Barbie World (Baby Doll Series) (24 page)

Chapter 36.
Barbie

I walk through the club to the house music that pulses around the dim, smoky room. I grab a shot of whiskey off a waitress’s tray without her noticing and swallow it back, tossing the glass to the ground with a crash. I put my hand above my head and release myself. I am going to dance. I will not think about Kai or Dylan or how either one makes me feel. I will not think about Josephine, my mother, Jewel or Roe. I spin in a circle with my eyes tightly closed.

A hand snakes around my waist and something hard jabs me in my back. The smell of stale cigarettes and whiskey turns my stomach.

“Well, well, what did I catch? I caught myself a little plaything,” he hisses in my ear, his breath is hot and angry against my neck.

I choke on a scream that gets stuck in my throat. My eyes dart nervously around the room, looking for someone to notice me. I try to make eye contact with anyone that might notice something off about my expression, but I have no luck. The lights are too dim and people are here unloading themselves from their problems. They are not about to add to them with mine.

“Before you even think about screaming or putting up another fight… you feel that?” He pushes the hard object against my back, digging it in. My stomach drops and I know what it is; he doesn’t have to say anything more. “I brought a little friend to play. You see, me and you, princess, are going to play a little game.”

Ronnie steers me through a crowd of dancers when the music suddenly stops and the DJ makes an announcement. “Are y’all ready for the lady of the night?” he rouses the crowd. A group of girls, a few years older than me, step in front of us and screams as a guitarist walks on stage.

We pause, stuck in the crowd. If I scream, will anyone help me or will Ronnie kill me first? Probably the latter; he has nothing to lose, but I have everything to loss. I think about Everett,
I cannot leave him.
“Let’s put your hands together for the one, the only, Jo Starr.”

The applause becomes deafening and I watch as the lady who I came to find closure from-only to have her rip open fresh wounds-takes the stage. She waves to the audience, taking the mic and thanking the city of
Savannah for coming out. “I want to dedicate this next song to a very special person… “

The slamming of my heart stops as I wait to hear what she is going to say. Would she make a gesture like that for me? “Billy, this is for you.” She turns to her drummer and I feel sad for her. She doesn’t really have anyone and the people who want to be in her life and love her, she pushes away.

My stomach rolls again and I don’t feel sick because of the gun to my back, but because I am just like Josephine. I push the ones who try to love me away.

Her raspy voice sings a velvet song that I don’t recognize, but have probably heard a thousand times before. The club’s patrons fade away as she sings me a lullaby I yearn to hear. All too quickly, though, she looks away, dismissing me once again. I don’t think I have ever felt as lonely as I do now.

“Keep moving.” The crowd parts enough to let us through and Ronnie pushes me forward, stumbling passed a girl who sneers at me.

He continues to push me until we are out the back door where he kicks my knees out from under me and I fall down the stairs, catching the railing before I hit my face on the ground. His snakeskin boots clank against the brick stairs. “I couldn’t believe my luck. Here I am, scraping to get by, thinkin’ to myself; if I ever see that bitch that ruined my life-the bitch that took everything from me-I will kill her. Then look who walks into the bar I am here to hustle?”

I scramble to my feet and back up until I hit a wall. I glance in either direction. We are in the alley I stumbled out of only yesterday, hidden from the street. I can see a fence at one end and can hear traffic on the other end. The music is loud, pouring out the back door. It is incredibly ironic that my grandmother, who denied me, sings about love, while I stare down the barrel of a gun. Ronnie looks down from the other end of the barrel at me, bracing the gun with his right hand, aiming at me. I hear the click of the bullet falling into the chamber of the gun and I squeeze my eyes tight. I say a silent goodbye to the ones I love. Another click. And then a crack bounces off the walls around me. My heart beats wildly in my chest, but it still beats. Did he miss? I squint my one eye open, peaking at Ronnie, and a hysterical laugh escapes my lips.

Roe stands, one foot on top of a crumpled, sleeping Ronnie. His ass still on the top step and the rest of his body is sprawled out down the other two steps.

“I don’t think so, ya son of a bitch. If anyone is going to hurt my cousin’s ass, it is going to be me.” She holds a crowbar in her right hand, her left shaking.

“Roe?” I take a step towards them and her head snaps up.

“What in the hell is that for?”

“You just called me your cousin.” I climb over Ronnie’s body and pull her into a hug. She drops the bar with a clink and wraps her skinny, little arms around me.

“Yeah, well, I only have… two and I would like to keep it that way.” She tightens her grip around me. Roe and I stand there, holding onto each other until Ronnie starts to moan. “Come on; let’s go call the police on this, asshole.”

