Beyond Repair (14 page)

Chris sat on the edge of the couch tapping his knees and turned to me when I entered the room. I couldn’t ignore the sad, nervous look in his eyes. “Okay, what’s wrong?”

“Come sit with me?”

“Sure.” I spoke slowly. I thought tonight had gone really well. Being together felt so natural, but maybe I was wrong. I sat down, and he reached over and took one of my hands in both of his.

He looked at his fingers as they moved back and forth over my hand. “I need to tell you something.”

The tone of his voice was low and nervous. Dread shot through my body. “This sounds like it’s going to be serious.”

He nodded. “I have to … I have to tell you what happened. Why I haven’t been with anyone in a long time.”

My relief that he wasn’t going to tell me to piss off was short lived. He was about to share something big. I wasn’t scared to hear what it was because he didn’t have the ability to do something terrible. He just wasn’t an evil person. What he was about to tell me was going to be how someone hurt him.

I hated that he had to relive a painful experience just to explain something to me. But we both had pasts, and it was something each of us was going to have to do. I put my other hand on top of his and squeezed. “Okay.”

He was silent for a minute, just looking at our hands stacked together, but finally spoke. “I had a girlfriend for about two and a half years. Things were going great, and I wanted to marry her.”

His eyes flicked up to mine, and I nodded before he looked back down. “She had to fly to California and stay two weeks for work. The day she left, I asked her parents for their permission. They were happy about it. Then I talked to my family. Everyone thought it was great. I picked out a ring.”

His voice was so full of sadness, I wondered if I had this girl all wrong. Maybe she wasn’t a bitch, and something horrible happened to her on her trip. I slowly took my hands from his and wrapped my arms around him, pulling him against me so that I was the one holding him for once.

He sighed. “How did you know I need this?”

“Probably the same way you know when I need it,” I said, as I slowly ran my fingers through his hair.

Chris was quiet for a minute before he started talking again. “So the ring was ready the day before she came home. I couldn’t even sleep that night. I kept getting out of bed to look at it. I couldn’t wait to ask her. Then I went to pick her up.”

I braced myself for hearing she died or something.

“She was acting weird.”

Never mind, she’s a bitch.

“I was so excited to propose that I didn’t think much of it at first. She had jet lag, and I knew she’d be tired, so I had these big plans to do it over the weekend.”

He paused and sucked in a breath. “But when we started driving, she told me that she’d been offered a position in the California office. And had accepted it.”

“Didn’t you guys talk while she was away? She never mentioned it?”

“No, she didn’t. I was pretty pissed. She’d made such a big decision without even first telling me that she was considering it. I mean, we were really serious. We were living together and had talked about getting married. But I told her I would go wherever she wanted. But she … she told me that she didn’t want me to go with her. She didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

I tightened my grip on him. Man, was this girl stupid to let him go. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, that’s not the bad part.” His voice was sad before, but now it was just devastated.

My mind raced back to Jake. “Did she cheat on you?”

“I wish that was what happened.”

Oh, God.
“What did she do?”

“I started to tell her that we could work things out, but then she told me she had found out the morning she left for her trip that she was pregnant.”

“What? She took your baby and moved across the country? You have a kid in California?”

“No. No, I don’t. She had an abortion while she was away. She, uh, told me she didn’t want a baby. Especially … especially mine.”

I was probably cutting off his circulation; I was holding him so tightly. “Why would she even tell you that? It’s so cruel.”

His body tensed. “Because she knew I’d stop trying to get her to work things out. I really wanted kids. She knew what she did would really fuck me up. And she was right. Man, was she right.

“I couldn’t even look at her. I dropped her off at our place and stayed in a hotel until she left. I was so upset and pissed off; I just didn’t want to be around anyone. That’s when I started flipping houses after work. I needed something to do. Pound nails, move heavy shit. I would make the house perfect for a family and then sell it because
I
didn’t need it.”

