Blame It on the Shame (Blame It on the Shame: Lou-Lou and Ricardo's Story #1) (21 page)

His jaw tics and his eyes flash. I think he's about to call me on my bullshit but instead, he says, “You should get some sleep.”

I find myself curling up next to him on the bed because I don't want to leave just yet. “I don't sleep at night,” I whisper.

He flicks off the light. “Me either.”

I know I should go back to my own apartment and stay far away...but I can't help from nuzzling against his chest and sinking into his embrace.

When Ricardo's arms are around me, I don't feel anything else but him.

He chases away my demons...every single one of them.

Including the one we have in common.

I shift in the bed until I'm facing him. “Do you believe a single night can change your life?”

He searches my face. “I do now.”

I fall asleep to the sound of his heart beating against my own. The darkness surrounding both of us.

Chapter 13 ( Ricardo)

I watch over her while she sleeps and her words echo in my head. “
Whatever this is between us, it can't happen. I love your father, Ricardo. He's a monster but I will always love him. Even if it makes me a monster too
.”

I don't know if this feeling in my chest is because I can identify with that statement or the fact that she basically told me that given a choice...she would choose him.

Or the worst realization of all.

I've never wanted anything of my father's...until her.

But she's right...whatever was brewing between us can't happen. For a multitude of reasons.

The most important being that I have to keep everyone I care about safe, and giving in to my attraction to her will most definitely not accomplish that.

But that doesn't mean I can't still be her friend and protect her.

She opens her eyes and yawns. “I left my clothes at Tyrone's.”

“I'll get them for you.” I get out of the bed but stop myself because I can't believe I almost forgot. “Why exactly were you attempting to seduce him last night?”

She purses her lips and her gaze narrows. “Why the fuck does it matter to you, asshole?” she tosses back.

I stare at her in disbelief.

Last night I held a fallen angel in my arms while she wept. But this morning?

This morning it's like I woke up with the devil.

Or rather...the devil's mistress.

“I thought we were working together? I thought we were a team?”

She lifts the covers off the bed and snorts. “Funny, because it looked like you were team
Scarlet
when you left the club last night.”

So
that's
what this is about. “Scarlet is my friend—”

“Save it. I really don't want to hear about your sasquatch whore.”

I stand up and walk over to her. “Whoa,
why
are you acting like this?”

“Acting like
what
?”

“You only act like
this
when you're threatened. Last night I thought we—”

“You thought what, Ricardo? We're not
anything
. I told you, I love your father.”

Anger pulses through me and I can't believe I thought I could
ever
be attracted to her. I can't believe I ever thought we could be friends.

I can't believe I let myself start having feelings for her
.

I glare at her. “Look, I thought I could trust you. I really despise people who go back on their word. You agreed to work together and I believed you.”

I snatch my jeans off the floor. “But don't worry, unlike
you
I'm not a traitor. I won't tell DeLuca about you—”

“You said one night, Ricardo.” She looks at the ground. “You said I only had to drop my guard down for
one
night. Your one night is over.”

I open my mouth but her lips turn up in a snarl and she takes a step closer to me. “And just so we're clear, I really don't like Scarlet. She's a
bitch
.”

I almost want to laugh because this is the pot calling the kettle black but I'm trying to understand this girl and help her. I don't want to give up on her.

Despite the fact that my brain keeps firing off warning signals.

I've seen the good parts of Lou-Lou. I know that underneath this rough exterior is a girl who's scared, lonely and damaged in a way most people could never comprehend.

The truth of the matter is, she doesn't have to break...because my heart breaks for her.

She pops a hand on her hip. “So?”

I shrug because I don't know what she wants. “What?”

“Are you going to fire her or not?”

“I'm not going to fire someone just because you don't like them. Newsflash, Lou-Lou— the world is full of people you aren't always going to get along with. You have to learn to adapt.”

I grab a shirt from my closet. “Now, if she did something to you, tell me and I'll take care of it.”

She stomps her foot on the ground like a 2-year-old. “I want her gone. If you don't fire her I'm calling Bruno.”

I take a deep breath because she's really testing my patience. “Just tell me what the problem is and
I'll
talk to her.”

“The problem is she's a bitch!” she screams before she runs out of the bedroom.

That's it...I've had about enough of her antics.

“Well so are
you
,” I yell while chasing after her. “Frankly, I'm surprised you two don't get along famously.”

She walks out the front door and into the hallway. I follow her and I'm about to remind her that she's still only wearing her bra and panties but then she screams. “Get bent!”

“Goddammit, Lou-Lou—”

I stop mid sentence when I hear a throat clear and a pair of ebony eyes meet mine.

Shit, I forgot Momma was coming into town.

“Hi, Momma.”

“Hi, Sugar.”

She focuses her gaze on Lou-Lou. “So I take it
this
is the new neighbor?” Her lips draw in a tight line and she squints her eyes. “The
very
same neighbor who went on a date with Tyrone two nights ago.”

As far as first impressions go, this has to be one of the worst.

Lou-Lou blanches and looks at me. For a moment, I see the vulnerability swirling in those doe eyes of hers.

And I don't blame her...Momma's one hell of a scary woman.

