Biker Born: The Lost Souls MC Series (The Lost Souls Series Book 4) (20 page)

“Do you think any of this means anything without you? You honestly think I would be happy without you because I’ve got the club?”

I can’t believe his audacity, the fucking nerve of him right now.

“You will be happy in time, brother. Taking over this club is your rightful duty and you will take it and you will succeed.”

I’ve always wanted the gavel but not this way. I don’t know what way I wanted it but now the time has come, it doesn’t feel right.

“You’re my brother,” I cry, not caring that tears are falling down my cheeks.

“Always and forever whether I’m dead or alive,” he vows.

This time I let him hug me and eventually I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him back.

“All I need from you is your word to look after my baby girl.”

“You’ve got it.”

He sits at one of the tables and reluctantly I join him. 

“How could I have not noticed?” I ask, ashamed I haven’t.

“Because I didn’t want you to, I had hoped I would get better and no one would be any of the wiser but that isn’t going to happen.”

It occurs to me that I haven’t asked the most obvious question. I don’t want to hear his reply but I need to.

“How long do you have?”

He blows out a hard breath and looks away. This can’t be good.

“Weeks.”

Weeks? Fucking weeks? I push away from the table and pace before him.

“You’re leaving me in a matter of weeks?” I yell, not intending to be this loud.

“Not by choice, Michael,” he yells back, “If I had the choice I would live and be here for many more years.”

Screw this, I can’t deal with this. I should have carried on walking when he chased me out here.

“I’m out of here,” I blurt, turning in the direction of my bike.

“Michael, don’t run away from this. Stay.”

“Trust me, Mark. If I stay here I will not be responsible for my actions. Just let me be for a while.”

I make it to my bike before I look back to him still standing watching me leave.

No, it’s better for everyone around me if I leave.

CHAPTER THIRTY

MARK

The bedroom door flies open and the reason I’m trying to hold on for as long as I possibly can comes bounding in and onto the bed.

“Daddy! Daddy!”

“Be careful, Lana. You can’t jump on your dad like that, remember what I told you?” Oak scolds her.

“She’s okay, brother. She can’t make me feel worse than I already do.” I say, keeping her close when her little face falls with guilt.

In fact, my baby girl is the only thing that takes away the pain for the short, few hours I get to spend with her each day after she finishes school before I become too tired and she has to go to bed.

The guys have been supportive, always making sure I’m not alone. It becomes annoying at times but in my weak state their insistence on staying wins.

“Daddy?”

I open my eyes and see her little, round face so much like her mother’s looking agitated.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Aunt Kitty says I have to go to school tomorrow, but I don’t wanna go. You’re the boss, can you tell her I can stay home?” she whines.

I love her six year old logic.

“Aunt Kitty is right, you have to go to school. Why don’t you want to?”

She looks to Oak before turning her attention back to me.

“Toby Dolton keeps being mean to me and today he pinched me, and it hurt.”

Even in my weak state the anger that someone is hurting my kid gnaws away at me not being able to do a thing about it, even if it is a kid.

“Alannah, what has daddy told you?” I ask, reminding her of the conversation we’ve had for the last year.

“That boys can be mean and if they say mean things, walk away but if they touch me to kick them between their legs.”

“That’s right, I don’t care what your teachers tell you, if anyone hurts you, you defend yourself, okay?”

“Okay, daddy.”

“You’re six years old now, that’s big enough to take down a boy. Boys should never hit girls, you remember that, baby.” I tell her, trying my hardest to engrain it into her head. There is so much I am relying on Michael and my brothers to teach her as she grows into a woman, the things that should be down to me.

She resumes playing with her Barbie’s beside me and I look over to Oak. I have noticed the bags under his eyes lately, he is taking this harder than I want him to.

“Don’t worry, boss. Micky and Pope are going to have a chat with the kids dad tonight, make sure it don’t happen again.”

The deep laugh that bursts from my chest at the thought of Pope chatting to anyone causes a fit of coughing and Oak immediately helps me sit up and clear my chest.

“Alannah! Dinner is ready.”

Kitty yells up the stairs, Oak helps me back down and stands close by when Alannah gives me a cuddle.

