Believe Like a Child (27 page)
E
bby found Lucy awake and talking to the nurses. When the child caught sight of Ebby, she ran to her and threw her arms around her. “How’s Alessa?” she cried. “Is she dead?”
Ebby scooped her up in her arms. “She’s going to be fine,” she reassured the little girl. “But she is very sick right now. It’s going to take a long time for her feel better. You’ll be sleeping at my house with me, until she does. Okay?”
Despite her relief that Alessa would live, Lucy’s small, thin body was still shaking as she clung tighter to Ebby. “This is all my fault, Ebby,” she mumbled.
“No.” Ebby stated firmly. No, this isn’t your fault. It was those terrible men who did this to her. Besides, Alessa would be upset if she knew you thought that, Lucy.”
The child was sobbing now. “Ebby, they wanted me,” she blurted out through her tears, “but Alessa talked them into letting me go. That’s why I was safe at the restaurant where you found me. I know I’m only nine, but I know what happened. If she had let them take me instead of her, she wouldn’t be in the hospital now.”
“How did it all start?” Ebby inquired.
Lucy explained to her how the guy sitting on the curb had called out for help and they had walked over to see what was wrong. Without warning, the others had appeared from nowhere, surrounding them. She repeated everything Alessa had said to them and that when she left for the restaurant she thought Alessa was in trouble. “I didn’t know what to do, Ebby,” Lucy said remorsefully. “I always listen to Alessa. She’s the one who takes care of me and I let her get hurt!”
Ebby took the child home shortly afterward and introduced her to her husband, Ryan. She had called him during the night to tell him that Alessa was in big trouble.
“Ebby,” Ryan had said to her on the phone, making no effort to hide his disapproval, “this is the kind of stuff you’re going to have to deal with, when you make these people your friends.”
“Listen, Ryan,” his wife had retorted, “don’t you ever say that again. ‘These people,’ as you put it, are just as normal and vulnerable as we are. I am bringing Lucy home to stay with us for a while. She is only nine years old. So don’t start with your shit. I am Alessa’s friend and I need to do this for her. What’s more, I expect you to help me. Do you understand?”
It was the first time in their married life that Ebby had used harsh words with her husband. While he neither liked what she told him nor agreed with any of it, he knew his wife was dead serious.
When they got to her house, Ebby showed Lucy her bedroom and went off to fix her lunch. The two of them, joined by Ryan, ate the meal together. Ryan seemed to be making an effort with the child, which Ebby really appreciated.
After lunch, Ebby left Lucy with her husband and went back to the hospital. Arriving at the SICU, she checked in at the nurse’s station to get an update on Alessa. The nurse gave her more information than she had received the night before. Alessa was being watched for an acute “subdural hematoma”.
Ebby’s mouth dropped open. “What’s a subdural hematoma?”
The nurse placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. It means that her brain was bruised. The good news is that the hematoma is small. When they are small, the body usually just heals itself. We will monitor her carefully until we see substantial progress.”
Ebby couldn’t hold back her tears as she asked, “Will she be okay? I mean, will this cause permanent damage?”
The nurse shook her head. “We won’t know if there is any damage until she is fully awake. Right now, the doctor is keeping her heavily sedated and giving her fluids to allow her brain and body to recover.”
Ebby thanked her and went to the bay where Alessa had been kept, pulled over a chair and sat next to her. She talked to her in a soft murmur and reassured her again that Lucy was fine, but there was neither response nor movement. Alessa just lay there motionless.
Later that day, Ebby remembered to put on a happy face as she went home to Lucy. She told her that Alessa was still asleep, but getting better every minute. This was not entirely untrue. Alessa’s vital signs were encouraging and according to the doctors, the blood transfusion had helped her. Ebby could read the anxiety on Lucy’s face and consoled her as best she could. The child wanted to go see Alessa, but Ebby knew it was still too soon. The swelling on her face had subsided a little in the last twenty-four hours, but until Alessa regained consciousness, Ebby wasn’t about to take Lucy in to see her. Alessa was all the child had, after all.
By the next morning, when Ebby arrived at the SICU, the nurses told her that Alessa had just been moved out to a regular room. She had apparently done well over the last forty-eight hours and her condition had stabilized, to the relief of the doctors on duty. One of the nurses gave Ebby Alessa’s new room number and she hurried down to the elevator to go find her.
When she walked into Alessa’s room, she felt immensely grateful to find the girl awake. Ebby knew she was going to be fine. She approached the bed and bent over to kiss her on the forehead.
“How are you feeling, sweetie?” she asked tenderly.
Though still a bit confused, Alessa responded, “I’m doing okay now. Where is Lucy? Is she okay?”
Ebby moved closer, so her face was inches from Alessa’s, and whispered, “Yes, Lucy is absolutely fine. She is staying with Ryan and me. I guess you don’t remember me telling you this earlier?”
