BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival (8 page)

“Get over here!” Greg ordered, hoarsely. “It’s my turn.”

Jean looked so frightened, but she still stood her ground.

Ron bolted up from the cot, grabbed the back of her neck, roughly positioned her in front of Greg, then whispered something to Mitch.

“Yeah, man! I’d like to do that!” 

“Put your rear up in the air, kid. Mitch is gonna give you a little surprise.”

“What’s he gonna do?”
Jean demanded, trying to pull away from Greg and his dirty appendage that dangled in front of her.

“Don’t worry kiddo, we have Vaseline, and Mitch only has a little one.” Ron laughed, then added, “Don’t fight me, kid, or I’ll have to give you my big one instead! So, what’s it gonna be? Little Mitch, or me?” 

“Please, Ron, please don’t! Don’t do this! Please let me go!”
Jean pleaded, but Ron just laughed and told Mitch to put some Vaseline on himself so it would slide easier.

“
Scottie, help her! Please!”
Polly screamed in terror.

“Aye, I’m here, Polly. I won’t let them hurt her. I promise.”

Ron’s sickening laughter rang in Jean’s ears—then silence and that floating feeling took her away to safety. I watched Scottie, a sweet-looking teenage boy with a feminine face who looked a lot like an older me, but with a slightly deeper voice, emerge. 

Daddy hadn’t shown him what the boys had in mind, and even though Scottie was gay, he didn’t like the sound of what they wanted to do.
He
tried to pull away, but Ron held him, and Scottie began to float… 

“
Okay, boys. You asked for it
!”
Ann stated harshly.

I’d never heard Ann speak in a voice other than her soft, comforting tone, but I knew she’d taken all the abuse she could bear from the little monsters. Until the other girls and Scottie came along, Ann had always protected me. Now she knew she had to protect the others as well. 

The next thing Mitch knew, he was tumbling backwards. Ann had spun around so quickly it knocked Mitch on his ass! He started to get up, but her foot connected with the side of his head, knocking him right back down.

Although Ann didn’t use strong language like Jean, in this case, she felt it was needed, and spoke through clinched teeth. “You fuckin’ little bastards! Don’t even think of doing this, or I’ll kill all three of you fuckers while
you
sleep. Don’t think I won’t!”

Her voice sounded as cold as death.

“Hey, what the fuck’s goin’ on?” Ron jumped back, reflexively.

Mitch remained where he’d fallen; his face glazed with shock.

Greg stood as if shot, just waiting to fall on his face.

Her expression had changed right in front of them to a girl much older; much wiser, and her murderous eyes blazed as she assumed a posture of superiority before speaking again.

“I’m not gonna tell you fuckers this again. I
will
kill all of you. I don’t like what’s going on here one little bit! Sucking is one thing, but I will
not
let you do anything else! Do I make myself clear?” The boys nodded, and Ann collapsed, hitting her stomach on the edge of the cot’s metal frame.

The boys looked at each other, each with their own expression of shock.

“Fuck! What just happened?” Mitch asked, finding his voice again.

“Shit, man! I don’t have a fuckin’ clue!” Ron looked down at the lifeless, crumpled form of their victim lying in the dirt, unconscious, at his feet.

“Her voice! It didn’t sound like Sarah! Whoever—whatever that was—” Greg couldn’t find the words needed to finish his sentence.

“Yeah, she sounded—mean! She sounded as old as Mom!” Mitch blurted out. “And her eyes! Did you see the look in her eyes!?”

“Is…is she…dead?” Greg whispered, looking at his brothers.

I never knew exactly where I went to watch after I drifted away, but when I returned it sounded like the boys thought I must’ve passed out. All three boys were sitting around me whispering when I heard Ron say, “Of course she’s not dead, stupid! See, she’s moving.”

“Come on, kids! Time for dinner!” Ellie yelled.

