Beautiful Tragedy (A Standalone Romance Novel) (14 page)

“I’m sorry,” I said, suddenly feeling like the biggest
whiner on the planet. “I just need to get out of here.”

Grandma put the laptop down and patted the seat next
to her.

“Sit, Molly.”

I did as I was told. After eighteen years, I knew when
she meant business.

“I know you’re restless, and you’re missing school and
your friends…who by the way I’m sure would love to visit you…”

“Megan was here earlier,” I told her, as if she wasn’t
here when Megan had come by.

“What about the boy, what was his name? Brock?” She
knew darn good and well what his name was.

“He’s been busy with school and stuff,” I lied. He had
left me four voicemails and texted me at least a half dozen times. I texted him
back…once. I told him I would see him when I got discharged. I didn’t want to
see him here. This place would only taint our friendship. I know this…from
experience.

Grandma raised a perfectly plucked gray eyebrow. She
was no fool, and she knew I was fibbing. She let it go, however and a few
minutes later, Dr. Harris came in.

“How are you feeling today Molly?” he asked in that
always-chipper voice. I’d be chipper too if I was a doctor and I made a
bazillion dollars a year keeping people imprisoned in hospitals.

“I’m feeling great, Dr. Harris. Can I go home now?”

“I wanted to wait until the results of the MRI came
back, and they have.”

“Good,” I said, the first time I had been hopeful all
day. “Then I can go?”

“Molly, I have a few concerns about the MRI. I want to
get another one from a few different angles.”

I swear it was the closest I had ever coming to
screaming like a mad woman at the top of my lungs.

“Okay,” I said, trying to tamp down the scream and
stay calm. “Let’s do it.”

“We can’t do it tonight. Radiology is already closed
except for emergencies. I’ve got you scheduled for first thing in the morning.”

“This is an emergency Dr. Harris. If I don’t get out
of here, I’m going to lose my mind. That’s an emergency, wouldn’t you say?” I
was on my feet again. The restless energy pent up inside me was pressing against
every nerve in my body.

“Molly, sit down
please,”he
said it in his “keep the crazy person calm” voice. I looked at Grandma and she
nodded. I sat down. “Molly,” he said, “you have one kidney. If it is not
functioning properly, sending you home could be dangerous. Let us get this MRI
tomorrow morning, okay? If I discharge you, we’ll have to do it outpatient and
that will take longer.”

“And what then, Dr. Harris. If it’s not working do I
stay here…forever?”

“No, I promise, barring some kind of unforeseen problems
I will discharge you tomorrow. I will at least know what we need to do after
the MRI, and we’ll go on from there…outpatient, as long as you do well.”

I looked at Grandma who nodded again. Some wingman she
was. She was supposed to be dancing with the ugly doctor so I can slip out.
“Okay, I’ll stay until after the MRI, then I blow this joint.”

He smiled. He was not the least bit ugly, I was just
being
pissy
. I actually liked him a lot. I just wanted
to go home. “One more thing…”

“Uh-uh,” I said. “We already made our deal.”

He smiled again and waited for me to finish and then
he said, “I know we talked about this before, and you said no because you’re
afraid your peers will find out about your illness, but I think the support
group we have here on Sunday and Wednesday afternoons could really help you.”

“You’re right, we talked about it before, and I have
to stand firm on my earlier decision.” I wasn’t going to some support group
with a bunch of people I would then run into on campus or in one of my classes.
It was not going to happen. I didn’t want to talk about this anyways.

“I can’t force you, Molly. But please at least tell me
you’ll think about it. You could go tomorrow afternoon before you leave here.”

“I thought I was leaving tomorrow morning?” I had
caught him in a web of lies. Okay, it was only one lie, but it was a whopper.

“We agreed after the results of the MRI. That will
probably not happen until early afternoon.”

“Dr. Harris…”

“Molly,” he said, standing up. “Just think about it,
okay?” I was mad again. I could feel the heat of Grandma’s stare however so I
said, “Okay.”

My grandmother then thanked the man. If I was rich,
I’d cut her right out of the will.

The next morning I had another text from Brock. It
simply said:

         
 
Thinking
of you and hoping you’re well. Missing you, Molly
.

I took a deep breath and I texted him back.

         
I’m
doing fine, thank you. Will hopefully get sprung later today

 
I didn’t say
miss you too, although I did. I hadn’t passed an hour here without thinking
about him. I wondered what he was doing, and even if he was thinking about me.
I thought about him singing to me, and it made me smile. I remembered dancing
in the rain, and that made me want to cry.
I
miss you too, Brock. I’m just too much of a coward to say so.

The nurse and the radiology tech came to get me at ten
for my MRI. Let me just say here that I despise that machine. If you’ve never
been inside of one just imagine it for a second. You’re lying inside of a metal
tube, kind of like a huge, old metal garbage can. It’s freezing, and your ass
is hanging out of the gown they give you to wear, only adding to the draft.
Then someone with a penchant for torture takes a hammer and they start to bang
on the tube. That goes on for hours sometimes and the whole while they’re yelling
at you not to move. That’s the process in a nutshell.

Two hours and one tension headache and a lower
backache later, I was back in my hospital room. Now Grandma and I sat and
waited for Dr. Harris. While we waited she said, “Molly, did you think about
what Dr. Harris said, about the support group?”

“Grandma, you know how I feel about all that.”

“Yes, I do. I also know that you need to talk about
this. You don’t talk to me about it, and I doubt you talk much about it to
Megan since everything is so secretive. These people are the same as you, baby.
They’re not going to go telling tales any more than you are about them.”

“I really just don’t want to talk about any of this,
Grandma.”

