Back to Life (29 page)

“And you are?” Ty asked coolly.

“I’m the one she is leaving with,” Emanuel retorted with an edge in his voice.

“Do you know him baby girl?” Ty asked, bringing his focus back to me.  It wasn’t lost on me that he called me baby girl to send a message to Emanuel.
Or maybe a reminder to me,
I considered guiltily.

“Yes
... Ty this is Emanuel.  Emanuel this is Ty,” I introduced the two men warily. 
This is not going to end well for me,
I thought as I watched the way Emanuel and Ty eyed each other.

They silently gritted on one another.  E
manuel stood with his legs wide and his arms crossed.  Ty’s face was tense and his jaw tightened.  I saw his hand slowly clench into a fist.  I would trust them both with my life, but in that moment, I was intimidated by the hostility they each displayed.  Emanuel exuded an unbridled aggressiveness while Ty exuded power and dominance. It made me uncomfortable to see them together. I looked between them and felt overwhelmed by my feelings.
For both of them,
I thought in haste.

“Emanuel huh?”
Ty questioned. His voice was ominously quiet in the silent exhibition space. 

Taking a step forward, Emanuel said, “Yeah.”  His voice was rough, agitated.

“And you think she’s leaving with you?” Ty asked, maintaining that cool, collected tone.  He moved slowly, taking a couple of calculated steps in his direction.

“I know she is. Do you have a pr
oblem with that?” Emanuel threatened roughly. Emanuel uncrossed his arms and set his feet as if he were looking for a fight.

“Yes. I do.
Because she’s leaving with me.” Ty growled with so much contempt, making me fear what was coming next.

The silence that followed swallowed us and I struggled to find my voice.
  Both of their verbal and nonverbal cues let me know they were ready to take their frustration with me out on each other. 
And I can’t let that happen.  The only men I’ve ever dreamed of a future with are mentally eviscerating each other… because of me, over me. This is my fault,
I wailed silently.
I won’t hurt them.  And I for damn sure won’t allow myself to be hurt by them,
I concluded determinedly.
The familiar mix of guilt and self-preservation leveled me.  I felt numb and unsettled as my defenses started to come back up. I needed to get out of there.

“I’m leaving in a taxi. Alone,” I spoke out, walkin
g past both of them, avoiding eye contact.

“Sahara!”
Ty called out, breaking the stony stare down.  I heard his feet moving across the floor behind me.

“Let her go. She needs her space,” Emanuel responded, his voice didn’t have the same bite as it did earlier.

“Get out of my way! And what makes you think you know what she needs?” Ty sounded indignant, but I didn’t hear him follow me.

“I know her,” Emanuel replied.

I couldn’t make out the rest of the back and forth because I ran into the curator on the steps.  Informing her that she should check on the two men in the exhibition room, I ran out of the museum. 
I’m good at running
, I thought sadly as I took off in the direction of the park.

Chapter 28    

When I had officially drained all of my energy, I called a taxi to take me back to Emily’s house.  My stomach growled as I walked up the driveway.  I heard the music before I even got to the door. I sat on the top step of the porch and listened. I spent all afternoon walking around the park, listening to music and thinking about my predicament. I’m in love with two men. One is engaged to be married to someone he doesn’t love…and he didn’t tell me about it. The other is somehow twisted up in the most horrific moment of my life… and he didn’t tell me about it. I spent the majority of the afternoon blaming them and then I spent the latter part of the afternoon blaming myself.  I didn’t tell either of them about the other so I was just as guilty of lying by omission as they were.  One thing I didn’t do while in the park was pit the two against each other.  I didn’t allow my mind to consider choosing between them. 
Even if I wanted to put myself in a position to choose, how could I?
I thought miserably.  After going through all of my emotions at least five times, I was still as confused as I was when I headed into the park.

Hearin
g Emily’s music change to “Landslide,” I took it as a sign. Saying a quick prayer, I prepared myself for the long conversation I was going to have with Emily once I got inside. 
I know she was going to have a million questions. But what am I going to say? I don’t know which way is up at this point,
I thought as I pulled my phone out of my handbag.  I noticed several missed calls and some missed text messages.  Before I could check any of them, I heard the roar of the black and chrome motorcycle.  Dropping my phone back into my bag, I stood up.

Wear
ing weathered jeans and a plain white T-shirt under his black motorcycle jacket, Emanuel parked his bike behind Emily’s car. He pulled his helmet off and secured it on the handlebar before hopping off and making his way toward me.  His boots fell heavily against the pavement as he grew closer.  Guilt, frustration and a bit of longing swept over me as I eyed him.  Standing on the top step, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to walk in the house or give him a piece of my mind.  My indecision left me immobilized on the porch.

“Tyree Barker?” Emanuel asked as he stopped at the bottom of the steps.

