Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) (20 page)

He looks me over and sighs. “If Grams finds out… “ He looks at Roe who looks as eager to hear this piece of information as I am. He takes another deep breath. “The last I heard was, she is playing at some club in Savannah. Now, don’t ask me what club, because I don’t know. Grams… Jewels keeps tabs on her. Every once in a while she will show up in a review in the Monroe Gazette, talking about how she is from here. What it never says is that she ran out on your momma and our daddy,” he finishes.

I am feeling lightheaded. I need to sit. “Do you mind?” I point to a chair. He shrugs like he could care less what the hell I do and I can’t blame him. I can’t imagine what is running through their heads. Maybe they have every reason to hate me. “I didn’t know my mother had a brother, if I knew… “ I would have what? If I knew I would have coming searching for them? Or did it have to take something as devastating as almost dying and losing my mother in the same night?

He gives a dry laugh through his nose. “You would have what?” he challenges me.

“I don’t know. I would have tried to come or something,” I say, feeling defensive. “Look, I didn’t know my mother had a brother, I didn’t know about any of you.” I look at Roe who has a strange gleam to her eye like she is enjoying this family rift with a family I knew nothing about.

“Yeah, I bet.” He stands up, running a hand over his shaved head.

“God, what is your problem?” I stand up, the strength returning to my legs.

“The problem is that my dad searched high and low for your mother. Do you know he had cancer? Fucking cancer; that fucking killed him and the only thing he wanted before he died was to be reunited with his sister.” I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for them to watch something kill their father. Something that he had no control over. At least my mother had complete control over what was destroying her.

“I am sorry. I wish I could have met him. I’m sure if my mother knew he was dying…” She would have gotten another bottle and snorted some more pills to numb it away.

“She was too good to be in his life when he was healthy, what the fuck difference would it have made if he was fucking dying!” he screams at me.

“I-” I try, but he cuts me off

“You know what, fuck you!” he growls, stepping closer to me. I can feel the rage rolling off him in trundles.

“That’s enough, Ry,” a lady says, walking into the room.

She is older than I imagined. I always thought the woman to torment my mother would be younger, beautiful, evil, like all the step-mothers in any princess story. Where I believed there to be sharp features, I am surprised to find them soft and round. She has warm, hazel eyes and round, rosy cheeks. She wears no makeup, so all her wrinkles show, but they to seem soft, instead of deep and unforgiving. Her lines tell a story, not one that starts with the erosion of alcohol like my mother’s. She is short and well-fed, but not overweight, just soft in places. Her hair is dyed honey blonde with gray roots lining the top.

I want to hate her so bad. I want to run at her, screaming and hitting her in those soft spots. I want to hit her until she falls to the ground, begging for my mother’s forgiveness. She comes and stands before me. I instantly feel small and weak, like a little, scared, lost kid.

“Roe said we would be having company, but I was not expecting this.” She looks pointedly at Roe who is now hanging her head in shame. Anger swells in me, for my cousin who I just met. How dare she make her feel bad! Who is this lady to talk to my blood like that? If she hated my mother as much as my mother told me, I cannot fathom how she must have treated her brother. I want to stand in front of Roe and be a wall of protection from whatever hurt this lady has put her through.

“I looked for your mother for a long time. Tell me, how is she?” She has a cold tone that I don’t like.

“She is great!” I use the same tone back at her.

“Forgive me for seeming cold. After Adam died, I had to give up that silly fantasy of having Ashley back home.” She sits down in a recliner.

“Can you blame her,” I spit. It is out of my mouth before I can think about holding it in.

“You don’t have any right to talk to her like that.” Ryker steps in front of me. That is it, blood or no blood, if he doesn’t get the hell out of my face, it is going to spill.

“Ry, calm down. She doesn’t know the whole story.” She looks me over. “She doesn’t know anything.” I clench my fist at my side and glare at the old woman.

“You don’t owe her anything!” He argues. The lady thinks on that for a moment. “No, she deserves to know the truth. That is, after all, what you are searching for? The truth?” Ryker slams his fist into the door and storms out.

“Roe go make sure your brother cools off,” she says, looking at me.

“But-” Roe protests.

“Go on; go make sure he don’t go beats up on some poor soul.” For a second my heart constricts, Dylan. No, he can handle himself. I need to hear whatever lies this lady is going to spew.

