Bastard (26 page)

“Sure,” he says with a sigh. “Tell me about you. What have you been up to since I left?”

“Not much. College, work, that sort of thing.”

“I had a feeling you’d go to college. What did you study?” he asks.

“Veterinary Science. I’m a Veterinarian.”

“Really? Wow. I never knew you wanted to be a Vet.”

“I didn’t, but after Lassie …” I hear my voice crack as I speak.

“Fuck,” he says rubbing his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. Poor fucking Larry.” When I look at him, I see tears glisten his eyes. I can’t go over this again. Earlier today was hard enough.

“You hungry?” I ask trying to change the subject. I need to get him out of my room. I can’t seem to function properly with him sitting on my bed.

“I guess. But, not just for food.” His hands reach out for me, but I slap them away.

“Well food is all I’ve got,” I tell him as I turn to leave. When he doesn’t get up, I look at him over my shoulder. “Are you coming or what?”

“Sure,” he says half-heartedly. His disappointment is evident. That’s too bad. It pisses me off that he thinks it’s okay to make advances at me. No matter how much he’s had to drink, he should know better. He needs some food to sober up, and I need distance. Thankfully, he follows me into the kitchen.

“Do you want a toasted cheese sandwich?” I ask.

“Okay, thanks.” When he starts to walk towards me, I point at the table.
Distance.
I need distance. Having him close is just too much.

“Sit,” I command. A boyish smile appears on his face before he turns and does what I asked. He’s a little unsteady on his feet. It makes me wonder just how much he’s had to drink. “Do you get drunk like this often?”

“Nope.”

“Then why tonight?” I ask, placing a glass of water in front of him. His glassy eyes meet mine. I see sadness and maybe a touch of anger.

“Cos I felt like it. I see you haven’t changed. You’re still fucking nosey,” he retorts. I suppose being back here isn’t easy for him, so I ignore his snide remark.

I make four toasted sandwiches. Two each. I didn’t eat much when Mark and I went out for dinner. My stomach was in knots after our little altercation with Carter. “Here you go,” I say, placing the plate in front of him.

“Ta,” is all he says as he picks up one of the sandwiches and takes a bite. I find myself sneaking glances at him when he’s not looking. His face is so rugged, so handsome. Is it possible he’s grown even more beautiful over the years, because I’m certain he has? I shouldn’t even be thinking that, but I am.

Mark is pretty to look at, but in my eyes he has nothing on Carter in the looks department. Carter’s sinfully hot, all man, and those tattoos make him look so bad-arse. He’s every girl’s fantasy. It’s a shame he’s a non-committal man whore.

It’s a surreal feeling that we’re actually having a meal together, after all this time. Well, if you class a toasted sandwich as a meal. So much has changed since he left, but in a way, nothing has.

He looks up and catches me staring. “You don’t like your food?” he asks with a mouth full.

“Of course. Why would you ask that?”

“Because you look like you’d rather be eating me instead,” he says with a cheeky smile.

“What?” I screech. He throws back his head and laughs. “Nooooo. You’re delusional if you think that.”

“Just calling it how I see it, sweetheart.” When he winks at me I feel my face flush. Shit. I probably was looking at him like that. I need to get him out of this house, and away from me, ASAP.

••••

For the next few hours, we eat, we chat, and we laugh—just like old times. I think it’s exactly what we both needed to heal, to completely move on. There was so much unfinished business between us, but now I feel like it’s all water under the bridge. I’m hoping after tonight, I can finally let all the hurt go.

Let him go.

My heart hurts to think this is more than likely the last time we’ll be alone again. He mentioned earlier he was leaving tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll see him around when he visits his mum, but not like tonight. I shouldn’t want him to stay, but for some reason I do. Well, part of me does. The part of me that now belongs to Mark, knows him leaving is for the best.

“I should get going,” he says.

“Okay.” I try not to let my disappointment show. I’ve missed being around him. I’ve missed the banter we shared. When he reluctantly turns, I follow him towards the front door. “Thanks for the food … for the catch up,” he says when we walk out onto the front porch.

