Before I Let You Go (10 page)

Feeling more at ease, she closed her eyes and snuggled close to him.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, breaking into her thoughts.

She buried her head against his shoulder. “Nothing. I thought you were asleep.”

His arms tightened around her. “Nope. I’m not sleepy. Just thinking,” he whispered close to her ear.

“What are you thinking about?” she dared to ask.

He leaned over and very softly kissed her. “You.”

Diamere’s words and the warmth of his smile nearly made her lose control. “What about me?” Kelly turned on her side and looked at him.

“How beautiful you are. How good we are together.” Oh, how she wished that were true. Diamere covered her with his warm body again and gazed down at her. “I can think of a way to put you to sleep.”

She looked up at him, eyes half-closed, and smiled. “I bet you can show me better than you can tell me.” She slid her arms around his neck as Diamere leaned down and kissed her. He had the sweetest, softest lips. She opened her mouth for him and felt his body harden. Within minutes he was inside her once more, the two of them moving in perfect rhythm. They reached their release together, a fierce climax that had them both crying out with the greatest pleasure. As she lay there curled against his side afterward, she listened as his breathing deepened, and together they drifted into an exhausted sleep.

D
iamere opened his eyes and blinked several times before he realized it was morning. As soon as he noticed his crumpled shirt flung over a chair in the corner, visions of the night before flooded his mind. He rolled onto his back and lay there with a smile curled on his lips as he relived the night the two of them had had. One word immediately came to mind.
Explosive
. It certainly was, to say the least. Not to mention
intense
. Those were two things he hadn’t had in a long, long time.

And you’ve never been with a virgin
.

Diamere sucked in a deep breath. A virgin. It was still hard to believe that Kelly had held on to her virginity all these years and had given him the honor. A warm feeling curled in the pit of his stomach at the thought of her gesture. A part of him wished she had confided in him, so he would have been prepared to take things slow and gentle. But he couldn’t help but wonder if he
would have changed his mind if he had known. Then he lowered his eyelids and visions of her lying on his bed flooded his mind, and he knew without a doubt that nothing would have stopped him from having her. Giving him her virginity made what they had shared that much more incredible. Her gift meant more to him than she would ever know. And for some odd reason he now felt as if Kelly belonged to him. He shook off the thought and stretched his arms above his head.

Last night was supposed to be about sharing the moment, but he discovered that nothing involving Kelly was that simple. He had wanted her from the moment he had first laid eyes on her at the nightclub. He wasn’t sure when he’d last woken up after making love to a woman and felt this good.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he had been a little too rough. Maybe this morning he would suggest she take a long, hot soak in the tub. Last night had been Kelly’s first experience, and Diamere knew he should have given her time to adjust to being with a man. But after round one, just lying next to her luscious body, he couldn’t resist the strong desire to be buried inside her again.
And again
, he thought as he remembered making love with her a third time just as the sun began to rise. Blood flowing to his lower regions signaled he was more than willing for a little appetizer before breakfast. But he was being selfish. After their intense lovemaking he would have to allow her time to adjust.

He felt the space beside him and it was still warm. Kelly hadn’t been gone long.

Diamere took a deep breath and tried to stay in control. He hadn’t felt like this in years and yet somehow, in the course of a night, that little lady had gotten under
his skin. She brought out a side of him that he hadn’t known still existed. Never before had something felt so right. And he wasn’t ready for it to end. The thought of spending the rest of the weekend with Kelly, lying in bed, was too tempting an opportunity to pass up.

Diamere dragged a hand across his face as he tried to convince himself it was nothing. As long as they both understood there were no emotional attachments or regrets, then what was the harm of continuing to see each other until one or the other decided they were ready for their arrangement to end? He smiled, feeling pleased with this plan. The idea was perfect.

Anxious to talk to Kelly about his proposal, Diamere flung off the sheet and rose. Moving to the dresser, he reached for a pair of shorts, slipped them on and went down the hall. When he found Kelly sitting at the kitchen table, he stopped in his tracks.

