Battlefield of the Heart (23 page)

Linda looked over from her seat near the door. “Honey, you know talking about everything is the only way to work through it.”

He rolled his eyes. “That's what everyone keeps telling me, but I'm sick of talking. I just want to go to bed and sleep for a few days.”

“That's the depression talking,” Tom said.

“Is it? I don't guarantee I slept all weekend.” Danny glanced at Cindy. “I vaguely remember curling up in an abandoned house for a while, but I don't know if that was here or overseas or something that never happened. I don't know much of anything right now. Not for sure.”

She gave his hand another squeeze. “It's okay. You'll get to the point where you know stuff again.”

“Maybe.” He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, and Cindy followed the prompting of her heart and stayed silent, thankful his parents did the same. She doubted talking would do any good right now, and given the stress Danny had to be feeling along with his depression, continuing the discussion could easily lead to an argument none of them needed.

An hour or so later, someone finally arrived to take Danny upstairs. “Okay, it's time to say goodbye to your parents and your girlfriend.”

Danny gave his parents hugs before turning his attention to Cindy. He put his arms around her, holding her close as he whispered in her ear.

“Thank you for being here. I needed you.”

She leaned back enough to meet his gaze and laid her hand on his rough cheek. “That's why I came. And I want you to promise me you'll talk to the people here about Philly's death and everything else that's bothering you. If you try to hide from it, you'll never get better.”

His struggle showed in his eyes. Finally, he sighed and nodded. “You're right. I'll talk to them about it.”

She smiled and gave him another hug. “Good. I love you, and I'll be back to see you tomorrow.”

“I love you, too.” He took a deep breath and released her. “Good luck with your midterms.”

“Thanks.” She'd need more than luck to concentrate on tests after this adventure. Only God could give her the strength to deal with school.

“I'm glad to know my instincts work on someone other than him.” Her own smile faded as she studied him. “So, what's up?”

Josh sighed and slouched a little lower in the chair. “What you said about Danny accidentally killing that kid really got to me. I wasn't completely honest when I said I couldn't imagine what he was going through. I can imagine, because I'm going through something similar.”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn't know anything about treating kids, so I had to guess on dosages and stuff.” He lowered his head, his voice growing softer as he continued. “There was a little girl, maybe six or seven years old. She'd gotten caught in crossfire and was in severe pain from a couple of gunshot wounds. The bullets hit in a bad place, so it would have been a struggle to keep her alive long enough to repair the damage, but it might have been possible.”

Cindy waited a moment, but he showed no sign of continuing. “What happened?”

“I couldn't take her cries of pain anymore. It was ripping straight through my heart to listen to her, and I had pain medication.” He looked up, his eyes damp. “I gave her a really low dose, and it seemed to help. She quit screaming and wasn't as restless. I had to slap a bandage on one of our guys, and when I went back to the girl, she'd quit breathing. I tried to revive her, did everything I knew how to do, but she was already gone.”

Oh, Father, heal him. His pain was just as tangible as Danny's, and she couldn't stand not comforting him. She got up and gave him a hug. “You did what you could to save her. That's the important thing.”

He put his arms around her and nodded. “Some surgeon I talked to later said the amount of pain medication I gave her was small enough it probably hadn't killed her. And even if it had, she likely would have died from her injuries anyway.”

Cindy held him a moment longer then straightened and returned to her seat on her bed. “It's like you said at the hospital; kids are the worst kind of casualties.”

“Yeah, it's not their fault we had to go into their country. If there are any truly innocent victims, it's the kids.” He sighed and ran a hand across his eyes before lifting his head. “So, how am I for a great example of a so-called average war veteran who came home with no problems?”

“Like Danny once told me, you all have stuff you'd rather forget.”

“I do a pretty good job of ignoring that stuff most of the time, but every once in a while, it won't be ignored.” Josh looked insecure for the first time since she had met him. “Do you think there's a chance I can find someone to love me, guilty conscience and all?”

Where had that come from? She stared at him for a moment before she found her voice. “That's an odd question.”

“Not really. Danny's got you, Corbin has Monique, Lacey's got Matt.” He released a heavy sigh. “Halbert's taken your friend Tana out a few times. Even Alex has a girl he's talking to. I seem to be the only one incapable of finding someone who's not taken and can stand me.”

