches, making her appear to be 6 feet tall.  She had a smile that looked more like a grimace. 

“I’m sorry Sahara,” Emanuel apologized as she descended upon the table.

“What is going on?” I asked Emanuel, suddenly uneasy.
Who is she?
I thought, but in my gut I knew by the way she eyed me predatorily; I was encroaching on territory that she’d marked.

He whipped around to face her, stopping her in her tracks. “What are you doing here?”
he asked her, his tone was flat, but agitated. 

“
Manny,” she said with a curt nod, her eyes never leaving me. “Hello, I’m Ashlyn and you are?” Ashlyn extended her manicured hand to me.

I didn’t appreciate her tone.
 
I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not intimidated by you,
I thought sassily. “Sahara,” I coolly replied, shaking her hand with a tight grip.

“Oh the infamous Sahara…”
Ashlyn cooed snottily as Emanuel stepped toward her and grabbed her upper arm, moving her away from me. 

“I
t’s time for you to leave, Ashlyn. You will not talk to her like that. I’m not playing with you,” Emanuel interrupted her as he positioned himself between the two of us.

“
You’re asking me to leave?! Me?” Ashlyn screeched to Emanuel as she attempted to side step him to get to me.

“Why don’t you go home and stop causing a scene?” Emanuel tried to reason with her in a controlled voice. 

“But I want to talk to Sahara! I’m pretty sure we have things to discuss,” Ashlyn hinted as she made another attempt to get around Emanuel.

“You don’t have anything to talk to Sahara about. In fact, you don’t have anything to talk to either of us about.” Emanuel signaled for a waiter to come over. 

“Oh you don’t want your pr
ecious Sahara to know about me?” Ashlyn declared loud enough to cause the other couple on the patio to stop what they were doing to gawk at the spectacle. 
What the hell is going on?
I thought.

While a waiter rushed over to speak to
Ashlyn and Emanuel about the disruption, I pulled my cell phone out of my handbag and texted Emily to pick me up.  I overheard the waiter saying something about getting the manager when I stood up.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I didn’t sign up for this unnecessary drama,
I declared to myself as I collected my belongings.

“You need to leave now,” Emanuel enunciated each word with a quiet rage.  I couldn’t see his face but the way his shoulders were squared, I could tell he meant business.

“Excuse me,” I said as I tried to squeeze by them.

“Sahara, please wait. If you want to leave, I’ll take you wherever you want to go,” Emanuel pleaded. “When the manager gets here, I’ll pay and we’ll leave.”

“No it’s fine. Ashlyn seems to be in desperate need for your attention so I arranged another way home. Thanks though,” I replied with an eye roll. 

“Oh sweetie, I’m just here to help you out.”
Ashlyn’s tone was mocking and her voice grated on my nerves.

Although I knew she was baiting me, my curiosity got the best of me.  “First, don’t call me sweetie. I don’t know you. Second, what could you possibly help me out with?” I questioned as I walked around Emanuel to stand directly in front of
Ashlyn.

Ashlyn
sneered, “I’m helping you to not embarrass yourself. Manny is mine. We’re engaged.”  

Chapter 23
 

“Congrats,” I responded with faintly veiled contempt as I flashed my fakest smile.
What. The. Hell. Just. Happened?
I thought as I brushed past her and side stepped the manager as he rushed over.  I could hear Emanuel calling my name as the manager demanded payment for our desserts and an end to the disruption.

I entered the main restaurant area and decided it would be in my best interest to hide out in the bath
room. Moving quickly, in an effort to not be seen, I slipped into the bathroom and hid in the first stall.  Once I had the door closed and locked behind me, I took several wheezing breaths. “Fiancé?!” I gasped aloud, trying to collect my thoughts and catch my breath.

My eyes welled with tears as I tried to make sense of what just happened. 
My usual way to deal with stressors like this has been to get wrapped up in something beautiful.  But for so long, Thomasville has only represented pain. I wasn’t sure I could even find anything in Thomasville not tainted with memories.
  Lately, if I’ve felt down, I’d seek out Ty. But what am I supposed to say to Ty? I’m heartbroken because while you’re away handling business, I snuck off to my hometown for a life-changing hearing and reconnected with my first love who kissed me and told me he was still in love with me unexpectedly. Oh and I didn’t tell him about you. And I can’t shake my feelings for him,
I thought miserably as I quickly forced the tears back.  I didn’t deserve my own pity because I did this to myself. 

“
Anything that can be ruined, I ruin,” I mumbled as I walked out of the bathroom stall.  Fixing my eye liner, I examined myself in the mirror.  My hair looked good considering I’d worn a helmet. I fluffed it out and slid on my sunglasses.  With one more once over, I squared my shoulders and exited the restroom.
They will not see any emotion out of me,
I thought with determination as I rounded the corner.