My stomach dropped and I felt the slow creep of heat rise up my body.  “Yes?” I coolly responded, meeting his gaze.  I felt defensive and protective and confused.  My guilt fueled defenses were up and I wouldn’t allow myself to be put in a position to be hurt. 

Quietly, he repeated, “Tyree Barker...” His hands were in his poc
kets and he squinted up at me with his face questioning and his body tense. 

“What about him?” I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

Visibly uncomfortable with my closed off demeanor, Emanuel shifted his weight before asking, “You’re with that guy?” 

He clearly already knows the answer to the question,
I fumed inwardly. “We’re not engaged or anything that serious if that’s what you’re asking,” I replied sarcastically.

Emanuel’s face fell and his body deflated.  I knew it was a low blow when
I said it, but I couldn’t help it—he didn’t tell me about being engaged!

“Okay, I’ll take that. But you’re no better than me Sahara! I didn’t tell you about
Ashlyn and you didn’t tell me about Tyree,” Emanuel argued as he climbed the three steps to the top of the porch. 

I backed away until my ass
was against Emily’s front door.  “I’m not engaged Emanuel and I didn’t kiss you!” I snapped back.  My chest heaved as I found myself breathing harder. 

Taking a small step
toward me, Emanuel took his hands out of his pockets and cocked his head to the side. “You didn’t stop me either Sahara,” he countered with his eyes blazing.

“I didn’t stop you
because I was in shock. You burst into the room; you surprised me,” I sputtered.  He was too close and I needed to get away from him.  The chemistry was crackling between us and I didn’t have enough room to turn away from him without brushing my body against his.

He looked deeply in
to my eyes and pinned me up against the door with the intensity of his gaze.  Speaking slowly he said, “I shouldn’t have kissed you… but I’m glad I did.  When I’m around you, I only think of you. When I’m not around you, I only think of you.  So I’m not sorry I kissed you. But I am sorry that you found out the way you did about Ashlyn.  You should’ve heard it from me.”

He m
oved closer forcing my head to tilt back to keep eye contact comfortably.  I considered what he said but didn’t let my guard down.  Glaring at him, I pursed my lips together defiantly and said nothing.  Consciously, I made the decision to distance myself from both Emanuel and Ty in an effort to protect myself…and them.  Subconsciously, my body reacted to Emanuel’s closeness.  My back arched slightly and my core clenched.  My heart rate increased and my breathing became more labored.

“You want me
.  You want this,” Emanuel coaxed, slowly, eliminating any space between us.  “All you have to do is say the word and we can have a life together Sahara.  The life you used to tell me we would have together.  The life I never got to tell you that I dreamed of us having together.  This right here is ten years in the making. I love you and I know you love me too.  I know the timing is off and things are a bit messy, but if I have a chance to be with you, I’m taking it.”

My mind went blank and I felt my resolve weakening slightly.  I wanted to go in the house and shut the door behind me, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his.
He brought his forehead down to mine and the heat of his breath tickled my inflamed skin.  At the angle my head was tilted, our lips were seconds away from touching. 

Receiving divine strength, I put both of my hands on his chest to prevent him from seducing me any further.  When I spoke, my voice came out breathily, “Are you still engaged?”

Softly, he said, “If you are saying you’ll have me, I’ll end it right now.”

More confidently, I repeated, “Are you still engaged?”

His eyes held mine for a beat before he whispered, “Yes.”

“That’s what I thought,” I responded quietly, dropping my hands from his chest
, I turned to knock on the door.

“Sahara, can we talk about this?” Emanuel grabbed my elbow. 

I looked over my shoulder, giving him a forlorn glance. “We have nothing to talk about.”

Emily flung open the door just as Emanuel growled in frustration.

“What the hell?” Emily said ushering me into the house and giving a quizzical look at her brother. Looking between us, she asked, “Is everything okay?”

Not paying her any attention, Emanuel called after me. “We need to talk about this Sahara. 
Can you please come back so we can talk about this?” His frustration was evident in the exasperation in his voice. 

I watched him standing on the other side of Emily and my eyes filled with tears.
“You’ve said all that needed to be said Emanuel,” I answered as I walked to the kitchen.

“Hey, go for a walk or a ride or something. She’ll call you if she wants to talk to you,” Emily said to Emanuel
.  The door clicked shut a minute later. I was sitting at the table when Emily walked into the kitchen.

“We need wine!” Emily announced
walking to her refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of chilled Fume Blanc.  Taking two wine glasses from the top cabinet, she poured us both two large glasses of white wine.  After downing our first glass in no time, I poured our second glasses to the brim.

“I’m sorry I disappeared during court,” I started, gulping down the cool, crisp liquid.
“I was already feeling emotional and then…” I took another swig. 

“Tyree showed up,” Emily finished, nodding.

