Blackout (20 page)

She sat up. She had more energy than she’d
expected.

There was that railing that kept her in bed.
She still didn’t know how to lower it but she wiggled her way down
until she was past it. She put her feet on the floor and tried to
stand.

God that hurt. She sat back down on the
bed.

The window was so close she almost didn’t
need both feet. She grabbed the wheeling table, took one hop, and
she was there.

The window was three floors up. They hadn’t
bothered to close the blind. She stuck her head under it. The
window had handles, one on each side, just like the one downstairs.
She took one in each hand, in spite of her shoulder, and
lifted.

It wouldn’t go up. She studied the lower
sash, where there would be a lock. She didn’t see any lock.

My God, she was falling!

How did she get out? She had no memory of
getting out, but she was falling, falling.

She looked down. There was the policeman,
waiting for her. He had told her not to do this, but she kept
falling, on into the night. Would he catch her? She tried to
scream, but no sound came.

Falling, falling. She closed her eyes.

A male voice said, “Hey! What are you doing?
Sam!”

She wasn’t Sam. Who was? One of the people
who raped her? Strong arms picked her up and put her on the bed.
She heard them talking, the man and Sam. Sam was a woman, the nurse
at the desk. They talked to each other and to her. She paid no
attention. She didn’t want to engage in conversation.

The man’s face was in her face. It forced her
to open her eyes. He looked Chinese. Or maybe Filipino.

“What were you doing?” he asked.

What could she say? She didn’t even think.
“Just trying to kill myself.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to live.”

Why did she put it in the past tense?
Didn’t
want to.

“Why not?” he asked.

She closed her eyes again so she wouldn’t
have to look at his questioning face.

But he deserved an answer, so she gave it to
him.

“They raped me.” Her voice was weak. “Some
boys from my school. I was drunk.”

“That’s no reason. They shouldn’t have done
that.”

“No.” She knew they shouldn’t have. But they
didn’t know it. They were drunk, too, but that was no excuse.
Everybody said it wasn’t.

The nurse left and came back with something
in his hand. “Does it hurt?” he asked. He spoke with an accent. She
hadn’t noticed it before.

“Yes,” she said. “Everything hurts.” What was
he going to do about it?

He held out a little plastic cup. Two pills
were in it. He said, “Try these. One of them will help with the
pain. The other will help you sleep.”

She took the cup and studied the pills. He
waited, very patiently.

What would they do to her? He said it would
help with the pain and help her sleep. Wasn’t that good?

She took one. He held a glass of water in his
other hand. She took that, too, and swallowed the pill. Then the
other pill.

She did it, even though she was afraid to
sleep. It was too much like death. She had almost died, but the
window wouldn’t open. She had thought she was falling, but it was
only a dream.

“Have a good sleep now.” He adjusted her
bedding and left.

He was nice. They were all nice. Everybody in
the hospital. She wished she could stay there forever.

* * * *

Rick Falco had the day off. Ordinarily he
would have spent a lot of it sleeping but he couldn’t help thinking
of that girl in the hospital.

Had he talked her out of attempting suicide?
She couldn’t do much in intensive care but he wanted to see her
again.

He couldn’t wear his uniform when he was
off-duty. They might not let him in without it. But he had his
badge. That could work. It would have to.

He took his time. A nice long shower; a
debate over what to wear. He had never had any doubts before. He
was behaving like a female. He ate a leisurely breakfast of Cap’n
Crunch. Maddie had told him he shouldn’t eat it, it had too much
sugar. What the hell, they all had sugar. He had gone up and down
the supermarket aisle, reading the ingredients, and found only one
that didn’t have sugar either in it or on it, usually both. But he
liked Cap’n Crunch, so he bought it. This was his day off. He
deserved a treat.

By the time he finished and washed his
dishes, it was after nine o’clock. He hoped it would be the same
nurse as yesterday. He had persuaded her to let him into ICU and he
didn’t want to start all over again with someone else. Like as not,
he would have to.

Maddie would be in school. He didn’t dare
call her there, but he would have liked some company. He went out
to his car and drove to the hospital.

* * * *

Kelsey slept. She didn’t know how long she
slept because she didn’t have a clock. In her previous room, there
had been one on the wall, but not here. She could tell the time
only by meals, and breakfast came very early.

This time they gave her oatmeal. Was that
supposed to be an improvement? She ate as much as she could, then
settled back and closed her eyes.

When she opened them, someone was out there,
talking to the desk nurse. He wore a blue shirt and he looked
familiar.

The policeman. The one who had pushed back
her hair. She felt her face turn hot and closed her eyes again. He
wouldn’t be coming to see
her.

She heard the doorknob turn. He was coming
in. She opened her eyes and wished she felt cleaner. She hadn’t had
her morning sponge bath.

“Hi!” He smiled. It was an adorable
smile.

“Kelsey,” he said. “That’s your name? Kelsey?
When I was in grade school they had a dental team that came around
and checked our teeth. Dr. Kelsey. I remember that. But with you
it’s a first name, right? And your last name is Fritz.” He pulled
over the chair and sat down right next to her.

He rested his hands on his knees and said, “I
heard they found you on the windowsill last night.”

Again her face flushed. She could feel it,
even her eyelids. Of course, the nurse would have reported it. And
the desk nurse had to tell him.

She got her mouth to open, and said, “I was
dreaming.”

“Oh. That’s what happened?”

She couldn’t tell whether he believed her.
But she had been dreaming that she fell. She hadn’t dreamed about
getting to the window.

She looked him straight in the eye, those
deep green eyes. “I dreamed I was falling. Then somebody grabbed
me.”

“But you wanted to fall,” he said.

“I was at the sill. Must have fallen on
top.”

