Beyond Complicated (30 page)

Seth reached a hand out to him. "Lift your arm, Liam, Kely that's your spot, put your head on his shoulder, mouth at his neck, hand on his, yeah, right there." Kely rested his hand gently just above my navel. His hand was cold. His breath on my neck so warm. So sweet.

Seth caressed me through the sheet. He lay tense against me.

"Liam, look at me, look at the camera. That's it, sweetie, oh, god, that is beautiful. The three of you, damn. Kiss Seth. Turn your head and kiss him, I need him to relax I need for the two of you to be together for this. You were meant to be together."

"Are you playing matchmaker?" Seth asked him, his voice rough. "If so you can stop, he's made his choice. He doesn't want me. He walked out on me twice. I'm through fighting to keep him."

That ripped through my heart as if he'd used a knife. Each word slashing and twisting until I thought I would… "No, please, baby, don't say that. Seth, oh Seth. I don't want, I mean, I didn't want, I guess I did, didn't I?"

"You ripped my fucking heart out, that note you left, you ripped me to shreds. Kely too, al of us. You don't even care that people love you. I would never knowingly hurt you, I'd die for you. But you've left me twice now. And I can't stand the pain. I don't want you back if you're just going to leave again. I'l take Kely and we'l go back to Florida. You can have your freedom. We don't need you." Seth made to climb out of bed but I wrapped my hand behind his neck and I dragged him back.

"Don't go," I begged, puling his face close to mine. "Please, just don't go yet. Not until we can talk."

And I kissed him. "I love you. I've always loved you.

Just say you'l stay. We'l work this out. We'l…" I included Kel in the kiss. They were mine. Both of them mine. And I couldn't let them go. I should never have left them. The shame of what I'd done to them both outweighed my past. I knew that now.

"Liam, I can't keep this up. Let us go. You're right, we'l forget you in time. I'l take care of him. We'l be fine." Kel pushed away from me, anger in his eyes. "I don't know why I thought… I should have stayed home."

I grabbed a handful of his hair and held his head above my face. I forced him to look me in the eyes. I'd kiled his love. His heart shined in his eyes. It was broken and it was al my fault. My fault. I was selfish.

Self-absorbed. "I'm a bastard. I know, I'm so sorry.

Please, Kel, Kely. Just stay, we'l talk. I'm so happy to see you. Missed you so much."

"You are a bastard. A selfish bastard. We were worried. I was so damned scared you'd…"
ran away
and finished what I tried to do four years ago?
I finished in my head. Watched his eyes flick away from mine.

"I wil never do that again, I know you went through hel then. I didn't until recently but I know now.

I'm sorry for al that, Kel, Kely."

He laughed. "You'l never be able to cal me Kely. You don't have to. When you cal me Kel it makes me tingle."

I forgot where we were. And I kissed him.

Realy kissed him. Puled him to me and tried to devour him. Mine. He was mine. "Slow down, boys, the camera can only go so fast. And Liam sweetie, this isn't one of your movies, don't you mess up those sheets."

I froze mid-kiss, Seth did too. His hand clenched on my hip. We looked at each other. "What?

You think I didn't know about that? I knew who the two of you were years ago. I wouldn't have hired you otherwise. But I'm not stupid. That line is hazy in this business. Lots of my guys do porn before or after they come to me. The two of you though, hel, I could see something special between you on the screen. Now the kid shares it with you. Never seen anything like it."

He clicked the camera as he spoke. What the hel did we look like to him? "Seth, changed my mind, jacket has to go. Shirt too, tie stays. Kid stays in the biker jacket. Jesus. Hot as hel."

Seth didn't move, at least not to do Caden's bidding. "How much is this paying? Where wil the pictures go? I have a career to protect. I'm not ending up—"

"Don't go lawyer on me, strictly on the up and up, sweetie. It's nice you have the day job to fal back on. But you are wasting that face. Ten more years, Seth. I can keep you working a good ten more years.

Liam too. Christ, he'l be fifty and stil look like a damned Greek God."

"I know. Crazy, isn't it? He looks younger than me. Hate his beautiful guts. But no, Caden, this life isn't for me. Besides I sort of hate New York. Too many people. Too cold. And your beaches suck. I'm going back to Florida."

