Beautifully Broken (8 page)

“I am starving.” I whispered
and he began to laugh.

“I was afraid you were going
to ask me to leave.” He gently rolled off of me and handed me his shirt. “Here
put this on. Let’s go inside and get you something to eat.” He kissed my
forehead before reaching for his jeans. I couldn’t tear my eyes away as he
pulled his jeans over his muscular thighs. I couldn’t help but stare at this
amazingly handsome man in front of me. He left his top button unbuttoned,
accentuating the ‘v’ muscles as he reached for my hand to help me stand. “How
are you feeling?”

I was quite sore but I
didn’t want Gray to feel like he had hurt me, so I decided to lie. “I feel
great. Never better.” I smiled as we headed into my house.

Gray cooked us up some
omelets and we ate in silence. My mind was moving about a million miles a
minute needing time to process what had just happened. I didn’t regret having
sex with Gray, not for a minute. But, had I just given myself to a man who
couldn’t give himself back?

“You sure you’re okay?” He glanced
at me as I shoveled the last bite into my mouth. I nodded, not wanting to lie
to him. I knew how hard it was going to be for me to have him leave. If it was
going to be that hard for me, I could only imagine how hard it would be for
him. I scooped up both of our plates and ran them under some hot water before
placing them in the dishwasher.

His taught arms wrapped
themselves around my waist as I closed the dishwasher door. Before I could
react, his hand was sliding up the inside of my right thigh. I let my head fall
back against his shoulder, wanting to soak up every touch. As his hand reached
my mound, a small moan escaped my lips.

“Are you sure you feel okay
enough to go again?” He whispered in my ear and it sent goose bumps down the
whole right side of me.

“Mmmmhmmm,” was all I could
manage to say.

Gray wrapped me up in his
arms and made his way down the hall to my bedroom. He gently laid me on my bed,
sliding his shirt up and over my head. He tossed it aside, along with his jeans
and then he was back on top of me. He brushed the hair away from my face
without ever breaking eye contact. I could feel him looking into my soul and my
body shivered in response. This is what it was like to be loved. True. Honest
love.

As Gray’s hand slid between
my legs, my hand reached down and found his excitement pressing against my
thigh. I wrapped my hands around him and slowly moved it up and down his
length. A small moan escaped from between his glorious lips as I continued the
motion. His hand found my mound again and began circling over my wetness. I
arched my back into his body, needing to be closer. My hand slowly made its way
back up over his chiseled abs and over his chest and around to his shoulders.

As he lowered himself over
me, he pushed into me with full force. My nails dug into his skin over his
shoulder blades, as if I was holding on for dear life. He eased back and again
pushed into me, this time with more force than the first. My nails dug deeper,
and I let out a painful but pleasurable cry. Again, we found our release
together. I buried my face in the crook of his neck as he stilled himself with
me wrapped in his arms.

I could feel his hot uneven
breath against my neck, as we lay intertwined with one another. His breath
began to become more even when I heard him whisper something. I didn’t hear him
the first time, so I asked him to repeat himself.

“I love you Bennett. I'm
head over heals in love with you.”

I wasn’t sure how to
respond. Of course I loved him, I always have, even if it took me this long to
admit it. I knew if I responded with the same heartfelt emotion, that
everything would change for us and that worried me. I quickly decided that I
was done worrying, if I had learned anything in the last two years, it was that
life is too short. I was done trying to deny myself the same love that I knew
he had always felt for me, so I gave in.

“I love you too Gray.” With
those three words, I felt my heart melt and I finally found a piece of
happiness.

Gray pulled the comforter up
over my bare back when I started to shiver. It was getting to the point in the
year where the heater was going to become a necessity at night. I lay my head
across his chest, listening to his heartbeat underneath me. It was a soothing
and comforting feeling to have him this close. His hand traced small circles
across my back and I could feel my eyelids getting heavier with sleep. I was
just about to drift off when he cleared his throat.

“Gray, are you okay?” I
whispered.

His hand stilled for a
minute but then continued caressing my back before he answered. “Honestly
Button, I don’t know. I thought I had my whole life planned out. I knew I
wanted to be a cop the minute my dad made detective, and it was only affirmed
after he died. But this, you and me…. this is what I have wanted since the
first day you slapped me.” A small laugh vibrated through his chest and bounced
me head. “I feel like I can’t have both.” He let out a loud sigh.

Inside, my heart was
breaking. I have always known that there was something between Gray and me; I
could just never admit it to myself. When he finally told me how he felt I
pushed it away, thinking it was absurd. Now, he was all I wanted but the
thought of possibly losing him killed me.

“We can try.” My voice came
out smaller than I intended and lacked the conviction I wanted him to hear.

He was immediately pushing
himself up into a sitting position, bringing me along with him. He grabbed both
of my hands in his and looked me right in the eye. “Really? You would do that
for me?” I could see the excitement pulsing through him. This is what he was
hoping for, and who was I to take it away?

“Of course. I’m not
promising it will work, but I am at least willing to try. I meant it when I
said I love you Gray. I want this just as much as you do.” I pulled one of my
hands from his and brushed my thumb across his bottom lip. “Just promise me
that I am enough.” I pushed my lips against his and quickly pulled back waiting
for his answer.