“Fine.” Roe stomps out the door, her cowboy boots clicking against the linoleum floor with each stomp.

When it is just me and Jewel, she finely speaks again, “Why don’t you start. Tell me what you know, or think you know,” she patronizes me.

“I know that you hated my mother. That you where cruel and mean to her.” I glare at her, my hands shaking.

She gives a short laugh. “Is that what she told you?” I don’t answer her because she knows that it is the truth. “Your mother always had a way of embellishing the truth.” She takes a deep breath and she ages before my eyes. “Your mother was just a little girl when I met her father. I fell for Adam and Ashley the moment I met them. They were the reason I married their father. He was a drunk. I learned that soon after we started dating. I couldn’t imagine leaving those two little kids with an alcoholic, they had no one. No family. No mother. Nobody. It seemed like the more their father drank, the more your mother resented me.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a cigarette.

“I have been trying to quit, but this seems like a good enough time to start again.” She lights the cigarette and her tense stance relaxes as she inhales. “I sometimes thought that I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take one more night of him stumbling home. One more night of him trying to hit the children and me stepping in between them and his belt.” She wipes at her eyes as tears form in the corner of her eyes.

“Did your momma tell you she tried to find her Josephine when she was sixteen?” I shake my head no. None of this is making sense. This is not what I knew to be the truth. Jewel continues, “Ashley ran away from home, determined to find her, but that woman wanted nothing to do with her, she turned her away on the streets. After that, she began to search for love. The love that I had for her, or what Adam had, was just not enough. It drove Adam crazy; he was taken downtown a few times for beating on her suitors. Then, she met your daddy, Adam’s best friend, and he was at a loss. He couldn’t beat up on him and chase him away because it was his best friend and your Momma truly loved him. When your daddy left, she was devastated. Soon after, she found out she was pregnant with you.”

Jewel looks up at me, smiling through tears. “I was so happy for her. Yes, she was young, but I was going to be a grandma and we were going to have a new baby. She swore she was having a boy and when we found out you were a girl, I was so happy. I went down to the store and got her a little pink baby dress embroidered with little white daisies on it… Hold on I still have it.” She stands up, gesturing me to follow her. I try to process this as I walk down the hall. Is she lying to me? My mother told such a different story than the one that is being presented to me.

Jewel digs in a small closet until she pulls out a shoe box. I notice that she has several shoe boxes. “I have one each for your mother and Adam, and one for each of my grandchildren,” she says when she notices me looking over her shoulder. I count the boxes; five.

“You have another one,” I blurt. “I mean, I have a little brother… Everett.”

She smiles at me and hands me a box. “Go on, open it.” I stare down at the box. It looks like a normal shoe box, but it could hold anything; a pair of shoes, photos, snakes, truth, lies. Whatever it is, it was saved for me. Someone cared enough to save something for me. Someone that didn’t even know me, so what does that mean? I peel the lid off the box.

Inside, sits a tiny, pink dress with delicate, little, white flowers. I set the box on the bed and lift out the tiny dress. The fabric feels like it might crumble in my hands. I set it aside and take out the next item in the box. It is a picture of me! Well, a picture of me before I was born. I am a blurry blob in the grainy photo with small, white letters spelling out GIRL.

I set the photo down after staring at it for what seems like forever and take out the next item, another picture. It is a picture of a young man; he has dark, wavy hair brown and big, teal colored eyes. My eyes. I have never seen this man before in my life, but I know who he is.

“My Father.” I hold the picture to my chest.

She shakes her head yes. “You have his eyes.” She sighs and sits down on the bed and picks up the ultrasound of me. “I wish I had been there for you. I am sorry I was not. The only thing I can give you is the truth.” She takes a deep breath and continues, “When your mother left, I was devastated. I tried everything to find her, but she didn’t want to be found. Not long after that, we found out that Adam’s girlfriend was pregnant with Ryker, Adam needed me, too. I was so torn on what to do… maybe I should have tried to find her harder. I just don’t know.” I sit down next to her. What I knew to be the truth is not and this lady, I have been conditioned to hate, just gave me the whole story.

“Thank you,” I say.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, of course,” I say to her.

“How is she? Ashley?”

I tell Jewel everything. I cry at some point in the story. She cries at other points. I tell her about Everett. I tell her about Third and Roxie. I tell her about Dylan. I try to cram seventeen years into what seems like only minutes.