“It was nice,” I reply, getting up on the tip of my toes and planting a soft kiss on his cheek. Taking a step back, my eyes meet his. My heart is sad knowing this is our final goodbye. At least I’m getting one this time around. “Take care of yourself, okay?”

“You too, kid,” he says, reaching up and gently running his hand down the side of my face. His touch is so gentle, so sweet. I feel tears burn my eyes. We stand there for the longest time staring at each other. His hand is still resting on my cheek. I find myself leaning my head into his palm. I briefly close my eyes and savour the last time I’m going to feel his skin against mine. I’d give anything for him to wrap me in his arms again.
Anything.
  

When I open my eyes, I find him watching me. He gives me a sad smile. “Goodbye, Carter,” I finally say, taking another step back. I’m thankful I got to say it this time. It doesn’t seem to lessen the ache in my heart though.

“Goodbye, Indi.” He continues to stand there, not moving. That electric pull between us, the one we shared in the past, is still as strong as ever. As much as I’d like to stay out here all night with him, I can’t. Someone needs to be the strong one here. I turn and take the few steps towards the door. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his hand reach towards me, but then he drops it back by his side. I’m grateful for that. We need to make a clean break.

••••

I manage to hold in my tears when I walk into the house, but they’re already falling by the time I reach my bedroom. My heart feels like it felt all those years ago when he left—broken.

I’m grateful that he came back, that I got to see him again. In saying that though, seeing him has conjured up all those old feelings. The ones that took me years to suppress. Guilt consumes me. I shouldn’t be feeling like this when I have a boyfriend.

Wiping my eyes, I dig my phone out of my bag. Turning it on, I find a message from Mark.

Night, babe. Hope your head is feeling better. x

Again the guilt hits hard. Technically I’ve done nothing wrong, but if Mark completely holds my heart, I shouldn’t be feeling what I’m feeling.

I’m feeling better, thanks. Sorry I had to cut the night short. See you at work in the morning. xxx

That’s a total lie. My headache is worse than ever, but I don’t want him to worry about me because I know he will. He replies straight away.

That’s good. Night, gorgeous. Sweet dreams. Wish you were here. x

I don’t reply to his last message. I’m not sure what to say. I do and don’t wish I was there with him. My head is so clouded right now it’s probably best that I’m not.

Finally, I climb under the covers. My thoughts are still well and truly on Carter. I know he’s next door. Only a few metres away. I wish I could spend more time with him before he leaves, but it’s probably safer for my heart if I don’t.

CHAPTER FIVE

Carter

As much as I hate being back in this house, I think walking away tomorrow, leaving my mum and Indi behind again, is going to be just as hard as it was the last time. For Indi’s sake it’s probably for the best, or is it? I’m not sure about that anymore. Especially after meeting that
wanker
she’s dating.

Once I would’ve said she was way too good for me, but in the past few years I’ve grown up, a lot. Sure, technically I’m still a bastard, but Indi’s words that night, all those years ago, have stuck with me. I’m not the same person I was. I no longer try to let that word define me. I still have my moments, but as a whole, I’ve come a long way. I’m a good, hardworking, and honest guy. That’s what I try my best to remember. Not all the other bullshit.

Going over there tonight, drunk, may not have been my smartest move, but I’m glad I did. I think she needed it just as much as I did. Being with her again was nice, but it only reinforced how good we are together, and how much I’ve missed having her close. She’s the only girl I’ve ever felt comfortable with. The only one who I can completely be myself with around. 

••••

When I wake the next morning, she’s still on my mind. My head hurts like a bitch from all the alcohol I consumed. I finished off the bottle when I got back home. My heart was hurting after saying goodbye to her. Because it was more than words, it truly was a goodbye. That doesn’t sit well with me for some reason. I have this feeling in my gut that if I walk away again I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. I’m going to lose her forever. If I haven’t already.