“That just means you haven't found the right girl yet, not that you're unlovable.”
Should I, Lord?
She decided to risk it. “If you want, I can find ways for you to spend time with my friends. You know, the ones you met at the free concert? Most of them are unattached.”

Josh groaned and then chuckled. “Oh, man. I come up here to let you know I understand your boyfriend's guilt trip, and I get a matchmaking offer. How pathetic is that?”

She grinned, glad to see his mood lifting. “I'll make a deal with you to make it less pathetic.”

“I'm listening.”

“Help me write an outline for my research paper on veterans, and I'll set up a movie night with my friends, you, and any random guys you want to bring, as long as they're good guys.”

He studied her for a long moment, obviously considering her idea. “I'll accept your offer on one condition. You never tell anyone about this conversation.”

She laughed and held out her hand. “It's a deal.”

He shook her hand then leaned back in his chair. “Now, why do you need my help with your outline? I thought you've been doing research and knew all about your paper.”

“Well, I thought so, too, but this whole thing with Danny has thrown me for a loop, and I have to turn in the outline Friday.” She sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I want to make sure I give you guys a fair write-up, but I don't know if I can do that with Danny and his problems on my mind. If you help me with the outline, I can be sure I'll hit on veterans like Danny and Lacey who have psychological or physical issues, but I'll also give equal attention to average veterans like you and Halbert.”

“That makes sense.” Josh picked up her open computer and handed it to her. “So, where do you want to start?”

They'd been working for about twenty minutes when Leann came in with Chrissy, Alicia, and Patti. The four girls stopped and stared at Josh, who had moved to sit beside Cindy so he could see the computer screen. He ran his gaze over them, briefly lingering on the DVD case in Alicia's hand. Then he lifted an eyebrow at Cindy.

“Do you have some kind of telepathic power you failed to mention?”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You're a dork.”

“Uh, hey, Cindy,” Leann said, her expression puzzled. “Are we interrupting something?”

“Just me writing an outline for my sociology term paper.” She saved the document and shut her computer. “You guys remember Josh, right? He was helping me with the outline.”

Leann nodded, her expression clearing. “How's Danny?”

“Hospitalized with severe depression. He also has a broken hand, but he'll be okay.”

“I'm glad to hear it.” Leann glanced at the girls she'd come in with, and then returned her attention to Cindy and Josh. “We were going to watch a movie. You guys want to watch with us?”

“I could use a good movie about now. It's been a very long, very stressful day.” Cindy glanced at the veteran observing her friends with interest. “What do say, Josh? You want to stick around and watch who knows what?”

He tapped his chin with a pseudo-serious expression. “Hmm, a mystery movie with five beautiful women or an empty apartment with only textbooks for company… I think I'll go with the movie.”

Laughter filled the room, and Cindy set her computer on her desk. It looked like she wouldn't have to arrange a way for Josh to hang out with her friends; Leann had taken care of all the work for her without even realizing it. And from the way Josh and Leann kept looking at each other, he just might have found the girl to end his dating drought.

His brow furrowed as he let go of her to take the yellow envelope. “You shouldn't be carrying stuff with that hand.”

“A card is light enough that it's okay. If it hurts, I won't do it, but carrying that card didn't hurt at all.”

He nodded and untucked the unsealed flap with his thumb. Sighing, he lifted his injured hand so he could pull out the card. The cast mostly covered his fingers and ran to the middle of his forearm. Cindy reached over and lightly touched the plaster.

“Hey, now we match.”

“Yeah, but you never should have needed a cast.” His gaze never left the colorful card in his hand.

“Danny, we've been over this. It was an accident.” She prayed her firm tone would get him to listen and finally believe her. “I'm not mad at you. I don't hold you responsible. It was just bad luck that I was so close to that barrier.”

He glanced at her, his expression filled with pain. “But if I hadn't shoved you down — if I hadn't had that flashback — it wouldn't have made a difference how close you were to it. You never would have hit your wrist on it, because you wouldn't have been on the ground.”

She draped her arm around his shoulders, praying for the wisdom to help him understand. “I want you to start thinking about that whole incident the same way I do. Yes, you shoved me down in the middle of a flashback, but you honestly believed I was in danger and that you were saving my life. Knowing you care so much about me that you're willing to risk your own safety to keep me safe is a wonderful thing. It lets me know you love me and makes me love you even more. I've always wanted to fall in love with a man who would protect me.”