Behind the Facade (27 page)

She moaned in frustration and finally accepted
defeat. "OK,” she conceded. “You win,” but he couldn't hear her.
He lolled, limp and unconscious, in her arms.
She laid him
down gently on the cold concrete floor.

Her tears spilled on to his upturned face. She bent
and kissed his bruised lips. "I loved you, you know. Sean, Michael or
whoever you are. I couldn’t help myself."

She stood and suddenly thought of Sebastian. How could
the stun gun have knocked him out for so long? It was then that she spotted the
broken bottles all around him and the jagged glass sticking out of his throat.

She turned and ran.

She had just reached a phone box down the road from
the house when a hot blast of air knocked her flat and all the glass in the
phone box blew outwards with a loud shattering sound. There was a pause, like a
huge intake of breath, and then an appallingly loud explosion as the ground
shook beneath her.

After a few minutes, she got shakily to her feet and
looked back at the house, her ears ringing and blood from a small cut on her
cheek trickling into her mouth. Car alarms were mingling with the equally
strident yelps of startled dogs but Kate heard them as though through a muffler.
Her awareness was completely focused on
  where
she had just come from.  A huge puffy cloud sat on the horizon like an
abhorrent black spider that had just consumed a satisfying meal.

 
Kate stepped on to the concourse and
raised a hand to her eyes, squinting in the bright sunshine that had belatedly
decided to come out of hiding from behind the thick layer of fibrous clouds.
She scanned the side of the racing circuit, trying to get a fix on where she
was supposed to go. Someone spoke close by and she jumped a little, caught by
surprise, as she had not heard anyone approach. A short man, with dark, greasy
hair plastered to his skull and reddish skin that bore the ravages of teenage
acne stood in front of her.

He addressed her again, “Can I help you, Miss?”
Miss?
She thought. She knew she could still pass for younger
than her years but it had been a long time since someone had greeted her with
this honorific.

“Yes, please” she replied. My son had a birthday
party here, and I think he’s been hurt?”

Kate was anxious to see Timmy and ensure that his
injury was as superficial as they had assured her over the phone. She had felt
so guilty about having to work on his birthday, and her guilt was magnified a
hundredfold by the fact that he had been hurt. It was the half term holiday and
she normally booked him into the out of school club for the week. She had tried
to persuade Timmy to wait until the weekend, so she could do something with
him, but he had pleaded so imploringly to come here to
Burnden
Racepark
on his actual birthday. She had let this,
and other mothers’ assurances, persuade her into giving him into the hands of
these people, not to mention trusting them with her child’s happiness.

“Oh, yes. Follow me,” he instructed. Her concern
must have shown on her face because before he turned away, he put a hand on her
arm and said, “Please don’t worry. Your son is perfectly fine.”

This did little to put her mind at rest .She assumed
he was saying this, not to reassure her, but to downplay the seriousness of
what had happened and avert litigation. She followed him down to the race
track, her heels echoing on the concrete, feeling out of place in her fitted
skirt and jacket.

She recognised Timmy’s exuberant laughter as it
drifted over to her. Some of her tension dissipated. He couldn’t be bad if he
was laughing. She heard the deeper note of another man’s voice, as she
approached a covered area at the side of the pit lane. The short man she had
been following said, “Timmy is in there, with our main instructor. You probably
haven’t heard of him, but he’s the best there is, and he’s great with the kids.
Why he hasn’t ever gone into professional racing is beyond any of us.” Kate
looked into the man’s shining, nut-brown eyes. His was one of the worst cases of
hero worship she had ever seen. It riled her for some reason and ignited her
temper. Well, if this amazing “instructor” had put the thrill of the race
before her son’s safety, then she would certainly be bringing him down a peg or
two.

She marched into the garage and saw that Timmy was
sitting in a full size touring car and a brawny man in full racing gear was
kneeling beside him. She stalked over to them, but neither of them even noticed
her. She watched as the man showed something to Timmy on the dashboard, and she
couldn’t help feeling her heart expand when she heard Timmy’s voice rise in
excitement and saw a glow of delight suffuse his face.

