Be My December (27 page)

I didn’t know what I was expecting to feel; I didn’t know what I expected Ky to do. We sat there, not moving, not speaking, the only sound was my quiet sobs as I tried to find calm in the storm that was rumbling within me. It hurt, every part of me hurt from reliving that but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders being able to tell it to someone that wasn’t involved. Ky remained frozen and watched me so closely.  It seemed like he was completely shutting down, and his face gave me no clue as to what was going through his thoughts. After what seemed like a lifetime, he uncurled his body and stood from the couch; his eyes never leaving me.

He held both hands out to me and waited. I grabbed his offered hands and was pulled from the couch until I was standing before him. My breath escaped my lungs as Ky pulled me to his chest. His strong arms encased my body, wrapping me with warmth and offering me protection and the soothing beats of his heart.

It was everything I needed.

There was nothing I could have done to prepare myself for what Eden told me. Hearing her relive her torment and watching her face twist as memories ambushed her ripped my heart to shreds. What could I possibly do or say that would ease her pain? A fury that I never knew existed coursed through my veins with every word she spoke and with every admission of her nightmare I wanted to kill that man with my bare hands.

As I held her in my arms, my thoughts went into overdrive. I believed my protective instinct of her was already bordering on insane, but now it was beyond anything I had experienced before. My mission was now simple. I would do everything in my power to make her see that life could once again be filled with beautiful and life altering moments and I planned on helping her create memories that would diminish the nightmares plaguing her life. 

My arms ran down her body and I lifted her still trembling body into my arms. She gave no resistance. Eden curled into my chest, her head resting so tenderly over my heart, allowing me to get lost in the scent of her coconut shampoo and within seconds, her arms locked tightly around my body. Moving out of the living room, I moved slowly through the apartment until we reached my bedroom. I placed her gently on the foot of the bed and once she had unlocked herself from my body she crawled backwards until she sat up near the pillows with her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees as if she was protecting herself.

I lowered myself onto the edge of the bed and turned my back to her. My head dropped into my hands, and I breathed deeply as a wildfire of anger roared within me. 

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, my voice cracking with emotion as I desperately tried to get the thoughts I had locked away for so many years out of my head. I was sorrier than she could ever know, I wish I had the balls to admit every fucking thing right there but how could I possibly start that kind of conversation. My life was full of regrets when it came to Eden Rivers, and she didn’t have a clue.  “I am so fucking sorry.”

The feeling of her hand resting on my back caused me to stiffen under her delicate touch. I fought for the last ounce of strength I could muster in my exhausted body and turned back to look at her. Her tears had faded, leaving the tiniest streak of mascara on her cheeks, but it was her gaze that destroyed me. This girl had just relived her worst nightmare, she had spoken of so much tragedy yet here she was looking at me like she was more concerned about my feelings, whether I was okay instead of her. This was not how I had imagined today. Fuck, we had only been awake for a couple of hours and now I felt more exhausted than I had in a long time.

“You are so special Eden. Your strength is beyond anything I’ve ever witnessed.” My hands cupped her cheeks and her eyes connected with mine as we took each other in. “Thank you for trusting me with that.”

“Life hasn’t been easy for me Ky. It’s torn me apart, ripped me to shreds, and sometimes I’ve wondered what’s the point? But then I dip my toes in the ocean, I feel the wind sweep through my hair, I smell the arrival of rain, and it reminds me that I am alive. I was put on this earth for a reason. I was born strong enough to overcome this, no matter how long it takes me.”

Dropping my hands from her face, I laced my fingers with hers and pulled her up the bed until we reached the pillows. She took my lead and collapsed against the softness of the comforter and turned toward me to match my body language. Her palm rested against her cheek, and her free hand laid against her chest. Through the windows the greyness of the clouds matched the intensity swimming through my bedroom but I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

We lay silent and watched each other. No words were needed and to be honest I didn’t think there were any words that could be said that would make any difference right now. I encased her hand with mine and brought it up so they rested between us. My thumb swept over the back of her hand and I watched as her gaze dropped to our connected hands.

“I have so much I want to say to you but I don’t know where to start.” I whispered into the still air.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“One day I will.” I promised.

“That sounds perfect.” She said and suddenly her face was shadowed with a sneaky grin that was completely unexpected. “Can I admit something to you?”

“Of course.”

“I kind of want to watch Dirty Dancing again.”

“Really?” I asked with a short laugh.

“Patrick Swayze was my crush growing up. I remember watching it with Mom every weekend when I was younger. Mom loved him, and that’s where I got my obsession.”

“The things you learn.”

“Who was your crush?”

“Sharon Stone,” I replied within a heartbeat.

Her laughter was like soothing music to my ears. “Really?”

“Have you seen
Basic Instinct
? It was every teenage boy’s fantasy!”

“You crack me up.” She laughed and rolled to her stomach, burying her face into the pillow.

