Beautiful Chaos (2 page)

Looking down I saw Jenna tracing a tattoo on my arm. She must have felt my eyes on her beca
use she stopped and looked at me through her lashes. Her cheeks getting a light pink. I loved the way she lost herself on my body when we would talk. Made me feel wanted, needed.

Smirking I said, “No, please don’t stop. I love when you do that.”

Ducking her head a little she said, “I love your tattoos and tracing them makes me feel close to you. And knowing you got most of these in your wild years makes it seem alive. Seem real.”

Sighing I rubbed my hand up her arm. “Trust me, it’s all real. Sometimes I wish it wasn’t but I know if one thing from my past hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have ended up with you or
Evie and these little ones,” I said as I placed my hand on her belly.

Shrugging Jenna said, “It’s your past, you can’t change it.”

I sighed and looked from Jenna to my wedding ring. Using my thumb I wiggled my ring around. This ring meant more to me than she would ever know. It let the world know I found the love of my life. I was hers she was mine. No one could tear us apart…and hopefully what I was about to tell her couldn’t break our love. We have both been through so much, we need each other. I love her more than life.

CHAPTER 3

Jenna focused her eyes on my shaking hands. “I swear, whatever you tell me won’t change the way I feel
about you. Your past is your past. Everyone has one and you can’t change it.”

“I know. I just wish I wouldn’t have hurt my mom and
Cobie so much. The first time the police brought me home I could see the hurt all over my mom’s face but at the time I didn’t care. I just wanted to numb the pain. When I was younger I didn’t have a filter for my anger, I was much worse than I am now. I had been at a high school football game when a guy started running his mouth and I snapped. I tackled his ass and slammed his face over and over. I was pulled off of him by a cop and escorted off the grounds. They took all my information then drove me home. I just escalated from there. Started out with one fight and before long I was in fights every day. My freshman year my grandpa talked me into going out for the football team. I hadn’t played ball since my dad was killed. I made Varsity and was the only starting freshman on the team. That was when my life went from bad to uncontrollable.”

Pausing
, I moved my eyes from Jenna to look at the picture of her and I from our wedding that was hanging on the wall. Seeing how happy we were and how happy we are now, I knew this next part was going to hurt her.  I braced myself and said, “I was fourteen when I lost my virginity. After our first game there was a field party, that same field I took you to the first time I took you home. I had drank too much and some girl, fuck I can’t even remember her name or what she looked like, pulled me off to the side and within seconds she was shoving my dick in her. After that night anyone willing to lift their skirt, I stuck it in. Which brings me to my uncle.” Stopping I closed my eyes and bit my lip. “Chad was twenty one but his girlfriend, Krissy, was a senior and a cheerleader at the same school I went to. Each of the cheerleaders had a certain player they would make special treats for or do special little things for. Well, Krissy made me cookies and my special little something was fucking me. Not to sound cocky but just about every girl wanted in my pants, some teachers included. Somehow what happened with Krissy and I made it back to Chad and he has hated me ever since. I know what I did was fucked up and I have tried apologizing and talking to him but he won’t listen. So eventually I said fuck it and gave up. It wasn’t until after Krissy that I got into drugs. It started out small, just a hit of pot here and there but I ended up using heroin, meth, and cocaine. I was never so bad I needed rehab but my grandpa kicking my ass a few times, now that happened.”

Jenna’s mouth was
hanging wide open. I knew you had a drug problem but I didn’t know you were in that deep.”

Nodding
, I continued, “I was never addicted, but if it was around I would take a hit or shoot it up. Beginning of my junior year I had this girl, Joss who was my on call bootycall. She ended up pregnant. She was pretty sure I was the dad but not certain. I didn’t want to be a dad at sixteen but I told her I would be by her side, no matter what choice she made. The bitch overdosed on Heroin a few days later on purpose. I will never know if the baby was mine or not. Our situation wasn’t ideal but I wouldn’t just leave her. Not that I would have married her, but I would have accepted my responsibility.”

