Better Off Friends (14 page)

It took me only a couple days in Dingle to wonder why I’d been resisting coming to visit the past few years. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to visit my grandparents, but I guess I thought it would be strange. However, it was anything but.

It was quickly becoming the best summer of my life.

I’d start every morning with a run or bike ride and witness the green sprawling landscape, the jagged mountains, and dark blue waters. I never thought my little Milwaukee suburb was a concrete jungle, but compared to this, it was Manhattan. I’d come home and make lunch for my grandparents, then either sit outside and read or go to one of the restaurants in town and help out in the kitchen. I was determined to make “proper” fish ’n’ chips for everybody when I got home. Or I’d go get some Murphy’s Ice Cream. Hence the need for the daily run.

Or I’d hang out with Liam.

And it didn’t go without notice.

“So” — Gran linked elbows with me as we went for our daily stroll — “that Liam’s a nice fella. You two seem to be getting on quite well.”

“Yeah,” I admitted. There wasn’t really much more to say beyond that. We’d hang out and have a good time. He was a nice distraction.

But I wasn’t kidding myself. Liam was cute and that accent made him even more swoon-worthy. But I also knew the last thing I needed was to complicate my life further by getting involved with another guy. I didn’t even know if he liked me that way. And if he did, it was probably because I was the mysterious new girl from a faraway land.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Gran asked.

“I was thinking about how different my reception in Dingle has been to when Levi first came to school.”

“How is Levi? You haven’t said much about him.” I studied Gran’s face and found the same cheekbones and eyes as Mom’s. I wondered if this was what Mom would’ve looked like if she’d had the opportunity to grow older. “Macallan?”

“Oh, he’s fine.” We walked for a few minutes in silence. I’m sure she thought I was thinking about Levi, but instead I was thinking about Mom. How much she would’ve loved being here with us. “Gran, do you think about Mom often?”

She stopped in her tracks, sadness overwhelming her delicate features. “Every minute of every day.”

“Me too,” I confessed.

“It’s important to remember her. She would’ve been so proud of you, Calley. You look more and more like her every day.” She reached up and stroked my hair. “The worst thing we could ever do is forget about her. And believe me, it gets easier every day to bring up the memories.”

I nodded. It was still hard. At first I was in shock, then angry. Anytime I thought about her, I was mad. Furious that she was taken from me. So I tried desperately to get her out of my mind. But no matter how much homework and cooking I did, she was always there. And then it became comforting to me.

Because even though she wasn’t physically there, she would always be with me.

“You know what I think we should do?” Gran asked.

“Go get ice cream at Murphy’s?”

She laughed the same laugh as Mom. “Well, of course, but I also think that every night at dinner, we should share a favorite memory of your mother. Would you like that?”

Four years ago, I would’ve hated it. Four months ago, I would’ve felt uncomfortable about it. But now, here, I was finally ready to celebrate my mother’s life with others.

“I’d like that.” I paused. “And I think Mom would really like it as well.”

She gave me a little squeeze. “Yes, she would.”

We continued walking, both of us inside our own thoughts. Although I was pretty sure I knew what occupied our minds.

There was almost a lightness to me once we started our ritual. Every night we’d tell a story, usually a funny one. Gran and Gramps would break out their old photo albums and I’d be amazed at how similar I looked to Teen Mom.

It had taken me a long time to open up to Levi about Mom. But now I found it easier to talk about her. I’d even mentioned her a few times to Liam.

“She sounds brilliant,” Liam said as he drove us around the peninsula.

“She was.” I took in the breathtaking views. It didn’t matter that I’d been there for over a month; I still hadn’t gotten used to the sheer magnitude of the beauty.

“By the way, you should’ve come last night.” Liam glanced at me. “It was great crack.”

I was stunned into silence.

He started laughing. “Oh, relax, Yank, it’s
C-R-A-I-C
.
Craic
means good fun, conversation, atmosphere. Did ya think we were doing drugs?”

“No, of course not.” Although I totally had.

“Here we are.” Liam pulled off to the side of the road. We were surrounded by lush green hills. And down below, we could make out the tiny town of Dingle.

“It’s gorgeous.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Liam led me to another rocky hill, which had a small waterfall flowing into it. “What do you think?”

I started to carefully climb up the rocks. “It’s amazing. Thank you so much.”

“Well, I plan on you giving me the ultimate American tour when I come to the States.”

I turned around to say something to him when my foot missed the rock. Before I knew it, I was ankle deep in mud.

“No!” I pulled my foot out, but it was too late. My entire canvas shoe was covered.

Liam jumped up to help me back down. “Well, that won’t do.” He bent down and removed my shoe. I was horrified by my clumsiness. He went over to a shallow puddle of water and started cleaning off the mud. I could do nothing but stand there with my one foot off the ground, hoping I wouldn’t fall over from my lack of balance.

The shoe was considerably cleaner, yet it was soaking wet. We both stared at my dripping, dirty shoe, before Liam shrugged and took both his shoes off. “You know the saying, when in Dingle …”

I laughed and removed my other shoe. We explored the rest of the area in bare feet. He reached out his hand to me on a particularly steep climb.