“Yep.” I finished my glass. “How crazy is that? I mean, how small of a world is it that Tyree Barker was the mastermind behind the party?  I moved states away and never gave two shits about any man I came in contact with until him. And it was his party! His. Party. That’s crazy! Crazy!” I put my head in my hands and rubbed my temples. “He supplied the alcohol for the party and he was pledging Chris Cole… I just… I can’t Em. My heart hurts.”

Emily
nodded, her eyes wide. “I’m sure it does.” Leaning over to take my hand, she said, “This weekend has been eventful.” She removed her hand from mine and poured a third glass of wine for us both. 

“Yes it has, girl.” Sighing loudly, I continued, “
Ty found me after he got off the witness stand.”

“How did he know where you were?” Emily took a long sip from her glass with her eyebrows raised.

“He knows me,” I quoted him as I swirled the wine around in my glass. My heart tightened as I said it.

“So what happened? Did he know all along?” Emily asked.  She got up and grabb
ed a second bottle of wine and chips and dip.

I recounted the afternoon in the museum including the testosterone filled show-down between Ty and Emanuel.
By time we analyzed and reanalyzed my relationship with Ty, my relationship with Emanuel, and the hearing, Emily was left just as confused as I was.  The only conclusion we came to was that the hearing went reasonably well and hopefully Cole would remain behind bars.

Changing the subject, I asked about Anthony and Emily went into a wine-fueled rage.  Starting at the beginning of their love affair and ending with the imminent break up she predicted.  By the time we an
alyzed her love life, Emily admitted to loving Anthony but being scared to commit. 

“Why do you think you’re scared to commit?” I asked. We had l
ong moved to the living room and were sitting on the floor with our glasses of wine. 

“Karma I guess,” she chirped. “What goes
around, comes around. You reap what you sow. All that good stuff.”

“From what you’ve emailed me, you’ve had a healthy dating life. I don’t understand what you’d reap.” My tongue felt thick as I struggled to get my words out.
   

“I’d date a guy until I got bored and then move on to th
e next one. Things are different this time around. He’s holding my interest… and he’s kind of perfect for me.  So what if he gets bored with me?”

“Love is all about trusting your gut and taking a leap of faith.  What does your gut tell you to do?”

“My gut tells me to try. But that doesn’t make me any less scared,” Emily laughed giddily.

Joining in on the laughter, I sa
id, “Go for it, Em! Live a little!”

“And what about you?
What does your gut tell you to do about Emanuel and Ty?”

“That’s a good question…”

Feeling the effects of three bottles of wine, minimal food, and an emotional girl talk session, I drunkenly made my way to the guest bathroom to prepare for bed.  After a shower and twisting my hair, I slipped on black leggings and a lime green tank top.  With my phone, I climbed in bed and prepared to fall into a sleep. 
I haven’t been drunk in ten years,
I thought with amusement. 
I’ll have to remember to tell Emily that she’s a bad influence!

Checking my phone, I saw that I missed calls from Emily, Mrs. Mills, Mr.
McMannus, Ty and Emanuel.  The text messages were predominately from Ty and Emanuel with the exception of one.

Emily Mills: Where are you? I’m worried.  Case just wrapped up. The 2
nd
witness was his mom, no surprise… Speaking of the case, how crazy was it that Tyree was the court ordered witness.  It blew my mind so I know it blew yours.  You and I must discuss details over drinks tonight!

Snickering,
I said, “We certainly discussed over drinks tonight alright.” Opening Ty’s text message, my giggling ceased.

Tyree Barker: 
I hate that I was the cause of that look on your face when you were in court.  You look so content right now looking at that painting.  I love watching you get swept up in art.  I love you baby girl.

Tyree Barker:  I’m worried about you.
I didn’t want to follow you into the park if you need some space, but I don’t accept that we’re over. Can you meet me somewhere so we can talk?  I’m staying at the Renaissance in room 501.  I’m sorry this is the way you found out.  I tried to tell you back at home, but I should’ve tried harder.  Please talk to me.

Tyree Barker: Are you with him?

With tears in my eyes, I put the phone down beside me on the bed and struggled to sit up against the headboard. 
He thinks I’m with Emanuel and that’s why I’m not talking to him? Oh God, I’m making this worse,
I cried. 
Why do I keep making a mess out of things in my life!

Before texting him back, I read Emanuel’s text messages.

Emanuel Mills: Where are you?  Who was that guy on the stand?

Emanuel Mills: I’m giving you your space
, but I know you’re going back to Emily’s at some point so I’ll just meet you over there tonight. Think about what I said. I love you Sahara.

Alcohol blurred my vision as I rolled over onto my belly. I didn’t realize I was crying until my pillowcase was completely soaked.
 
What am I supposed to do?
I cried, pushing my face deeper into the wet cotton pillow. 
If I had to choose, who would I choose?
I inadvertently thought because my inebriated state allowed my mind to go where I willed it not to when I was sober.