I could see the tears in Jenna’s eyes. I knew I was going to hurt her but seeing her cry killed me. I hated seeing her upset, and knowing it was because of my tore me up.

“Larkin, it wasn’t your fault. Losing my baby, that was Jacob’s fault and he should feel like a piece of shit. You had nothing to do with what she did. You told her that you would be on her side and instead of standing up and being an adult she killed herself and potentially your child. I know how it feels to lose a baby and all the guilt you feel.”

“After Joss killed herself I threw myself into football. When I wasn’t playing football I was getting drunk, getting high, or fucking some girl. That is how I spent my junior year. A week before my senior year I was at a meet and greet party for the football team and c
heerleaders. Cobie was a freshman and she was a cheerleader. It’s no secret that my baby sister is beautiful, even back then she looked much older than fourteen. Some fuckhole on my team, not knowing Cobie was my sister made the mistake of saying something along the lines of ‘showing her what freshmeat was and making her his fuckin’ bitch’. I saw red. I beat him within an inch of his life. Missed my senior year because of that assfuck. I spent nine months in jail. When I got out my Uncle Dave, Jensen’s dad, was waiting on me. He lectured me all the way home but I didn’t hear a word. As soon as I got home I was back to my old self, but this time a little worse. Right after I graduated I was in tight with a drug dealer. I became what’s known as the runner. I was the guy who made the interactions of drugs for money.” Squeezing my eyes shut I ran my hand over my short hair. “I made a bad call and met up with what was supposed to be one guy, but turned out to be about seven. They each took their turn with me. Beating me until I couldn’t move. That night I decided to stop living that way. To be someone my dad would be proud of. I enrolled in an outpatient rehab center, going three days a week for six months. I started community college and got my grades up. I walked away from the drugs. Don’t get me wrong, I still partied and fucked most girls but I never got high. I haven’t touched any type of illegal drug since the night I was put in the hospital. I had never been to my dad’s grave since the day he was put in the ground. I finally went and broke down sitting next to the cold stone that stood out from the dirt.”

Just as I was about to continue I heard
Evie yelling, “Daddy, daddy!”

Ho
pping off the bed I took the few strides from our room to hers. Opening her door I saw her sitting on her floor with her stuffed sea turtle hugged tight to her chest. Stopping for a moment, to take in my beautiful little girl, her brown curly hair, tanned skin, tiny little nose, and those eyes…just like her mom, sea green. This little girl absolutely had me wrapped around her teeny tiny finger and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Scooping her into my arms I snuggled her close and asked, “What’s wrong with my pretty princess?”

“Ders monssers in my cwoset, daddy!” She whimpered.

Fighting back my laughter, I kissed the top of her head and said, “I promise, before mommy and daddy bought
this house we had the Boogie BeGone check our house and if there was any monsters they took them away to monster jail.”

“Tan you check, daddy?”

“Of course babygirl. Here sit on your bed and daddy will check.”

“
Otay.”

Sitting
Evie on her bed I walked to her closet and slowly opened the door, revealing there was nothing but clothes (and lots of them) in there. “See Evie, no monsters. Now how about daddy snuggles you in for bed. We have a big day tomorrow, you get to see Nana and Aunt Mac and Uncle Kota.”

“Oh yay! I miss
dem.” Evie clapped excitedly.

Pulling her blanket up to
cover her, I tucked her turtle beside her and kissed her nose. “Daddy loves you princess. Sleep good and sweet dreams.”

“
Wuv you too daddy. Sweet dweams and don’t wet da beddy bugs bite you ass.”

Biting my tongue to stop from laughing, I ran my large hand down her little cheek and said, “
Evalyn Nayler, you don’t say that word. That’s not a nice word for little princesses to say.”

Evie
pulled her blanket up further to cover most of her face, only her eyes were sticking out. “Sowwy daddy.”