“Sahara!”
Emanuel called out from the bar.  He was quickly on his feet and making his way toward me as I walked straight to the front door. “I’m sorry, Sahara. Please wait. Let me explain.”

I walked out of the door and looked around for Emily’
s car.  Emanuel was on my heels in seconds.  He put his hand on my shoulder and I twisted violently to remove his hand.  Even after I shook it off, I could still feel the heat and weight of his hand on me.  I turned to him and put my hand up in order to keep him away.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Emanuel,” I replied, my voice calm and void of any emotion.  I looked up and saw Emily pulling up into the parking lot. 

“Yes, I do.” He ran his hands through his hair and looked around with exasperation.  His eyes followed Emily’s car as it got closer. “I’m sorry about all that. Don’t walk away again. Give me a chance to explain.”

Emily got out of the car and had a curious expression on her face.  I put my hand on his chest and stared into his pained face. “You don’t have to explain anything to me.
It is what it is.”  I walked to Emily’s passenger side door and opened it.  Seeing that I planned to leave immediately, Emily got back into the driver’s side of the car and closed the door.

“You don’t—” Emanuel
ran both of his hands through his hair and his face hardened in growing frustration.

I looked back at Emanuel and interrupted, “Emanuel,
congratulations on your engagement.  Ashlyn seems lovely.  I hope you have a great life together.” I knew my tone was snarky but I couldn’t help it. His mouth snapped shut as he stared at me in a mixture of disbelief and exasperation.

I turned and climbed in the car, slamming the door shut. When I looked back to grab my seatbelt, I couldn’
t help but look at him.  His eyes looked sad, but his face was rigid.  When our eyes met, my heart dropped. I knew I owed it to him to at least speak with him about the whole thing.  But I couldn’t—not yet.  I felt blindsided.  I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster and I needed to sort out my feelings.
I’m in love with Ty…I couldn’t possibly be in love with Emanuel too. Right?
I thought as I tore my eyes away from Emanuel.

“
You okay?” Emily asked as she put the car in drive.

“I just needed to get out of there,” I replied evasively. 
How am I supposed to explain this without sounding jealous?
I sighed to myself.  Emily took the scenic route so I could see the place I used to call home.  The twenty minute drive was silent as we eased through a familiar part of Thomasville that hadn’t seen many renovations in the past ten years.  We turned into Emily’s driveway and she cut the car off, but didn’t make any moves to get out.

“So what happened?” Emily asked as she took off her seatbelt and got comfortable in her seat.  She turned slightly
toward me and tucked her leg underneath her thigh. 

I sighed, “It was just time to go, I guess.” I looked straight ahead through the windshield.

“Sahara Michelle Lee, that’s not going to fly. What happened?”

“
Ashlyn happened,” I said simply.  I removed my sunglasses and put them in my handbag. 

“Wait what?”
Emily asked, shocked. When I didn’t respond, she repeated. “No seriously, what are you talking about?”

“
Ashlyn comes up to the table and she’s like ‘Sweetie I don’t want you to embarrass yourself because Emanuel is my man; we’re engaged.’ Emanuel didn’t deny it. He just told her she needed to leave. And so, I sent you a text and chilled out in the bathroom until I thought you might be outside.”

“What?!”
Emily screamed, her grey eyes the size of saucers. “Engaged?!”

“Can we please go inside now?” I asked
, feeling drained from the activities of the day.

“Oh, yeah.
Sure.” Emily opened her car door and sprinted to the front door of the house.  I climbed out and followed her as quickly as my tired body would allow.  Once we were safely in the house, I followed Emily to the living room and we both plopped down.  Emily kicked off her shoes and turned toward me expectantly.

“I’m tired,” I said quietly. “This day has taken a lot out of me.”

“I understand.  What I don’t understand is what happened between you and Emanuel and why Ashlyn was there.”

“I don’t understand
what happened either,” I answered honestly. “We had a really nice time reconnecting. We talked for hours. He said he finally got some necessary things off his chest…things he’d been waiting years to say to me. And I did the same.  He said he wanted to be with me and then boom—enter Ashlyn. She made a scene and the whole situation was completely embarrassing. The manager had to come over.”

“I have so many questions,” Emily mused, more to herself than to me. “When we were at Rosemary’s he said he wanted to finally have the talk with you which is the only reason I let him steal you for part of the day.  When he said he was having the talk, I thought
he was going to tell you how he felt and also tell you about Ashlyn. I can’t stand her, by the way.”

“She’s a bitch,” I blurted.

Emily laughingly agreed, “Yes, she’s a total bitch. I don’t understand why Emanuel has dated her for so long.”

“Wh
at’s going on that he would date someone like that? I mean, why would someone as great as he is date someone who would cause a scene in a public place just for kicks?” I asked.

