Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel (17 page)

Just as he was putting the last finishing touches to the song, Jason heard cars coming up the driveway, then two doors being slammed, then footsteps first on the gravel, then on the front porch, then someone was banging against the front door.

Jason got up.

He realized it had gotten dark outside. He had to get to Loreley. He didn’t have time for visitors.

Judging by the force he heard fists banging the door with, someone was here with an agenda. It could only be Cal or Chris. Nathan had a key and wouldn’t announce his arrival like that. He would just rip into him as he had several times already. He had no idea where Nathan was. The last time he had seen him was in the basement playing a video game before he left for the cemetery. He hadn’t seen him since he got back.

Jason had been surprised that neither Cal nor Chris had shown up before now. They were so protective and possessive of Loreley that Jason had expected them to show up that first night. Yeah, both of them had called repeatedly, but neither had shown up and confronted him.

Obviously, they were done giving him time.

That was fine. Let them come. Jason had a few things to get off his chest as well.

This confrontation was long overdue.

Apparently, Cal felt the same way, since before he could reach the door Jason heard a key turn in the lock. A second later the door swung open and an incensed Cal stepped into the front hall and came right at Jason.

“You son of a bitch!”

Chris was right behind Cal, his face showing the same fury as his eyes zeroed in on Jason.

Jason held his ground and crossed his arms over his chest as he held Cal’s glare with his own. What he didn’t do was speak.

“You son of a bitch! I warned you, Jason. I warned you if you didn’t follow through on your word and bolted again instead of fighting for her, I would make it so you wished you’d never met me.”

Cal had stopped just inches from Jason’s face, but still Jason didn’t move, just met Cal glare for glare.

“You promised me. You promised me you wouldn’t take it out on her once you found out.” That was Chris. His voice, too, promised violence.

Jason clenched his teeth but didn’t move.

“Are you done?” He asked both of them when neither said anything more.

“Fuck no, I’m not done,” Cal growled into his face. “You’re gonna get your ass down the mountain and talk to my sister. You’re gonna make the guilt and anguish and hollowness disappear from her eyes. And you’re gonna make her stop crying. I don’t care what you have to do to make that happen. She has suffered enough. She doesn’t deserve this.”

“I agree,” Jason concurred.

Surprise flashed in Cal’s eyes.

“You agree?”

“Yeah, I agree. And you might have found that out if you hadn’t stormed in here out for my blood.”

Cal took a step back and relaxed his body into a more comfortable and non-threatening stance.

“Then why am I the one holding Lore while she cries herself to sleep every night?”

Jason’s eyes moved to Chris. “She’s crying herself to sleep?” he asked, concern and horror clear on his voice.

“Yeah. She’s devastated, man. I haven’t seen her like this since the day Jesse died. It’s like she’s not only lost you, but lost a part of Jesse all over again.”

Fuck him. He had underestimated the situation. Loreley had sounded sad and regretful that day at the cemetery, but she had also agreed to give him time.

Fuck.

Hearing that she was suffering like that, made a sharp pain slice through his chest and his stomach drop.

“Fuck,” he swore.

“She has convinced herself that everything is her fault, that she should have known you didn’t cheat on her and would have never abandoned her. Or should I say you convinced her of that?”

“Fuck!” He swore again. “I told her I needed some time to come to terms with everything. She agreed.”

“Yeah. And you also told her that you weren’t able to forgive her. You said you would call her and you haven’t. What did you think she would do?”

“I thought she was giving me space. That we would talk once I was ready. That’s what I told her.”

“You need to fix this before things get out of hand and she loses it again.” Cal’s voice was borderline scared. He was worried that last year would repeat itself.

“That’s not gonna happen,” Jason rumbled as he strode to the back porch to retrieve his guitar.

“So you’re gonna talk to her?”

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna talk to her. She at the bar?”

Chris nodded. The anger and concern melted away and his face split into a knowing grin as he saw Jason reappear in the room with his guitar in hand. Cal looked confused and a little impatient. “Let’s go,” he said. He started towards the door but stopped when he heard Jason speak.