After showering and eating breakfast, I decide to head next door. I don’t know what I’m going to say when I get there, but I feel compelled to see her one more time before I leave. Jax called me this morning to see when I’d be heading back. I told him today. I have a great team, so I’m not really worried about the shop. I know I also have Jax and Candice if anything goes wrong, but either way, I still need to get home. I need to sort out what I’m going to do. To figure out a way I can come back here more often. Well, if Indi wants that of course. I got mixed messages from her last night. She said she loves that
wanker
, which was hard to hear, but I also get that feeling in the pit of my stomach there’s still something between us. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Who fucking knows?

“Carter, my boy,” Ross says with a smile when he answers the door. “Come in.”

“I was hoping to speak to Indi before I leave,” I divulge as I follow him down the hall towards the kitchen.

“She’s already left for work. Sit.” Disappointment consumes me. I take a seat at the kitchen table as he sets about making us a cuppa. Is missing her a sign, or just rotten luck?

“Oh.” I hear my own displeasure in my voice.

“Tell me something?” he asks as he stops what he’s doing, turning to face me. “Do you still have feelings for Indi?” Whoa. Where did that question come from?

“What?”

“Come on, Carter. Don’t pussyfoot around with me. Do you still have feelings for my daughter, or what?” I try my best to remain calm and not give anything away.

“Why do you ask?” He exhales in frustration. I know he knows I’m avoiding answering.

“I’ll tell you why,” he says in a stern voice, walking towards the table and taking the seat opposite me. “That dick, Mark. Indiana’s boyfriend.” I can’t help but smile when he refers to him as a dick. My sentiments exactly.

“What about him?”

“He called me last night …”

“He did? Why?” My first thought is,
fuck
, he’s dobbed me in for accosting him in the driveway, and Ross is going to chew me out about it.

“He asked for my permission to marry Indiana.”
Hell no.
By the way his shoulders just slumped, I’d say he’s not too happy about it. That makes two of us. “To be honest I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’ve never been able to completely warm to that guy, if you know what I mean.” I sure do. I only met him for a few minutes and I didn’t like him. Under other circumstances I might, but as long as he’s associated with Indiana, I know that’s not going to happen.

“Did you give him permission?” My heart starts to race as I wait for his reply.

“Not in so many words, but I told him if it’s what my daughter wants, and if it makes her happy, than I’m fine with it. What else could I say? I’d never stand in the way of her happiness. I just don’t think she’ll get that with him.” He rubs his hands over his face as he contemplates everything. “I still can’t believe the coward rung me instead of asking me face to face. Christ, I hope she doesn’t say yes.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Sure,” he replies.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I don’t think Mark is the right man for her. Indi seems happy enough with him, but there’s something missing. That spark. I just don’t see it when they’re together. Maybe I’m just being an overprotective father. She’s all I have left, but I want her to be truly happy. I want her to experience the kind of love I shared with her mother. Is that too much to ask?” I feel my lips turn up. I couldn’t agree with him more. It still doesn’t explain why he’s telling me this.

“Do you want me to rough him up?” I ask. Maybe that’s why he’s sharing this with me.

“No. I want you to get your shit together and decide what you want.” Hold on a minute.

“You want me to be with Indi?” I look at him in disbelief. Surely he couldn’t want that.

“Yes. If that’s what you both want, of course.” My lips turn up into a smile. I like the fact he thinks I’m good enough for his daughter because I know how much she means to him. He exhales before looking me in the eye. His expression is serious. “If you still have feelings for her, which I get the impression you do, this may be your last chance. You can both deny it all you want, but I’m not stupid, Carter. I saw the way you two looked at each other all those years ago. It’s the same look I saw yesterday if I’m not mistaken. You only get one chance at true love, son. Believe me, I know. I also know my daughter. She’s as loyal as they come. If she marries him, it will be for life.”

Uneasiness settles over me with every word spoken. I swear my heart’s beating so hard I can hear it thumping in my ears. The thought of losing her to him, forever … It doesn’t sit well with me—at all.

“I don’t know what to say,” I confess, making eye contact with him as I shift around in my seat. This whole conversation is agitating me. Of course I have feelings for her. I don’t know what he expects of me though. Does he want me to marry her? He’s got rocks in his head if he thinks that’s what I want. I’m not the marrying kind. Even for her. Fuck no. Girls like her don’t marry guys like me.