Sean bent down and smiled at the eager little face
in front of him. He still couldn’t get over the way this young boy captivated
him. He had shown racing skill beyond his years on the track. The other
children had gone home a little while ago, happy but exhausted. Timmy was still
waiting for his mother to collect him from work and, what with the little fall
he’d had and the long day, it would have been understandable if some of his
enthusiasm had started to wane. However, he was as animated as ever and seemed
genuinely interested in even the most mundane facts about racing cars. He was
different to the other children. He felt an affinity with him, almost like that
of a kindred soul.

Kate got nearer, eyes scanning her son’s face. She
noticed a raw looking graze on his right cheek and rushed over to him, shoving
the instructor rudely to one side in her anxiety. “Timmy!” she cried. “What
happened?”

“Oh, Hi Mum,” Timmy replied with the nonchalance
only a child can perfect. “I’m fine.”

Kate stroked her fingers over the scrape on his
cheek, eyes frantically searching for any other signs of injury.
Timmy’s eyes flicked in embarrassment to the man behind her.
He pushed her hand away. “Stop fussing Mum! I’m OK. It was my fault, anyway. I
just tripped getting out of the kart.”

She relaxed a little. “Sorry sweetheart. It’s just
when I heard you’d…”

“I know Mum but don’t sweat it.” Timmy was still
looking beyond her, clearly trying to impress the man with his devil may care
attitude. Kate pursed her lips. The guy obviously had her son signed up to his
fan club as well. Timmy frowned. Kate belatedly felt a prick of shame for how
discourteous she had been. She turned around but the man was walking rapidly
away from them.

“Hey!” Timmy shouted. “Sean! Where are you going?”
He leapt out of the car.

Sean had stared in disbelief at the mother of Timmy,
unable to rip his eyes away. Even with her face turned away from him, he had
recognised her. The hair was not the same; now darker and cut in a short,
bobbed style. But the soft timbre of her voice, and the quick, graceful
movements of her hands, remained exactly the same. She could have been transposed
into an entirely different body and he’d have known her instantly.

“Oh God,” he whispered. The desire to have her
recognise him battled passionately against his reason. Common sense had been
the victor. He had never been a real part of her life and he was totally remote
from it now. He was dead to her. He had to go. He had to get out of there.
Now.

He stopped when he heard the boy shout but couldn’t
bring himself to turn around. Timmy walked in front of him and looked up at him
questioningly. “You weren’t leaving were you?” he asked his tone full of
puzzled disbelief.

Sean swallowed and looked into Timmy’s wide blue
eyes, eyes so like those of his mother he realised now. “Yes, kiddo, I’m afraid
I have to go.
Keep the passion
burning, okay?” He punched
his fist to Timmy’s and strode off fast and purposefully down the track,
cursing under his breath when he realised that there was no easy exit in this
direction.

He heard Timmy running after him. A cry from the boy
could be heard even above the wind now howling around him. “Don’t go. Please
don’t go yet!”

This simple plea melted Sean’s resolve like hot
tears on thin ice. He turned and Timmy grabbed hold of his hand, his face
flushed and his breath coming in rapid gasps. “Why did you walk off like that?
I want you to speak to my Mum and tell her how good I was! She won’t believe
me, but she’ll believe you!”

Sean listened to Kate approach them, his heart
begging, “Just one more time. Just let me see her one more time,” while his reason
savagely reproached him.

Her face was older, wearier and had lost that look
of innocence. Her sapphire eyes were still bright but sadder and markedly
haunted.

She spoke. “What made you leave like that? I'm sorry
if I was rude to you. I’m Kate, Timothy’s Mum.” She held her hand out to him.

Sean just stared at it and then lifted his eyes back
to hers.

She stepped closer. “Look, I know we got off on a
bad foot,” she said. “But I can see how much Tim has enjoyed himself. I know
his fall wasn’t your fault. Thank you for making his day so special.”

Sean didn’t say anything but he did release a breath
he hadn't even realised he had been holding. Thank God, he was still wearing
the helmet. She hadn’t recognised him. He hadn’t done wrong after all.

She frowned and he watched indignant colour begin to
flood into her face.

Timmy wisely decided to let go of Sean’s hand.

“Would you mind answering me?” she asked her voice
rising and her irritation returning. “And take off that helmet, if you don’t
mind. I feel like I’m talking to a crash test dummy!”

For God sake leave now! Michael’s mind urged him.
But he couldn’t. It was too late. He couldn’t turn away. He was held by an
immutable force. As Kate looked at him, she saw that his hands were clenched,
white, at his sides and his whole body was trembling slightly.

