Back to Yesterday (18 page)

I nodded once, keeping my head down, and left Peterson standing there, never knowing if that would be the last time I’d ever see him.

“So thoughtful,” Sophie said, angling her head to the side. “What’s on your mind?”

Realizing that I was still standing in the doorway, I took her hand and moved out of the way. “Are you off work yet?” I asked.

“I got another fifteen minutes. Wanna wait for me in your usual spot?”

“Of course.”

“Hey,” she said as I was about to take my seat. She walked towards me, her eyebrows pulled tight. “You okay?”

I touched her cheek, hoping that would fix the worry lines on her face. “Tough day,” I said softly. “I’m fine.”

“You sure that’s all it is?”

“Sophie! Order up, table three!” someone from the kitchen shouted.

“Go on,” I said. “I’ll wait for you right here.”

“All right,” she said, still looking uncertain. “Would you like something to drink while you wait?”

I slid into the booth. “Nah, I’m good.” I reached for the newspaper that someone had left on the table. “I’ll just read until you’re ready to go.”

Once Sophie left to take care of her table, I attempted to read the paper, but my mind wasn’t having it. Giving up, I stared off in the distance, not seeing anything before me, and replayed the conversation I’d had with Colonel Jacobs right before Thanksgiving.

I was doing my job, the one that required I handle the logistics of getting pilots where they needed to be. It had been fairly quiet and getting close to lunch time, and I was preparing to take a quick break when Colonel Jacobs requested to see me. It felt a bit like being called into the principal’s office. Although I knew I had done nothing wrong, it was still an odd feeling when a superior officer asked to see you. When I entered his office he instructed me to close the door.

Colonel Jacobs was a man known for his candor, and he wasted no time with pleasantries. “Captain Hudson, the reason I called you in here is because I have a favor to ask.”

“A favor, sir?”

He gestured for me to sit, which I did. He clasped his hands together over his desk and leaned forward. “Are you familiar with photo reconnaissance?”

“No, sir.”

“The Royal Air Force has had a lot of success flying over enemy territory taking photographs of potential targets. The film the pilots bring back is developed and studied by a team of skilled intelligence analysts. The methodical identification of targets using those photographs has made bombing raids more successful. Earlier this year, our allies took out a secret weapons production facility which they wouldn’t have known about without those pictures.”

“I wasn’t aware of that, sir.”

“Most people aren’t.”

“That’s good news,” I said, impressed with the reconnaissance operation.

“Yes, it is.” He stood, moved to the window and stared out, collecting his thoughts, I presumed.

I waited for him to continue and when he didn’t I interrupted the silence. “Sir, you said you had a favor to ask?”

Colonel Jacobs stood up straighter and placed his arms behind his back while he continued to stare out the window. “The pilots who take on these missions are an elite group who fly solo, headlong behind enemy lines, with no fighter escorts. They fly Spitfires that are outfitted with cameras and stripped of any unnecessary equipment, including weapons and radios, to reduce its weight. A few more modifications are made to make it more aerodynamic and fuel tanks are added to increase distance. After all is said and done the pilots are left with speed, altitude, maneuverability, and not much else.” Turning to me, he said, “We need pilots with skill who can work within these perimeters, find their target, complete their mission, return to base, and do it with only a compass and a map.”

I thought perhaps he needed my help in providing logistical assistance for the pilots taking on these type missions. Getting out a small pad I kept in my pocket and a pencil, I was prepared to take notes.

“What can I do to help, sir?”

“Volunteer to fly recon.”

I looked up sharply. “Sir?”

“You’re one of the best pilots we have and we need the best of the best.”

I leaned back in my chair, letting that information sink in. “Sir, I haven’t flown a mission in months. I–”

“Did you forget how to fly?”

“No, sir, it’s not that. I just–”

“You just what?”

I stood abruptly and paced around in a circle, gripping the back of my neck, all the while remembering my promise to Sophie that I wouldn’t leave.

“You would be promoted, of course,” he said. “To Major.” He picked up a file and opened it. “You’ve had thirty-four kills, with several more shared. You’ve moved up the ranks quickly, Captain. You’ve excelled at every task. Since you’ve been heading up combat crew replacement things have never run more smoothly.” He dropped the folder on his desk. “Bottom line is you’ve done your part and we couldn’t ask any more from you.”

I stopped pacing and dropped my hands. “But you are, aren’t you, Colonel?”

Coming from behind his desk, he approached me. When he got within a couple of feet he stopped. “Charles, we need you. Your country needs you. You’re too damn good to be sitting behind a desk. I’m asking you to think about it. I’ll give you the holidays to think it over and then I need your answer by the first of January.”

We stared at each other, neither one of us speaking. After a couple of minutes, I said, “Is that all, sir?”