“
After he fully recovered and right before he quit therapy a few years ago, he adopted this ‘life is short’ motto.  He wasn’t the same shy introverted Manny anymore.  He became an adrenaline junkie.  And it was good for him in some ways. He wasn’t overthinking things anymore. He wasn’t afraid of anything.  Except for you.  He’s scared to death of you.” She gave me a small, apologetic smile. 

“
Scared of me?” I asked without thinking.

“Yeah
… It was hard for him to talk about you for a long time.  He felt powerless in the whole situation, so he emotionally shut down.  So with his whole adrenaline junkie thing, instead of getting the rush and thrill from falling in love, he seeks it out through extreme activities.”

Interesting
,
I thought as I listened to Emily with rapt attention, comparing his adrenaline rush to my love of art. “I get that. Truly I do.  And I know how this sounds so don’t judge me, but why her?” I asked quietly, shaking my head.

Emily continued, “
Well, I know at one point he was dating a different girl every other month.  Mom was really getting on him about settling down because he had a string of non-relationships that wouldn’t last because they didn’t have it.  He never specified what it was, but I knew what he meant by that.” She pursed her lips and gave me a pointed look.

“
I don’t know if he was sleeping with all of them, but I hope not.  If so, he was a bit of a man-whore when it came to dating, especially when he started playing guitar with a couple of his friends around town.  Anyway, a few years ago, a little while after he started with the adrenaline rush kick, he stopped with the serial dating. Instead of being thrilled by meeting someone knew, he’d get his thrill by doing some new activity.  Unfortunately, when he promised Mom he’d make an effort to settle down, he met Ashlyn. Even though he never seemed like he was in love with her, we could always tell when he was really unhappy in his relationship. That’s when the amount of times he’d go climbing or diving or racing would increase.” 

“Finding something to numb the pain instead of getting swallowed up in it. I know what that’s like,” I admitted, more to myself than to Emily. She stared at me as if she was debating saying her next statement
before she started talking again.

“I
had hoped Ashlyn was just something to do.  But he’s continued to put up with her for the last couple of years. It’s ridiculous to think they even managed to make it to the two year mark,” Emily scoffed. “But engaged?! He’s never said anything to us about marrying this chick.”

I nodded in understanding as I thought of Jacob and that failed relationship.  It was doomed from the beginning
, but I wanted to try to make it work.  I needed the distraction.
Could that be what Ashlyn is to Emanuel? Even if that was the case, he’s marrying her? That’s more than a distraction.
I pondered silently. 

“
Well marriage is a serious commitment so I don’t even know what to do with that,” I shrugged. “And did you say band?! That’s another thing he didn’t mention today.”

“
Yeah, he plays guitar with a couple of guys. They play a couple times a month and they’re good.  Manny sounds like he’s been playing forever. You should hear them one day.” Emily gave me a sad smile before she continued, “And believe me, she’s not his type, you are.  That’s why he can do base jumps and climb mountains, but if I bring you up unexpectedly, he gets skittish.” 

I just looked blankly at her, not quite sure what an appropriate response would be.

“Whatever the situation is with
Ashlyn, I’m sorry you were blindsided by it. That’s not cool,” Emily said softly.

“Enough about Emanuel.
What did you do after brunch?” I inquired, switching subjects quickly.

“I went to the hospital to see
Anthony for a bit. He was pretty busy so I didn’t stay long. Then I went to the mall and that’s when I called you and Manny to see where you guys were located.  I was going to see if you wanted to meet me at the mall. Obviously, he said no because he needed to finish talking to you privately, so I shopped for a bit and then came home.”

Not wanting to address the Emanuel situation again, I focused on the most important part of her afternoon. “And h
ow is doctor boyfriend?”

Her eyes lit up.
“Doctor boyfriend is good.  Well he looks good anyway. We had frozen yogurt and talked for like 30 minutes and then he had to get back to saving lives.”

“You really like him don’t you?”

“I do. He makes me happy. But our schedules are not compatible.” She shrugged her shoulders and sighed loudly, “But it is what it is.”

“
Have you talked to him about it?”

“No, not really.
There’s nothing he can do about it so there’s no point. His schedule is his schedule.” 

“You should talk to him about it. You deserve to be happy and if he makes you happy, you have to at least try,
Em.”

She cocked her head to the side and smiled. “You called me
Em. You haven’t called me that in a long time.” She took my hand and held it.

I squeezed her hand in return. Instead of apologizing, I said something else I felt she deserved to hear. “I love you.”

Her smile widened and her eyes immediately looked wet. “I love you too Sahara.” She quickly threw her long arms around me and we hugged.

We spent t
he next couple of hours talking about Emily’s business venture, my art obsession and past relationships.  It felt like no time had passed between us at all. Our friendship and camaraderie was natural and not at all forced.  We just fell into familiar patterns of communicating with one another. 
I’ve missed this,
I thought as she got up to go make us some tea.  I took the opportunity to check my phone and saw that I had no calls and no text messages. 
I hope Ty’s okay,
I prayed silently as I opened up a message and started to type.