Back to Life (30 page)

I
loved both men, but for very different reasons.  They were amazing; however, they were so different.  Emanuel was the standard that I compared all men.  He was always there for me, always looking out for me, and he was my first love.  It was familiar to be with him.  I knew my dad approved of him.  He had everything: smart, funny, good looking. And he knew me when I was the girl I’ve struggled to get back to and struggled to forget about all at the same time.  And we never had a chance because circumstances kept us a part.
And what if now is the time for us to pick up where we left off? What if everything that has happened was supposed to happen to bring us together? What if I wouldn’t have wanted to go to that party…would we be together now as opposed to him and Ashlyn? Should I be so hard on him about his engagement knowing I’m in a relationship? And speaking of Ty, if Emanuel and I were together, would I still have the same feelings for Ty?
I thought in a rush.

Ty came into my life unexpectedly and had an unexpected impact.  I didn’t
plan to fall in love with him.  I didn’t plan to even meet him or reach out to him after we met in the gym.  But everything that happened between us, happened for a reason.  I met him and I felt things I’d never felt before. If I had to choose his best characteristics, they would be his thoughtfulness, intelligence, and his outgoing personality. And to top it off, his amazing personality and business savvy nature is all wrapped up in that deliciously handsome package.  He was insightful—having a profound understanding of not only who I was, but who I am now.  Ty knows me and accepts me for the woman I’ve become.  He also gave me the strength to face my guilty conscious head on. 
Just being with him gave me enough strength to keep me from flaking out on the hearing because Lord knows I agreed to go before I was ready.
Ty saved me from myself. He taught me to live a little and the last month has been the happiest I’ve been.  He takes good care of me and our only issue stemmed, no stems, from this whole Cole situation. I should hear him out—what if the night he wanted to tell me something this was it? If I didn’t come back to Thomasville, would I still have crazy chemistry with Emanuel?
I thought weepily.

Taking my own advice to Emily,
I got out of my own head and listened to my gut and made a choice. Instead of wallowing in guilt, I was going to be an active participant in my life.  Even drunk, I knew where my heart felt the most at home.  I rolled over onto my back and picked up my phone. 
Why are the keys so small?! And why was it easier to read the messages than it is to type messages,
I thought as I struggled to send messages to both Ty and Emanuel.

Sahara Lee:
callmeeeeeee orcomeover EMILYS HOUSE 4321prettylane

Sahara Lee:
need2talk inmorning.important
  

I couldn’t open my eyes all the way, but I instantly knew
from the darkness out of the window that it had to be late at night/early in the morning.  I heard the faint strains of “Getting Late” playing on repeat and it stirred something in me. 
Love this song but my head is pounding so it needs to cut off now,
I thought stretching my legs. I shut my eyes tight and tried to will the pounding in my head to stop.  Unable to reach over to my phone because my arms felt heavy, I just focused on the yearning words of the song. 
I must have passed out listening to this. This song is applicable for either Ty or Emanuel so I can only imagine what I was thinking about when I put it on,
I thought as I was finally able to rub my hand across my mouth.  I felt that my hair was no longer twisted; it was in utter disarray all over my head.
My hair is going to be a disaster in the morning,
I thought as I made no attempt to tie it up.  Rolling over, I jumped as I came in contact with a warm body that was way too big to be Emily.

My nose reacted first as
I smelled an outdoorsy cologne.  My eyes flew open and I peered into the darkness.  My heart rate increased and I began to pant in sudden panic.  His muscular back was uncovered and the comforter lay limply across his waist.  His back was to me but slowly, my eyes focused enough to see a messy mass of soft black hair free of the product that makes it slick and straight.  I felt bile rise in my throat as Emanuel made sexy noises as he dreamed.

I grabbed my phone and looked at my recent history.
Suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath as I realized I had made a mistake.  Somehow, I mixed up the text messages.  Somehow, I ended up in bed with Emanuel.  

