Beyond Repair (11 page)

“Why can’t Ryder and I go?”

“You guys can come another time.”

“Are you going to hold hands?”

Chris opened his mouth to answer, but I jumped in. “Why don’t you go get Ryder’s invitation for your party out of my purse?”

“Okay!”

He tested the key as Mia ran off. “Okay, you’re all set.”

“Great, thanks. And, um, sorry.”

“About Mia?” He put his tools back in the box he brought with him. “Don’t be.”

She ran back in the room and handed Chris an envelope. “Thanks.” He smiled at her and stood up. “I better get going.”

“Bye!” she said.

“Bye.” He turned to me and leaned down toward my ear. “Just so you know, I’m going to hold the hell out of your hand tomorrow.”

My breath caught in my throat, and Chris stood up and headed for the door. “Good night, ladies.”

Chapter Ten

I
STARED AT MY REFLECTION
in the mirror. After years of trying to be invisible, it was somewhat surreal to see myself this way. Now that I’d washed all of the hairspray out from the train wreck hairstyle yesterday, I liked my hair much better. It was still long but had a few layers that weren’t a total pain in the ass to style. Paired with one of my new shirts and jeans that actually fit me, it was like looking at an upgraded version of myself.

Biting my lip, I debated if I should wear makeup. Since Pierce, I just had no desire to look decent. After hesitating for a moment, I ripped open the eye shadow and mascara packages that I had purchased yesterday. Chris deserved more than a sullen shell of a woman who was afraid to look halfway normal. I poked myself in the eye with the eyeliner a few times but managed to make myself look presentable.

I was going to go on a date. With a guy I liked and who knew I had issues but wanted to go out with me anyway.

“Lucky you,” I whispered to my reflection as the doorbell chimed.

After hurrying downstairs, I took a deep breath and opened the door. Chris smiled at me, looking gorgeous. His gray shirt stretched tight over his arms, but it fit him perfectly everywhere else. The gray made his eyes look bluer than ever, and I felt thankful that I made an attempt to look okay.

His mouth dropped open. “You’re wearing makeup.”

I didn’t know how to reply, so I said the first thing that came to mind. “You’re wearing hair gel.”

“Yeah.” He rubbed the top of his head, making his hair stick up. “Shit!”

I started laughing. “I like it that way.”

“Good because that’s how it’s probably going to stay.” He stared at me. “You look beautiful. I mean, you look nice all the time, but—”

“You don’t have to do that. Thanks.” I felt awkward. It had been years since I got compliments about how I looked.

Pink crept into Chris’s face as he held his hand out, showing me a small bouquet of flowers. My heart swelled. “You got me flowers?”

“I did.” He kept his hand out, a playful grin sliding across his face. “This is when you take them.”

“Oh!” I snatched them out of his hand. God, I was so bad at this stuff. “Um, come in for a minute.”

After I had placed the flowers in a vase, Chris drove us to Parked and we sat down. He wasted no time grabbing my hand from across the table, rubbing it with his thumb while he asked me about work, told me about a new job that he was excited to start, then moved on to talking about Ryder.

“When I saw him last night, he asked me if he could play with Mia again.”

“We should figure out a good time—”

My words died mid-sentence. Yelling and cheering sounded out from a corner of the room, reminding me of Kyle watching one of his football games. I looked over, along with the rest of the restaurant, at a table of douchebags from across the room. They cheered as they took shots as if they were nineteen-year-olds who had snuck into a bar, instead of adults in their thirties. I waited for their yelling to stop so I could finish my sentence.

And my head shot down instantly as my heart jumped to my throat.

Of course, Pierce had to be sitting at the douchebag table. He was probably their king. And in a minute he was going to see me and—

“What’s wrong?” Chris’s voice was a million miles away. My pulse thumped in my head as every sound blurred together.

The room became distorted, and I closed my eyes. He was going to see me and find out about Mia. Then he was going to take her or want to see her, and I couldn’t do anything to stop him …

I jumped as steel bands wrapped themselves around me, pulling me against a warm rock. I sucked in another breath. Soap, cinnamon Altoids, and a trace of sawdust. The faraway voice was talking to me. I breathed in again, the scent bringing me back.

