Behind Enemy Lines (22 page)

But maybe she wouldn’t have.

“I don’t deserve you, Tom.”

Abruptly he rolled her on her back. She felt him looming over her, his expression dark and forbidding.

“And why not?”

She bit her lip, knowing he’d make her say it out loud. “I’m not a good enough person for you.”

He settled back to the bed, pulling her into the crook of his arm. A sigh lifted his chest beneath her ear.

“Then answer me this, angel. Why did you insist on waiting for Tex?”

“You guys are a family. He’s like a brother to you. I couldn’t ask you to sacrifice Tex and to break your most solemn vow to the others for me. You’d never have forgiven me if I cost you their trust, not to mention if something bad had happened to Tex.”

His tone was matter of fact. “They’d have understood.”

“But
you
could never have lived with it.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked suspiciously.

She knew well enough by now that brutal honesty was usually the best approach with him. “Tom, running from war to war until you get yourself killed is no way to make up for Simon Pettigrew’s death.”

Utter silence was his only reply.

Finally she broke the ominous stillness. “I’m sorry if that makes you mad to hear, but it’s the truth. Somebody needed to say it to you. You don’t have to die to make amends for Simon’s death. He signed up for this. He knew the risks. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A mission went bad, and a bullet with his name on it found him.”

Tom ground out, “The mission went wrong because I screwed up.”

“Since when are you held to a higher standard of perfection than the rest of us? Everybody makes mistakes. You’ve got to let go of this guilt you’ve been hauling around. It’s going to get you killed.”

His next question startled her. “Why do you care if I kill myself with a guilt complex?”

Why indeed? She could run from the answer as she had from the tank, but in the end it would catch up with her. Resigned, she finally admitted the truth to herself. She loved Tom.

He stirred beside her. No doubt he was waiting for an answer.

She whispered, “Do you really need to ask?” She turned to him, needing to say it once out loud. “I lo—”

His mouth closed over hers, stopping the words before she could say them. Grief speared through her. Even now, when they’d nearly died together, he wouldn’t acknowledge what was happening between them. His defenses were so entrenched, she’d never get through to him.

He might not let her say it aloud, but that didn’t change anything. She’d known it deep down in her heart for a long time, but she’d fought admitting it until now.

Tonight she was too raw, too exposed from the terror of the night’s events to hide from it any longer.

Her arms closed around the strong column of his neck, drawing him down to her. Tonight, with a war raging outside, his presence was vastly reassuring. There was, indeed, a time and a place for men who could and would kill on an instant’s notice.

The room was warm, but a chill of anticipation raced across her skin. Once more, her warrior-lover came to her and taught her the exhilaration of cheating death.

He might refuse to say the words, but there was no doubt as he chased away her nightmares about how he really felt about her.

Chapter 12

A
sunbeam fell across his feet as Tom sat absolutely still in a high-backed armchair in the downstairs sitting room. His men lounged on the far side of the room, trading quiet comments with one another. They knew to give him space when he was this tense.

Annie, on the other hand, was pacing like a caged tiger. She was no doubt wired for the same reason he was.

He’d sent out Doc and Dutch to reconnoiter hours ago, and they still weren’t back. He’d chosen them because they had the best covers for moving around in daylight.

They’d left well before 10 a.m., but lunch had come and gone without a sign of them.

He repeated the same litany to himself that he’d been reciting in his head for more than an hour. They were good at what they did. They knew the city, and they knew how to handle themselves in a tight situation. He should have faith in them and be patient a little while longer.

At least worrying about his men kept his mind off what had happened last night between him and Annie. He shouldn’t have given in to her. It was a complication he seriously didn’t need.

He’d barely managed to do his job during last night’s maneuvers with Annie present. And now, with their feelings for each other becoming more and more obvious, his distraction was only going to get worse. He should’ve known better than to make love to her. He was the worst kind of fool.

“Boss?”

Tom looked up, startled, at Tex.

“Have you taken a good look at Annie this morning?”