The look on Diamere’s face said he wasn’t expecting her to be dressed. Kelly took a sip from her mug and tried not to notice how good he looked standing in the doorway with his chest bare. Diamere’s shorts hung low on his hips and her traitorous eyes followed the sprinkle of hair that traveled down his abdomen and disappeared beneath the elastic band there. Feeling the temperature suddenly rising in the room, she took another sip of her coffee and resisted the urge to fan herself. If Diamere asked, she wouldn’t hesitate to pull off her clothes and drag him back to bed. After one night she was a wanton woman. One thing was for sure, she now knew what the word
horny
meant.

Kelly pulled her eyes from Diamere’s naked chest
and focused on the frown on his face. “Good morning. I made coffee.”

He pushed himself away from the door and his smile slowly reemerged. “How about I make us breakfast in bed?”

If the circumstances were different, she might have reconsidered. Lowering her eyes, she focused on her mug as she spoke, not trusting herself to look at him. “Oh, no. I shouldn’t. I’ve got a million things to do this morning. So as soon as you’re dressed, I’ll be ready to head home.” Kelly didn’t have a thing planned today except to repot a couple of plants. But the sooner she put some distance between them the better. Being around Diamere was hazardous to her heart. Rising, she moved to the sink and rinsed out her cup.

“Is something wrong?”

Kelly looked over her shoulder and noted the confusion in Diamere’s eyes.
Yes, there’s something wrong. I’m still in love with you
. “No, why would you think that?”

He stared at her for a long moment and she felt her body quiver before he nodded and said, “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” With that he headed to the coffeepot and poured himself a cup, then turned and walked back down the hall to his room.

After he was gone, Kelly leaned against the counter and tried to pull herself together.
This is not going to be easy
. The look of disappointment in his eyes was proof of that. Last night had been a mistake. She knew that the moment she woke up and found herself lying in his bed with no desire to leave. She had felt totally at ease while there, as if lying in Diamere’s arms was the most natural thing to do. She could have easily stayed
there all morning and waited for him to waken, but if she had she might not have moved all weekend. Even now, if Diamere returned to the kitchen and asked her to stay, she would willingly succumb. Goodness, it was amazing how all of a sudden she had needs and only Diamere could meet them.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way
. Last night had been all about finally finding out what it was like to be with Diamere. Getting him out of her system and discovering the man she once loved had been nothing more than a childhood fantasy, with no substance at all. There had been men in her past she had truly liked, and only after a few dates had she discovered the relationship was not all it had been cracked up to be. But this…this had been different. Sex had only reinforced what she had known all alone—Diamere was her soul mate. No, this was not at all the way it was supposed to be. She wanted to be able to close this chapter of her life and move on, and not spend the rest of her life wondering
what if
. Instead, she had fallen in love again.

Kelly returned to her seat. She rested her elbow on the table and placed her chin in the palm of her hand. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach at the thought of never seeing Diamere again. Was she really having second thoughts? Did she really want more? Deep down she did, but there was no way she was going to allow herself to explore that option. Ending the relationship was the right thing, she was certain. Diamere had made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything serious, and the last thing he needed was a woman falling in love with him. As much as she wished things could be different, they couldn’t.

“All set if you are.”

At the sound of his voice, Kelly pushed those ridiculous thoughts of forever aside and gazed at the man in question, standing in the doorway in jeans and a T-shirt, with car keys in his hand.

“Let me get my purse and we can go.”

The drive back to Delaware was relatively quiet. She was grateful that the stereo was on and Lyfe was singing about change. Something had definitely changed in her life and she wasn’t even thinking about her virginity.

Diamere pulled up in front of her building and put the car in Park, but left the motor running, making it clear he had no intention of coming in.

“When can I see you again?” His question took her by surprise.