“One thing.” He focused all his attention on Chris who stiffened as he read Jason’s intensity. “I get why seeing a half-naked woman opening my front door would make Loreley believe I cheated on her. I would have thought the same thing if a half-naked man had been in her room. So I get why she was hurt and took off. But you weren’t ruled and blinded by your emotions, Chris. You should have kept a clear head and at least answer one of my many calls. And those messages…I don’t even know what to say about that. Again, Loreley was blinded by her emotions and that’s somewhat understandable, but you should have known that I would never in my life abandon my own child. You knew how much I loved her. You knew that she owned me down to my soul. That I wanted to build a life with her. You knew, because I told you about it. You knew, because you came with me when I went ring shopping. Did none of that ever cause the slightest doubt in your mind?”

Chris clenched his teeth as he held Jason’s stare, but Jason didn’t miss the guilt and remorse flash across his face. Neither of them spoke a word as understanding crossed between them, ending in a short nod from Chris and a chin lift from Jason.

Then without another word Jason strode out the door to his car.

It was time to get Loreley and him back on track.

The bar was packed. And Chris was nowhere to be found. He had left saying he had an errand to run and would be back soon. That was over an hour ago. Mark was behind the bar with me and two waitresses were on the floor, but it was so packed that they could make use of a third man pouring drinks.

We might have been okay with just Mark and I if I was on my game. But I was far from it. I kept getting orders wrong and dropped things constantly, making everything take twice as long. Mark had given me more than a few looks during the past hour, but thankfully, he hadn’t asked any questions.

I didn’t think I could take another person asking what was wrong with me, if I was okay, wanting me to confide in them. They all meant well and I appreciated their concern, but I was done hearing the same words, the same advice over and over again. Every single person that knew what happened had told me that nothing was my fault. That I should stop blaming myself, that it would get me nowhere, and if Jason was worth my love he would understand the situation I had been in and would come around.

Of course, they would say that. They loved me and were partial to seeing things from my perspective. I knew they were concerned about me, but I wasn’t in danger of drinking myself unconscious again because I couldn’t stand the pain for another second. No, I was nowhere near that. I had done that last year to escape the pain, to be numb. Now, I didn’t need the help of alcohol to feel numb.

Because I already felt dead inside.

There was no more pain, no more agony, no anger. I had shut all that down.

It had been four full days since I had last heard from him. I had resigned myself to the knowledge that I had lost Jason, that he had left me for good, that there was no way I would get the chance to try and fix things.

And with that knowledge, I had resigned myself to the fact that nothing would ever be right again.

Just a few days ago, I had thought I had found my way back to myself again, had been optimistic that I would somehow find some happiness.

Now, I knew that that part of my life was forever lost.

I would live my life, run this bar, play my music, hang out with friends, and remember and hold on to the happy memories I had of Jesse.

But my heart would never be full again.

I had accepted that.

Welcomed it, actually.

My head snapped up from the beer I was pouring to look at the front door. There was a commotion with lots of shouting, and I could see people shoving each other, but I couldn’t see what exactly was going on.

I made eye contact with Mark and my eyebrows went up in question, asking him if he had any idea what was happening, but he shrugged his shoulders and went back to mixing drinks.

“Want me to go check it out?” I heard Nathan ask. He was sitting at the bar in front of me, had been sitting there for over an hour, keeping me company, chatting with me, watching me. It was like he had declared himself my personal watchdog.

I placed the beer in front of the customer who I thought had ordered it, took his money, and decided to go investigate.

“Thanks, Nathan. I’ll go take care of it.” I really couldn’t deal with a brawl today. I could have sent Mark or Nathan, but no matter what mood I was in, I was still the owner of this bar and had to act accordingly if I wanted the patrons’ respect.

