Begin Again (Beautiful #2) (13 page)

I sat at our table and watched people milling about, some dancing, some talking to other guests. We were under a beautifully decorated marquee tent next to Lake Dixon with the most exquisite sunset imaginable. As the last rays of sun flickered away and gave way to a starry night sky, tee lights in mason jars lit up and gave the whole atmosphere an ethereal feel. It was perfect for Huntley and Grayson’s wedding, and everything I’d imagined it would be.  I sipped my champagne and somehow managed to lose myself in the experience. I saw Huntley and Grayson dancing while Lifehouse’s ‘You and Me’ drifted through the speakers. Like many of the other guests, they and the endless, perfect love they shared transfixed me.

A light tap on my shoulder broke my haze and I looked up to find Jeff smiling at me. He looked incredibly handsome in
his classic black tuxedo and champagne colored vest. He’d removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves, giving his debonair look a slightly rogue effect. It was sexy, and any other woman here would’ve buckled at the knees just looking at him. If only he’d had that effect on me. It would have been far easier. He was a safe choice for me. Too bad I was too stubborn to choose what was safe, instead of what ended up destroying me inside.

“Care to dance?” he asked, giving me his heart stopping lopsided grin. I smiled, and placed my hand in his, wanting to feel something other than the mess inside me. I’d spent the night before curled up in bed, crying until my eyes ached. But I didn’t want to feel that tonight, and certainly not with Jeff.

“I’d love to,” I replied. I finished the rest of my champagne and followed Jeff as he led me onto the dance floor. His right arm wrapped around my waist and his left hand held mine while I rested my free hand on his shoulder. We were pressed close; close enough for anyone to think we were actually a couple. I wished we could be. I wished that I could feel more for Jeff. But I couldn’t.

Our bodies swayed to the music and I rested my head on his shoulder. For those few minutes I was able to forget
what troubled me and simply allowed myself to just
be.
I focused on the steady rhythm of Jeff’s heart and closed my eyes. I’d spent the night before curled up in bed, sobbing until my eyes ached.

“You’re quiet tonight,” Jeff said in low voice. I looked up and found him studying me.

‘I’m fine,” I replied. I plastered on the fake smile I’d been wearing all day in the hopes that he’d believe it.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked, concern furrowing his brow. “I know last night couldn’t have been easy for you.” He was referring to the news Sienna had decided to share in the middle of Huntley and Grayson’s rehearsal dinner. The news that had unraveled all the progress I had made because it reopened a wound that would never be completely healed.

“Please,” I sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to enjoy the rest of my night.”

“Why won’t you let me help you, Demi?”

“Because you can’t. No one can.”

He tilted my head up with his index finger and pierced me with his gaze. “You can’t carry it all alone. Please, let me help you. Let me be there for you.”

His words sunk in and when he lowered his head, brushing his lips across mine, I knew we were both having an entirely different conversation. He wasn’t just asking me to let him help me. He was asking me to give myself to him. He didn’t need to say the words. It was all there in his eyes.

“Jeff, I…” I struggled with the words, not only because I didn’t know what to say, but also because I knew I was about to break his heart.

“Have you considered the possibility that it’s time to move on?” he asked.

We stopped dancing and stood in the middle of the dance floor. “I have moved on,” I said. It was a lie, but it was a necessary lie. I had to convince myself more than anyone else that I had actually moved on from Brody.

“Then prove it,” Jeff challenged, “Move on…with
me.
”

“I don’t think – “

“I love you,” he blurted out quickly, looking down at my face.

“I love you too,” I replied. “You’re one of my best friends.”

“You’re misunderstanding me,” he leaned in, “I’m
in
love with you, Demi. I want you to be with me, as my girlfriend.”

My hands dropped to my sides and I took a small step back. I’d known this moment was coming ever since Brody’s grandmother had pointed out how Jeff really felt about me.

“I can’t,” was my only reply, and this time I wasn’t lying to him.

“Why not?”

I swallowed hard. “I’m not the woman for you, Jeff.”

“How can you decide that for me?”

“I love you, but not the way you want me to. I just don’t see you that way. You’re a good - ”

“Don’t say friend, please. I thought after some time you’d start to feel more, but maybe I misread all the signs.”

“I didn’t mean to lead you on. I’m sorry – “ Jeff put his hands up and I stopped talking.

“I’m such an idiot,” he mutters, looking defeated.

“I can’t lose you,” I choked out, “I still need you in my life, please.”

Jeff shook his head. “I don’t know if I can.”

“Jeff, please,” I pleaded.

“I need some time,” he sighed. He pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead and walked away, leaving me standing alone. A
hand came to rest on my forearm and I turned around to find Huntley.

“Is everything okay?” she asked. The look on her face closely resembled pity and I hated it, but I couldn’t lie to her.

“No,” I replied. “I can’t be around both of them right now. It’s just too hard. I’m sorry, but I think it’s time I left and went home.”

“I understand. Call me if you need me, okay?”

I nodded. “I will. I love you, and I’m so happy you and Grayson finally got your happy ending. You both deserve it.” I blinked back my urge to cry, I’d been doing that way too often lately, and settled for hugging my best friend.

