Be Here Now: A Cedar Creek Novel (19 page)

“Fuuuuuck!” With one last plunge, he planted himself inside her and stayed deep as the most intense orgasm he had ever experienced ran through his body, making him explode inside her, spilling himself deep inside her pussy as she kept clenching and pulsing, sucking him dry.

I took his weight when Jason collapsed on top of me. We were both breathing hard, completely spent. The feel of him still inside me after so long was overwhelming, at the same time it was beautiful and perfect.

I had missed him.

So much.

I still couldn’t believe that he was here with me, in my bed, and that he had promised me he would never leave me again. That he loved me. I had desperately needed those words from him, had needed the assurance that this was real.

Still, there was so much we had to figure out. He had promised me we would talk, but I was worried that once I told him about Jesse, once I showed him pictures and videos of his son, that he would resent me and eventually hate me.

And that was something I wouldn’t be able to live with.

I glided my hands up and down his back, trying to ease my anxiety with the contact as those thoughts ran through my head.

“Mmm. That feels good.” Jason murmured as he nuzzled and kissed my neck. He kissed a line across my cheek to my mouth where he captured my lips in a slow and sensual kiss.

“Was it too rough?” he asked when he ended the kiss and looked down at me.

I shook my head. “No. Why would you think that?” Sex between us had always been passionate and could get rough sometimes, especially if we’d had an argument or hadn’t seen each other for a while.

“I told myself I’d go easy and enjoy every single inch of you all night long, but being inside you again…I couldn’t hold back.”

I smiled at him, liking the fact that I made him lose control.

“If it wasn’t too rough then what is it?”

“What do you mean?”

He studied me for a second as he ran his fingers softly along my cheekbone. “It might have been a while, Loreley, but you’re still an open book for me. You’re worried about something.”

Uncomfortable, I tried to avert my eyes, but he caught my chin between his thumb and finger and turned my head back to him so I had no other choice but to look at him. His eyes were alert and assessing.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I shrugged.

I didn’t want to ruin the moment of our reunion even though I couldn’t quite shake the anxiety. But Jason didn’t let it go.

“Talk to me.”

I shrugged again before I said, “I’m just a little worried.”

“About what?”

“I’m worried that…when I tell you about…Jesse…I’m worried that you’ll…” He stopped me with a kiss. Then he slid off me and out of me and pulled me into his arms so that we were both on our sides, facing each other.

“Listen to me, Loreley. I know there’s a lot we need to talk about. A lot we need to figure out. And yes, most of that talking will be about our son. I want to know everything about him, look at every single picture of him you have. I want to know what food he liked, what his favourite color was, if he looked more like me or more like you, if he had your passion and loyalty, if he shared your fun for life, if it was easy for him to make friends, if he was funny, if he was happy, if he was as perfect as I imagine him.”

“He was,” I said in a broken whisper. “He was all of that and more.”

Jason gave me a sad but proud smile and touched his lips softly to mine. “He was ours so there’s no way he couldn’t have been perfect.” He kissed me again.

“What I’m saying is, yes, I’m unbelievably sad and angry that I never got to be a part of his life, but I’m not mad at you, Loreley. How could I be? I’ll admit I was furious with you when I first found out, furious and hurt that you thought so little of me. But then I realized that you didn’t have any other choice but to hate me. You thought I had cheated on you. You had no way of knowing the girl in my house was with Murphy and not me. Yes, you could have answered my calls, but I get why you didn’t. And Loreley, I should have tried harder to get you to talk to me before you left for L.A. But I was too proud. I couldn’t get past my male ego, couldn’t get over the fact that you would leave me like that without looking back, over a stupid fight we both knew only happened because I was an insecure jerk. And baby, I didn’t know you thought I was cheating on you or I would have moved heaven and earth to talk to you right then. I thought you’d left me because of the things I’d said that night. I was too proud to question it and look deeper, too proud to run after you. I called you all day after that and the day after that. I called Chris about ten times, but neither of you answered. It was clear you didn’t want to talk to me. So I stupidly left you be and hoped that you would come around and call me back. Only you didn’t. And knowing what I know now I can’t blame you for that.”

“I wanted to call you, so many times. But I was too hurt. I was miserable. I hated L.A. without you, hated that I was alone and broken-hearted. I was so angry. But I never hated you. I told myself I did, but for some reason I never really could.”

Another soft lip touch.

“I’m glad to hear that, honey. I could never hate you either. And I won’t hate you even when you tell me all about Jesse. That’s what this is about, isn’t it? That’s what you’re worried about?”

I nodded.

Jason pulled me in closer and brushed his lips against my forehead. “I could never hate you, Loreley. It’s just not possible. I love you way too much for that to be even imaginable.”

“I love you, too. I never stopped,” I whispered.

He sighed in relief as he tightened his arms around me. “Good. Then I need something from you.”

I lifted my face out of his neck and looked up at him. “What’s that?”

“A promise.”

“What kind of promise?”

“I need you to promise me that you won’t run. That whatever happens, you’ll come to me and we’ll talk. We’ve lived completely separate lives for the past six years and a lot has happened. Promise me that no matter what you hear or see about me, you’ll come to me and we’ll talk about it and work it out. And I’ll promise you the same. I won’t run and I won’t let you go ever again.”

I could only imagine what he meant by that. But he was right. We’d lived completely separate lives. While he was off becoming a famous rock star and touring the world, I lived in the small town I grew up in near the Rocky Mountains, raising a child and running a bar. I didn’t want to think too much about what I could hear or see that would make me run away from him again though. As long as we promised each other to talk about everything that might come up, I believed we could make it.