He wasn’t about to have a fit was he? She forgot
about her anger and began to be concerned. “Hey, you…” What was his name,
again? “Are you OK?” It came to her. Timmy had used it. “Sean?” She reached out
to take his arm.

Her action ceased halfway.

Her hand dropped.

Her face took on a strange, struck expression. Sean?
No. It was impossible.

There were two bodies recovered from the bomb blast,
if you could call bodies burnt beyond all recognition “recovered”. It was
believed that these were Sebastian and Sean. It was assumed that her father had
escaped in time and, in doing so, had escaped justice. She never saw him again
but she hadn’t wanted to. The information Sean had sent to Scotland Yard had
blown the lid off her father’s sickening operation, selling vulnerable women as
personal sex slaves. Many respectable and prominent figures had been identified
as customers and publically vilified and prosecuted.  The fallout from it
all had devastated her life for a second time. She had seen a therapist for
years but in the end she’d had her child to thank for seeing her through. If
she hadn’t had Timmy to love, to fight for, to focus her mind on, she wasn’t
sure she would have found the willpower to carry on.

When she’d discovered what had happened to Sean’s
sister and seen how lovely she had been, she began to understand what had
driven him and had ultimately cost him his life. Sean was dead. He was dead.
There was no way he could have escaped the house, especially not as hurt as he
was. But she looked at the steely bleakness of the man’s eyes and knew. She
must at last be going mad.

“Can…can you take your helmet off for me please?”
she asked again, her voice faltering and her sanity threatening to slip along
with it.

He didn’t argue with her this time. He saw the
knowledge of who he was already evident in her face. He reached up and slowly
removed the helmet.

His entire face came into view. It was older yes,
somewhat battered looking, yes, but  no doubt about it, it was the face of
the man who’d died in her arms, the man she still saw in her dreams. It was the
face of the man she’d loved.  She backed away, her own face contorted.
“No. No!”

Her instant recognition spurred him into sudden
action. “Katie! Please!” he shouted and reached out to grab her arm.

“No!” she screamed. “Don’t touch me, you bastard! I
thought you were dead! You’re dead! You’re dead!” She tried to wriggle out of
his grasp and began to flail wildly as his grip simply became tighter.

“Katie! Calm down please!”

Timmy looked on, aghast, his own interests
forgotten.

Eventually, Kate stopped struggling. She looked at
him, eyes shimmering with tears. “You’re real aren’t you?” she stated rather
than asked.

He nodded.

A sob escaped her. Then she was in his arms,
clinging to him, as though she was drowning. Timmy had had enough of this crazy
turn of events.

“Mum? What are you doing? What the h…” He was about
to say “hell” and then thought twice about it in front of his mother, even in
these inexplicable circumstances. “Do you know each other?”

Sean caught Timmy’s eye and remorse swept through
him. He should have left before she recognised him. She had rebuilt her life
and here he was turning it upside down again.
And what about
the boy’s father?
Had she finally achieved some measure of security and
happiness? He couldn’t jeopardise that.

He prised Kate away from him and looked at her. “I
can’t do this,” he said. “I can’t be here. Pretend this never happened. I’m
dead to you.”

“No! You can’t mean that. Please, Sean, please. ”

He glanced across at Timmy. “It’s good to see that
you’re getting on with your life, but it’s a miracle that I didn’t destroy
you…I’ve done enough damage already just by talking to you. Goodbye Kate.”

“Sean!” She grabbed his arm. “Don’t you
dare!
”

“Can someone just tell me what’s going on here!?”
Timmy exclaimed.

Sean turned to him. “I’m sorry son. This is your day
and you don’t need this. Do you know anything about your mother’s life before
you were born?” He looked questioningly at Kate. She shook her head mutely,
eyes wide with alarm. Before he looked away, he read something else more subtle
in her eyes but couldn’t interpret it.

“Well I knew her but I hurt her very badly. And for
that I’m very sorry. But sorry isn’t enough. It will never be enough. She
thought I was dead and it is better if she continues to think that way.”

“No!” Kate contested. “How can you walk away now?
Now, when we’ve found each other again?”

“Are you a masochist or something?”

“Please, let’s go somewhere and talk. You owe me
that much.”