Back to Life (32 page)

I looked up at Emanuel and he was staring at me.  His grey eyes stormed with emotions as I slightly shook my head no. 
He tore his eyes away from me to look at Ashlyn.  I watched the way his eyes changed.  He looked tired and resigned.

“I didn’t have a work emergency
last night.  I went to see Sahara,” Emanuel confessed. 

Ashlyn’s
mouth dropped open in shock. “What?” Her face quickly transformed from wrathful indignation to stunned hurt.  It wasn’t as gratifying as I imagined it would be.

“I lied to you and left the house in the middle of the night
to go see another woman… a woman I’ve admittedly loved for the last ten years.  I’m not proud of lying and I knew it was wrong when I did it. I’m sorry.” 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawkward
,
I thought as I took a deep breath.  I looked over at Emily in shock.  She was biting her lip and her eyes were wide. She looked at me and I gave a little shrug. I was at a complete loss and I didn’t know what to do or say in that situation.  Emily took a step closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“Why are you doing this Emanuel?”
Ashlyn asked with a slight tremble in her voice.

“I’m telling you the truth
Ashlyn.  I want to be honest with you about what happened last night.  We can talk about it in the house if you want, but Emily and Sahara came here to speak with me. And I’m going to hear what they have to say,” Emanuel explained, his voice sympathetic. 

“So you are choosing her?”
Ashlyn cried. Her voice was thick with emotion and she played with the ring on her left hand.

“I choose—” Emanuel started.

“Hey guys! It seems as though you have a lot of stuff to talk about and work through so we are going to go.  I have a plane to catch and I don’t want to be late,” I interrupted loudly.  Emanuel’s eyes burned into me and I could only meet them briefly as pain lanced through me.  If I didn’t have on sunglasses, he would’ve seen the tears in my eyes. Grabbing her hand I called out, “Come on Em!” as we ran to the car.

We got in the car, which was parked beside Emanuel’s motorcycle, and put on our seatbelts.  Emanuel stood there with his helmet under his arm lo
oking at me while Ashlyn openly cried and yelled, waving her arms in the air. 

“Oh. My. God,” Emily breathed as she sped out of the parking space.

“I know, right?” I responded quietly.  I took off my sunglasses to wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes.

We were quiet until we got on
the highway. “He would’ve chosen you,” Emily pointed out.

“I know,” I admitted, wiping a fresh tear from my eye. “I couldn’t let him go through with it.
Not like that.  He was under duress.”

“Because you love him.”

All I could do was nod at her astute observation.

After a
string of neo-soul songs on Emily’s IPod, “Getting Late” started playing.  The tears I was barely holding back came flooding down my cheeks as flashes of my drunken night with Emanuel and my brief reconciliation with Ty played in my mind.  The song was haunting me. 
Why can’t I escape this song?! It was on when I woke up, it was in my head at random, it is on Emily’s IPod! I need a break,
I thought through the tears.

“Can we change the song please?” I asked weepily as Emily navigated through traffic.

“Of course. Is this okay?” Emily skipped to another playlist. Throbbing rap beats ripped through the speakers. 

“Yes. Thank you.”

By the time we arrived at the airport, I had gotten myself together.  My eyes were slightly pink from the crying, but strangers would have a hard time telling something was wrong.  After getting my bags checked, Emily and I searched for assistance.  A busy flight attendant told us to go to the customer service desk and we’d be able to get help.  Fortunately for us, a man with large eyes and an even larger smile named Christian Delores was instantly taken with Emily.

“How can I help you?” Christian
asked, looking at Emily. 

Turning on the charm as only Emily Mills can, she
smiled flirtatiously, “Hi Christian. My name is Em and this is my best friend S.  We are looking for someone and we don’t know how to go about finding him.  Is there anything you can do?” Emily toyed with her wavy hair.  Her black hair fell in loose waves over her bare shoulders.  She wore an electric blue drop waist romper and hot pink heels that showcased her long legs.

