Before Now (Sometimes Never) (14 page)

I look over my shoulder at my manager. He’s busy flirting with Kimmie, much to her dismay, so I take advantage of his distraction. I scoot my bottom onto the cool vinyl and Guy wraps his arm around my waist.

“Talk to me Lucy Lu.”

“Okay… About what?”

Guy smiles and stares at me again. “How long?”

I look down at the table. “How long what?”

“Should I…
?” Chase stands up. “I forgot—something…in the car.” I watch him as he walks away and my stomach starts churning with nerves.

“Exactly how long have you been in love with Park?”

“I’m not in love.”
I’m not
. I don’t love him. I care about him. And yeah, I think about him a lot. But love?

“You love him,”
Guy says, his voice taking this surprised tone that irritates me. I mean, is it that hard to believe someone could love Park? He’s gorgeous and sweet. He’s smarter than he lets on and the man is filled with so much
hunger
. It’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. I could drown in his heartache. I could suffocate on his anger. I would happily bleed his passion. He is completely lovable.

“I don’t love him.
I like him. I lust him. I do not love him.”

“He doesn’t love you
, too.” Guy watches my reaction closely, but I don’t give him one. “I’m not sure how much, but I see this change in him.” He sighs, his hand squeezing my hip at the same time. “You just have to be careful. He’s self-destructive. When things start going good, his timer starts ticking. Counting down until…” He flicks one hand in the air, opening his fingers wide. “Boom.”

“He blows up?”

Guy smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Pretty much. And if you aren’t really careful, you’ll get hit with the shrapnel.”

“You say that like you know firsthand.”

Guy looks at the salt shaker as if it holds the right answer. He pulls his lip into his mouth, chewing on it as he thinks. “I’ve seen it happen.” He turns to me. “I told you a little about Hope. My sister that he used to date.”

I flinch at the name, remembering how Park lost it the last time she was brought up. “Yeah.”

“Right. Well, she was the same way.”

“Was?”

He nods his head and narrows his eyes, studying me again. “She’s different now. Happy.”

“What changed for her?” I want to know how to help Park be happy.

Guy laughs and shakes his head. “Love, Lucy.” He rubs his face. When he drops his hands, they smack the table hard and I startle.

“
I think you should go for it,” he says suddenly. “Just jump in with both feet.”

“Uh…” I slip out of the seat.
That would be great if he didn’t just warn me I’d have my heart ripped to shreds. “I have to get back to work.”

Guy claps his finger
s around mine. “Just think about it.”

***

I do everything in my power to
not
think about what Guy said. In fact, when Bree says she wants to set me up with one of Jessie’s friends, I don’t fight her on it.

I let her pick my outfit and do my hair. I even give in and let her weigh my eyelashes down with
mascara. Jessie seems all right with the whole thing, so I know whoever I’m going out with must be a decent guy. He must be everything Park isn’t.

I don’t even know his name.

Not-Park shows up fifteen minutes early. This annoys me, but if I’m being honest with myself, it has nothing to do with his timekeeping. It’s more the fact that he has very blonde hair. It’s almost white—and it’s 100% natural. I know, because he made a point to tell me. He also has bright blue eyes and a dimple in his chin.

He reminds me of a Ken doll.

When Not-Park smiles, I notice he has perfect teeth. They’re whiter than his hair and I can see the pink of his gums.

“Kyle is majoring in business,” Bree says. “He only has one more semester before he graduates.
His family owns their own business. A restaurant. He wants to expand and open another location around here.” She continues to list his qualifications. I zone out, imagining Bree standing behind a podium as Kyle struts up and down a walkway, trying to sell him to the highest bidder.

“Lulu loves Mexican food,” Bree says loudly and I know I missed something.

“Mexican’s great,” I agree.

Kyle smiles and I return it. He seems really nice. I bet he’s the relationship type.
He probably doesn’t screw everything with two legs and a vagina. I mean, he knows what he wants in life apparently. He wants to finish school and open a restaurant. He seems reliable. Promising.

“Ah, good,” he says. “You had me nervous there for a second.” He offers me his hand. “You ready?”

“Sure.” I let him hold my hand and ignore that his is a little sweaty.

“You look really nice. Bree said you were pretty, but I wasn’t sure if she was biased.” He grins. “She isn’t, obviously. You’re stunning.”

Stunning
. I’m not sure I’ve ever been called stunning. And then I wonder what Kyle would think if I’d worn my cut-off shorts and tank top like I would prefer. How would he feel if my hair wasn’t curled and my face was free of make-up?

I feel like an imposter
. Little Lucy playing dress-up in Mommy’s clothes, on a date with a perfectly nice boy I have absolutely no interest in.

Because Kyle’s hair isn’t black and messy. Because his eyes are blue and kind instead of brown and warm with hidden p
ain. He’s too tall and too husky. I prefer the tight swimmer’s build and six foot, tattooed frame of—

I am so mad at Park.

He has ruined men for me.

I realize as Kyle opens the
car door for me that he doesn’t smell right. He’s all musky woods scented. I miss that light undertone of smoke and ash.

Ugh. I just miss Park. Damn him
.

Before I step into the ca
r, my eyes flick up to the second floor fire escape. I shouldn’t have looked. My chest tightens and my face grows hot as I meet his dark gaze.

Park’s bent over, forearms resting on the railing, cigarette between his lips. He’s too far away and covered in shadow. I can’t make out the expression on his face, but his body looks r
igid. Frozen. He doesn’t appear happy to see me.