She didn’t know what she was saying. She only
knew she’d been terrified to find herself falling. What if she’d
hit the pavement below and hadn’t died instantly? She would have
felt everything. It could happen.

“Kelsey.” He took her hand and held it in
both of his. She looked at it and blinked. They hadn’t put back the
tube. All she saw was a single Band-Aid where the tube had
been.

“They didn’t put back my tube,” she said, and
looked up. An IV bag hung above her. It wasn’t attached to
anything.

“Do you want it?” he asked.

“Not really. I thought I needed it.” Were
they trying to kill her? Because they thought she wanted to
die?

She remembered his tender touch. And he said
she was beautiful. Did he mean it? He couldn’t have. Because she
wasn’t. She took a deep breath and tried to stop her tears, but she
couldn’t.

“Kelsey!” He grabbed a tissue from the box on
her table and wiped her eyes. It made her cry harder.

“Kelsey, I told you. It doesn’t matter about
them. The DA’s office is working up a case. Those guys will go to
trial and probably to jail. And you will be free. So don’t give
them another thought. Look ahead, not back. Look at your whole life
in front of you, just waiting to be lived and enjoyed. Can you do
that? This was only one thing. It’s not the end of the world. Put
it behind you where it belongs.”

“I . . . can’t.”

“Yes, you can. It might take a while but you
can do it. You have some glorious adventures ahead of you. You’ll
start college.”

“I don’t . . . want . . .”

“You don’t want what?”

“College.”

“Well, then, you don’t have to go. But you
might decide you do want it. You’ll get stronger every day. Think
about that, not about what happened at the Brandons’ house.”

How did he know where it happened? Because
everybody knew. Maybe someone told him.

She asked, “Will I have to testify?”

“You don’t
have
to,” he said. “But it
sure would help. You might not remember much.”

“I remember some. And the next day I had
blood.”

“Were you a virgin?”

What could she say? “Before that—yes.”

“That would explain the blood. You were
probably hurt, too. But that’s all over and it won’t happen
again.”

It shouldn’t have happened at all. She
shouldn’t have gotten drunk.

But she did, and it happened. She could still
remember it. More than she wanted to. It was brutal, but it was
over, just as he said.

Could she testify?

He said it would make it easier to prove
their case. How could she prove how drunk she was?

Maybe she didn’t have to prove it. Just stick
to the truth. Tell them exactly how it was. She was mostly in a fog
and that was the truth.

“Will you help me?” she asked, surprising
herself.

“I’ll help you with anything you want.”

“If I testify—will you help me?”

“I can help you get ready. I can’t help at
the trial itself. That’s not allowed.”

“If you help me, I can do it.”

“Good, then. We’ll work on it.” He looked
over at the window. The one that looked out on the desk. “Uh oh. I
see they want me to leave. I had a big argument just to get in here
and I don’t want to push it.”

He put the chair back, like yesterday. For a
moment, he stood looking down at her. “Kelsey,” he said. Then he
bent over and kissed her cheek.

He tossed her another kiss as he walked out
the door. He actually kissed her. Someone did that who wasn’t
family. It was the first time ever.
My first kiss.
She
touched her cheek where his lips had touched it.

Velda came in and kissed her forehead. That
was family. It didn’t count. “How’s my sweet little sister?”

“Okay,” said Kelsey.

Velda pulled the chair over and rummaged in
her purse. “I brought some more pictures of what I’m working
on.”

Kelsey asked, “How can you work on anything
when you’re always here?”

“In the evening. For a while. I have to tell
you, it’s not going very fast right now.”

Kelsey looked at the pictures, not bothering
to see them. She could not have been less interested. “Is my leg
broken?”

Velda put away her camera. “Not your leg,
your hip. It has a hairline fracture.”

“Can I walk on it?”

“With crutches, maybe, but you shouldn’t yet.
Why? Do you want to walk?” Velda looked hopeful.

“Around in the corridor, the way you
said.”

“We can do that as soon as you’re a little
more healed. And when you’re out of ICU. That should be soon. I
don’t think they keep people in here very long.”

Kelsey closed her eyes.

It was that kiss that did it. The policeman’s
kiss. She didn’t think he meant it in a sexy way. It was only that
she didn’t repel him. He actually seemed to like her.

Because he doesn’t know me, she thought

But it was more than that. He said she was
beautiful. That she had an ethereal quality. He really seemed to
like her.

So maybe she was likeable. At least to some
people.

She could never forget what happened to her,
but she was determined to heal. She would walk again. A hairline
fracture wasn’t much.

She opened her eyes. Velda was still
there.

“Will you do something?” Kelsey asked.

Velda beamed. “I’ll do anything.”

“Will you tell Mt. Holyoke that I can’t come
this semester, but next year I will. I think I’d rather start in
the fall when other people are starting, rather than January. Can
you do that?”

“I’ve already done it, sweetie, but I did
tell them January. I can change that.” Velda kissed her again.

All those kisses in just one hour. Or was it
two?

She liked the policeman’s kiss better.

About the
Author

Caroline Crane began her long writing career
with six award-winning books for young adults. After that came
adult novels of mystery and suspense and one nonfiction book,
Murder and Mayhem in the Catskills,
for The History Press.
Her novels have been translated into several languages, and some
were book club selections. One,
Summer Girl,
became a
made-for-TV movie starring Kim Darby and Barry Bostwick.

These days Caroline writes for both adults
and young adults, and also has some plans for middle-grade fiction.
She lives in the rural Catskill area, not far from her daughter and
family, and shares a home with her dog and cat.

Caroline invites you to visit her website at
carolinecrane.com

Other work by the author at Melange
Books, Fire and Ice

Twenty Minutes Late

The Long Sleep

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