He stopped talking, and I kissed the top of his head. It was all I could do. I couldn’t say, “Sorry your bitch ex-girlfriend ripped your heart out and tap danced on it. And then rubbed it in the dirt when you didn’t think it could possibly hurt anymore.”

“There’s more.”

What else could there be?
“Okay …”

“A year after it happened, Brian came by the house I was working on, trying to cheer me up. He wanted me to go hang out like we used to, before I had stopped caring about everything.”

I didn’t answer him, but I had a horrible feeling that I knew where this was going.

“I was a total dick and told him to leave. And he did. He left and got in a car accident and died.” He swallowed. “Because of me.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. I hated that he had to carry this pain and guilt around with him.

He pulled away and looked at me. “That’s it.” He wasn’t crying, but the look on his face was cutting me like a knife.

His eyes closed as I ran my hand along his jawline. “The car accident … that wasn’t your fault. You didn’t cause it.”

“I know. I just …” He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t have to.

“Timing,” I said. “Timing is a bitch. It’s just insane how bad things can happen because you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

He put his hand over mine. “I thought that way too, until a few weeks ago. Now I think timing isn’t all bad.”

“Why not?”

“Because deciding to move back to where I grew up and buying this place, next door to you, after I had given up on relationships?” He opened his eyes, and they bore into mine. “Best timing in the world.”

I brushed my lips against his. It was good timing. We both had our issues, but we could work on them together. “You know … I mean, I know we’re not there yet, but I would never do anything like that to you.”

He nodded. “I know.” He wrapped his arms around me. “You don’t have it in you.”

I hugged him back, leaning against his chest. He didn’t know yet that I had already proven what he just said. But Chris had been through enough tonight by telling me about everything he lost over the last two years. I didn’t want to add his view of me to the list.

His low tone vibrated against me with his next words. “I’m jealous of you. I feel terrible about it, but it’s the truth.”

“Because I have Mia?”

“Yeah. I see the two of you together and sometimes it’s the weirdest thing. I want to spend time with you—both of you—so bad. I love listening to you talk to her, and she’s such a great kid …” He sighed. “I don’t know what her dad did, but I have a few guesses. All of them make me want to beat the shit out of him. But the fact that you have such a bad past with him and you don’t let it impact your relationship with her …” He twisted my hair around his finger. “You’re just amazing. And I’m jealous. I wish she’d just had the baby and let me keep him. Being around you and Mia makes me wish that more and more.”

I leaned up and kissed him, but a rock sat in my stomach. How could I tell him that I walked out on getting an abortion now?

We sat in silence, holding each other, and after a few minutes, he started talking again.

“I have to work late the next few days. There’s a job to finish by the weekend, and another house that my agent wants to put on the market next week. But there will be a couple of hours that I can get away Thursday afternoon. Do you think we can get lunch together or something?”

Maybe I could tell him Thursday. “Yeah, but let’s just stay in. I don’t have the best track record when we go out.”

He pulled me onto his lap and held my face. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you or Mia.”

“I know you won’t. But in case it happens, I don’t want to make you late for work.” His mouth opened, but before he could argue with me, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, taking advantage of his open mouth by stroking my tongue against his. Chris’s fingers moved gently against my face but found their way into my hair, gripping the back of my head as the kiss deepened. I pulled away to catch my breath after a minute, and Chris stared at me, his pupils dilated.

Thoughts of talking on Thursday were no longer on my mind. “If we stay in, then we’ll be able to do that a lot more.”

He grinned. “Well then, I’m not going to argue.”

Chapter Fourteen

I
OPENED THE CURTAINS IN
Mia’s room, letting the sunshine in, and perched myself on the edge of her bed.

Her eyes were squeezed shut, but I knew she was awake. This was our routine.

I grabbed her foot under the blankets, giving it a shake. “Mia,” I sang. “Time to wake up.”

She let out an extremely dramatic yawn and threw her arm over her eyes, smiling.

I shook her foot again. “Mia.”

She started snoring.