Flustered, Christian
turned red at Emily’s attention. “I’m not sure how much I can tell you, but I’d be happy to help,” Christian sputtered, keying something into the computer. “What do you need?”

Giving me a wink, Emily turned to face me so I answered, “We need to know how many flights are departing from here going to Baltimore.”

“Let’s see…” Christian’s rapid keystrokes built my anxiety and I didn’t realize I was showing how anxious I was until Emily rubbed my back.

“There’s only one flight this morning and one this evening,”
Christian announced, smiling his huge smile at Emily.

“Awesome! Thank you so much
Christian,” Emily said sincerely, giving him a wink before turning on her heel and guiding me down the airport corridor.

“Thanks for that Emily. I appreciate it,” I beamed at her.

“Anything for my best friend! So have you thought about what you’re going to say when you see him? He’s likely going to be on this flight,” Emily inquired. Her features were etched with concern and seriousness.

“
If he is, we could talk and he’d be forced to listen.  If he isn’t, I’ll have to show up at his place.  Either way, I have to talk to him,” I proclaimed determinedly.  “I have to fix this.”

“You will,” Emily replied simply.

After searching the area that was open to the public, Emily and I were at a loss.  We sat down and exchanging extra-long goodbyes and promises to visit soon over overpriced airport food.  Once we separated, I was through security in no time.  I scoured the area near my terminal for Ty, but I didn’t see him anywhere and he wouldn’t have been hard to spot.  Although I was unable to locate him, I boarded the plane feeling good. 

My relationship with the Mills family sans Emanuel was on the mend.  Emanuel and I would need to talk
within the next week at some point, but maybe I needed to mail him a letter instead of attempting to talk to him and riling up Ashlyn. 
I could mail the letter to Emily’s house and ask her to give it to him,
I thought as I got comfortable in my seat.
I would love a face to face; however, I don’t want to do any more damage to his relationship with his fiancé. I just hope we can resolve this sooner than later because I plan on being around a lot more.

Putting in my
earbuds, I zoned out to music as I checked my email.  I’d been gone for less than four days; however, the amount of mail I had collected in my inbox in that time was ridiculous. Clicking on a newsletter for the upcoming events in the Richland art scene, I updated event dates in my calendar on my phone. Seeing Jimmy’s monthly open mic night listed for this upcoming Saturday, I felt a wave of sadness.  I shook it off as I decisively thought,
“I will fix this.  I will make this right.”
The alternative of not fixing it and not being with Ty was too painful to entertain.  Submitting to my exhaustion and emotional weariness, I fell into a deep sleep on the flight. 

Waking up to the sound of t
he pilot giving instructions and thanking us, I stretched and gathered my belongings.  Calling Emily, I spoke with her while I picked up my luggage from baggage claim and hopped into a taxi. We talked about her meeting with the contractor and other safe topics until I arrived at Libby Lofts.  Although she made a good attempt at trying to keep my mind off of Ty, I had to get off the phone with her when my nerves were so shot that I was shaking.

A new Libby Lofts doorman I’d never seen before helped me with my bags.  He loaded everything on the gold luggage cart and wheeled it to the elevator. 

“Do you mind if I run over to check my mail?” I asked him apologetically.  I didn’t want to hold him up.

“No, not at all.
Take your time. Most of the residents are at work so they won’t miss me at the door too much I’m sure,” he responded with a smile.

“Thanks!” I walked quickly to the marble
mail area. 

Usually, I was
awestruck by the streak free gold boxes with Libby Lofts’ signature calligraphy adorning each box. But in that moment, my eyes zeroed in on the broad shoulders in a charcoal grey T-shirt and long muscular legs in black jeans.  I was frozen in place as I watched him leisurely thumb through his mail.  The intensity of my stare must have pulled him away from the stack of mail in his hands as he glanced over his shoulder.  He did a double take and turned around with a loud, exasperated sigh.

Finally able to move from my position, I walked into the mailroom. Clearing my throat, I said, “Hi Ty.”
 

