Bend Me, Break Me (15 page)

“We’ll see, we’ll see.”

The rest of the night I spent catching up on homework I’d been neglecting in favor of spending time with Ingrid. My mom called and I thought about ignoring her, but that would just cause her to call back and leave tons of voicemails, so I answered.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hi, Coen. Listen, the reason I called was that I was reading this article on Lyme Disease and I just wanted to make sure that you were checking yourself for ticks when you get home every day.” I sat there for a second, wondering how the hell to answer.

“Um, I think I’m covered, Mom. I haven’t seen a tick ever.” Marty looked over at me and I rolled my eyes as he turned the volume on ESPN lower.

“But that’s the thing about them, the deer ticks are the smallest and sometimes you don’t even know you’ve been bitten. I just worry about you, Coen.” Part of me wanted to tell her that she should worry more that Ike was going to end up in prison, but her concern was coming from the right place.

“Okay, Mom, I’ll be sure to check.” She seemed mollified by that and we got back to normal conversation: Todd might be getting promoted at work (he was an accountant at a software company), she was thinking about getting her hair colored and Ike was… Ike.

“Do you want to talk to him? He’s right here.” I could hear a little scuffle and then Ike grunted hello.

“She forced the phone on you, didn’t she?” I said.

“Yeah. So, how’s college. Are you kicking ass and fucking all the girls?” Mom yelled at him for his language, but he just walked into another room.

“Not really, Ike. There’s a lot of studying and laundry and sleeping that goes on. I’ve been to a few parties, but it’s not quite Animal House. I mean, I know some people are into that, but I’ve been pretty low key.” He scoffed and I really wished Mom hadn’t put him on the phone.

“I hope you’ve at least gotten laid once,” he said and I just… I really wanted to hang up.

“Someday Ike, you’re going to get your head out of your ass. It will probably be when you’re in a nursing home on your deathbed and I probably won’t be there to see it. Either give me back to Mom or hang up.”

He laughed, which was unusual. Ike wasn’t one for smiling or laughing. Much like Ingrid. Maybe that was one of the reasons I was drawn to her. I knew what it was like to be around someone who didn’t show those kinds of emotions often.

“You’re such a loser, Coen.” And then he hung up. Good riddance.

“My brother is such a dick,” I said to Marty who turned the volume back up.

“Yeah? Isn’t he like sixteen? What a surprise.” That was true, but Ike had his own special brand of assholery.

“I guess,” I said, tossing my phone to the other end of my bed.

“You’re lucky you’re the oldest. I’m the youngest and all I got was punched and hand me downs.”

“Ninety percent of the time I wish that I was still an only child, so there you go.” We talked more about siblings and brothers, but part of my brain was still thinking about Ingrid. She was always on my mind, whether I wanted to think about her or not. Knowing it was probably clingy, I texted her a little ocean emoji. That didn’t seem too crazy.

She responded back with fries, a bottle of ketchup and a tongue. I laughed and Marty gave me a look.

“You’re texting with her, aren’t you?” I couldn’t deny it.

“Yeah, so?”

“Too eager, my friend. But what the hell do I know?” He shrugged and put his hands behind his head. I had never actually seen Marty do homework, but he went to class, so I assumed he was getting it done sometime. Plus there were all those hours he worked out or hung with his other friends. I didn’t know how he got everything done in one day.

“It’s fine,” I said, hoping that it was. She had answered me, so I saw that as a positive sign. She could have just ignored me.

Before I turned out the lights and crawled into bed I sent her one more text. A shooting star.

We texted stupid emojis back and forth the whole day on Tuesday. It was flirty and fun and I couldn’t help but laugh when I got them. It was fun trying to figure out what he was saying with a string of pictures. I thought he was going to call me, but maybe he was giving me space. He had the uncanny ability to know just what I needed when I needed it. Even if I didn’t.

I had completely forgotten about his leather jacket, which was currently hanging on the back of my chair and every now and then, I’d get up and smell it. I was a terrible vegan, but I didn’t want to give it back to him.

Things between us had been intense for two days and I needed a breather. Needed some time for myself and to reflect. Of course, I spent most of that time either doing homework, in class, or thinking about him. Okay, so I thought about him the entire time, even when I was doing other things. He’d crawled inside my head and set himself up in a corner of my mind and made a home there. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but there was nothing I could do about it. He was here and he wasn’t going anytime soon.

There was so much noise and clatter in my head that I pulled out my notebook and wrote a few words that turned into poems that turned into pages scrawled with Coen. I thought about posting some of them, but hesitated. All my poems were personal, but these were different. I hadn’t written like this before and I wasn’t sure how well it would be received. And then part of me was so scared that somehow he would see it and figure out I had written them. The words that spilled from my pen were wild and bold and intense. They scared me. What I was feeling for Coen scared me.

I bumped into Lacey on her way to the bathroom on Tuesday night and she asked me what the grin on my face was for and I just shook my head. She laughed and gave me a wink before skipping toward the showers.