“Keep your head against me. We just look like a couple sitting together.” The voice was clearer. My lungs filled with air. I was being held against someone. A hand was running through my hair.

The heat was against my ear. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Chris.
It was Chris. I breathed in again as I focused on his whispering. “It’s okay. I have you.”

Inhaling and exhaling, I tried to calm down and get my thoughts in order.
The odds of Pierce being here were slim to none. And even if he were, Chris was shielding me. As the thoughts cycled in my mind over and over, my breathing started to return to normal and the thumping in my head quieted. After a minute, Chris spoke.

“You saw him, didn’t you? Whoever it is that sets these off?” His voice was quiet, a tone of sadness in it.

I nodded, my head still against his chest.

“Okay. He lives miles and miles away. It probably isn’t him.” His hand left my hair. “Tell me which guy he is.”

“At the table with the guys who were yelling. Blond hair, pink shirt.”

Chris shifted and a second later, he held his phone in front of me, zooming in on a faraway picture on the screen. “This guy? Is it him?”

I peered at the screen and felt the tension leave me in waves. Such a simple thing to do but what an impact it made. “No.” I let my breath out. “It’s not.”

“Good,” he said in a low voice as he put the phone down. Then he reached under the table and set my purse in front of me. “Do you want your hand sanitizer?”

Shame washed over me, and I diverted my eyes. “It’s pretty obvious I’m attached to that stuff, huh?”

His hand went in my hair again. The gentle touch sent electric currents throughout my body, overtaking the residual nausea from the panic attack. His smooth voice helped calm the remaining tremors in my body. “I know you have your reasons. And if it helps you relax, I understand why you’re attached to it.”

“Thanks,” I whispered, still not courageous enough to look up at him. I stared at my bag instead. I wanted that damn hand sanitizer but didn’t want to pull away from Chris to get it.

Of course, my addiction won. It always did. I leaned away from Chris, not sure if the relief I felt from rubbing my hands together was worth the loss of contact. But when I moved back, his arm hooked around me again, and I finally got the balls to look at him. “How did you know so quickly?”

His eyes were full of sympathy. “Was easy, actually. You got the same look on your face the last time it happened. I’m sorry I jumped over here so fast, but I was hoping to help you before your panic attack went really far.” He trailed his thumb over my bottom lip. “Are you feeling okay, now?”

I couldn’t even remember my name with him touching my lip like that. But he moved it to my chin after a moment, and I was able to answer. “Yeah, I do. You were able to help me before it got out of control.”

“I’m glad.” The lights dimmed as the previews started, and he pulled me closer to him. I molded myself against his upper body and paid no attention to the movie.

* * *

My stomach roiled as we got closer to home. This was the part of the night I was really nervous about, the whole good night thing.

The last few times we were alone, we had some heated kissing sessions, and they were amazing. But as much as I liked him, I wasn’t ready to do anything beyond kissing yet. Even though he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would push for more, the last few times I spent with him made me realize how easy it would be to get carried away in the heat of the moment. There was no way I could let him in my house. Wasn’t going to happen.

Chris pulled into his driveway and we both got out of his truck, the only sounds crickets and our footsteps as he walked me to my door, lightly taking my hand.

Of course, he was walking me to my door. He had manners. I still wasn’t going to ask him to come in.

When we got to the top of the steps, I turned to him. “I had a really good time.”

He smiled. “I’m glad we did this.”

Blue eyes looking into mine …
damn
. “Do you want to come in?”

Keeping our eyes locked, he nodded. But his mouth formed a different word. “No.”

I felt a little insulted. “Oh.”

“Don’t take it the wrong way. I’d love nothing more than to go inside and kiss you for hours. We both know that.”

I didn’t, actually. But it was pretty nice to know.

He continued. “This is new for you. Me, too. It’s been a long time, and …” He looked down at our hands, still laced together.

“We should take it slow?”

“Slow. Yeah, slow. I don’t want to get … well, slow is what we should do.” He lost the smooth tone of voice he’d used moments ago and started stammering. It made me wonder if there was more behind his words.