Chapter 31
  

“Hello,” Ty replied before he turned around and gently closed his mailbox, careful not to leave any fingerprints.

“Can I talk to you?” I asked quietly, walking
toward him. I fidgeted with my keys.

“What’s up Sahara?” Ty looked at me with a guarded expression that broke my heart.

“Well first, I just want to say I’m sorry. I—”

Ty interrupted, “Look, I have some business to take care of. It
was good to see you. Take care.” His short, clipped tone and lack of emotion in his voice sounded foreign directed at me.  He started walking toward me to get to the exit. I followed him out of the mailroom, aborting my plan to get my mail.  He headed to the elevator and I followed closely on his heels. 

The new doorman opened the elevator for us and asked, “Do you need any further assistance with your baggage?

“No thank you. I will send the cart back down as soon as I’m done,” I called over my shoulder.

The elevator door closed leaving me and Ty alone. 
I took the opportunity to say as much as I could since we were in a closed space.

“Ty, I’m sorry. Please hear me out. I didn’t do what you think I did,”
I blurted out.

Ty didn’t respond, but his face hardened.  He pressed the 9 button and stared straight ahead.

“Ty please look at me,” I begged, moving in front of him. “The text message you saw—Oh God, I can only imagine what you thought when you read it. But I swear, I did not have sex with Emanuel.”  I brought my hands to his face and pulled his head down so that his eyes met mine. 

With tears in my eyes, I continued, “
Hours after I left the museum, I got drunk with Emily when I returned to her house.  After I got in the bed, I tried to send you a text message and it accidentally went to Emanuel.  I woke up and he was in the bed…” I paused as I saw the flash of fury in his eyes and his clenched jaw.  I hadn’t seen that look since that incident with Bennett in the hallway.

“Did he hurt you?” Ty asked in a low, controlled tone. 

“Oh no, no. Nothing like that,” I dismissed quickly. “Apparently we kissed, I had a drunken conversation with him and then we fell asleep. I didn’t even know what happened until I woke up. I woke up and saw that I sent him the text meant for you and I showered, dressed and rushed to you. I chose you. I choose you. I love you,” I said in a rush as the elevator dinged to announce we’d arrived on the 9
th
floor.  The door slid open and I put my hand on his chest.  He looked down at it before looking back into my eyes.  His stony mask slipped slightly and I saw the hurt and pain I caused. 
Please, say something. Anything!
I silently begged as I looked at him.

“Have a good day Sahara.” Ty
walked out of the elevator before the doors closed. Hitting the open button, I pulled the luggage cart out with me.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Ty… just like you didn’t mean to hurt me.
I love you and you have to know that.  We both kept things from each other. We both hurt each other. We both made mistakes.” I walked down the hallway and stopped at my door as he stood in his doorway putting the key in the lock. The door creaked open and he stopped.

“Tell me something… was this your way of getting back at me
for the not telling you about the hearing?” Ty asked with his foot propping his door open.

“No Ty…not at all. This whole thing is a huge misunderstanding.  I wish I would’ve never picked up my phone that night.  I was emotionally drained from the
hearing and being surprised by seeing you.  So when I got back to Emily’s and we sent Emanuel on his way, we just spent the evening talking and drinking.  I wish things would’ve happened differently, but I’m not sorry I got drunk.”

Leaving the luggage cart at my door, I walked down the hall
toward him.  I stopped a few feet in front of him before I continued, “When I was sober, I was hurt and confused by what happened at the hearing.  But when I was drunk off my ass and everything was a blurry mess, the only thing that was clear to me, the only thing I knew for certain was that I was madly in love with you.  When I woke up and I saw Emanuel, I freaked out because you are the only man I want to wake up next to.”

Ty stared at me for a
minute, not saying anything.  He looked as if he might have been considering what I had said. Suddenly, his body sagged against the doorjamb.  I’d never seen this powerful, virile man look so defeated.  I didn’t know what to do or say next.  I wanted to go to him.  I wanted to hug him, kiss him. I just wanted everything to be okay.