Chapter 29
   

Drying my body off as quickly as possible, I slipped into barely there panties and wrapped the towel around me.  Running from the bathroom to the guest bedroom as quietly as I could, I crept to the closet that held my clothing.  In a rush, I pulled on a pair of white washed jeans and a black racer-back tank top with a built in shelf bra.  Emanuel made another contented sigh and I froze, afraid I might have woken him up.  Once I heard his breathing steady, I slipped on black ballet slippers and grabbed my handbag and phone. 

Looking at my phone, it was almost 5 minutes to 3 a.m.  I called the taxi to come to Emily’s at 3 a.m. sharp and
assured them I would be outside at the end of the driveway.   Looking at myself in the mirror, I pulled my hair away from my face with a headband and I put on the diamond necklace and earrings Ty had given me for my birthday.  With one more glance at Emanuel, I snuck out of the room undetected.  I went down the hallway to Emily’s room to check on her and then exited the house stealthily. 

The taxi was on
time and it took less than 20 minutes to get to the Renaissance Hotel. My nerves were getting the best of me on the ride over. Clicking random on my playlist, I heard the song Ty told me was his song for me. Although I needed to get the song that was playing when I woke up with Emanuel out of my head, it felt wrong to play that song.  Searching for something else, I tried to clear my mind so I wouldn’t have a panic attack. Flipping through song after song in an effort to imbed the new song in my head, I couldn’t shake “Getting Late.” My anxiety was high and as the song played in my mind, I kept getting flashes of the night.  The once sexy lyrics were disturbing to me as I vaguely remembered taking Emanuel’s clothes off, kissing him and touching him. But everything seemed so disjointed.  I couldn’t definitively figure out if what I was remembering was reality or a dream. 
But in the years I’d fantasized about Emanuel, it was never this vivid,
I thought, gripping the door handle of the taxi.

How could I have sent them the wrong text messages?
Emanuel thought I wanted him to call me or come over and obviously he did both. What did I say to him? But more importantly, how did Emanuel end up in bed with me? I am almost positive I didn’t sleep with him. I mean, he didn’t have on much, but I was still fully clothed. And my body didn’t feel the soreness that would accompany a night of wild sex—because let’s face it: sex with Emanuel would be wild.  But even if it’s safe to assume I didn’t sleep with him, did I mess around with him? Oh my God, something must have happened because why was my hair a train wreck when I woke up. I twisted it when I got out of the shower.  I didn’t do a great job at it but I recall twisting it. And my lips, even after brushing my teeth and washing my face, still feel bruised.  What did I do? I messed around with Emanuel who is engaged while I have a boyfriend?! I mean technically, I did break up with Ty at the museum so I didn’t technically cheat…,
I rationalized guiltily as I rubbed the mixture of sweat and coconut oil from my hairline.

Who am I kidding… when I thought Ty may have hooked up with a chick from his hometown, I was
heartbroken. I am so in love with him. And even though I have questions about his role in the whole Cole thing, I would never want to hurt him by cheating on him.  He doesn’t deserve this,
I admitted silently to myself.

Walking into the hotel, gentle music flooded the brightly lit
lobby.  I smiled tightly in the direction of the night manager and continued to the elevator bank which fortunately was straight ahead.  In the elevator, I gripped the railing and did my breathing exercises as I waited to get off on the 5
th
floor.  Stepping off the elevator, I got butterflies in my stomach as I realized I didn’t have a plan.  I didn’t think about what I was going to say, I just called the taxi, took a shower, and popped up on his doorstep.

Shaking out my hands, I loosened my body in front of Room 501. I knocked hard on the door before I lost my nerve.
I put my ear up against the door and didn’t hear anything.  I knocked for a solid minute before I heard some rustling behind the heavy door.  I stopped when I heard the door being unlocked. 