“Yeah, I agree.” Slow was the best thing for both of us. Chris had a past, too. Some bitch had hurt him, and I wanted to roundhouse kick her in the face.

Tension marked his face, his tone serious. “I just want to do this right.”

I finally laughed. “Yeah, I know going out with a train wreck is not your typical situation. Too bad there’s no instruction manual.”

He cupped my chin, tilting my face up, and I stopped laughing as his intense eyes stared deeply into mine. “Don’t talk about yourself like that because of whatever it was he did to you. I want to do this right because what I’m feeling gets bigger every time I see you.” He closed his eyes and pressed his lips against my forehead. “I really want this to work,” he whispered, his lips brushing against me as he kept talking. “I don’t know how else to put it. I want this to work so badly, and I know you don’t trust people easily.” He moved back, so he was looking into my eyes again. “I’m going to do everything I can to earn that, Brooke. I
swear
I will.” And he swooped down, his hot mouth meeting my own with a kiss full of need and promise.

My body relaxed against his as I parted my lips and let my hands tangle in his hair. I never knew how much I needed to hear that someone saw through the damage and actually thought I was worthy. And God, it made me so happy.

When we finally broke apart, catching our breath, he gave me a tortured look and dropped his hands.

His words were so beautiful. Nothing I could say would compare. But I had to say something.

So, I made a stupid joke, like an idiot. “The real reason you don’t want to come in is because you couldn’t figure out a new surface, isn’t it?”

He grinned. “Oh, no. I have one in mind.”

Damn.

The slow thing was a good idea. But man, did I really wish I could be one of those girls with no baggage as he flashed that crooked smile. I was a time bomb. I held everything in, and eventually, I would explode. Chris knew I had a past and wanted me to be comfortable, which was the sweetest thing ever, but he didn’t know what he was getting himself into. He might not want to be with me after he found out what happened that night.

This was the best thing for both of us.

“In the spirit of going slow, I guess that’s my cue to say good night.”

“Good night,” he said in a soft voice, watching me as I stuck my key in the lock.

“Good night. Thanks for the flowers and dinner and everything.”

Opening the door, I looked at him one last time, drinking in the sight of him before heading inside my empty condo. He pressed something into my hand, closing my fingers so it was fisted in my palm. “Don’t look until you’re inside.” He kissed me on my forehead, finally turning and going down the steps, watching me from the bottom as I went in.

I closed the door and leaned against it, opening my hand to see what he had given me.

It was a blue rhinestone bracelet, just like the one Ryder had gotten for Mia at Pizza Castle.

I slipped it onto my wrist, my heart thumping so loud it echoed in my head. My feelings for Chris kept growing too, and there was no going back.

Not hesitating, I opened the door to find him standing in the same spot.

He smiled. “You’re supposed to stay inside after we do the good night thing.”

“Thanks for the beautiful bracelet,” I said, stepping outside.

“Mia was my wingman and found out your favorite color for me. I was hoping I’d get a real date with you.”

Like a magnet, I headed toward him, walking down the steps. “I didn’t get you a car.”

“
Good dates don’t end with cars, they end with jewelry.” The playful expression on his face turned heated as I moved closer, closer …

And I jumped onto him, fusing my mouth against his, and then gasped as he scooped me up into his arms and thundered up my steps and into my condo.

Chapter Eleven

M
Y FINGERS DUG INTO CHRIS’S
shoulders as he carried me inside and kicked the door shut behind him. His lips were frantic against my own, but then he pulled away, panting. “We’re going slow; I’m not putting you on the counter.”

“Couch. Go!” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back to me, aching for the feeling of his lips joined with mine.

Still kissing me, he made his way to the couch. My legs knocked over a lamp, and the crash as it hit the floor made Chris break away to look. I shook my head and pulled him back as he sank onto the couch with me on his lap.

It probably would have been more comfortable if I had straddled him, or if we lay down, but I really wasn’t ready for that. Kissing was one thing, but kissing with Ladyville and Man Town lined up was a different story. Chris didn’t seem to care, he just held me in his arms, hands not moving anywhere that would make me uncomfortable. This was so great. I was kissing the guy I liked, he wasn’t going to push me to do anything more—