“Thanks, Levi.”

Liam gave me a questioning look. “Levi?”

“Huh?”

“You said ‘Thanks, Levi.’ Who’s Levi?”

“Oh, I did? That’s odd.” What
was
odd was that I hadn’t yet mentioned Levi to Liam or vice versa. “Levi’s a friend from home.”

Liam raised his eyebrows. “A friend, huh?”

“Yes, aren’t guys and girls allowed to be friends in Ireland?”

“It depends on if you want to be friends with a girl.” He came over and put his hand on my waist. “Or if you want something more. So what do you want?”

I held my breath. I didn’t know what he was asking exactly. Did I want something more with him or something more with Levi? I clearly didn’t know the answer to either.

Part of me thought a little vacation romance might be nice, but I still hadn’t fully figured out what to do with Levi. We’d been talking more and more each week I was there. But it didn’t change the reason I was currently thousands of miles away from him. From home.

“Excuse me.” A recognizable accent broke me from my thoughts. We looked down to see a middle-aged American couple. “Would you take our picture?”

“Of course.” I hopped down and snapped their photo, grateful for the interruption.

Liam began chatting with the couple when he found out they were from Dallas. He wanted to know about everything from cowboy boots to the Cowboys and barbecue. It really was adorable how dorky he was about all things American.

Liam excused himself from the Texans when he got a call on his phone. “Brilliant!” he exclaimed. If I had learned anything in my few weeks in Ireland, it was that everything was
brilliant
: food, music, an idea, possibly a kiss…. It was such a better word than
awesome
or
amazing
. I was thinking of bringing it back with me as a linguistic souvenir, but when I’d tried it out on Levi when we were video chatting, he’d laughed at me. Then he did a minute or two of re-creating everything I’d said, but in an exaggerated cockney accent. I would’ve been angry if it hadn’t been hysterical.

“So, me mates are having a party at the beach,” Liam filled me in. “Shall we?”

“Only if there’ll be tons of
craic
,” I fired back.

He laughed. “Totally.” We headed to his car. “Not so fast, Yank.”

I groaned. “Sorry!” I always went to the driver’s side of the car there. I hadn’t gotten used to it being on the opposite side.

We headed to Clogher Strand, one of my favorite places to sit and relax. It wasn’t a beach for swimming because of the currents, but it had a gorgeous view of the Blasket Islands. I had met only a couple of Liam’s friends at that point, Conor and Michael, who referred to me simply as “the American.” I wasn’t sure if they actually knew my name. Although I was more than aware that they were familiar with my Scottish namesake.

“Liam!” Conor cried out while we made our way to the blankets they’d lined up on the sand. “And you brought the American.”

Conor handed Liam a bottle, then turned to me. “Can we tempt you?”

“I’m good.”
And only fifteen
, I thought.

“You Americans are so uptight about alcohol.” Conor laughed and went to sit with the other group.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked.

“Yeah.” Although I didn’t think I was.

I saw Liam grimace slightly at someone who was behind me.

“Is everything all right?” I went to turn around, but he stopped me.

“Yeah, well, no … ’Tis me ex, Siobhan.” He took a quick swig of his bottle.

I’d heard him mention Siobhan a few times. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He shrugged. “Not much to say. We dated for a year, she fancied another fella, and we broke up. ’Tis fine, except things are awkward. Mostly for me. It’s hard to be reminded that you weren’t good enough for someone, ya know?”

“I understand,” I said. “That’s sort of how I feel about Levi.”

“I thought you said you were just friends.”

“We were.
Are
. But then he wanted more. I don’t know.”

Liam looked around the beach. “I’m fine leaving if you want to go back to town. Let me go say bye to Conor and Michael.”

He walked off while I stood there awkwardly. Then I heard a familiar name.

“Sorry,” I interrupted a group that was near me. “Were you talking about
Buggy and Floyd
? I love that show.”

The guy who was talking exchanged a look with a girl with dark hair. “Um, yeah. I was saying that they’re apparently doing a Christmas special.”

“Really?” I asked excitedly. “They haven’t had any new episodes in over five years.”

The girl scowled at me. “That show is so lame. I’m only interested in it because the guy who played the younger brother is hot now.”

I smiled at her as a memory surfaced. “I know who you’re talking about. He’s hilarious! Remember the episode where Floyd got locked up in the school gym with him?” I started laughing at the memory of Levi repeatedly imitating Buggy looking into the gym window and saying, “Blimey if I knew you’d be here; you’re not really the fit type.”

“Whatever.” The black-haired girl went back to ignoring me.

Right then I recognized the feeling that was steadily growing inside me. I absolutely loved Dingle. I loved being with my grandparents. And everybody (present company excluded) had been so warm and welcoming. But this wasn’t my home. These people weren’t my friends.

Truth be told, what was really bothering me was Levi. I missed him. I’d started missing him when I was still home, while we were still in school together. I wanted him to be next to me. He would’ve loved Dingle, this beach, this beautiful view.

But he wasn’t here.

Liam approached me with a resigned smile. “Ready to go home?”

Yes, yes, I was.