Tom frowned. He’d seen her up close and very personal when they woke up, as a matter of fact. “What are you talking about?”

“Doesn’t it strike you that she’s acting jumpy, kinda like a cornered jackrabbit?”

Tom gazed closely at her. Now that Tex mentioned it, she did look on the verge of panic.

“Not that it’s any of my say-so, Hoss, but I think the filly’s gonna need some settling before we try to run her again.”

Generally, the more folksy Tex waxed, the more attention Tom paid to him. Besides, the lean Texan was an outstanding judge of human nature. If he thought something was up with Annie, Tom was certainly going to listen. Lord knew, he wasn’t having much success at dealing objectively with her. His own judgment couldn’t get much more clouded where she was concerned.

“What do you suggest, Tex?”

“Looks to me like she’s lost her gumption. She needs her feathers ruffled a little to stiffen her spine. There’s nothing like a good fight to make a woman grit her teeth and come out swingin’.”

Tom looked at Tex, surprised. “You’re suggesting I pick a fight with her?”

“Yup. Like Hell Week with the new recruits.”

Tom knew exactly what Tex was referring to. The first week of Special Forces school was designed to weed out all but the most dedicated and mentally tough volunteers. A common technique by the instructors when the recruits got close to quitting was to make them mad. The good recruits would dig deep when provoked and find strength they didn’t know they had. That, too, was an important part of their training.

A fight, huh?

He had a pretty good idea of what buttons to push to get a rise out of Annie. He stood up and flashed Tex a rueful grin.

“This could get ugly.”

“It needs to be done, Major. We’ve still got a lot of war ahead of us.”

Tom sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

He strolled over to where Annie stared out a window at a small, uninspired garden. He’d never seen her this tense before. Her shoulders were bunched up around her ears, and she looked about ready to bust a seam.

He looked out the window until he knew her attention was on him. Casually he pulled out his pocket pager to check for a signal from his men.

“Anything?” she asked.

“Why do you care? They’re not your men,” he snapped. “Besides, you know I’d tell everyone if there were any news.”

“I was just trying to make polite conversation.”

“Don’t. If I want to trade pleasantries with diplomats, I’ll visit Washington.”

She crossed her arms and turned her back on him. Good. She looked irritated.

But knowing her, she’d try to make peace. She was too much the attaché to go for long without trying to fix the misunderstanding. Sure enough, she turned back to face him.

Her tone was soothing. “Dutch and Doc will be fine, Tom. They know what they’re doing and they have good covers.”

He glared at her. “Nothing’s fine in a scenario like this. It’s too damn unstable. I shouldn’t have put men in the field until after dark.”

He spun away and noticed Howdy and Mac staring at him. Hopefully Annie wouldn’t see their expressions and catch on. He glared at his men until Tex whispered something to the others and they all turned away.

Annie tried again. He had to give her credit for persistence.

“We agreed they’d blend in with the civilians who’ll be moving around in daylight. Dutch’s press credentials fooled even me, and Doc looks and speaks like a native. You made the right decision.”

He whirled on her. “How would you know? You’ve never made a real combat decision in your life.”

She glared back at him, clearly stung. “Wanna bet?”

“You’ve spent your whole cushy career sipping cocktails by swimming pools and shmoozing generals. You haven’t faced a single life-or-death situation in your entire career. You wouldn’t know a tough call if it reached out and bit you in the butt.”

“You think I couldn’t make that kind of call?”

“I know you couldn’t. You don’t have the nerves for this kind of work.”

“I’m not the one checking my pager every ten minutes for a signal from Dutch and Doc.”

His gaze narrowed dangerously. “Don’t push me. I’m in no mood for games.”

She planted her fists solidly on her hips. “Neither am I. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t patronize me.”

Her hands balled into fists. Good. She probably needed to be a little more ticked off, though, to get to the point where she’d go through hell and high water to show him how wrong he was. He pushed another button.

“Face it. You’d have died without me last night. Women can’t hack it in the field.”

“You’d have died without me three months ago!”