“You will always be enough
for me. You’re more than enough Bennett.” His lips found mine and I could feel
him putting all of his emotion behind this kiss. He meant it. I could feel it
in my bones.

We both lay back down on the
bed to settle in for sleep. “I love you Bennett.” He whispered as he kissed the
top of my head.

 “I love you too Gray.”

The next few weeks flew by.
Gray and I spent every waking minute together. We would wake up and make
breakfast together, watch movies, go out to dinner, anything we could think of.
We never talked about his having to leave and I never brought it up. I had a
million questions that I needed answers to, but I would keep them at bay. There
was no need to let my own insecurities become his.

We never went to another
party and Hannah never invited us. I had called to tell her about Gray and I
the day after the party. Gray had run home to get some clothes and I took that
opportunity to fill her in, on
all
the details. She seemed happy for me, but I almost
felt like she was a little bit jealous.

Today was the day before
Gray had to leave and my emotions were running at an all time high. I was
trying my best to play happy everyday, but today it was eating away at me. Gray
was in the middle of making us breakfast while I was showering. I climbed out
of the shower and wrapped my towel tightly around my body. I woke up feeling a
little bit queasy but hoped it would go away after a hot shower. I wasn’t that
lucky. I slid my hand across the mirror removing the fog and noticed how pale I
looked.

Maybe I was getting the flu
or something. Gray’s mom had said that there was something going around. I
quickly dressed and did my hair and makeup. We had decided that we would go to
the cemetery today with Gray’s mother. I hadn’t been there since my parent’s
funeral, and Gray had only made it back to his dad’s once since his funeral. It
seemed fitting that on his last day here, he would say good-bye.

I ran the straightener
through my hair, just enough to flatten out the fly a ways and then brushed
some waterproof mascara through my lashes. I slipped my black sleeveless Chanel
dress on that Grays’ mother had bought me for my eighteenth birthday this past
summer. With one final look in the mirror, I headed out towards the delicious
smell coming from the kitchen.

“What are you making? It
smells delicious.” I ran my hand down Gray’s back before giving a small pinch
to his backside.

“Hey now, don’t be sexually
harassing the cook.” He smirked.

I put both hands in the air.
“Never.” I winked.

I sat down at the kitchen
table and watched Gray move gracefully around my kitchen. He was an amazing
cook, thanks in large part to his mother. He had spent the last week teaching
me to make my favorite recipes, so I could stop eating frozen meals. I knew
that once he left, I would never be able to make them as well as he could but I
would appease him by letting him think I would at least try.

“Here you go my Dear, Eggs
Benedict just the way you like it.” He kissed my forehead before retreating
into the kitchen to retrieve his breakfast.

I cut right into mine not
realizing how famished I was. A few bites later my stomach gurgled in a way I
had never felt it before. I pushed back from the table and ran straight to the
bathroom, releasing the contents of my stomach into the toilet. After
everything and nothing came out, I flushed the toilet and stood to brush my
teeth. I hadn’t noticed Gray come in until I was wiping the remaining water
from my mouth.

“Hey Baby, you feeling
okay?” He pushed his hand against my forehead, knowing I didn’t have a fever.

“Your mom said that she has
had quite a few kids out of class lately due to some bug that’s going around. I
wouldn’t worry about it.” I kissed him swiftly on the lips, and made my way out
to find my jacket.

A few minutes later Mrs.
Weston came walking through the door. “Hey kids, you ready to get going?” I
hurried around the corner to greet her.

“Good morning Mom.” Gray
greeted his mother with a hug and kiss on the cheek. I was right behind him
ready to greet her as well.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re
looking a little pale today. Are you feeling okay Dear?” She continued to feel
my forehead, just as Gray had.

I pulled back ever so
slightly, not to offend her. “I feel fine. I think I just have a stomach bug is
all. Shall we go?” I waved towards the door for her to head out first.

“Of course. We need to stop
by the flower shop on our way. I forgot to do it on my way home last night.”
Her smile could light up any room. It was warm and comforting making my nerves
slowly subsided.

I turned to lock the door
behind us as Gray led his mother to her car. It was a crisp September day, with
the smallest amount of clouds hovering above us. I took in a deep breath,
welcoming the cool air into my saturated lungs. Instantly my chest felt
lighter. I slapped a smile on my face when I noticed Gray watching me walk to the
back passenger door behind his mother. He was nervous; I could see it in his
face. He smiled, but it never reached his eyes.

We pulled into the cemetery
fifteen minutes later. I had bought an assortment of lilies at the flower shop.
They were my mother’s favorite flower. Gray and Mrs. Weston picked out a dozen
yellow roses. The same roses Gray’s father would bring her every year, on her
birthday. It was heart warming knowing the love that they shared all those
years.

My parent’s headstones were
quite a bit further away from Gray’s father than I would have liked. I knew
this was going to be hard for me, but it was going to be hard for Gray also. He
placed his hand on my lower back as he led me over to their headstones. It was
a small gesture, but coincidentally it helped tame my nerves. I could feel the
tears start to prick the back of my eyelids the closer we got to my parents. I
wasn’t one for panic or anxiety attacks, but I was almost certain I was about
to have one. I started taking smaller steps and eventually stopped walking all
together, about five feet from them.