“
It’s ok baby, just don’t say that again. Now, sleep good. I love you.” I kissed her forehead and stood. Walking to her door I flipped on her nightlight and shut her door. When I crossed the hall and into our room, I saw Jenna curled up on our bed. I bent down to kiss her and felt the tears still wet that had streamed down her face. I hated myself for causing her this hurt.

Lifting our suitcase off the bed I sat it on the floor and climbed into bed, wrapping my arms around her. Kissing her check I whispered, “I love you so much, baby.”

She wiggled but never woke up. I laid there for a long time before sleep finally consumed me.

Chapter 4

It felt like I just fell asleep when I heard Jenna’s alarm going off. Rolling over I was welcomed by an empty bed. Panicking, I sat straight up and noticed our suitcase was gone and no lights were on in our bathroom or closet. Jumping from our bed I threw the door open and still saw no lights. Pushing
Evie’s door opened, her bed was empty. I took the stairs two at a time and as soon as my feet hit level ground I ran into the living room. I was breaking out into a nervous sweat and slowly my world was closing in on me. It wasn’t until I ran into the kitchen I could breathe again and my heart rate began to slow. Sitting at the bar in her high chair was Evie with a huge smile, rambling on about something, her mouth full of pancake.

Grabbing my heart
, I leaned against the doorframe and watched my girls. Laughing and smiling.

“You ok?” Jenna asked when she noticed me.

“Fuck, you can’t do that shit to me.”

Jenna scrunches her face and purses her lips.
Evie claps her hand over her mouth and says, “Daddy no! Bad wowd!”

Jenna shakes her head. “Watch your mouth, please! She hears and repeats everything. And, what are you talking about?”

“I know, daddy has a dirty mouth, but mommy loves it.” I wink at Evie then turn to face Jenna and smirk. “You can’t just get up, grab our suitcase and Evie and come downstairs. After everything I told you last night, I thought…I thought you left me.”

Jenna smacked her hands on the counter. “
Are you kidding me? Larkin, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Your ass is stuck with me. I told you, your past doesn’t matter to me. Hell, look at my past. Who am I to judge yours? I love you, flaws and all.”

Grabbing Jenna’s hands I pulled her to me and wrapped my arms around her.
Inhaling her scent calmed my nerves. She always smelled like the ocean and vanilla…amazing.

Jenna leaned her head back to look at our daughter, “Are you all done? We have to get you dressed so we can go.”

Evie nodded her head. Letting go of Jenna I turned to get Evie out of her highchair. “Let’s go princess. Daddy will get you ready while mommy cleans up.”

Evie
planted a sticky, slobbery kiss on my cheek. “K daddy.”

**********

Once we landed in Mobile, Alabama we went straight to the hospital. Walking in the hospital I could see Jenna flinch. I knew she was thinking about when she had been attacked and brought to this hospital. I knew, Mobile Mercy Hospital was the best around, I did the research on the flight here.

Wrapping my arm around her shoulders I kissed her temple. “Stop thinking about it. He’s gone and I’m here now. No one will ever hurt you again.”

Giving me a small smile Jenna quietly said, “The last time I was here I was told all my dreams would never come true. I can’t help but let those thoughts break into my head.”

Dropping my arm from Jenna
, I ran my hand through Evie’s thick, dark curls. She was fast asleep with her head on my shoulder. “Baby, your dreams did come true. Now let’s focus on Kota and getting him better.”

Jenna nodded her head and grabbed my hand. “I swear if you don’t beat his punk ass, I will.”

I tapped the call button for the elevator and turned to look at my incredibly sexy wife. Running my nose along her cheek I whispered, “I’m going to beat his ass then tonight I’m going to smack yours.”

Seeing Jenna’s cheeks flush a light pink I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Yep, I still have it, even when she is worried beyond words. Knowing I was the person who could distract her and take her pain away was all I ever wanted to be. I wanted to be that person she turned to, the one who
could make her shit days shine.

Hearing the elevator chime I dra
gged my eyes off of Jenna and focused on what we came here to do. Scare the fuck outta Kota.