###

We sit on the curb as one of the cops takes down notes, looks at Roe then at a groggy Ronnie, and then back at Roe before he shakes his head. She might look tiny, but this little Chihuahua has a bite like a pit bull. The club owner gives a report while Josephine walks by without a glance in our direction.

Sometime between the questioning where Ronnie got tased by a cop for screaming profanities at Roe and me, Dylan and the rest of the gang show up. Dylan is almost tased himself when he sees the scratch above my eye and starts swinging at Kai and Third, who try to hold him back.

All parents are called. First, it is a frantic Mrs. Cruz who speaks to Third then to me, and of course; she blames the whole thing on Dylan. Kai and Dylan are both eighteen so they don’t call their parents, but my guardians are called so it doesn’t matter because she speaks to Dylan first and then is frighteningly calm to me. She says she is happy that I am safe and we will discuss it further when I get home. Apparently, Roe was reported as a runaway and is to be escorted back to Montgomery by police escort immediately; none of us are quite sure how she managed to get here in the first place. I feel bad for the poor cop that has to listen to her mouth on the drive back home.

We drive back slowly, staying at least five miles under the speed limit. It is Roxie who finally breaks the silence, “If you ever tell her, I will deny it, but Roe is pretty bad ass.” It takes a moment, but we all agree and then we burst out laughing at how she told the cop where he could put his gun when he tried to help her in the back of the car. I think it was for his own safety.

A few hours later we stop to get Dylan’s truck and we all get out, stretching our legs.

“Who is riding with whom?” Third pats the white elephant on the head. Kai glances up at me, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“Kai, can I talk to you?” I ask, hoping not to lose a friend. He follows me to the side of the building, his hands still in his pocket. I take a similar, nervous stance, hunching my shoulders and crossing my arms over my chest.

“It is okay. It sucks, but it’s cool,” he says before I can even utter the first word.

I jump in his arms, giving him a hug. “Thanks, for everything.” I kiss him on the cheek and jog off to the green truck in the distance.

Chapter 37.
Dylan

I can’t help the stupid grin on my face as I look at her from across the booth.

“I don’t know what you are grinning about. In a few hours you are probably going to get your ass kicked by your mom.” She sighs. “She is probably going to kick mine too.”

I shake my head. “Nah, my mom loves you. She is definitely pissed, but she is not going to kick anyone’s ass.” She looks at me, shocked. Her cute, little mouth hanging open.

“Your mom does not care for me. I have done nothing except be a burden.”

“That’s not true, Barbie. Mom has never once said anything like that.” Her eyes turn misty. Dammit, I swore to myself I was going to try to only make her smile from this day forward and not even an hour later I have the girl tearing up.

“Don’t cry.” I stand up, going and scooting in next to her in the booth. I wrap her in my arms, exhaling. I didn’t realize that I needed to be close to her until I was.

She sniffles. “I just always felt like a burden it is nice to hear that I am not.” A big fat tear falls from her eyes.

“Never. You could never be a burden to anyone.” I pull her tighter to me. She nuzzles in to my neck, tears spilling onto my shirt. Shit, we have a long way to go. I don’t know if my words bring truth to her, but I hope so.

The waitress brings us our food and we stay long after we ate, just sitting together. After her tears dry and she is back to smiling and flirting with me, she unwraps her hair from the messy bun it is in and begins to finger the white strands, braiding it.

“You know, when we were kids, these braids drove me insane. I always wanted to tug on them.” I pick up the one that is finished and tug on it.

“Hmmm, really? Because I remember you being a bully to me.” She yanks the braid out of my hand.

“What! You were the bully. You tried to break my nose!”

Her mouth drops open. “You stuffed a bug into my mouth! Like a live, creepy, crawly bug!”

I laugh and pull her closer to me, kissing her on the bridge of her nose. She kisses my chin in return and, despite the unknown that lies ahead of us, I don’t think I could get any happier.

###

“So now what?” I turn onto our road and let my foot off the gas, bringing the truck to a crawl. I am not ready to give up my time with her.

She laces her hand in mine and leans her head on my shoulder. “Whatever happens, we will face it together,” she says and I know that now. “Whatever happens, as long as we are together, it will all work out in the end.”

August
The sun is bright and for the first time I can feel its warmth on my skin…

Chapter 38.
Barbie

When we get home, things get a little crazy. The first thing that happens is being greeted by a very hysterical Mrs. Cruz, who blamed everything on poor Dylan, even though it was entirely my fault. I tried to tell her that they came to bring me home, but she just patted me on the cheek and said, “Darlin’, you don’t go makin’ excuses for that boy. He has been nothin’ but trouble since the day he rode Bartty’s Big wheel into the retention pound.” She clucked at Dylan and ushered her son away from the culprit.

Roxie tried to stay with me for support, but was run off by a very angry Mrs. Knight who was pacing the living room, frantically wearing a spot on the floor. Mr. Knight was just relieved we were home safe and sound while he sat rubbing his temples like he was brewing a headache in there.