“No, I don’t remember much after I passed out.”
“Do you remember what happened to you?”
Alessa looked away. “I remember,” she whispered. “How could I forget? What’s wrong with me anyway? How long do I have to stay here?”
Just then, the nurse came into the room and inquired, “Well, how are you feeling, young lady? You take a licking and keep on ticking, I see. Your blood tests look good and the swellings are continuing to subside, but don’t be in such a rush to leave us. You have a little ways to go still. How’s your pain?”
“My leg is throbbing and I have a really bad headache, but I’m okay.”
The nurse observed Alessa for a few moments. “I’m going to give you something for the pain,” she said briskly. “You have some broken bones, but they will heal just fine, if you stick with me.”
Alessa smiled at her weakly and asked for a mirror. “I want to see my face,” she explained. “My lips feel like they’re huge and I can’t open my eyelids all the way.”
To stall her, the nurse said quickly, “I’ll tell you what. Let’s get some pain medication in you and we’ll see if we can find you a mirror later.”
She had no intention of allowing Alessa to look at herself in a mirror. She knew from experience that it would be the worst thing to do at that moment. The staff would keep stalling her for another two or three days until the swelling was dramatically reduced.
Ebby followed the nurse into the hallway. “How is she really?” she asked nervously.
“Honestly, she’s lucky to be alive,” she stated grimly. “They really worked her over. She’ll be fine, but we want to keep mirrors away from her for the next couple of days until she starts looking more normal. If she finds out how she’s looking now, it will only demoralize her. Do you know if the cops managed to catch those bastards?”
“No, they haven’t found them yet,” Ebby said, disheartened. “Her younger sister got a look at their faces and gave a description to the cops, but nothing has turned up so far.”
The nurse gave Ebby a reassuring look. “The doctors were able to get sperm from her vagina and her anus,” she confided. “The poor thing was really ripped to shreds. If they find these guys, they can identify them through their DNA.”
Ebby thanked the nurse, well aware that Alessa would have no interest in pursuing these men. Her only concern was Lucy. She wouldn’t jeopardize her chances of keeping the child just to get even.
When Ebby went home that night, she told Lucy all about Alessa’s recovery. The child was delighted to hear she was awake and asked her when she could go to the hospital to see her.
“In a couple more days, Lucy,” Ebby told her. “Alessa needs time to get better. She has been asking about you, though. She says to send her love and tell you everything is fine.”
Disappointed that she couldn’t go and see Alessa right away, Lucy was, nonetheless, relieved to hear she was doing better now.
Two days later, Ebby drove Lucy down to the hospital so they could visit Alessa together. To spare her the first shock, Ebby had carefully prepared the child by explaining that Alessa was bruised and had a broken leg and arm. It looked a lot worse than it actually was, she told her, and once the bones healed, she would be just fine.
When Lucy entered the room and saw Alessa, she burst into tears. Alessa looked over at her and squealed, “Lucy, the love of my life! Come over here and give me a hug!”
The little girl rushed to her and hugged her gingerly. As glad as she was to finally see and touch Alessa, Lucy couldn’t stop her tears from flowing. Even at the tender age of nine, she knew how close she had come to losing the only person she really loved.
“So, I hear you’ve been sleeping at Ebby’s,” Alessa said fondly. “I see how it is now; you’re having sleepover parties without me,” she teased.
This brought a grin to Lucy’s face. “It’s been fun, but I wish you were there with us,” she said.
The three of them talked for the next hour, until Ebby noticed Alessa fighting pain and sleep and announced that it was time for them to go. Having been allowed a glimpse of the old Alessa that told her she was going to be okay, Lucy was quite content and promised her that she would be back to visit again.
As they were riding home, the child asked, “How come if Alessa broke her leg, she doesn’t have a cast on it?”
Ebby smiled. “The doctors put a metal rod in her leg. That’s what they do when you break your thigh bone.”
Lucy grimaced at the thought, imagining a metal rod in her own leg.
“Will she be able to walk with the rod?” she asked anxiously.
“Yes,” Ebby reassured her, “eventually, she will. It will take her several weeks to start walking again and maybe two to three months, before she is back to normal.”
Lucy looked bewildered. “Wow, that’s a long time!” she exclaimed in awe. “How will Alessa work at the grocery store at night if she can’t walk?”
“She won’t be able to work until she is completely recovered.”
This reminded Ebby that she needed to make some phone calls the next day and see if she could get the girls housing and public assistance until Alessa was well enough to fend for herself and look after Lucy. She knew how greatly Alessa treasured her independence and wouldn’t relinquish it even while she healed.
The following morning, Ebby began looking into housing options and decided to pull a few strings by getting in touch with a friend at the Philadelphia Housing Authority. She fed her a story about Alessa being a disabled and displaced nineteen-year-old who was solely responsible for her little sister. She explained that the girl would be released from the hospital within seven days and they needed a place to stay immediately.