Without saying a word, Ty went into his loft and shut the door behind him. I stood motionless in the hallway for a full minute unsure as to what to do next. Finally getting my bearings, I
walked back to my loft, put my luggage in the inside of my door and sent the luggage cart back down the elevator.  I waited until I was safely in the confines of my beautiful loft to break down and cry.  Feeling sorry for myself, I put on the playlist that reminded me of Ty and cried off and on for the rest of the day.

The sun
streamed into the loft waking me out of my sleep Saturday morning.  I groaned and then yawned as I could no longer get comfortable on the leather couch. 
Why am I on the couch?
I thought as I stretched and pointed my toes.
Oh that’s right. I’d spent the last few days in bed crying so Emily suggested a change of venue.
Sitting up, I felt the wetness of my pillow and sighed. “Guess it didn’t work,” I mumbled aloud.

I hadn’t seen Ty since Tuesday
morning when he shut the door in my face.  I reached out for him, but he never responded to any of my messages. I had stopped by his loft, but he didn’t answer.  I taped a lengthy letter to his door explaining everything—the kiss, the text message mix-up, the emotions of the hearing—and asking for a chance to start over.  I was open and honest in my letter only leaving out my feelings for Emanuel.  Even though I was in love with Ty and wanted to be with Ty, I couldn’t shake the fact that I still loved Emanuel.  By Wednesday afternoon, the letter was gone; however, I still hadn’t heard anything from Ty. I spent the majority of the week wallowing in self-pity and heartbreaking sadness. I couldn’t take Ty ignoring me so I stopped attempting to contact him after the letter.

Grabbing my phone off of the coffee table, I checked the time.
Groaning at the late hour, I checked my email and then proceeded to send a text message to Emily.  Since returning to Richland, I’d spoken to Emily every day and we’d text each other multiple times a day.  And even though I was nursing a broken heart, we talked about more than just my drama.  She had her own issues with Anthony’s work schedule so we devised a plan to get her more quality time with her man.

Sahara Lee: Sorry I missed your call this morning. I just woke up. How did date night go last night?

Emily Mills: It was awesome! I called when I was on my way home from his place. I’m packing now and then he’s picking me up for a surprise overnight trip somewhere. So excited! Thanks for helping me come up with the plan :)

Sahara Lee: That great
Em!!! I’m so happy for you! I can’t wait to hear about last night and whatever happens this weekend. We’ll talk soon.

Emily Mills: I’m calling you
as soon as I’m done packing. We have to get you ready for tonight!

Sitting on my bed, I felt refreshed after my shower.  All week had been more of the same. I spent my vacation in bed crying or in the shower crying
or on the couch crying.  I lost my appetite the moment Ty closed the door on me in the hallway.  It had been four days and I wasn’t cried out yet.  I shut off my emotions long ago; however, my nightmares would grip me and I’d be haunted by my past. Being with Ty tapped into something that I thought died in the accident.  I wasn’t used to this sort of conscious whirlwind of emotions. 
This must be what all those romance novels and movies talk about feeling,
I thought as I put eye drops in my eyes to eliminate the pink tint that stained them from the nonstop crying. 

Slipping into my gold metallic
Herve Leger one-shoulder bandage dress, I stared at my reflection.  The gold looked great against my smooth, brown skin.  The dress hugged me tightly and highlighted my curves.  My legs looked incredibly long and my butt looked amazing in my 6 inch black Christian Louboutin peep toe pumps with gold spikes.  I wore my hair in a faux-hawk, pinning my hair in place with gold combs that just barely showed and gave my hair sparkle.  I kept my make-up minimal with gold, shimmery eye shadow and a tinted gloss.  Studying myself in the mirror, I knew there was no way anyone would be able to detect the sexy woman in the mirror was nursing a broken heart.  Taking a picture of myself in the mirror and sending it to Emily, she responded instantly that she approved as well. I packed everything I needed into my black spiked Louboutin clutch before leaving the loft.