“Sahara?”
Ty was wiping the sleep from his eyes so I took the opportunity to take him in.  He wasn’t wearing a shirt and his basketball shorts were low on his hips.  Knowing what was underneath those shorts made a blush engulf my skin.
How does he manage to make being caught off guard at 3:30 in the morning sexy?
I wondered once I finished savoring the look of him.  My body’s natural reaction to him never ceased to amaze me.

“Hey, can we talk?” I said once I ripped my eyes back up to his face, remembering that I woke up in bed with Emanuel. 
I slipped my phone into my back pocket.

“Of course.
Come in,” Ty rasped.  His voice still hadn’t adjusted to being awakened abruptly.  He stepped back and allowed me to walk in.  Looking around, I sat on the orange and yellow checkered couch located in the living room area of the suite. 

“Excuse me for a second,” Ty said as he walked into the bathroom.  A couple minutes later, he stepped out looking refreshed. 

“I needed to wash my face and brush my teeth,” Ty explained as he came back into the room.  Sitting across from me in an orange overstuffed chair, Ty leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Are you okay? You said you wanted to talk to me in the morning. How did you get here?”

“I took a taxi.
I’m okay. I just needed to see you Ty,” I clarified to take the worry from his furrowed brow.  My stomach dropped guiltily as I continued, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Ty said slowly.  His eyes squinted suspiciously as he assessed me sitting on the couch. Since we’d met, he’d always
been able to see some hidden emotion in me.  One of the many reasons I fell for him was because he’s so perceptive and in tuned with me.
But right now, his ability to read me so well freaked me out,
I thought as I avoided eye contact.

“Can you please explain to me what happened? I thought you were in Boston handling business with Motive
, but in reality, you’re at a hearing in Thomasville as a witness for the accident that I told you ruined my life.  I don’t get how you could keep that from me. Did you know all along?” I asked quietly, almost scared to know the answer.  I fought the tears that attempted to well up in my eyes. 
Whatever his answer, I need to hear it.  It can’t hurt worse than it did when I saw him on the witness stand.  And it definitely can’t hurt as much as it does to think about us being over for good,
I rationalized as I prepared myself for the worst.

Ty’s face instantly changed from suspicious to sullen as he rubbed his hands down his face.  “I’m sorry about how this whole thing happened, Sahara. 
I didn’t know anything about you until I met you.  I didn’t know you were affected by all of that until you told me. I didn’t know, you have to believe me,” Ty swore adamantly. 

He got up from the chair and sat beside me on the couch.  He took my hand in his before he continued, “
I finished my finals and the party was the last hurrah before Harvard.  My grandfather wanted me to grow up and stop with the frat life—parties, drinking, random girls. When he gave me the “grow up” talk, I turned into a different person.  A person he could be proud to have in the boardroom with him.  So I didn’t really keep up with what was going on in Thomasville.  I left it all in my past.  I was in the books and working for my grandfather’s company.  I was a workaholic and I didn’t keep up with a lot of the people I was friends with here.  When I left, I left Thomasville behind me.”  His perfectly chiseled face looked sad and downcast.  He rubbed the back of his neck before resting his arm on the back of the couch.

“I wasn’t in charge of what the pledges were doing that night.   My V.P.
Grant Collins was in charge of them. Grant apparently was part of the initial trial that put Cole away. But he’s locked up for a DUI so the judge sought me out.  I was subpoenaed to appear in court for the hearing before I met you.  My lawyer told me that the fact that I supplied the bulk of the alcohol could be a slight problem, but I shouldn’t let it worry me because they were handling things. I didn’t look too deeply into the case. The night you told me about everything, it was the first time I heard everything that happened.”

He put his hand over his chest before he said, “
I swear to you Sahara. When you told me what happened to you, what exactly happened and who was hurt and how it all happened, something sounded familiar. Too familiar.  So I put you to bed and I stayed with you until you cried yourself to sleep.” He paused and moved closer to me on the couch so that our bodies were touching.  My body tingled at his closeness but I ignored it; I needed to hear the rest of what he said.