Kelly turned on the seat, looked up into his dark eyes, and felt her resistance waiver. She hesitated for a moment before saying, “I think it’s best if we
don’t
see each other again.”

“Why?”

Sadly, she shook her head. “It wouldn’t work between us,” she finally said.

“I think we did just fine last night.” He was stating the obvious.

Kelly decided to lay her cards on the table. “That’s the problem. For years I wanted nothing more than to be with you. For all these years I’ve been wondering what if things had been different. I thought if I could get involved in a short fling with you, find out what it was like to be in your arms, to be made love to—” she paused to swallow “—that I could finally get you out of my system. But now I know that isn’t the case. Once was not enough.”

Her confession made him smile. “Then what’s the
problem? I’m not ready for it to end, either. I enjoyed making love to you.”

She shook her head. “I just don’t think I can do it. I’ve never been the type of woman to lead a man on.”

Diamere nodded. “That much is obvious.”

Kelly saw his smile and frowned. “Look, I’ve got so much going on in my life right now and I just don’t need the complications of a relationship of any kind.”

“So then you
have
gotten me out of your system?”

She looked into his eyes and saw the heat and the desire in them. She felt a pull in her chest.

“Because I can honestly say I haven’t gotten you out of mine,” he added, being just as open and up-front as she was. “In fact, I want you right now. I want to take you inside and taste you everywhere, starting at your feet and working my way up to all the delicious curves of your body. After I’m done I plan to make love to you for the rest of the day and late into the evening, until we fall asleep in each other’s arms.”

His response was not at all what she had expected. The words and the soft bass of his voice caused her body to quiver and ache down below. She had played with fire and the last thing she needed was to get burned. Diamere was only talking about a no-strings-attached sexual relationship. Nowhere in his confession did he hint at anything long-term. There was no way her heart could bear it. Kelly took a deep breath, trying to regain control. If she stayed in the SUV too much longer she might do something stupid like invite him inside.

Sensing her hesitation, Diamere leaned over and captured her mouth with his, then gently inserted his tongue and deepened the kiss. She was a willing participant. Diamere had a power over her that she
couldn’t explain. But Kelly knew getting involved with him would take more than she had to offer, and she couldn’t let that happen. She couldn’t let love and a childhood crush control her. She couldn’t let the way he’d made her feel last night dictate her actions. Her relationship with Devin had been nothing like this, or she would have given him her virginity a long time ago. Diamere made her long for things she wasn’t ready for—love and marriage. The two things she had put on the back burner. The two things she was unable to offer anyone right now.

With a deep, tormented moan, Kelly broke off the kiss and breathed. Diamere had a way of making her forget something as simple as filling her lungs with air. Taking another deep breath, she reached for her purse and opened the passenger door. “Thanks for a fabulous evening,” she said. Then, without another word, she climbed out of the car and headed toward her condo.

“K
elly.”

Her attention was pulled back to her left. “What?”

“You’ve been here for over an hour and you haven’t heard a word I said.”

Kelly watched her mother at the stove, preparing Sunday dinner. It was only the two of them, but as usual she was cooking enough to feed the neighbors. “I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.”

Dorlinda Saunders continued to stir the pot of chicken and dumplings while she stared at her youngest child out of the corner of her eye. “Care to share?”

Turning in her seat, Kelly looked out the window. She didn’t know where to begin. She didn’t know how much she wanted to admit. “Not really.”

Dorlinda sucked her front teeth. “I don’t know why you kids think just because I’m your mother I won’t understand.”

“It’s nothing like that,” Kelly began as she reached for a butter knife and dipped it into a bowl of homemade icing. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Something, or someone?”

Kelly’s head snapped around to find her mother’s warm chestnut eyes looking at her inquisitively. She never had been any good at keeping things from her mom. Dropping her eyes, she spread the icing across the two layers of yellow cake before finally saying, “Did you know Diamere was back in Philadelphia?”