I don’t care if she hurts me, if this is all I get with her now, I will hold her as tight as I can and hope she remembers how much I love her.

“Come on you, let’s go see what Aunt Kitty has cooked us,” Oak grumbles, peeling her away from me.

I have never hidden my illness from her, I didn’t expect her to understand no matter how clever she is for her age, but I need her to grasp how important our time left together is. She knows I’m going to die and again, I don’t know how much she understands because I’ve never seen her cry about it. I know she knows death because she understands that mommy is in heaven. It’s the only time I know she has taken it in because she asks if I’m going to heaven to see her mom. My reply to her is the only time I have lied to her. I told her I was but I know as well as the next guy here that after all the shit I’ve done there is no place in heaven for me. I booked myself a one way ticket to hell a long time ago and I don’t regret a single moment of it.

“See you tomorrow, daddy,” she purrs.

“See you, baby. Be good and look after the guys for me, okay?”

“Okay,” she beams.

Just before they are about to leave I ask Oak to send Michael in. He hasn’t left the club for the last couple of weeks, wanting to stay close to me. Each day I wake to fight another day, I know my luck is still running. However, it doesn’t stop me knowing that each day I become weaker and sooner rather than later, I won’t wake up at all.

My affairs have been finalized and I only have one thing left to do before I can die in peace.

“You okay?” Michael asks, popping his head in the door.

“Yeah, come in. I need to talk to you.”

He pulls the chair Oak was sitting in across the room and before sitting down he makes sure that I’m comfortable.

Mustering all the energy I have, I move my hand and grip his as tight as I can so he can’t run off.

“I gotta say, you look like shit,” he laughs, his humour matches his smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“It’s exactly how I feel,” I reply.

I look at my brother, like really look at him. People say that being an outlaw is a choice but to us, especially Michael, it was who we are. We had no choice about it.

This club has been the only part of Michael’s life that he has taken seriously and will do for the rest of his life. It has already been sorted that he and Kitty will become Alannah’s guardians when I die, all that leaves is the club. He knows he’ll take over the gavel but it hasn’t been set in stone.

“Making you my vice President all those years ago was the easiest decision I’ve ever made for you. We had a good run didn’t we?” I smile, weakly.

“There’s no had about it, we still are having a good run. You don’t get to leave me just yet,” he urges.

“We both know I probably won’t see the weekend.”

“Don’t say that, you know how much of a selfish bastard I am, I’ll keep you hanging on for as long as I can.”

I squeeze his hand as hard as I can, “We need to sort some shit out.”

He nods, admitting I’m right and waits for another bout of coughing to pass.

He releases my hand to pour me a glass of water and holds it for me to sip. When he puts it back on the bedside table, he takes my hand in his again and I tell him what I should have weeks ago.

“It’s no surprise you’ll take my place once I’m gone, I have no doubt that you will lead our men in the right direction. I am so proud of you, Michael. It has been an honour to be your brother, by blood and by the code of the club. I want you to take over today. As of now you are President of the Lost Souls MC.”

It has only happened twice before, the first time was when we first visited our parent’s graves together and the night Rayna died. Today is the third time I have seen my brother with tears in his eyes.

“The honour has been mine, brother. But you know I’d rather you be President and have you alive then have the title myself.”

“I know, I don’t want to die but this is my time and I’ll be with Ray, death can’t be that bad if I get to see her again, can it?”

“I thought you didn’t believe in all that shit?”

“I didn’t, but when death is pulling you away everything you thought was right or wrong doesn’t matter.”

Each time Rayna’s name is said, he gets this pained look on his face.

“It’s time you let her go,” I whisper.

His head snaps up and stares intently at me.

“I know your love for her has never gone away, but you’re still alive Michael, you need to live, for me and for her. All I need to hear is that you’ll look after my baby.”

“You know I will, I swear on my life that girl will always come first to me, I will protect her and watch over her always. I promise you that.” he says, with total conviction that leaves no doubt in my mind he is being deadly serious.

“I’m leaving you with a lot of responsibilities, I wouldn’t trust you with it all if I didn’t think you wouldn’t cope. Remember you have the club to turn to for advice, you will need it sometimes, don’t be too pig-headed to ask when you need it. Always think before you do anything, every single decision you make will affect everyone, understand?”