“You deserve it too,” Huntley whispered.

“I want to believe that,” I sighed, feeling drained. “But I just need some time.”

Huntley pulled back and looked at me. “Everything will be okay, you have to know that Demi. You’re strong enough to get through it.”

I couldn’t respond because I had a hard time believing things would ever be okay again. God, I hated myself for being so
weak
.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said.

I walked towards our table and picked up my purse. I poured one last glass of champagne and before I could throw it all back at once, Brody snatched it out my hands.

“What are you doing?” I asked. Irritation flared and I had to stop myself from going off on him. Who the hell did he think he was?

“I could ask you the same thing,” he replied. I noticed the tick in his jaw and the way he ground the words out. He was mad. I just couldn’t understand why. We’d barely glanced at each other all day.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “What ever,” I muttered. “I’m tired and I’m going home.” I turned my back on him and headed towards the exit of the marquee tent. I heard Brody following me but I didn’t care. I pulled my keys from my purse and walked through the other cars until I found mine. I opened my door and the
n Brody slammed it shut.

‘You’re not driving,” he said, sounding angrier than before. My irritation morphed into rage.

“The hell I’m not,” I snapped, trying to open my car door.

“You’ve had too much to drink, and you’re obviously upset. You shouldn’t be driving in your,” he hesitated, “condition.”

I scowled at him. ‘What the hell are you talking about my ‘condition’?”

“Just give me your Goddamn keys, Demetria, or we’ll be here all night.”

I was too tired to fight so I threw my keys at him. They hit his hard chest and bounced onto the ground.

“Fine.”

I walked around to the other side and climbed in, making sure to slam the door. If he insisted on treating me like a child then I’d behave like one. He slid into the driver’s seat, looking hot and disheveled in his black tuxedo. His hair stood in all directions, probably from running his fingers through it more than a few times, and his face was hard. He was quite a sight, even when he was pissed off.

We drove through the gates and onto the road, the silence stretching between us and growing more intense. I wasn’t going to speak first. I had nothing I wanted to say to him.

He muttered something under his breath and turned my face to glare at him.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he grunted.

“If you have something to say, Brody, then just say it! I’m so sick of your stupid games!”

“This isn’t a game, Demetria.” He drove faster and if I hadn’t trusted him so implicitly, I would have been scared. We reached the edge of town and I was relived to almost be home. I needed to get away from Brody, and fast. He was no longer good for me, I realized.

“Well then grow a pair,” I said, “and tell me why you felt the need to drive me home when I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I’ve been doing it for the last year and I sure as hell won’t stop when you leave again.”

“For fuck’s sake,” Brody half yelled. He pulled to a stop outside my house and I didn’t bother waiting for whatever explanation he’d come up with. I ran up the stairs and unlocked my front door before hurriedly entering. Again, Brody was hot on my heels.

“I know you’re no longer the same person you were, Demetria, and neither am I, but I didn’t realize you’d become so irresponsible.”

I whirled around and faced him, unable to keep a lid on my brewing indignation. “What are you talking about, Brody? You keep talking in circles, so just spit it out!”

“You were drinking, and last I heard that’s not good for the baby.”

His words caught me off guard and I froze, feeling the color drain from my face.

“What baby?”

“The one you’re carrying, Goddamit! And don’t lie to me. I saw the ultrasound!”

I was so confused. “What ultrasound?” My voice shook.

“The one next to your bed, I saw it when I brought you home the other night.”

Oh God. No
no no no. How could I have been so reckless?

“It’s not – “

“Don’t lie to me, not about this. You said you weren’t seeing Jeff, which was obviously a lie too.”

“No, I wasn’t lying. There was nothing going on between us.”

“Are you telling me you’re pregnant with
someone else’s
baby?” The disgust in Brody’s voice was thick and protruding. I stared at him, until finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I cracked.

“NO!” I bawled, feeling hot tears spill over my eyelids. “It was
our
baby! That ultrasound is of YOUR baby!”  I placed my hand over my mouth and cried, watching Brody’s face blanch. My secret was out, and there was no way for me to take it back, no matter how hard I wished for it. I clutched my stomach, fighting the need to double over. I closed my eyes and immediately regretted it…

“Can someone help us, please?” Huntley asked, looking around at the Emergency Room nurses. It was three a.m. and I’d called Huntley after I woke up bleeding. I knew something was wrong. I could feel it.

The truth was, as surprised as I was about my pregnancy, I was excited. It had been a difficult few weeks but I’d focused on the little life in my belly and it had somehow given me something other than Brody to live for. He’d left me two months ago, and yet the ache in my chest hurt as if it was yesterday that he’d walked out my front door. I hadn’t spoken to him at all, and when he did call, I ignored it. If he knew about the baby he would have stayed because he had to and I wasn’t prepared to carry that on my shoulders. So instead, I’d lost one thing and gained another. A part of me wished he was here to experience this with me but I silenced it when I reminded myself that our life together wasn’t enough for him. I doubted having this baby would have made him
want
to stay.

“What seems to be the problem?” and elderly nursed asked, looking at us from over her glasses.

“My friend is pregnant and she’s in a lot of pain and she’s bleeding.”