I tried to sit up, but a white-faced Ron grabbed the back of my neck. His voice, shaky, said, “Don’t think about telling anyone what you did, or I’ll sneak into your room and slit your throat from ear to ear. Understand?” 

Trembling, I nodded. I felt weak all over. Lying on the ground, I felt sick.

“Hurry up and get dressed so we can eat!” Ron glared at me a long moment, then added, “And, remember kid, I
will
slit your throat if you tell.”

I’d watched everything that had happened with my protectors, and Ron’s voice didn’t sound threatening at all. He even sounded scared! At the door of the tent he stopped to look back at me. Some of the color had returned to his face, but his eyes still held an eerie, almost ghostly look.
Without another word he ran out of the tent following his brothers, leaving me alone to get dressed.

It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach; I hurt all over. I didn’t want to move, but I also didn’t want anyone to see me like I’d been left. I tried to stand, but my legs collapsed. I fell to the ground, and cried. 

When I could stand, I dressed, then hobbled, little by little, toward the house. My stomach really hurt. I hoped to get past everyone, unseen, and to my room, but Daddy saw me come in the door.

“Sarah!” he exclaimed. “What in the world happened?”

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ron put his hand to his neck and make like a cutting motion. “Nothing, Daddy. I fell down, that’s all. I’ll be okay when I get cleaned up.”

“You sure, baby? Do you want some help?”

“No! No, I’m fine, but I just wanna go to sleep. I’m not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten since yesterday, Sarah. You sure you don’t want to get cleaned up, then come back down for dinner?”

“I’m sure, Daddy. Can I go to my room? Please?” My voice and my eyes pleaded with him.

“Okay. If that’s what you want. I’ll check on you later.” When Daddy finished talking to me he went back to the living room, leaving me to hobble up the steps alone.

While Daddy had been talking to me, Uncle Frank talked to his oldest son, and from Frank’s expression, he seemed shocked at the state I’d returned in. I could tell he was questioning Ron about what happened. 

“…only what you’d do, Dad,” Ron whispered just loud enough for me to hear.

However, I didn’t hear him tell about the scare they’d had, or what had happened to cause that scare. 

“All three of you!?” Frank blurted out in alarm.

I moved slowly up the stairs so I could hear what else was being said. 

“Well, yeah. We all got our rocks off,” he lied. “I got off twice.” Another lie.

“That’s my boy! I’m proud of ya, kid. But next time, wait ‘til I get my chance with the little whore first. I’ll have to wait days before I can stick it to her.”

“Sorry, Dad. I guess we got carried away, but we didn’t stick it to her.”

“You didn’t? She looks like a truck ran over her! What did you do?”

“Nothing really, but she sucks good! That’s all we did, Dad. Honest!” Ron forced a smile. “She did fall down in the tent. I think she hit her gut on the frame of the cot, but
we
didn’t hurt her!”

“Well, I’m glad of that!” He scratched his chin; then his ass. “I guess I can get a good suckin’ from her. Don’t have to bone her tonight since your Mom gave me a good ‘un last night,” Frank said with a roguish grin, then headed toward the living room.

“Go for it Dad!” Ron yelled out as his dad vanished around the corner. He looked at his brothers, and a big grin crossed his lips. Then he laughed. “Don’t worry, he won’t be asking anymore questions. We won’t
have
to tell anything else that happened out there,” Ron told them.

“Besides, how can we explain what we saw, or heard, Ron?” Greg exclaimed. “No one would believe us anyway!”

After getting cleaned up, I sat at the top of the stairs, watching, and listening.

Uncle Frank kept reaching under the table, Ellie didn’t say much at all, and the boys remained very quiet. Daddy did most of the talking, bragging about all the women he’d swindled during the last several years, and of course, he bragged about me.  

“She’s only five years old, but she’s a good ‘un. I’ve trained her well these last few years. The best thing I did for Sarah, and for me, was to leave her mother. Frankie, you can be proud of your big brother.”

Daddy was only ten minutes older than Uncle Frank, and they acted like they’d been cut from the same disgusting cloth. They both had the same dirty mind and lived to swindle, and hurt, everyone they could.