"That's why god made airplanes, sweetie, so you can go wherever I tel you. Now, I'm not listening

—take the jacket off, toss it on the foot of the bed, loosen the tie enough to, yeah just like that, wait, shirt half off, that looks great. Liam's neck needs attention.

Liam, arm around him. Hand on his shoulder, the other on his face. Kid—"

"Kely," Kel supplied, his voice almost timid.

"Kely, between his legs, on top of the sheet, no don't remove it from his leg. Move slowly, crawl down his body. Good. Liam, kiss Seth, don't look at me.

Look at him. Seth. Twenty grand. Each. You saved me from having to cast two more models. I won't use your name. How you managed to snag a position with a law firm with naked pictures of yourself out there is beyond me, but okay."

Kel settled between my legs, his breath hot on my exposed thigh. His eyes when he looked at me were filed with a mixture of lust and fear. "Liam, hand in his hair. Kely, come up some over him as if you are giving him head. You know what that feels like, right?"

"It would be easier if he wasn't so damned hard and begging for it right now." Kel loomed over me, his voice husky. "I can't do this. I can't, it's too much."

"Pul the sheet down enough. I don't need to see it. And for god sakes, don't come on those sheets.

They're damned expensive. Any of you."

We al drew in deep breaths. Seth pressed his erection against my leg. He looked from me to Kel, then up to Caden. He shrugged. "What the hel. It's better than I make in half a year, and I missed this.

Guess I'm just a glutton for punishment."

"Good, then it's decided. Kely, however you want to go, just don't move from that spot until I tel you. Liam, look at me. Seth, his neck, move lower to his nipple. Liam, hands in their hair. Watch me. Only me, no matter what." How many damned pictures could one camera hold, I wondered briefly, keeping my eyes on Caden. Kel's breath made me ache, hot and heavy even through the sheet. And then the sheet slithered away from the area that craved his touch. And warmth engulfed me then I forgot the camera was there as he made those sounds deep in his throat that drove me crazy. "Beautiful. Shit, Liam, your eyes are so damned beautiful right now. Slow down, kid I don't want him coming too soon. Soon but not too soon. Seth hand on the kid's head, over Liam's. Oh Christ. I might need a cold shower after this. Hot as fucking hel."

I couldn't breathe, Kel's mouth on me had me hovering on the brink. Seth's kisses on my neck, his teeth on my nipple. The camera shining down at me. I couldn't think or breathe or—oh my god, I had to stop myself from fucking into Kel's mouth. Shit, this felt so damned good. So damned good. "Caden. Man. Kid has a fucking talented mouth, not going to last much longer."

"Soon, sweetie. You can move with him if you need to, just don't take your eyes off me. Kely, take him deeper, I want to see him sweat."

"Oh, shit, shit." I held on to Kel's head until my fingers threatened to break, Seth twined his in mine, together we formed a link. The three of us. Forever. I couldn't lose this. "Seth. Kiss me. Caden, please, I need him, oh shit, fuck."

Caden didn't answer, but Seth moved up until his mouth found mine and we kissed. One deep kiss before Caden ordered Seth out of his way. "Take him over, Kely. Take Mama Bear home. Eyes on me, Liam, don't you dare look away or close those damned incredible eyes not even for a second."

What did he see? What was so great about my eyes I wondered, and then I didn't care. I went over. I clutched Kel's head and fucked into his mouth. I wrapped my arm tight around Seth, I cried out, and I came, hard into Kel's mouth.

I went home. We went home. Taking turns driving down the eastern seaboard, stopping at al of the sights along the way. It didn't take as long as I'd hoped and, somehow despite my best efforts not to, we made it home for Thanksgiving. Kel drove. I woke up in the backseat to find us sitting in my parents' driveway.

Grace and Declan came racing out from the backyard.

Declan carried a footbal. My heart couldn't take this. I couldn't move.

Seth stepped out of the car and leaned the seat forward but I refused to climb out. "Come on, Liam.

Time to face the music."