I couldn’t hide the smile that came out on Wednesday when I saw him. At least he couldn’t hear the change in the rhythm of my heart.

He handed me my cup of tea and I looked down at it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked as we walked into class together.

“Nothing. I just feel bad that you’re always the one bringing me tea. How about if we switch off? I’ll bring the beverages on Friday?” We sat down together and he handed me my little present. It was a little travel puzzle that would probably take a few minutes to put together, but I tucked it in my bag and thanked him.

“You can also stop with the presents. I agreed to be your friend.” He gave me a look.

“Hell no. I love giving you presents. I’m not going to stop.” His grin made bubbles explode inside my veins like in a glass of champagne.

“Fine, but if you give me presents, then I’m going to give you stuff in return. This friendship should be egalitarian.” I had already thought of a few fun things I could get him.

“Then give me my coat back,” he said, his tone teasing.

“No way. I’m keeping it.” He pretended to be shocked and then thoughtful.

“Well, I guess I couldn’t have lost it to a prettier thief. It’s yours.” I’d never experienced the feeling of wanting to swoon, but right then I did.

“I’m not a bad vegan if I have a leather jacket, right?” I said and the professor started class so I shut up.

“No. You’re making up for the leather by saving other animals.” Well, I guess that made sense. I hoped it was okay. Maybe I’d do something to make it right.

He tapped my shoulder a few minutes later and slid his notebook over to me. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth so I didn’t burst out laughing. He’d drawn a cow wearing sunglasses and a jacket just like his. There was a bubble coming from the cow’s mouth that said
I still love you, Ingrid.
I was dying. Could you die from the need to laugh? I settled for slumping over on my desk and probably looking like I was having some sort of breakdown. I could feel Coen shaking with his own silent laughter next to me and I wished I could slink out of the class and go out in the hallway to let my laughter out.

“Shhh,” Coen hissed at me, but he was being just as disruptive as I was. A few people around us turn and glare, but it takes a while for me to get myself under control. Fortunately, there were only a few minutes left in class and as soon as we were out in the hallway, I smacked him on the arm.

“That wasn’t very nice, Coen LaCour,” I said, but he just gave me the sweetest, most boyish smile and I wanted to so much to be mad at him, but I couldn’t. One smile could uncoil all my anger and irritation.

“No, it wasn’t, but I have no regrets,” he said, holding his arm out for me to take. I hesitated for just a moment before I entwined my arm with his and he walked me to my next class.

“Why don’t you hang out with anyone else?” he asked that night as we ate takeout vegan lo mein on my floor, fighting each other for the pea pods with our chopsticks.

“Because I don’t want to,” I said. “Haven’t you figured out by now that I hate everyone?” I laughed, trying to make it a joke, but I was mostly serious. I was supposed to hang out with Lacey, but I’d cancelled on her and she hadn’t pushed to reschedule. We’d fallen back into just saying hello to each other and exchanging small talk if we saw each other.

“But maybe you wouldn’t hate everyone if you gave them a chance. You gave me a chance and now we’re friends,” he said, running one finger along my knee, making my leg jerk a little at the contact. I blushed and shifted into another position, my back against my desk.

“You’re an exception,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Are you trying to pawn me off on someone else? You tired of me, Coen?” I couldn’t help the flirty tone that crept into my voice when we were like this. I loved flirting with him.

“No, I don’t think I could ever be tired of you, Ingrid,” he said, picking up the last pea pod with his chopsticks and holding it out to me. I moved my face forward and took it from him and the action somehow felt sexual.

The air in the room shifted and thickened. Coen put down his chopsticks and scooted closer to me.

“I think you should know,” he said, pushing some of my hair back, “that I like you.”

“I think that’s obvious,” I said, my voice breathless.

“I like you very much.” He leaned his mouth into my cheek and gave me a little kiss. I turned my head and kissed his lips and soon the lo mein was forgotten.

Somehow I found myself nearly sitting in his lap, my fingers diving into his hair, my mouth desperately seeking his, my tongue aching to taste him.

He moaned into my mouth and I couldn’t hold back. I filled myself with him and it blocked everything out. Past and  present. Everything was Coen.

With a desperation I didn’t know I had inside me, I kissed his cheeks and his forehead and moved down to his neck. His fingers dug into my skin and the noises he made urged me on. I clawed at his shirt, as if I was going to shred it with my nails and that was when he put the brakes on.

“Whoa, Ingrid. Hold on.” I pulled back and opened my eyes to find his two green orbs staring back at me. His mouth was red and puffy and there were marks starting to appear on his neck. I’d never given anyone a hickie before. I’d never wanted to.

I leaned back and realized what I’d done.

“Oh, Coen I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.” I stumbled back and ended up sitting on one of the empty food containers, but barely even noticed.

He came after me, reaching out.

“It’s okay, it’s so totally okay. I just needed a breather before we went too far. I just… I don’t think either of us is ready for something like that.”