Battlefield of the Heart (25 page)

Leann lowered her cards. “You're home early. I thought you were going to visit Danny until they kicked you out.”

“That was the plan.” Cindy dropped her gaze to the fluffy duck, and she stroked it as she fought back tears. “Danny had other ideas.”

Leann's bed creaked, and then Josh sat beside Cindy. “What did he do?”

“Told me some stuff then tried to pick a fight with me.” She risked looking at Josh and found him watching her closely. Tears blurred her vision at the concern in his eyes. “If I thought he meant what he said, I'd have to believe he broke up with me. The nurse told me he'll probably feel terrible for the things he said, but what if…”

Josh put his arm around her shoulders. “The nurse is right. When Danny's unstable, he's liable to say anything. I think his mom explained it best after he tried to pick a fight with me. Danny's hurting so badly that sometimes he can't help hurting the people around him. He doesn't mean to, and he regrets it when he calms down, but it's something he can't control. His meds usually do a good job of keeping his emotions stable, but it sounds like everything's out of whack again.”

Halbert spoke up from his seat on the floor. “Yeah, Danny's not always the easiest to get along with, but when he's stable, he's a good guy. It's when his meds aren't working right that life gets interesting.”

“The nurse said his mood has been all over the place today.” Cindy looked around her sympathetic friends, desperate for reassurance. “Do you think it's a good sign that he spent the day telling the staff he hoped I'd visit him? I mean, that shows how he really feels, right?”

“If he didn't want you to be his girlfriend,” Tana said in an authoritative tone, “he wouldn't have been all excited about possibly seeing you. No matter how weird he is right now, I have a hard time believing he's that crazy.”

Leann nodded. “I'm with Tana on this one. Can you call him and see if he's calmed down?”

“I could, but I think I'll wait a little longer.” Cindy hugged the duck to her chest, her insecurity about Danny making her want to cry. “I don't think I can handle it right now if he's still in a mood to try to make me leave him.”

“That's perfectly understandable.” Josh lifted his arm from her shoulders and checked his watch. “It's after six, and I'm hungry. Anyone else interested in dinner?”

Cindy remained silent as the others agreed. She knew she should eat, but food held no appeal. Danny's rejection had killed her appetite as well as her mood.

Leann stood and took Iggy from her, tossing the duck on the pillow before grabbing her hands. “Come on. You need dinner, too.”

Cindy shook her head but allowed her roommate to pull her to her feet. “I'm not hungry.”

“Come with us anyway.” Leann slung an arm around her waist. “Sitting up here moping isn't going to help anyone. Besides, maybe you'll be a little hungry by the time we get downstairs.”

“Not likely.” Cindy heaved a sigh as she let her friends guide her into the hall.

The group decided to walk to Mitchell Complex, a quarter of a mile away. Although Cindy knew the food would be good, she had a feeling anything her friends made her eat would be as appetizing as corrugated cardboard. Danny had hurt her, and the more she thought about it, the more she questioned her sanity for falling in love with him. Hadn't she learned her lesson when she was fourteen? Emotional abuse was just as bad as physical abuse, and the effects lasted a whole lot longer.

But Danny wasn't abusive, was he? Yes, he'd said things that hurt, but she was sure he hadn't meant any of them. In a way, it felt like she was making excuses for him, but he really did have the excuse that he was out of his mind. That's why he was locked in a psychiatric ward.

Before her thoughts could go any further and possibly make her as unstable as Danny, she spotted Alex walking toward them. He ran a concerned gaze over her as the others greeted him. After returning their greetings, he pulled Cindy aside.

Once they were far enough from the group that no one would overhear, he spoke quietly. “Danny called me a little while ago. He told me what happened at the hospital, what he said. He's pretty torn up about the way he treated you and asked me to come check on you. Are you all right?”

Her eyes flooded, but she didn't look away. She wanted Alex to see it so he could tell Danny about it. “What he said hurt me. He once promised that he would do everything he could to avoid making me cry, but today he wouldn't quit until he'd pushed me to the point of tears.”