"Not today, any day but today. It's a holiday. I ruined Grace's birthday. I don't want to ruin today for them." My hands shook. Kel leaned over the seat and took both of them in his long graceful hands. I remembered thinking that night that he said he wanted to be a surgeon how delicate his hands were. Strong, long fingers, so graceful, so deft. My son, the surgeon.

Made better sense than Ken's son, the surgeon. Ken wasn't exactly colege material. Neither was Sabrina.

How the two of them made this perfect kid I could not even begin to guess.

"You didn't ruin Grace's birthday, baby, Sabrina did. And Grace never knew. She knew you got sick but not at her party. It's fine. They missed you." His voice was soft, as if he was talking to a wounded animal. Maybe in a way, he was. I wanted to curl in the corner and lick my wounds rather than go inside and face my father.

"Da and I fought. I haven't seen him since that day. He left so angry. And Mama. I saw her before I left and I didn't say goodbye."

"It's okay, baby, we're here with you. You and Seth and me. Us three. We'l handle this. You'l handle this."

"Why are you so damned grown-up? Why don't you act like a kid? Tel me to shut the fuck up or something. Seriously, Kel, sometimes you unnerve the hel out of me."

"Because I was the grown up in my family, I know how to handle drunks and children and crazy mental case baby-daddies. I've been doing it al my life, now shut the fuck up and get the hel out of the car."

"Bite me," I said, smiling, knowing what his answer would be.

"Only if you are very, very good. Come on, let's go see the grands. Damn, I need to find something else to cal them. What do you think Patrick and Coleen would say if I caled them that? Shit, this is complicated." Now he had the hide in the corner look in his eyes.

"No, baby, this is so fucking beyond complicated it isn't even funny." I climbed out of the car and scooped the two waiting kids into my arms.

"Where were you, Uncle Li-Li? We missed you. Did you bring us something?" Each kid said taking turns hugging me. Declan's legs hit my knees now and he was heavy. It wouldn't be long before I couldn't do this anymore and Grace, Grace was so sweet, patting my cheek with her little girl hands that she made me tear up. I'd never wanted kids before. Never. So what the hel was this? I consoled myself with the thought that I'd nearly lost them out of my own stupidity and I walked inside, holding them tight.

"'Course I did, do you think I just went al the way to New York City and didn't bring my favorite people back something?" I said in a bright happy voice meant to not only alert the family that I was here but to let them know as much as I could without hurting them.

"Liam? Is that you? Where have you been?

We've been so worried." My mom came out of the kitchen, an apron wrapped around her waist, a dishcloth in her hands. She had a streak of flour on her cheek.

"He went to New York. Did you see the parade this morning, Uncle Li-Li? It was sort of lame,"

Declan declared just as Kel and Seth made it inside, carrying a couple of bags.

"No, Deak," I said cringing a little at the name, but I had to get past that, everybody caled him that now, he would notice if I didn't. "We were in Georgia this morning. Driving back."

"What the devil were you doing in New York?"

Mom asked as she kissed Kel on the cheek. "Look at you, Kely sweetie, my big boy al grown up. And ah…

Seth?"

She paused before giving him a polite hug, waiting for confirmation of his name, "Yes'm, Seth Vincent. So nice to meet you again."

"Cal me Coleen, and I haven't forgotten I asked you a question, Liam." Mom stood beside Seth absently patting his hand in hers. I'd seen her do that with Greg a time or two. Seth looked stunned for al of about two seconds.

"I went up to do some modeling, Mama, nothing to worry about. I have a photographer friend who has been after me to come work with him. For GQ." She looked pale so I added that last part. It was the truth, at least part of the truth. I wouldn't tel her where the last set of pics would turn up. She'd never find out anyway so it didn't matter.

"But did you have to leave the day after you got out of the hospital? What if something happened, what if your heart—"

"His heart is fine, Coleen, it's his brain that doesn't work right." Da stood in the doorway, a beer in his hand, a hard gleam in his eyes.

"Hey, Da," I said, waiting for the anger to come. When it didn't, I added. "Sorry, I thought it was for the best. I was wrong. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. We've got work to do and we can't do it with you hiding with your damned tail between your legs. Good to see you, Seth, thanks for bringing himself home. And Kely, you are a sight for sore eyes, boy, come give your Grand Da a hug."