He snorted in disdain. “Look, I appreciate what you did to help me. But feeding me painkillers in a hospital and holing up in an apartment with me for a month does not make you a combat veteran. Hell, the night janitor at the embassy could’ve done what you did for me.”

Ahh. There it came. A flush of red creeping up her neck. She definitely didn’t like the janitor comparison.

“Why, you sanctimonious…condescending…ungrateful…chauvinist…” she sputtered.

She apparently couldn’t think of a word foul enough for him.

“If it weren’t for my helping you, I could be sitting by a swimming pool sipping a cocktail with a general this very minute!”

She’d found her voice again and was gathering steam fast. He leaned a hip against the windowsill to ride out the forthcoming explosion.

“I risked my entire crew to pull you and your guys out of the jungle. I got shot at saving your arrogant butt. I stayed until the rebels had missiles locked on me so you could get hoisted out of the jungle. I dodged radar sites and all but flew through the damn trees with a shot-up engine to get you back to a hospital. And you’re comparing me to a janitor?”

He went very still.
She’d
pulled him out of the jungle?
She’d
been the pilot who dragged him almost to his death?
She’d
been the pilot who decided to sacrifice him to save herself, her crew and his men?

He pushed away from the windowsill, his spine rigid. He spoke very, very calmly. “Would you repeat what you just said?”

“You heard me! Who do you think flew the helicopter that pulled you guys out of the jungle three months ago? I’m the American embassy’s only helicopter-rated air attaché.”

Tex interjected from across the room. “I knew I recognized your voice from somewhere! You’re the lady captain I talked to on the radio. You ain’t kidding. That
was
a dicey piece of flying.”

Tom glared at him.

The Texan smiled back lazily and drawled, “I think you got her feathers where you wanted ’em, Hoss.”

“Stay out of this, Tex,” Tom snarled.

He grabbed Annie’s arm, marched her out into the hallway and opened a random door to reveal a small empty office. He shoved her inside. This was one conversation they were going to continue in private.

“I’ve got to warn you, Annie. You’ve pushed me real close to the edge of violence, here.”

Trepidation glinted in her eyes, but she stuck her chin out defiantly.

“
You
flew that helicopter,” Tom growled.

“Yeah.”

“
You’re
the pilot who bugged out while I was still hanging beneath your bird and dragged me damn near to my death.”

“That was me.”

His voice was low and deadly. “And when were you planning to share this little tidbit with me?”

Some of her bravado faded in the face of his cold fury.

“Well, I was going to tell you before the Americans evacuated the embassy, but they left so unexpectedly I didn’t get a chance. And once they were gone, you were my only way out of Gavarone. I thought it might be best not to make you mad at me right then.”

He cocked a skeptical eyebrow. “Oh, so you
were
planning to tell me someday?”

“Well, I was planning to at first. But then we started to get close to each other, and I decided there really was no need to mention it to you.”

“You didn’t think I’d be interested in the fact that you almost killed me?”

“I didn’t almost kill
you.
Well, I did, but I didn’t know
you
back then. You were just some nameless soldier hanging on a cable.”

“Why’d you do it? Why’d you leave me hanging?”

“We were taking ground fire, and our radar picked up shoulder-held missiles. The rebels got lock on and were going to fire at us. I either had to sacrifice you and hope to get everyone else out alive or get shot down for sure and kill the rest of your team and my crew.”

His wrath abated momentarily at the sound logic of her decision, then flared anew. “Didn’t you think I’d understand that? Why did you have to lie to me about it?”

“I didn’t exactly lie to you. I just didn’t tell you everything.”

He glared at her, and she glared right back. “It wasn’t anything personal, Tom. A decision had to get made, so I made it.”

She paced the cramped office.

“You and your men are always preaching about how you never leave anyone behind. About how you live or die together. I should have stayed and died with you and your men. I didn’t tell you about it because I knew you wouldn’t understand why I did it.”

“Just because we live to a higher code than everyone else doesn’t mean we expect other people to do it.”