I wait for him to nod, “Above everything else, remember who you are. You’re Michael Blake, a fearless and ruthless leader. Make me proud and keep our club safe.”

“You have my word, brother.”

Neither of us say anything for a few minutes. He will always know how much I love him and I know he will always remember me.

I haven’t been down to the club in over a week and if I don’t go now, I don’t think I ever will again.

“Take me down to the bar, President.” I say, trying to get myself up.

“Don’t be fuckin’ ridiculous, you’re not fuckin’ going anywhere,” he says, angrily.

“Is that an order?” I ask, amusingly.

“You’re not strong enough, Mark. Stay here and rest,” he begs.

“It’s a good job you’re not a pussy and can’t help me down there then isn’t it,” I mock.

He finally relents and helps me into my jeans and a tee, when he passes me my cut, I retrieve my knife from the drawer beside the bed and carefully rip the President patch off. The pang of sadness cuts through me like the knife I’m holding and I shakily hand it over to Michael.

His chest heaves up and down a few times before he composes himself and takes it from me. He knows what I want him to do now.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

His voice is deep and gruff.

Slowly slipping my arms in my cut, I wear it with pride as I have done for the last thirteen years and feel the power it gives me to know I am Lost Soul till the day I die.

Michael is back within ten minutes and after helping me into my boots, we make our way downstairs holding his cut in my hand. I’ll proudly put this on him when I deliver the news. When the fresh air hits me as we stand on the doorstep I am knocked over by the sight before me. It’s like I’m seeing it for the first time. Over the years our reputation has proceeded us, men from all over arrived wanting to be a part of us, to be a Lost Soul. It got to the point we had to start up different charters in different states and in each one, we made a name for ourselves. Standing before me today was a hell of a lot of bikes parked up and more brothers around than usual.

“They’re all here for you, I’ve been making calls to all over and they came no questions asked. This is what you created, Mark.”

“We did it, didn’t we?”

“We sure did, come on, let’s get you sat down.”

The bar is packed when we enter and the music is loud and the drinks are flowing heavily. Most of the guys haven’t seen how bad I have got and it shows when they see me for the first time.

“What the fuck are doin’ up?” Oak yells, rushing over to help Michael keep me from falling.

“I wanted to see my brothers, I heard there was a party.” I laugh.

“We would have brought the party to you.”

“Not in that house, Kit would fuckin’ kill you,” Michael adds.

They help me down onto one of the couches and slowly, brothers from all over come and talk with me, making promises to the club and to my little girl. I have no doubt I am leaving them all in good hands. It’s about time they heard the news.

Michael who hasn’t moved from standing behind me gets everyone’s attention and I wait for the bar to go quiet.

I wish I could stand but I don’t have the energy to stand for long.

“As you know, I’m sick and not got long left before I leave you fuckers,” I pause until their grumbles and disagreements with my health fade to silence again, “I have been your President for thirteen years and it has been an honour for me to have known you all. I gave you all a place to call home but you gave me much more than I ever thought I’d get in life. You knew the time would come when Michael would take the gavel when I died, but my last wish is to see him wearing the patch.”

For this I will stand, everyone waits patiently as I muster all the strength I can and using the arm of the couch, I stand up and step in front of Michael.

I hold up his cut and nod for him to put it on.

“Wear it with pride, wear it till you die,” I tell him, as I straighten up his cut. As gentle as he can he pulls me into him and whispers, “I love you, brother.”

I slap his back and return the feeling.

I turn around and holding his hand, I raise our clasped hands above our heads and into the air.

“Your President, Michael fuckin’ Blake!” I roar.

The night follows full of mixed emotions, celebrating Michael’s presidency but also melancholy at times because times are changing and I won’t be around much longer to see them. I could do with going back to bed but the pull of the club keeps me on the couch. The respect I have earned from these men mean I am never alone, no longer able to mingle about, they come to me.

After Oak goes to get another beer, I find myself alone for a brief moment. I look around at what we created and all I see is family. My family and one that will last long after I am gone.   

This is everything I imagined it would be back in 1984, a place where the lost could be found…and we fucking succeeded.