The butterflies in my stomach intensified as the taxi pulled up to Jimmy’s.  I focused on my breathing exercises as I felt panic rising up from the fluttering of the butterflies in my belly. 

“Ma’am? You okay?” the taxi driver asked as I sat in the backseat panting and gripping the door handle.

“Y-yes.
I just need to catch my breath,” I stammered. 

Two minutes later, I was standing in front of the front door of Jimmy’
s.  The mix of people outside was eclectic. I loved it. Various people of various ages wore various styles of clothing with the only constant theme seeming to be fashion forward. Everyone looked trendy and fashionable in their own unique way. 
I loved this little hub that Ty had created
, I thought proudly.

Walking upstairs to the lounge area, I spoke to the head bartender who I had met
a couple of times before but couldn’t remember his name.  I found the open mic host and reintroduced myself to him as well.  The room was packed and all of the prime seating areas were already taken.  I didn’t plan to be there all night; however, I had hoped to have somewhere to sit seeing as though my heels were 6 inches high.  Finding some space in a dark corner near a wall, I stood quietly.  I scanned the crowd repeatedly looking for Ty. I was disappointed each time I looked around because I didn’t see him. 

When the open
mic host went on stage to introduce himself, my heart rate increased and my skin started to heat up. 
Ty is here,
I gasped looking around.  I didn’t even see him, but I could feel him in the air.  I scanned the crowd once more and I still didn’t see him. 
He’s here. I know he’s here. I can feel him,
I thought wistfully with my heart pounding in my chest.

As planned,
Taylor, the host, made an announcement, “Before we get started tonight, can we take a moment to show some love to the man who made this whole thing possible? Mr. Tyree Barker! Tyree Barker, everyone! Come on up Tyree.”

From a little nook th
at leads to the backstage area, Ty emerged onto the main stage. The already loudly cheering crowd kicked it up an octave or two as his sexiness oozed on the stage.  He stood there looking powerful, well-dressed, and extremely good looking.  My chest heaved looking at the man that I loved.  He was wearing a pair of tailored graphite grey pants with a fitted white button up shirt with black buttons. His outfit was pulled together with black shoes, a black belt and black watch.  He always managed to look incredible as he toed the line between boardroom professional and trendy nightclub owner and restaurateur.

“Thank you for your warm reception. I appreciate that.  We have a lot of talent
here tonight. So sit back and enjoy.  I know I will! Thank you!”

I smiled widely at the stage that was being vacated by Ty.  He made his way to his
table.  The table we shared on a couple of occasions in our way too brief time together.  Refusing to let myself go there as I had for the last four days, I looked around and focused on the illuminating light coming from the dance floor. 
This place really is stunning,
I thought looking around.

“Okay, let’s go ahead and get started. We have a newbie coming to the stage. Put your hands together and give a warm welcome to Sahara!”
Taylor enthused to the already warmed up crowd.

The crowd clapped polite
ly as I made my way to the stage.  As I got closer to the stage, I felt Ty’s eyes on me and it made my body tingle.  I avoided eye contact with him in an effort to keep my composure.  Climbing on the stage, I heard whistles and catcalls which oddly enough settled me a little.  Smiling at Taylor as he handed me the microphone, I scanned the crowd before my eyes gravitated to and locked with Ty’s. 

“Hello,” I started nervously. “
I’ve never sung in a public venue before so please bear with me. I’m a little nervous. The song I’m going to sing is dedicated to the man that I love.  I don’t want to put him on the spot, but he is in the audience tonight.  He once told me that his grandfather used to sing this song in dedication to his wife, who was the great love of his life.  So I’m singing the same song in dedication to my love, who is the great love of my life.” I cleared my throat to void it of the emotion that was building.  The pause encouraged people to cheer and call out support. “He had no idea I was coming up here tonight.  But I hope he enjoys it.  I hope you all enjoy it.”