Her mother gave a knowing smile, then reached for an oven mitt and removed a pan of homemade rolls. “Yes, Lauren mentioned that he was living here again.” She shook her head. “It’s such a shame what happened with him and his wife. He adored those girls.” At the disapproving look on her mother’s face, Kelly could tell that Lauren Redmond, Diamere’s mother, had shared every embarrassing detail. The women had been friends for years, and the way they gossiped on the phone, Kelly wasn’t surprised her mother had heard about the terrible divorce. Her heart went out to Diamere. There were so many men who didn’t want to be fathers, and here was a guy who wanted more than anything to be with his girls, and the privilege had been taken away from him.

“I’m sure he’ll find a new girlfriend in no time,” her mother replied, breaking into her thoughts.

Kelly felt a wave of jealousy at the idea of Diamere being with another woman, doing the things he had done with her to someone else. She tried to shake off the thought. He wasn’t hers. She had no right thinking that way. She had no business falling in love. Kelly let out a long, shaky breath. It wasn’t as if she’d tried to fall in love with him again, but there was something about
Diamere she couldn’t resist. That’s why she’d ended things when she had. No matter how much she missed him, ending the relationship had been for the best. If she had continued it, she would have wanted to be with him all the time. She wouldn’t have given any thought to her thesis or the upcoming school year. Her only thoughts would have been about lying in Diamere’s arms and staring up at his handsome face. Yep. Getting involved with him would have been a terrible mistake. She just wished her heart knew that, as well.

“I’m sure he’ll find someone,” Kelly finally said in a composed voice, pushing the thought aside immediately. While she finished smoothing the icing over the cake, she tried to stop thinking about Diamere, but was unsuccessful.

It had been a week since he had dropped her off at home, yet she still couldn’t get their passionate night out of her mind. All she could think about was Diamere whispering in her ear while he moved slowly between her thighs, making her feel things she had no right to remember, yet couldn’t forget. Every night she lay awake thinking, wanting and needing him. Every afternoon she found herself hoping she’d find him leaning against her car, offering to take her to lunch. But each day passed with no phone calls, no surprise appearances. It was as if the night they shared had never happened. If it wasn’t for the movie ticket stub she found tucked in her pocket, she would have thought that maybe she had imagined the entire evening. Afraid of being rejected by another man, she didn’t dare call him or even bring herself to ask Essence if she had seen him.

Every morning at school, her nosy sister-in-law had been trying to wiggle information out of her about their
date, but at the moment Kelly wasn’t ready to gossip. What she and Diamere had shared was too precious to tell anyone. It was one night she would always hold close to her heart.

“Why don’t you ask Diamere out? He could probably use a friend.” Her mother’s voice brought her back to the present.

“We went out last week.”

A smile was on her lips. “I’m sure you both had a lovely time.”

What in the world would her mother think if she found out Kelly had not only gone out with Diamere, but given him her virginity, as well?

“I spoke to Calaine last night. She and David are planning to come up for Thanksgiving.”

Kelly released a sigh of relief, grateful that her mother had finally changed the subject. “That’s wonderful.”

Calaine was the big sister Kelly never knew she had until she was already in her twenties. It was then that her mother had sat her down and told her a very painful story.

Dorlinda had gotten pregnant while in nursing school. As a struggling student with no family support, she had little choice but to give her baby up for adoption. It wasn’t until Calaine went in search of her mother that the two were reunited. Ever since, the family had been very close. Calaine was married to David Soul and lived in Columbia, Missouri, with their three children.

Gazing out the window again, Kelly released a heavy sigh. For years she had wanted the same thing that her sister and brother had—love and marriage. But over the years she had begun to accept that maybe it just wasn’t meant for her. She had believed in love when she’d first
started dating Devin, and her heart had been broken. There was no way she could allow herself to go through that pain again. Down deep, she knew that the pain would be even worse with Diamere if she allowed it to happen. She loved him, there was no denying that. Yet as much as she missed him, Kelly knew she had made the right decision to end their relationship.