Soon after that, there was a visit to Mrs. White who hugged me and explained when she said closure, she meant a phone call or perhaps a letter, not for me to run off, but she was glad I got what I was searching for. I got my closure in a weird way.

After the initial shock of our running off calmed down a bit, I confessed to Dylan’s mother about my feelings for Dylan. How could I not when she was bound to notice with the way Dylan watches every step I take with hungry eyes and me, trying not to notice, but doing a miserable job at it? She tells me she understands how we wanted to be together, but she could not allow us to date. Dylan tries to fight her, but I strangely understand. I understand loving someone so much that sometimes you have to hurt them. An excited Mr. Knight moves downstairs to the basement to be Dylan’s new roommate just to be on the “safe side.” We’ll still steal every moment that we can, but not under the Knight’s roof. I have come to respect them as people too much, Mrs. Knight in particular, as a mother figure, and as someone who truly cares what happens to neglected children.

###

Someone knocks comes on the door. I open it to find Jewel standing there with an annoyed Roe. At first, I am completely shocked to see her. All I can do is sand there, staring at her.

“I know I am not your grandma, but I would like to be a part of your life.” She puts a hand on Roe’s shoulder, who glares at me. “I could never have my own children, but your momma and Roe’s daddy were the closest thing I had and, despite your momma’s feelings towards me, I love her.”

I swallow. “Would you like to come in?”

She cries along with me when I tell her about my trip to see Josephine; for my mother and then for myself as well as Everett. She holds onto me and, for the first time, I get a tiny feeling for what unconditional love might feel like. I hug her back.

Jewel comes to visit us every weekend for the rest of that summer with Roe; eventually Ryker comes around, too. Jewel and I would go on long walks and just talk. She would tell me funny stories of my momma and her brother; stories that were so hard to believe. Stories of my momma happy. I cannot remember a day in my life when my mother was truly happy and I like to imagine her that way. Carefree and happy. She also tells me stories of how she raised Roe as well as Ryker and a hard knot forms in the pit of my stomach just thinking about how I never got to spend time with a grandmother I so desperately wanted.

Everett is wary of Jewel at first, but he, too, eventually-with the help of Emmy-warms up to her and even the short tempered moody Roe, who, acts like she could care less, would crack a smile. Jewel stays until way past dinner for each visit. Watching her drive away at the end of the day were some of my saddest moments, yet the visits themselves are the best memories I have.

At the end of the summer I finally make the decision that it’s time for Evie and I to make the move to be closer to Jewel and our cousins. Then came one of the hardest moments of my life, I went before a judge on behalf of myself and Everett and told the court I wanted to be emancipated from my mother as well as become responsible for my younger brother. With the help of Mrs. Knight and Mrs. White, the court reluctantly agrees. I love my mother more than anything in the world despite every way she has hurt me. Despite every man that has come before us. I love her. I love her so much that just thinking of her hurts to breathe. However, like I said before, sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love.

Dylan is no exception to this; I hear his heart shatter along with my own when I tell him I’m not going to be living with him anymore. He begs me to stay as he falls to the ground, clutching me around my waist while he says that the only thing he wants in this world is to keep me safe; to keep me by his side. I cry so hard at his words that the world blurs. If it wasn’t for Dylan holding onto me I would have crumbled to the ground and never gotten up again.

Living with Jewel, Ryker and Roe is something I need to do, though. This time I am not going to run from my history, instead, I will embrace it with my arms wide open. As much as I appreciate and love the Knights they are not my family. Maybe one day, but for now I need to go and be with the people who are. We might not be traditional, but I now have a true family to call my own.

The trunk is filled with Everett’s and my stuff, I’ve already said good-bye to Roxie and Third. We had held on to each other and promised that we would see each other on weekends along with every free chance in-between. Dylan doesn’t come to say good-bye, which hurts, but, it is better that way. I don’t think I could have left if I had seen his face. He didn’t come to say good bye for me, or maybe it was more for himself, but either way I am grateful for it.

Everett and I move in to Jewel’s trailer and I start school. I could have made myself over, become a new and different person, however I show up on the first day of school in my black combat boots, a green, plaid mini skirt, and a tight, black tank top with a red bra underneath it. I am not going to run anymore. This is me.

I will no longer let my past define me, I want to live for the now and let what happens happen. I am sick of living my life in fear of what might be, that is not really living; that is dying on the inside. I am letting go; I am letting go of my mother’s part in all of this, I am letting go of Josephine and all the women that came before me. I will no longer hold them responsible anymore, I forgive them and, like newly hatched butterflies, I let them go with weak and tender wings; watching them as they take flight. I am free. We are free.