“Well, it seems like you have some really good friends,” she says at the end.

“Yeah, and they have been waiting outside this whole time for me. I probably should get going. They have been out there a long time,” I say, feeling guilty that not once did I think about them waiting on me. Truthfully, I forgot they were out there.

“Oh, they could have come in. You all don’t have to leave so soon.” Jewel sounds desperate and I wonder if that is how she sounded when she learned my mother had left.

“Thanks, but we really should get going.” I smooth down the front of my dress as I rise off the bed.

“Hold on a moment, I have something for you.” She stands and walks over to the dresser. “Here, I don’t know if this will be much help, but… “ She hands me a newspaper clipping. It is a review of a band in Savannah. “Josephine Starr takes the stage at the Purple Dragon and she brings in a large following with her edgy cover songs of bands from the 80s and 90s… “

I stop reading and look at Jewel. “I follow her whenever there is a write up in the paper. I guess I was hoping that somehow your mother would show up in the paper with her, mother and daughter duo… “ She laughs. “I don’t know what will happen if you go searching for Josephine. She never wanted children… Will you come back and visit? I know I am not your grandmother, but Roe and Ryker-”

“I would love to.” I throw myself into her, hugging her as tightly as I can. At first, she is startled, but then she relaxes into the hug, leaning her cheek on my hair. She smells like cigarettes and roses.

I hug Jewel one more time; it is so surreal to think of her as not the enemy. Roe is sitting on an old lawnmower that is parked in the middle of the yard. When she sees me, she hops down and skips over to me. “So did she tell you where to find her?” she asks eagerly.

“The last she heard, she was in Savannah.” I tell her.

“Great, so when do we leave?” Did I just hear her right? Did she say we?

“What do you mean, we?” I ask her.

“I am comin’ I have been looking for her, too, ya know.” I know, but there must be a reason Jewel didn’t tell her.

“No, I don’t think so,” I say.

“Ya know she is my grandmamma, too. I have just as much right as you do to find her,” she retorts.

“I didn’t say that, I know you do. I don’t think that Jewel would want that.” She narrows her eyes at me.

“She would want to meet me; she doesn’t even know about me,” she yells.

“I didn’t say-”

“She would want me more than you. We have more in common.” Her bottom lip quivers.

“Maybe if you talk to Jewel first,” I suggest.

“No. I already tried. You will not even know I am there, I promise, please.”

I shake my head no. “I am sorry.”

“Ya know what? Screw you,” she screams and takes of running. I call after her, but she is too fast. I sigh and turn to my friends who are sitting there, mouths ajar.

“Nothing like some good old family drama.” Roxie gives me a coy smile.

Chapter 31.
Dylan

We drive back to the hotel after leaving Barbie’s step-grandmother’s house. She is silent, not speaking, processing everything. Kai glances at her in the review mirror and Roxie turns around in the front seat to look at her through the headrest while Third keeps leaning forward, looking at her over me. I, however, stare right at her. I want her to
tell me what she is thinking. Please tell me what you are thinking. Let me help you. I can help you. She stares, looking at nothing, chewing on her bottom lip. I don’t know what to do for her, so I do the only thing I can think to do. I slip my hand in hers and hold onto her, letting her know I am here.

Roxie stills has bags she needs to unload. How many bags did she bring? Third holds a shitload of suitcases that belong to Roxie. I offer to take Barbie’s backpack, but she insists on keeping it.

“Hey, man, I can use the help,” Third pants.

I roll my eyes and take one of the suitcases from Third. Holy crap, what is packed in here, dead bodies?

We drop them off at the girls’ room and Third leaps onto the bed. “So what are the plans for tonight? We should go have fun. We are five crazy kids, out in a small town. Let’s paint the town blue,” he says.

“Red,” I correct him.

“And you are going to be seeing red, as in your blood, if you don’t get your nasty feet off my bed,” Roxie grumbles.

“Chill, girl, chill. Besides, you know you like the look of me in your bed.” He winks at her. She rolls her eyes, but doesn’t disagree with him and Third puts his feet on the floor.

“I am going to check on Kai while y’all decide,” Barbie says. I hate that she is going to Kai and I can’t do anything except watch her walk out the door.

I can’t lose her.