So I nodded and said, “I promise.”

“Thank you, baby.” He rolled back on top of me and took my mouth in a deep and fierce kiss. Then he explored every inch of me with his mouth and tongue and hands, kissing me, nibbling me, suckling me as he caressed and worshipped my body until he slowly sank back into me and we made slow and intense love.

I woke up the next morning curled into Jason’s side. He was on his back with both arms around me, holding me close and tight even in his sleep. Carefully, I slipped out from underneath his arms and got up, snatched my robe from the chair in the corner and threw it on, and headed to the bathroom. After doing my morning business and brushing my teeth and hair, I walked back into the bedroom to see Jason hadn’t moved. I decided to let him sleep a little longer while I made some coffee and got breakfast started.

My house was small but cozy. It was one of those cute little 1950s bungalow style houses we had a lot of here in Cedar Creek. Mine was one of many on a street that was lined with huge elm trees that gave great shade in the summer and looked absolutely beautiful in the fall. The front door led you right into the living room that was open to the kitchen at the end of the house. There was a cozy wood-burning fireplace with a comfy dark brown couch in front of it, filled with pillows. In my opinion, you could never have enough pillows. They were everywhere in my house, or at least everywhere where you would want to hang out and get comfortable, be it on the furniture or on the floor.

The kitchen was the only room I had remodelled after I moved in when Jesse was just barely a year old. It was now decorated in vintage chic. The cabinets were a mix of off-white and light blue and had that rustic and used look to them that made you feel at home as soon as you walked in the door. All my appliances were retro as well, except my oversized high-end Wolf oven, my pride and joy. I loved to cook and did it often for friends and family. Where Ivey was the queen of desserts, I was the queen of fancy and complicated meals. I loved to experiment and create new dishes and had enough people to volunteer for a tasting. In the corner of the kitchen was a big enough table to seat eight people, ten at a squeeze, and it was regularly filled to capacity, with the usual suspects being everyone who was at Cal and Ivey’s house last night.

My formal dining room to the right of the front door wasn’t a formal dining room as such. I had it set up as a music room with my guitars and my piano, a big Laz-y-Boy chair and lots of—yes, you guessed right—pillows all over the floor. This was where Jesse and I would sit on the floor, where I would play and sing to him, where he had learned his first guitar grips. His little kid guitar was still standing in its holder in the corner of that room.

The bacon was sizzling in the pan, the toast was in the toaster waiting to be toasted, and the table was set with butter and jam. My first cup of coffee was half-consumed and in my hand as I stood in front of my kitchen window, holding the birthday card I was reading when I felt arms snake around my waist from behind and lips against the nape of my neck.

“Morning,” Jason mumbled as he lightly kissed my cheek. I snuggled into him and whispered, “Morning,” as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

“What’s that?” He asked.

“It’s a birthday card. The last one Jesse made for me.”

He was quietly holding me as he studied the card. It was a hand-drawn picture of him and me with a big red heart on top and big block letters that spelled “Happy Birthday” and “I Love you mom” on the bottom. Jesse had died a few days before my birthday, but I had found the card in his nightstand a few months later and put it on the board that hung on the wall in the kitchen with all his other artwork, so I could look at it every day. I had since taken down everything else and put it away in a treasure box. But the card had stayed.

“He did a good job,” Jason murmured.

“Yeah.”

“Is it normal for a five-year-old to be able to draw like that?” I shook my head and laughed silently. You’d expect the picture to be drawn with crayons but Jesse had never had much patience with those and had said they were for babies. He had preferred pencil crayons because he could draw more details with them.

“No. It’s not.”

“He was very artistic.”

“Yeah,” I repeated, “Like his dad.”

“I can’t draw worth shit, honey.” He said through a light chuckle. I snickered with him. “No, but you’re an artist. You create beautiful music.” His arms turned me around so I was facing him. “So do you.” He kissed me. “So I guess he got that from both of us.” He kissed me again. “Happy Birthday,” he murmured against my lips.

I smiled. “Thank you.”

“Any big plans for today?”

I shook my head. “Not until later. My dad’s throwing a birthday barbeque for me this afternoon. And we have a band playing at the bar, so I’ll have to go check on their set up and go in early tonight.”

“Anyone I know?”

“I don’t think so. It’s an Indie band from Boulder. They mostly play at bars and small venues in the city, sometimes in Denver. They play at the bar about once a month. They’re good.”

“I guess I’ll have to check them out then.”

“Does that mean you’re coming to the bar tonight?”

He smiled at me. “Of course I am. I’m also coming with you to your dad’s this afternoon.” I melted into him, liking that he was going to spend the day with me. “After breakfast, we’ll head up to the rental and get my stuff.”

My eyes shot to his. “Your stuff?”

“Yeah. My stuff. My clothes. I’m gonna stay with you while I’m in town.” The reminder of him leaving eventually made me drop my eyes.

“How long can you stay?” I asked, my voice quiet.

Jason tilted my head up with a finger under my chin. “The band is taking a break for a few months. We just got back from a tour. So we’ll have time. I might have to take a couple of trips back to L.A., but they won’t be for longer than a day or two. And just saying, if you can swing it with the bar, I want you to come with me. But for now, let’s take it one day at a time and enjoy being back in each other’s lives. We’ll figure out the logistics of where and how we’re going to live later.”

My eyebrows snapped together in puzzlement. “What do you mean we’ll figure out where we’re going to live later?”

“I mean exactly that. We’ll figure out where we’re gonna live later.”

I gave my head a small shake, still confused. “We’re going to live together?”