When I got close to where the brouhaha was happening, I saw Chris step out of the crowd. He saw me and headed straight for me. Seeing as he had just been in the midst of the bustle and hadn’t seen the need to do anything about it, I stopped and waited for him to get to me.

The expression on his face was one of anticipation mixed with determination. I had been so sure to see mostly worry on his face when he looked at me that the anticipation and determination I saw there instead confused me. He looked like he was up to something, but I had no idea what that could be. I knew he had something planned for my birthday tomorrow, even though he was well aware I hated surprises. But it was nowhere near midnight yet, so it couldn’t be about that.

I narrowed my eyes at him as he reached me, suspicious. But instead of talking and telling me what was going on, he grinned at me, then took me by the elbow and steered me towards the newly finished stage.

What the hell?

We didn’t have anyone playing tonight, so I was confused and a little irritated as to why he would want me to go onstage. There was no way I would be able to perform tonight.

“Chris, what the hell is going on?” I asked, resisting the pull of his hand on my elbow and stopping about ten feet from the stage, planting myself in front of him.

No, I was not going up there tonight. No way.

But Chris didn’t answer.

What he did instead was lift his chin to someone I couldn’t see behind me then he grabbed my upper arms and turned me so that my body was facing the stage and he was standing behind me. He didn’t let go of my arms.

What the hell?

I felt someone crowding me on my left and looked to see that Cal was standing close. He looked at me with warmth in his eyes. To my surprise, there was no worry there, but I could see the same determination and anticipation I had seen on Chris’ face. Then I heard a “Fucking finally,” grumbled on my other side and saw that Nathan had joined us. His arms were crossed on his chest and his grin was big and proud.

I opened my mouth to again ask what the hell was going on when I heard a guitar being strummed on the stage. Surprised, I whipped my head around and stilled when I saw who was sitting on the stool in front of the microphone.

It was Jason.

Chris’ grip on me tightened and Cal moved in closer, but none of that registered with me. All I could do was stare at the man on stage, too overwhelmed and confused by what I was feeling to move. People all around me started cheering and shouting Jason’s name as I stood there, frozen.

Then he started speaking into the microphone.

“All right everyone. Calm down for a second, so I can talk.” Almost immediately, people started to calm down and waited for him to go on.

Which he did.

And what he said made my breath catch in my throat.

“I know this stage is supposed to be christened tomorrow, but there is something I need to say to someone that’s important to me, something that couldn’t wait another second.” His eyes drifted over his audience while his fingers lazily strummed his guitar. Then his eyes found me and he zeroed in, holding me captive with his gaze as he kept speaking.

“You see, I’ve been in love with a very special girl for a very long time. I’m a man and men can be stupid, so you can probably guess that I fucked it up and made her leave me.” Men were chuckling all around me in agreement. “Since then, everything I have done I did thinking about her, missing her, wanting, no,
needing
her to come back to me. Of course, she didn’t. She was too hurt by what happened and I never heard from her again. It’s been six years since I held her, six years since I touched her, kissed her, made her laugh, and pissed her off. Six very long and very lonely years.” He stopped and kept strumming his guitar almost lovingly as he held my gaze with captivating intensity. “And when I finally got my head out of my ass and went after what I wanted, what I needed to feel whole again, I promised myself that this time, I wouldn’t give up, that this time I would fight, even if the thing I had to fight was her, until she was mine again and then I would never let her go. But life’s a bitch most of the time and things didn’t turn out the way I had imagined. See, she had a secret, a secret she didn’t think I deserved to know, a secret that, upon finding out, nearly destroyed me.” His voice broke a little on those last words and I could feel tears well up in my eyes yet again. “Her words almost destroyed me and still, I couldn’t leave. Even after everything that’s happened, after we both said and did things to hurt each other, she is everything I want, everything I need. I realized during the past few days that no matter what, I will never be able to let her go.” Goosebumps were covering my whole body at hearing his words and I shivered. Then he stopped talking to the crowd and addressed only me. “So I’m here to fight, baby. I’m here to fight and I won’t give up until you take me back.”