Ebby was thrilled when her friend called back and confirmed that she had been able to put them in a two-bedroom unit at the Courtyard Apartments that provided housing for seniors and families. Based on the information Ebby had provided her, her friend had decided the older residents would be supportive and good for the morale of the young girls. This would also be a safer place for the two of them, until they got back on their feet.
T
he Courtyard Apartments were located in a residential neighborhood on Fourth Street, which seemed ideal. A week later, with Alessa on crutches and Lucy by her side, the two moved into their new apartment. Ebby had explained to Alessa before they arrived that the apartment was paid for by the federal government and they would receive food stamps as well.
Alessa was pleased with the new apartment. It was small, but well lit, with white walls and beige furniture. Ebby had got her the furniture from a yard sale and while it was moderately worn, it was still in good condition. Each of the bedrooms came with a bed, linens, a closet and a dresser. All the items had been bought at a yard sale from a couple who were about to divorce and go their separate ways. Lucy was thrilled to finally have her own space, a room that was all hers.
Ebby and Alessa sat on the sofa together, while Lucy unpacked her things. Turning to her, Ebby said, “I know you are dealing with a lot right now. We have been focusing on your physical health so far, but I’m just as concerned about your state of mind. We haven’t talked at all about the rape that night. I’m worried that you are holding everything in. I would like to talk about it, if it’s okay with you.”
Alessa stared blankly at Ebby for a long time. She had complete trust in her and knew no one had ever understood her the way she did.
“Ebby, it was awful!” she finally confessed. “I know I’m no fucking virgin, but this was different. The attack was so violent! I felt completely humiliated, as though my entire being had been violated. It wasn’t the sex itself, you know. I mean, it was terrible, but it didn’t even matter. It was how vicious they were to me, as though they had nothing but hatred for me and were bent on destroying me. I gave them what they wanted. So why did they have to hurt me?”
“I have no way of knowing why anyone would want to do this to you,” Ebby said sadly, trying to console Alessa. “Maybe the boys were drunk or high on something. Maybe they are just rotten to the core. But I do know that even if they are never caught, they will suffer a lifetime of misery. No one who treats another human being the way they treated you can ever be at peace.”
“Why do you think being beaten bothers me more than being raped by them?”
Ebby moved closer to Alessa and put an arm around her. “I’m not sure,” she said gently. “It could be because you’ve been raped so many times that—awful as it sounds—you’ve come to accept it as nothing out of the ordinary. On the other hand, you’ve never been beaten like that before. Men have violated you, but they never tried to break your spirit like these men did. Not that that makes it any better, but it’s something you’ve never experienced. . Maybe that’s why the beating traumatized you more than the rape.”
“I made a decision while I was in the hospital,” Alessa said quietly. “I’m not going to dance anymore. I want to get out of the sex business altogether. I’m tired of it, Ebby. It’s just that I don’t know what else I can do to make enough money to turn my life around. I have almost 30,000 dollars in cash in my safety deposit box. I was going to buy a place for us, while I worked on getting a college degree, but now I can’t figure out what to do.”
Ebby could feel her hopelessness. She considered Alessa capable of so much more than just devoting her life to stripping for a pack of horny bastards.
“Well,” she told her, “what you’re going to do is focus on your recovery, getting yourself into college and choosing a career that will not only prepare you to earn a living, but also give you joy.”
When Ebby talked to her in that confident manner, she made Alessa’s own goals seem clear and well defined. She made her believe that she had options. The young woman approved of the plan Ebby had decided on for her and promised to call the Philadelphia Community College the next morning. With renewed hope, Alessa went into her new bedroom to unpack her things, just as Lucy came bouncing into the living room, bubbling with excitement.
“Alessa, we have our own bathroom!” she squealed. “And did you see all the stuff Ebby bought for us? We have real comforters on our beds and towels to shower with and everything!”
Alessa took delight in the child’s enthusiasm and thought to herself,
Ebby’s right. I can make a life for Lucy and myself
. Maybe God was actually cutting them a break. And about time too!
By early evening, Ebby was ready to go home to Ryan. She promised to be back the next day to take Alessa to her physical-therapy session. The three of them embraced and after Ebby had left, Alessa and Lucy sat on the sofa and watched television. They had never done that before, at least not in privacy and not in their own space. Both enjoyed every minute they shared. It felt as if they were really a family, a normal family just doing a normal thing.
Later that evening, once Lucy was asleep, Alessa reluctantly let her mind wander to the rape. Secretly, she felt shattered and raw from the whole experience. She knew as long as she had a plan and set goals for herself, she would never have to look back. Once she was well enough to get around on her own, she would even get back to visiting and helping the homeless, just like she had before the incident on July 4
th
.