“That’s it!” I tickled her foot, and her eyes flew open as she squealed with laughter. I moved to tickle her stomach, and between laughing and breathless pants, she wiggled away.

“Okay, Mom, I’m up now.”

I rubbed the top of her head. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes.”

“You get dressed, and I’ll go get you something to eat, okay?”

She nodded, already running to her closet. I headed down to the kitchen and started washing some blueberries, staring out the window. Chris’s truck was already gone. No surprise, but for some reason, I felt kind of sad about it.

The image of the other day, when he stopped running and took his shirt off, flashed in my mind. God, that was hot. I’d pay money to see that again. I would love to kiss him while I was sitting on his lap with his shirt off and—

“Ta-da!”

I pushed my shirtless Chris thoughts away and looked at Mia’s getup. A red shirt with orange leggings, sunglasses, a winter hat, and the bracelet from Ryder.

“You look beautiful, sweetie.”

“Thank you.” She sat at the table and started eating the yogurt that had I set out. I added a bowl of blueberries to the table and joined her.

“Mia,” I said, opening my yogurt. “Do you like it when Chris comes over?”

“Yes! Chris is lots of fun. He does the boy voices when he reads books to me better than you do, Mom.” She stopped talking and looked guilty. “But you do the girl voices better.”

“Thanks.”

“And he teaches me about basketball.”

“You’re right, Mia. He’s lots of fun.”

“Do you like Chris, Mom? Uncle Kyle said to Aunt Zoey that Chris likes you.”

“I do. Chris and I are …” I paused, trying to find the right word. “Special friends.”

“Like I’m special friends with Sidney?”

“Um, different than that. Sometimes we go on dates.”

Her face scrunched up in thought. “I like Sidney and I go on playdates with her.”

“You’re right, you do. But when you’re a grown-up and you do that, it’s because you like each other more than friends.”

She nodded. “More than friends, so Chris can be my dad?”

Mia had the most hopeful look on her face, and her words were like a punch to my stomach. I got out of my chair and picked her up, hugging her to me. “I don’t know, my girl. But I love you so, so much. Enough for two people. No, enough for three!”

She pulled away and laughed. “Enough for a million?”

“Enough for a million zillion.” I hugged her to me again. “Always.”

“When can I have a special friend?”

“When you’re thirty.”

* * *

For the rest of the day, I focused on work, stopping only when Mia came home. I had to do something to keep my mind off Chris and off how Mia had asked about him being her dad.

It was scary. We both had something big to lose.

And it didn’t help when I got this text after Mia went to bed:

Chris:
Is 12:30 okay for tomorrow?

Brooke:
Yes.

Chris:
Good. I’m looking forward to seeing you.

I smiled at my phone like an idiot.

Brooke:
I’m excited to see you, too.

I knew he had to be busy, but I didn’t want to stop talking to him.

Brooke:
I can’t believe you’re still working.

Chris:
Really need to finish this house. Just have to add the shelves. I’m literally waiting for paint to dry so I can install them.

He texted me a picture of beautiful built-ins with some detailed molding that he, no doubt, had made.

Brooke:
Beautiful, love it.

Chris:
Want to see a picture of the kitchen?

As enjoyable as Chris’s real estate porn was, what I really wanted was a selfie with his shirt off. I tapped out the message without even realizing it and laughed. If only I had the balls to send a text like that.

The picture came through of the kitchen, and at the same time, this message popped up:

Brooke:
If you’re in the mood to send pictures, I’d rather see one of you with your shirt off.

Oh, hell no. I threw the phone on the couch.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

How did that send?

I shrank into the corner cushion and stared at my phone, all the way across the couch. What did someone do for damage control in a situation like this one? I grabbed my hand sanitizer and had just finished using it as my phone chimed.

Look.

Don’t look.

Look.

I crawled across the couch, took a deep breath, and looked down.

Chris was leaning against a wall, sticking his tongue out. Cute. With no shirt on. Damn.