“That’s all, Captain.”

I saluted him while my head and my heart waged its own war within me.

When I stepped through the threshold of his office door the Colonel said, “This war will be won because of men like you.”

“Okay, I am officially all yours,” Sophie said, snapping me back to the present. “What would you like to do?”

I stood and took her by the hand. “I’d like to ride out to the lake. Perhaps watch the sun set.” Then I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips.

“Okay,” she said. “But only if you tell me why you look so glum.”

“Do I?”

“A bit, yes.”

“I told you…tough day. Come on,” I said, “I’m breaking you out of this joint.”

The truth was, while it
had
been a tough day, it had also been a tough couple of months because I had a lot to think about during that time. So much had been weighing me down.

I helped her with her coat and held out my arm, letting her hand slip inside until it rested on my bicep. Cold air hit us in the face the minute we stepped outside, a blanket of snow covering the ground.

We were driving to the lake and I knew that by the end of this night things would be remarkably different between us. However, like the painting, I was hopeful, yet there was an ominous presence in the air. The worst part was I was the reason for it, the cause for the oppression that surrounded us as we drove in silence.

Sophie had stopped asking what was wrong. She watched me with curious eyes. The weight of her stare had me coiled so tight my jaws ached from trying to hold everything together. I was prepared to tell her everything once I got her to the lake. Part of me was eager to free myself of what I had been keeping from her, and another part of me wanted to bury it so deeply, hide it from her so she would never have to know what I had agreed to do.

That I had volunteered.

~ Adele

Love in the Dark

W
e never made it to the lake. I couldn’t take the silence any longer. Charlie wasn’t acting himself. He wouldn’t even look at me.

“Pull over,” I said. He didn’t. He kept driving like I’d never said a word. Something was definitely wrong. Louder this time, I repeated with more authority, “Pull over right now!”

He skidded into a dirt patch on the side of the road and when the truck came to a complete stop my heart thumped widely inside my chest.

“What is going on with you?” I asked.

He closed his eyes like he was trying to shut out the world and his throat bobbed nervously. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

My stomach churned with acid. “Tell me what?”

He raked trembling hands over his face and then brought them down to his lap where he proceeded to rub his palms over his thighs. “I’m terrified,” he said.

“Of what?”

“Of what the next few minutes holds.”

“You’re scaring me, Charlie.”

Something torturous and stormy brewed in his eyes. He jerked open his door, stared up at the sky, and with fists to his temples, he….screamed. It was the sound of pure pain unleashing itself into the universe.

I jumped out of the truck and took hesitant steps towards him. “Charlie, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

We had missed the sunset and now it was nearly dark. The headlights from Charlie’s truck lit up his face. Agony was the only emotion I could read, but it was his words that caused my world to shift beneath my feet.

“I’m leaving.”

What happened next was a blur because my childhood ghosts slipped back in uninvited and haunted my present.

Daddy got down on one knee in front of me, my suitcase beside me. “Sophie, honey, I’m leaving. You’ll stay with your aunt and uncle for a while. They’ll take care of you.”

I clutched the doll in my arms, looking behind me at two people I didn’t know. “I wanna stay with you, Daddy.”

His eyes held storms as he swiped his hands up and down over my arms. “I’ll come back for you. Okay?”

“No!” I tried to latch onto him, but he straightened his arms and held me back. “Stop!”

“Listen to me, Sophie, I can’t stay and you can’t follow. It’s only for a little while and I swear I’ll come back for you.”

“No! You’re not leaving me here!”

Hands I didn’t know gently touched my shoulder. “If you’re going to go, then go, Andrew. And don’t make promises to her you can’t keep.”

Daddy’s eyes darted to the man talking. “Stay out of this.”

“I’m already in it,” the man said.

“Come here, honey,” said the lady. “I made some chocolate chip cookies. Would you like one, dear?”

I didn’t want a stupid cookie. “Daddy,” I croaked, “don’t leave. I’ll be good. I promise.”

“I’m trying to do the right thing here, Sophie. I can’t take you with me. You need…” My dad stood and looked down at me. “You need to stay here. Be my good girl and do what I say, okay?”

I lurched forward and held onto his leg. “What did I do? I promise whatever I did, I didn’t mean it. I love you, Daddy. Don’t go!”

He pulled me off his leg and knelt down in front of me again. “You didn’t do anything, Sophie. That’s not why I’m leaving.”

Wiping my face, I sobbed, “Then w-why are y-you leaving?”

He wiped my tears with his thumb. “One day you’ll understand.” He looked up and said to the man and woman who still lingered behind me. “Please take care of her.”

“Of course we’ll take care of her,” the woman said in the softest voice I’d ever heard.