Daddy continued, “I snuck into the house after the old folks went to sleep and took her right from under their noses! They never suspected a thing!”

“Sounds like I taught you well, Eli.”

“That you did, Frankie. That you did. And, I never forgot anything you told me. I passed a lot of that training on to Sarah. She’s as good a thief as you ever were! If it hadn’t been for her stealing from garages and from those stupid women, we wouldn’t be here with you right now.”

“Tell me, Eli, how old was she when you first gave her the bone?”

“Frank!” Ellie sat upright, flabbergasted at her husband. “How could you? She’s just a little girl!” 

“Shut up, woman! The men are talking!” Frank glared at her with a shut-your-mouth-look that I knew very well. Daddy had given me the same look many times.

“Frank, she’s my daughter, and I’ll tell you right now, she’s too young for fuckin’, so get that outta your head! When she’s older I’ll show her that, but for now, she can beat it or suck it, but that’s it! You got that?” His eyes blazed.

“Yeah, I got it. I just thought you’d already done her front and back.”

“Nope. Haven’t done either, and you’d better not try it! When she’s older I’ll show her those treats, but I don’t wanna hurt her, and you damn well better not either!”

“Shit, man! Glad I asked. I don’t want to be the first to take her cherry,” he lied, but seeing the fire in Daddy’s eyes, he added, “It’s just been a dream of mine for years. Every time Ellie got pregnant, I always hoped for a girl. Seeing Sarah, well…I thought my dream was gonna come true. Don’t worry; I won’t touch her that way. I know you’d kill me if I hurt her.”

The boys looked at each other, and the color drained from their faces.

“Dad, can we be excused?” Ron asked.

His brothers nodded in agreement, pushing their plates back. 

“Yeah, go.”

Ellie, shocked at her husband, couldn’t sit any longer listening to them talk. She rose from the table, stated she needed to clean the kitchen, but instead, she came toward the stairs.

I jumped up, ran down the hall, and into my room before anyone saw me. 

When the boys went into Ron’s room to talk amongst themselves in private, their voices startled me. I didn’t know his room was right next to mine, or that his bed and mine were against the same wall. The partition was so thin it not only allowed me to hear every word they were saying, but I could hear them breathing!

“Damn, if the brat hadn’t freaked on us, we were gonna stick it to her! Shit! Dad would’ve been so pissed!” Ron stated. 

“Ron, what do you think happened?” Mitch asked. “She went from being a scared little kid into a monster-like, crazy, older person.”

“I don’t fuckin’ know! She just went ballistic!”

“Yeah, but her eyes looked so scary. And wild!” Greg exclaimed. “It scared the shit out of me!”

“Yeah, me too!” Mitch shook his head.

“Uncle Eli said he hadn’t done it cause he didn’t wanna hurt her. Do you think we would’ve hurt her?” Greg asked.

“Shit! I never done a kid before! How the fuck would I know?” Ron released an exasperated sigh.

“Yeah, but from what he said, do you
think
we could’ve killed her?”

“Shit, Greg! We didn’t do it, so what’s the fuckin’ use of talkin’ about it?” Ron’s pitch expressed his annoyance from all the questions he didn’t have answers for.

“What we gonna do now, Ron?”

“We’re gonna stay away from her for a while. Give all this shit time to blow over and see if she freaks again.”

“We aren’t gonna do
that
again,
are we
?” Mitch’s voice cracked. “Remember, she said she’d kill us. I believe whoever—whatever it was—would do it, too!”

I pictured Ron’s face as wheels of thought churned. I knew he had no idea what they’d witnessed, but I also knew he’d never admit to it, but he’d been scared shitless just as much as his ashen-faced brothers.

“No, we’ll just make her go down on us. That’s all we’ll do to the little brat.”

“I’m glad.” Mitch sighed with relief.

“So am I,” Greg added, taking a deep breath.