I take a step forward and Lou-Lou ducks behind me, shielding herself.

Of course, that's when Jackson and Tyrone come out of their apartment.

Perfect timing as always.

Made all that much better by the fact that Tyrone has what looks to be Lou-Lou's ring girl outfit in his hand.

Momma puts two and two together and her eyes turn fierce. Everyone but Lou-Lou knows what's coming and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it.

She crinkles her nose at Lou-Lou. “Word of advice, darlin',” she says in her southern drawl. “Men don't buy the cow when they can get the milk for free.”

Tyrone looks like he's going to say something but I halt him. Maybe when Lou-Lou sees that
I've
got her back, she'll be a little more trusting and work with me.

“Look, she's not giving anything away for free, Momma.”

Jackson snickers and Momma raises an eyebrow.

Yeah, that didn't come out right.

“What I mean is...she's with me.” I turn my head and reach for Lou-Lou's hand. “Right?”

Something passes between us and she takes my hand. “Right.”

Tyrone appears confused and looks at me, but for whatever reason, he decides to drop it and not question it further.

I can't say the same for Momma, though.

“Why would she go on a date with Tyrone if she's with you?”

The fact that she's not even bothering to look at Lou-Lou anymore speaks volumes.

I swallow hard and stick to the plan. “We're not serious. You know, with it being so new and all. But she won't be going on any more dates with Tyrone.” I cast a glance at Lou-Lou. “Right, babe?”

“Right,” she grits through her teeth.

Momma shakes her head and claps her hands. “Well, get ready for breakfast, boys.” She eyes Lou-Lou. “Your lady friend is welcome to join us once she puts some clothes on.”

Lou-Lou starts to shake her head but I lean down and whisper. “Don't you even
think
about turning that woman's invitation down. Just keep your mouth
shut
and be polite.”

She gives me that '
fuck you
' smile of hers. “Fine,
Ricky
.”

Then she marches into her apartment to get dressed.

Everyone starts to walk inside but I halt Momma. “Go easy on her, Momma.”

She looks like she wants to argue but I add, “Please. For me.”

I let her pull me into a hug. “Alright, sugar. I'll try.” She gives me a warm smile before she walks inside the apartment.

I'm about to follow her but Tyrone walks back out and I decide to get this out of the way.

“I'd really appreciate you not bringing up what happened last night to anyone...and that includes Jackson.”

He makes a face. “I wasn't going to tell him, it's not my place to. But is she okay?”

I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans. “She will be.”

God, I hope she will be
.

His eyes light up and he gives me a smirk before heading back inside. “You know, it's funny. I actually believe you're into her now.”

Chapter 14 (Lou-Lou)

I take a deep breath and knock on his door.

I know I shouldn't be here right now, but I can't help myself.

I fell asleep in the bathtub and had another flashback.

Then my flashback turned into a nightmare, just like they always do.

And now my skin is crawling and I can't get rid of this feeling.

I can't breathe...I'm suffocating.

I knock again and I'm ready to give up when the door swings open.

I don't think, I just act.

I launch myself into his arms like a slingshot and he catches me. “I need you,” I choke out through strained breaths, not even caring how pathetic I sound.

The force of the impact is enough to make him stumble back.

I'm a trembling, shaking, breathless mess and although Ricardo has every right to send me away for how I treated him a few mornings ago, he doesn't.

Instead, his fingers trace gentle circles up and down my spine and he tells me over and over that I'm safe.

He brings us to the couch and begins rocking me.

“Il mio piccolo superstite,” he whispers as he continues rocking me.

“I don't know what that means,” I say after the worst of my panic attack subsides. I know enough Italian from being around Bruno but I've never heard that phrase before.

“It means '
my little survivor
'.”

I don't know how he always knows the right things to say or how he can still be so kind to me when I can be so mean to him.

I close my eyes and lean against his chest. “I wish I was capable of being a better person.”

I wish I was able to be more trusting and loving like others, but it's just not possible.

His brows draw together. “What makes you think you're not?”

“You want the truth?”

He gives me a small nod and I take another deep breath.

“The truth is—my first line of defense is lashing out and being mean because I'm trying to protect myself. I can't help it. It's ingrained in me and it's all I know. I just can't trust people, Ricardo. I've seen the worst of humanity. I know what people are really capable of. I don't want them to see how fragile and vulnerable I am. I don't want them to see all the dirty and ugly because then it gives them the power to break me...and I won't
ever
allow that to happen. It's just better to push people away.”

He shifts me on his lap so that I'm facing him directly. “You'd be a really bad fighter, Lou-Lou.”

“How can you say that?” I scream. “You know what I've been through. You
know
what happened to me. How dare you sit there and tell me I'm not strong!”

I start to get off his lap because I'm insulted, but he holds me in place by clamping down on my thighs. “It's not because you're not strong. You're the strongest person I know. You're a bad fighter because you don't know how to take a punch.”

I'm about to argue that life has thrown me quite a few punches, but his thumb grazes my cheek and he says, “Learning how to take a punch the right way and bouncing back from it is just as important as throwing them. It teaches you that you have the ability to get back up again after you get knocked down.”