“Once I knew you were asleep, I went to the office and looked for the folder my lawyer brought me with facts about the case.  I couldn’t shake how familiar your story sounded. And when I read it… Sahara, I didn’t know. 
I didn’t know you were even from Thomasville. I thought you were from Virginia.  When my lawyer and I talked about the case, he just referred to everyone as either victims or deceased victims. I was so messed up when I realized… I poured over every detail until I fell asleep.  And when I woke up, I realized I was still in my office.  I called my lawyer and screamed at him; I wasn’t thinking straight. After calming down, I called you.  I’m sorry you woke up alone.  I wish I would’ve been there with you, for you.  That whole thing took a lot out of me so I know it took a lot out of you. I should’ve been there and I’m sorry.” He took my face into his hands.  His fingertips streaked heat along my cheek and my eyes watered.

“I tried to tell you when I saw you but you didn’t want to talk about it. You made me choose between telling you and being with you. A
nd Sahara, I couldn’t lose you. I’m all in.”

“Why did you call from that number I didn’t recognize? Why did you sound like that? I thought you were breaking up with me,” I admitted softly.

“I felt guilty about being here, about being a part of your past. I was at the courthouse and my lawyer didn’t want me calling you.  He said it would throw me off of my game.  So I borrowed another lawyer’s cell. Baby girl, I need you to forgive me. I need you.”  His eyes were begging me to believe him… and I did.   

“
I forgive you,” I whispered as I looked up through my lashes at him.  He pulled me on top of him and crushed me into his body. After I fixed my legs to comfortably straddle him, he held me so tight, I could hardly breathe.  The stubble on his cheek tickled my face as he pulled us cheek to cheek.

“
I love you,” Ty breathed into my ear.

“I love you too,” I murmured breathily, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Pulling back from me, he searched my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me about the hearing?”

“After you left me that night, I didn’t want to open that door again. It hurt too much
to relive it and when you weren’t there the next morning, it was a unbearable.  I felt too open, too exposed.  And because the thought of not having you was just as painful, I decided that the only way I’d survive is to keep you separate from Thomasville,” I admitted honestly. With my hand on his bare chest, I could feel the steady beating of his heart.

“
God, I wish I would’ve just said something. I wish I could’ve been here to help you through this. I know it was hard for you to come here,” Ty quietly observed.

“I
t was. But I was only able to gather the strength to get here because I had you by my side. Just being with you gives me so much strength.  You gave me the courage I needed to face my past,” I confided in him, my hands lovingly stroking up his chest and neck to his face.  “I’m sorry I let you believe I was in Richland.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t specify where I was g
oing. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be beside you during the hearing.”

We were silent for a moment.  I noticed a slight change in his facial features as his jaw set.  Something in his eyes became more intense as he swallow
ed hard.  The look he gave me made the guilt flood my veins. I felt heavy with it.

He slid me back a bit on his lap, putting about a foot between my chest and his
.  He looked at me with a calculated calm, “What is Emanuel to you?”

“He is my best friend’s brother,” I started slowly.  “And he was my first love.”

“I saw the look in his eye when he found us at the museum, Sahara.  He loves you.”  Ty ran his hands up the side of my legs, resting them on my hips.  “You love him?”

“I do love him. But I’m in love with you,” I rushed to explain.
I brought my hands to his cheeks.

Ty nodded slowly
.  Although his body visibly relaxed, his eyes still looked pained. “Did he follow you to Emily’s house?”

“He—he showed up a little after I did.  But Emily and I asked him to leave.”

His fingers flexed on my hips and I could feel his touch through the denim. “So whatever it was that you two had, it’s done?”  His eyes implored mine seeking something deeper than a yes or no.

“
Yes…We never even really got started.”  He looked at me blankly in response.  Seeing that my answer wasn’t sufficient, I babbled, “I had a crush on him as a child and over time I fell for him.  He became my first love.  And um, apparently, before he could tell me he returned my feelings, I left for Virginia and then moved to Maryland. I hadn’t seen or talked to him since I left Thomasville ten years ago.”