Alex scrubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “I'm not going to excuse his behavior. He had no call to treat you like that. But when I was talking to him, I got a bit of an explanation. The thing with Shannon messed him up, and he didn't need to be messed up any more. But it happened, and he's got trust issues because of it. He's so afraid you'll leave him like she did that he tried to push you away because he thought it would hurt less than if you just dumped him.”

“I keep telling him I'm not going to leave him, but if he keeps trying to drive me away, I'm going to have to leave him for my own mental health.” Cindy wrapped her arms around herself, tears slipping from her eyes. “I can't handle emotional abuse. I dealt with it once, and I already told Danny I'm not going to go through it again. Either he has to accept that I love him and that I'm going to stick with him or I'll have to break my promise to him and his parents and leave him.” She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain tearing her heart in two. “I don't want to lose him, but he may end up forcing me into it.”

Alex wrapped her in a hug. “I had a serious discussion with him about treating you right. You're too good a friend for me to stand by and watch him hurt you. I don't care how messed up he is right now. He needs to see you for the special person you are and treat you right. He promised to talk to a therapist and get some help in controlling himself better in the future.”

Cindy nodded, afraid to hope but more afraid not to, as he released her and stepped back. She dried her eyes, needing Alex's more experienced opinion. “Do you think it will help?”

“When Danny puts his mind to something, he sees it through to the end. I think counseling will help; it may just take a while because when he gets like he did today, it's because he's so messed up nothing makes sense, and he essentially has no control over anything.” He pulled a cell phone from his pocket and handed it to her. “Here, this is Danny's. I was at his parents' house when he called, and he asked me to bring it to you so you can call him if you want to without having to use the minutes on your phone. He thought about calling you, but he's afraid you won't want to talk to him again, so he's leaving it up to you whether you have contact with him or not.”

She stared at the phone in her hand. “I was planning to call him later, but I wanted to give him plenty of time to calm down so I didn't make things worse for him. I guess he's already over it.”

“Well, I wouldn't say he's over it, but he's definitely calm and feeling guilty.”

After a long moment, she sighed and looked up at Alex. “I think I'll go ahead and call Danny now. Can you let the others know I'll meet them at Mitchell Complex in a little bit?”

“Sure, no problem.” His reassuring look did little to soothe her frayed nerves. “I'm sure Danny will apologize profusely for the way he spoke to you earlier. But if he doesn't — well, let me know, and I'll have another talk with him.”

Cindy managed a small smile. “Thanks, Alex.”

He headed for the waiting group, and she turned to walk in the other direction as she opened Danny's phone. She'd memorized the hospital number that morning because she'd stared at it for so long before calling. Her nervousness then couldn't compare to the anxiety she suffered now.

Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to get through this.

She drew in a calming breath and dialed. It took a moment for Danny to come to the phone, and when he did, his voice was filled with a combination of hope and remorse.

“Cindy?”

“Yes, it's me.” She tried to figure out what to say and decided to take the straightforward approach. “Danny, you've got to stop trying to push me away. I can't take you making me cry because of your insecurity. I don't want to lose you, but I have to wonder if I really have you.”

“I'm so sorry,” he said, his voice breaking. “I don't know what I was thinking. I know you aren't like Shannon, but I can't help worrying that you'll end up leaving me, too. Have you seen Alex? I talked to him and promised to get help so I don't try to make you cry again.”

“He found me a few minutes ago and gave me your cell phone. That's what I'm calling from now.” She took a deep breath, a plan forming in her mind. “I'm glad you're going to get help, but I think we might need to see a counselor together. I want to help you get better, but sometimes I don't know how to help you. Maybe if we talk to someone together, we can learn how to keep things like this afternoon from happening.”

“That's probably a good idea. We might have to wait until I get out of here, though. I don't know if they do couples counseling when one half of the couple is on the psych ward.” He sighed, and she could imagine him running a hand through his hair like he so often did. “My regular counselor would talk to us after I come home. You should meet her anyway. I think you'll like her, and she's easy to talk to.”

“I'd be glad to meet your counselor.” Cindy hesitated, a little afraid of his reaction to her next words. “I love you, Danny.”

