Back to Yesterday (21 page)

~ Kodaline

High Hopes

S
even a.m. I had told Sophie’s father that I would be at the train station this morning hoping she would be here to see me off.

She wasn’t.

I couldn’t wait any longer. I picked up my bag, slung it over my shoulder with a heavy heart, pushed through the mass of people, and held back the tears that threatened to spill.

Before boarding the train, I looked over my shoulder one last time.

She really wasn’t coming.

One tear slid down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away, stepped onto the train, and found my seat.

Another tear fell.

Then another.

I’m sorry, Sophie. I’m so sorry.

Hiding my face from everyone around me, I leaned forward, and with elbows on my knees, my head in my hands, I cried like my soul had been set on fire. I hurt everywhere a human being could possibly hurt. My bones shook with sorrow.

I’m sorry, Sophie. Can you feel how sorry I am?

I begged God to speak to her heart on my behalf.

Please let her know how much I love her.

“Charlie?”

I raised my head, looked around, and wiped at my tears. People were staring out the right side of the train.

“Charlie!”

I bolted from my seat and had my head out the window across from me before anyone had time to blink. “Sophie!”

“Charlie!” She looked around frantically. “Charlie, I’m here! Where are you?”

Somehow I had managed to slide my upper body outside the train car window. “Over here!” I yelled through the crowd of onlookers. “I’m over here!”

Spinning around, she finally spotted me. That was the moment the train started to move.

“Charlie!” She ran towards me, people creating space for her, but I was being pulled away from her.

“Sophie!”

She ran faster, arms extended out in front her, an envelope in her hand. “Take the letter, Charlie!”

I reached as far as I could and somehow managed to grab hold of it. The minute I took possession of the envelope, Sophie slowed down and then she stopped running altogether. She bent at the waist, covered her face with both hands, her shoulders bobbing up and down as she cried.

“I love you!” I shouted.

“Sir, get back inside the car,” the conductor said.

I pulled my body back inside the train, still keeping my eyes on Sophie until she disappeared from my view. Applause broke out when I reclaimed my seat and a few of the guys slapped my back like I had won a medal.

Perhaps I had. I wouldn’t know until I read what she wrote. However, I was apprehensive. What if this was her way of telling me goodbye forever?

Biting the inside of my cheek and with shaky hands, I opened the envelope, pulled out the letter, and held my breath.

Dear Charlie,

They say there’s a turning point in everyone’s life. A moment that alters the way we live our lives, or more accurately, a series of moments. A moment like that began for me the night after our second date. It all started when I opened my journal to read the last thing I had written. The events that immediately followed would pick the scab of an old wound, one that never seemed to heal. But it was on this night that my life would start down a new path, a road of personal growth and healing. A road that would ultimately lead me to discover what had been holding me back from admitting my feelings for you. It didn’t happen overnight, of course. Life is a journey and some journeys take longer than others. But if you let me explain, I promise that I will make it up to you.

Some day.

Somehow.

Until then, I’ll wait. For as long as it takes, I’ll wait.

I’ll wait because I think I have been waiting my whole life for you. I realized that tonight after you made me watch you leave. I never want to watch you leave again. But I’m watching you leave again now, aren’t I? And it hurts, Charlie. It hurts so much.

Why do we have to lose something before we appreciate its value?

I’ll contemplate that later, though, because I don’t have much time. You see, I have to meet you at the train station soon. You’re going to war and you made a promise that you’d come back. I’m going to hold you to that, Charlie. You said you would never lie to me. So you have to keep this promise. I’ll never forgive you if you break it.

I’m writing all this down because I’m afraid that I won’t have time to tell you everything before you go. This way, you can read it and really let it soak into your heart. Having said that, I want you to really listen to what I’m about to say and if you don’t remember anything else – remember this…

You were right. I was wrong. I’ve never been more wrong in my life.

There – I said it.

I’ll say it a million times if you just come back to me.

Come back to me. Please!

I was so wrong. I do love you.

Did you get that? I love you.

I love you – I love you – I love you.

When you’re done saving the world, I’ll be here. This is my promise to you.

All my love,

Sophie

I caressed her words with my fingertips and then tucked her letter away inside my coat pocket closest to my heart. Then I let myself breathe.

Because Sophie and I, we were going to be okay.

We were going to be okay.

L
evi waved his hand in front of my face. “Did you hear me?”

I blinked and tried to focus on my friend. My mind had traveled back to yesterday yet again because I missed my Sophie so much. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I said by this time tomorrow you’ll be in the air, my friend.” He slapped me on the back. “We did good work, yes?”

I took stock of all of the repairs we’d made. The propellers were as straight as we were going to get them, the fuel line fixed, and the oil cooler cleaned out. She was ready to fly.

I hoped.

“Yes, we did good work.” I offered a brave smile. It was three in the morning and I needed to get a couple hours sleep. We had all worked tirelessly to get the plane in working order and exhaustion now took center stage.

We walked side by side to the house. Maikel had turned in hours ago. When he fell asleep propped against the side of the plane, Levi had sent him to bed. Maikel had tried to argue, but his father put his foot down. The poor kid was afraid I would leave without saying goodbye.

I wouldn’t do that. I’m very careful with my goodbyes now. I, at least, learn from my mistakes and strive never to repeat them. Before Maikel went to bed I promised that I would be here when he woke up.

In a few short hours, and with any luck, I’ll be on my way to England. One step closer to Sophie.

God willing.

By dawn, Maikel was up and had already made breakfast. The three of us sat down together and ate, although the atmosphere was quiescent. This was our last meal together and none of us had any words for the occasion.

The sounds of butter being spread across dry toast, forks clinking on plates, sips and slurps from metal mugs, and crunching and chewing echoed around the room. We kept our eyes on our food and only looked up when we took a drink. In those few seconds, our eyes would float upwards, catching the eyes of the person across from us, never for long. Our eyes would quickly drift back to the eggs on our plate. Emotions, questions, and uncertainties were prevalent in our reflections and none of us were equipped at dealing with those things so early in the morning. We chose stoicism and quiet reserve with our breakfast.

When we were finished, we all got up, cleared the dishes, and I went to collect the few things I had. I folded Levi’s clothes and left them on the bed. Levi and Maikel were already outside waiting for me, and when I approached them wearing my flight suit, the realization that today was the day I would be leaving hit home. They wore identical sad smiles.

I stood before them and prepared myself for final words.

Final words. How do you prepare yourself for words that are
final?

Inhaling a cleansing breath, I said, “I want to thank you both. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, you saved my life.”