Kyle touches my elbow, pulling my attention back to him. I blink slowly and allow him
to help me in. He closes the door and as he runs around the back of the car, a half smoked cigarette hits the windshield. The burning cherry explodes across the glass as the filter rolls down the hood. I look back up to the fire escape, but Park’s gone.

18

Park

I close the window and
stalk out to the living room.
Where the fuck is he?
I might kill him. I want to.

I go to the fridge for a beer. I chug it down and go for another when I hear Jessie and Bree. They sound happy and it pisses me off more. Why do they get to be happy? Why does everyone else get to be fucking blissful when I don’t even get a taste?

“Hey man,” Jessie says as he reaches past me, grabbing out two beers. “Bree wants to watch a movie. You want to hang with us?”

I clench my jaw and pop the top on my bottle. I glare at him as I take a long drink. He raises his brows and starts to turn away. “Did you do that?”
I ask.

He sighs heavily. “Did I do what
, Park?”

I push out of my slouch and step close to him. “Did you hook Lucy up with that douche bag?”

“Kyle? He’s cool, man.”

“Kyle,” I
repeat. Even his name is douchey. “Who the fuck is Kyle? Do you know anything about him?”

Jessie
barks out a harsh laugh and rubs his chin. “I’m not in the mood for your shit today.” He turns around and walks away from me like he’s ending the conversation, but I’m not done. I follow him to the living room.

Bree’s curled up on the couch and he settles in next to her. Something rolls inside of me. I can’t explain it. There’s no
name
for it. The closest that comes to mind is rage.

“Is it a date? Are they dating?” I need to know.

“Jesus, Park,” Bree huffs. “They aren’t getting married. He’s taking her to dinner.”

I narrow my gaze on her. “Did you set this up?”

“Yes. I did. I’m sick of seeing her turn down guy after guy because she’s waiting on you to notice her.”

I notice her
. “What guys? What are you talking about?”

Bree rolls her eyes. “Dudes hit on her all the time. She can’t work a single shift without somebody asking her out. But she says no to all of them. Why? Because she
thinks there’s more to you than your drunken, whoring ways.” She shakes her head, glowering at me. “It’s time for her to get out and have some fun. It’s not the end of the world. It’s
just dinner
.”

I set my empty bottle down on the table and cross my arms. “Lucy isn’t like you,” I state slowly.

Bree sits up, dropping her feet to the floor. “What do you mean by that?” Jessie shifts next to her like he’s getting ready to hold her back and it makes me smile.
Bring it the fuck on
.

“She doesn’t want to just have fun with guys. She’s not about stringing them along. She wants one guy. You and me, Bree, we’re the same. We’re cool with cheap fun and meaningless sex. But Lucy is better than us. She wants a relationship.”

“Are you calling me a whore?”

“Are you a whore?”

“Park, you need to shut up,” Jessie says firmly. “Don’t talk shit to Bree or I’m going to get pissed.”

“
You should be pissed. You’re in love with this chick and she just keeps yanking your fucking leash. Don’t you wonder who she’s fucking when she isn’t with you? Doesn’t it eat you up inside? Don’t tell me you don’t think about it.”

Jessie doesn’t s
ay anything. He can’t. He’s pissed off—because he knows I’m right.

“Shut your mouth,” Bree hisses. “I’m nothing like you
, Park.”

I laugh. I laugh loud and long as she fumes, watching me. “You are exactly like me. That’s why you don’t like me. It’s like looking into a mirror, reminding you every day how screwed up you are.”

“I don’t like you because you’re hurting my friend.”

“Ditto,” I say, locking my eyes on hers.

“What happens between me and Bree is our business,” Jessie utters. “I know you’re mad, but you’re overstepping by miles right now. Lulu wanted to go out with Kyle. That’s it. You can’t blame anybody for it.”

I look at him hoping my disgust shows on my face. “I can blame you. Y
ou and your stupid-ass rules.”

He closes his eyes and drags his fingers through his hair. “Just go pick up another girl and get this out of your system.”

I flinch away from his words. I feel sick from the thought. “I don’t want another fucking girl,” I murmur. Bree turns her head quickly to look at me. I shake my head and walk away.

Fuck this. I’m done.

***

I must have fallen asl
eep on the landing waiting for Lucy to get home because I open my eyes to her kneeling over me. “You drunk?”

I rub my face
and yawn. “No.”

“You all right?”

I almost laugh. “No.”

She stands up and offers me her hand. “Come on. I need someone to keep me company.” I let her help me up so I can absorb the sensation of her skin against mine.

I follow her inside thinking how great she looks in that dress and then I remember she was wearing it for another guy. All the earlier jealousy roars to the surface and I try to reel it in, but it’s stirred up too many old feelings. I’m losing the battle quickly.

“How was your
date
?” I don’t even bother to hide the disdain in my voice.

Lucy
drops her purse on the coffee table and plops her ass down on the couch. She slips her heels off and sighs. “It was…” She trails off and bites her lip.

“What?”

“Boring.”

I laugh, mostly with relief, and lower myself beside her. “Boring, huh?”

“It was the most mind-numbingly boring dinner I have ever attended.” She leans back and I do the same. When she turns her head to look at me, I realize she’s wearing make-up. She looks pretty, but it just isn’t her. I like her natural better.

“You want to know something?” s
he whispers.

“What?”

“From the moment he showed up at my door, I compared him to you. I hated every minute because I just kept reminding myself that he wasn’t who I wanted to be with.”