An urge to comfort her, to soothe her, overcame me and my fingertips fell to the bare skin of her shoulder blade from where her shirt had fallen off. Her head swung around to look at me, but she didn’t say a word. Being under her watchful gaze, I continued sweeping across her skin, drawing patterns and swirls, and watched as goosebumps rose on her skin. A satisfied smile tugged on her lips and her hand swept her hair off her neck in silent invitation. My fingers made a trail from her shoulder blade, up her neck, and down to her throat. A low and barely audible sigh escaped from her throat, and I watched as her eyes grew heavy with fatigue.

“You are going to make me fall asleep,” she hummed and finally her eyes shut.

I continued running my fingers over her skin as I watched her. My mind was still trying to process everything she had told me. Hearing her go into detail had torn me apart but seeing her strength that she didn’t realize she had was comforting, it was inspiring and I knew underneath her torment was a fighter desperate to claw her way to a happiness she deserved.

“I wish I knew if it is okay that I touch you,” I whispered into the still air as I watched her sleep.

Eden stirred beside me and flipped her body over and cuddled into my chest. “I like when you touch me,” she said in a sleepy tone.

“Is that why you can’t say no?””

Her eyes darted away from me, and I knew that my question had opened wounds that she was desperate to heal. I waited patiently. My hands ran down her side in an attempt to offer comfort and encouragement and gently I lifted the edge of her t-shirt over her lower stomach, exposing her skin. Her eyes dropped to see what I was doing, and she inhaled sharply. With soft movements, my fingertips danced over her stomach like they did her shoulder, and I instantly saw her relax.

“I said no to my attacker, and it made him hurt me more. Because of that I am so scared to say no because I don’t want to be hurt like that again and that’s what I think will happen.” Her voice dropped and a single tear slid over her cheek. “For the past four years I have either hidden away or I have been with people who will take me away from getting in situations I can’t control. Colby and Tori are usually always with me, but I’m alone here. ”

“You have me.”

“I know,” she muttered as her eyes fluttered shut under my touch. “But only for December.”

“Well for as long as I have you, I am going to make sure you know that you deserve everything in the world. I want you to know you can say no to me, you can say whatever the hell you want to me. I will never hurt you Eden. My one wish is to make you see how incredible you are.”

“But how do you know that?”

“Believe me, I just do.”

My mind raced a million miles an hour.

I felt cocooned in warmth and the soothing heartbeats that echoed from below me made my sleepiness thick with want. Slowly opening my eyes, I took in my surroundings. The glowing numbers on the alarm clock beside me showed that it was almost four a.m.

A heavy arm slouched over my stomach and soft breathing danced on my skin, causing shivers to run down my spine. Ky curled in beside me, our limbs entangled, a small smile gracing his perfectly plump lips while lost in the middle of what seemed like a peaceful sleep. The night before had changed everything it seemed. I never told people my story, but there I was, so open to telling him everything about me. 

His arms encased me obsessively, wrapping tightly around my body, locking me in as if he feared that I would escape during the midnight hours. But I needed to escape. My bladder didn’t understand the meaning of spooning. I stared at him for too long before I tried as softly and eloquently as possible to remove my body from his grip but it was pointless.

“Where are you going?” Ky groaned from the confines of my neck, his arms tightening around my waist, locking me into the warmth of his body.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

His lips brushed my neck tenderly and his arms unlocked from around me. He rolled away from me until he was on his back; the sheet that had been covering our bodies slipping to reveal his sculpted to perfection chest. “Make sure you come back.”

I slipped out of bed and padded across the bedroom and disappeared into his pristine bathroom. As I closed the door, I looked into the room and sighed at the sight of Ky sleeping in bed. There was no longer any doubt in my mind that he was completely crumbling every wall I had been desperate to put up. His words, his action, his touch, and his patience were all sledgehammers that kept slamming against the walls I had put up years ago, and with every day, another brick was falling down. I leaned on the glistening white vanity and looked at myself in the mirror.
One month Eden, just one month
. I shouldn’t be standing in the bathroom of the guy who I was spending just one month with. This was bordering on dangerous ground. I felt myself completely losing control and control was the one thing that I needed to survive. I had already touched him, kissed him, and divulged my deepest secrets; I was scared what I would do next. 

Once I finished in the bathroom, I tiptoed back into Ky’s bedroom and stood at the side of the bed. The thought of escaping to the spare room flashed over me but then I thought of how he asked me to come back and I couldn’t say no to that. As if on cue, he rolled over and opened one eye then looked directly at me.

“Come on Eden, I’m cold. I need that cute little body beside me.”  He pouted and lifted up the comforter that was on the side I was sleeping. Within seconds I was climbing back into his bed and was engulfed by his arms. As he nuzzled back into my neck, I felt myself melting under the intensity. 

••••

You want this bitch, of course you do. What little slut wouldn’t want me? My cock has wanted your pussy since the first time I saw you and now I’m going to enjoy every fucking minute.

Why couldn’t I open my eyes?

Why couldn’t I breathe?

I gasped for breath as the remains of the nightmare thundered within me. Every part of my body ached from being tense and rigid and an increasingly aggressive headache had taken up residence in my fucked-up head.