“I know, honey. But the truth is you need to.”

I sighed, she was wearing me down. Not that I was
changing my mind about wanting to go, but I was thinking about going just to
get them off my back. Then she played really dirty…my own grandmother.

“Would you go just once, Molly? For me, please?”

“Okay, Gran,” I told her, “Just once.”

Dr. Harris came by a while after our conversation
about the support group.

“Molly,” he said, “The MRI showed what I was afraid
of. Your nephrons are hardening, becoming necrotic. The tumors are blocking the
blood supply to them.”

I wish he would have just kicked me in the stomach, it
would have felt better. I was holding my breath because I was afraid if I let
this one out, I wouldn’t be able to take another. I felt Gran reach for my hand
and I took hers. She didn’t say anything, and neither did Dr. Harris. They just
left me alone for a minute to process what he just said. In layman’s terms, he
had just told me that the only kidney I had left was being choked to death by
the tumors that kept multiplying. I can’t live without kidneys, can I?

“So what comes next?” I asked him finally.

“You’re still producing some urine, so functionality is
not completely gone…yet. But Molly I need you to drink plenty of water; you
know how much you need and you can’t forget. No sampling the coffee samples at
work, no caffeine or anything diuretic at all. I also need you to keep a record
of your intake of fluids and your output of urine and I’ll give you some
guidelines of what you need to report to me, right away.”

I was in some form of shock, I’m sure. He was telling
me that an essential part of my body was failing, but all I could think to say
next was, “Sure, Doc. Thanks. Can I go home now?” I saw the look between my
grandmother and doctor. The one that said, “Now we need to worry about her
emotional health.” I was a pretty big wreck inside, emotionally, but I wasn’t
going to do anything stupid so there was nothing to worry about.

“What about the meeting, Molly?”

I smiled pretty and said, “I’m still going. I promised
you that I would.”

“Good,” Dr. Harris said, enthusiastically. I was so
glad I could make him happy, since he always had nothing but good news for me.

After Dr. Harris left, Gran and I just sat quietly for
a while. I felt bad, because I knew she wanted to talk about this. I just
really didn’t want to. All I wanted was out of here. I wanted to see Brock,
worse than I’ve ever wanted to see anyone. I wanted things to go back to normal
again. After a while I said, “Why don’t you start home, Gran. The meeting is at
two, so I’ll go to that and then I’ll call Meg for a ride home.”

I could tell that she didn’t want to leave, but she
also knew that no matter what she said I was going to push her out the door.
That was when she finally did it. She grabbed me in a big hug and as she held
me tight she said, “I love you to the moon, Molly-girl. If you need anything,
and you don’t call me, I’ll find out, and then I’ll kick your skinny little
butt.” We were both crying then, and when she said that I laughed through my
tears and said, “Skinny? Have you seen my butt, Gran?” She smacked me on it and
said, “Do everything the doctor says, Okay?”

“Okay, Gran. I love you to the moon too.” After she
left I washed my face and packed up the nice little patient belongings bag they
had brought me. Then I signed the discharge papers, took my instructions and
walked out the door of the oncology unit. I stood just beyond the double doors
and I hate to admit this but I seriously considered not going to the meeting
and just telling Gran that I had. One thing I am terrible at is lying though, especially
to Gran….so I went.

I walked down the hall towards the group room signs.
When I reached to door I stopped and took a deep breath and then I pushed on
the door. There were five people in the room. Two girls about my age. Two guys
who were both a little older, and an older lady, probably the group leader.

“Hi,” the lady said. “Welcome. Come on in and find a
seat.” I looked around, one wouldn’t be hard to find. There were at least
twenty empty ones. I picked one close to the back. I probably wasn’t going to
say much anyways. I sat there, waiting for the group to begin as more people
filed in. After everyone was seated, the group leader introduced herself and
thanked us for coming. As she talked the door behind her suddenly opened and I
thought I would pass out. In walked Brock…in the flesh. He looked around for a
seat, and when he saw me, I like to say his face lit up. He came towards me and
took the seat next to mine. The lady was still talking but I had to know what
the heck he was doing here. I lowered my voice to barely audible and said, “Hi
Brock.” He grinned at me. God he was so handsome I almost forgot what I wanted
to ask him.

“Hi Molly,” he said.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked like he was pondering the answer to that,
and then he said, “I’m a patient here too.” I couldn’t for the life of me
figure out why, but I thought he was making fun of me. Candice, the group
leader was looking at me and moving her lips but I wasn’t processing what she
was saying. I was still trying to process what Brock had said.

“I’m sorry?” I said, acutely aware that all eyes in
the room were on me now.

“I said would you like to introduce yourself to the
group?”

“I-I’m Molly,” I said.

“Hi Molly!” Everyone said it at once, and I thought
maybe I had stumbled into an AA meeting by mistake.

“Molly, would you like to tell us a little about
yourself?”

I looked around the room again. They were all still
staring at me. I needed to get out of here.

“No, thank you,” I said. “I really have to go.”

I stood up, and I felt a hand on my arm. It was
Brock’s hand.

“Molly, I think you would really like it if you
stayed. It helps to talk about it.”

Was he kidding? What did he know about any of this? I
shook his hand off my arm and headed for the door. I could hear him say
something to Candace, and when I was about halfway down the hall, I could hear
his footsteps behind me.

“Molly, wait!” he said as I hit the outer door. I kept
going, but he had longer legs than me and caught up quickly. “Molly, stop
please. Just for a second.”

“I don’t want to talk to those people, Brock. I don’t
even know those people. I don’t know what your deal is either…coming here and
acting like you know how I feel…”

“Molly, listen to me, please…”