“I love you, too, and if you were here or I was there, I'd give you a kiss and hold you close so you'd be able to see how much I love you.” That sounded like the sweet guy she'd fallen in love with. Her smile faded as he continued with a hesitant tone. “Are you going to come visit tomorrow? I understand if you don't want to after the way I treated you today, but I'd really like to see you.”

Even if she hadn't already planned to go, there was no way she could resist his hopeful plea. “I'm planning to get there as close to the start of visiting hours as I can, but I have a midterm at two so I might be a little late. It all depends on how long the test takes.”

“That's okay. I'm just happy and relieved you're coming.” His voice dropped in volume. “I was so afraid I'd actually driven you away. I can't stand the thought of losing you because I acted stupid.”

“You haven't lost me, but you came close.” She took a deep breath, fighting back tears because she knew she was hurting him. But he had to hear it. “The important thing now is that you're going to get help. I'm so glad about that. I think it'll help both of us for you to learn you can trust me and rely on me.”

“I'm trying, Cindy. I'm really trying.” His voice broke again. “But it's so hard. I don't know how to control it. It just happens.”

“I know,” she said soothingly, wishing she could give him the hug he sounded like he desperately needed. Maybe complete honesty hadn't been the best choice for tonight. “I'm sure the therapist or whoever will help you learn how to deal with it.”

“They've been trying.”

Her heart broke at the misery in his voice. How could she help him? Reassure him? “But, Danny, this time I'm here to help you. You don't have to deal with this stuff alone. I'm here for you.”

“Yeah, but—” A quiet voice interrupted him, and he sighed. “I gotta go. My time's up. I love you, Cindy.”

“I love you, too, and I'll see you tomorrow.”

He hung up, and she turned off the cell phone and slid it into her pocket. She longed to give Danny a hug and talk to him for hours like she'd done before, like he needed now, but he had people at the hospital who could help him deal with his depression and despair. She'd just have to trust they could do enough until she could get there and remind him she would be by his side through this. Prayers for his comfort flowed from her heart, and she reminded herself that God was with Danny and would help him as well.

When she arrived in the dining room of Mitchell Complex, she spotted her friends sitting at a table off to one side. All of them had meals in front of them, including Alex. Cindy didn't know if she wanted to eat anything yet, so she headed straight for the table. The group watched as she pulled a chair over and sat down. She couldn't help feeling a little like a zoo animal as she turned to Alex.

“You don't need to have that talk with him,” she said, knowing it would make the others curious.

“I'm glad to hear it.” Alex studied her. “How's he doing?”

“He's severely depressed, and I think I accidentally made it a little worse.” Cindy rubbed her forehead in an attempt to relieve the mild headache the whole situation was giving her. “I tried to undo it, but he had to get off the phone. I never considered how much that time limit could get in the way.”

Alex nodded, understanding filling his features. “As long as he knows you care, he'll be okay.”

“He knew it when I got off the phone with him. Whether he'll still know it in an hour is the real question.”

“Call down there in the morning and check on him. They'll let him know you called.”

She sighed and leaned back in her chair, wishing it was that simple. “That might not do any good. He thought they were lying when they told him I called this morning. Maybe they'll let me talk to him, so he knows for sure I called.”

“As long as he's not busy with something, they should let you talk to him.” Alex glanced at the empty place in front of her. “Now, where's your dinner?”

“I didn't buy it yet.” She glanced toward the serving line. “I don't even know what I want.”

Tana stood and grabbed Cindy's arm. “Come on. I'll help you pick something out.”

Cindy reluctantly followed her toward the serving line. “Tana, I'm really not interested in food right now. My boyfriend is in the hospital and so depressed I don't know what he might do if he forgets I love him.”

“I understand all of that, but you have to take care of yourself.” Tana winked at her, a teasing grin lifting the corners of her mouth. “Besides, what would Danny think if you went to visit him looking half-starved?”

Memories of all the times Danny had interrupted her extended study periods to make sure she didn't skip meals made her smile. “Yeah, okay. Point taken.”

“Good,” Tana said as they joined the end of the line.