Blasphemous (15 page)

I hated that she was right. Thinking about the coming months without him was unfathomable. How the hell do I manage to keep breathing when the acrid smell of a withered dream I once held
was still so potent?

~E~

Three days later, life was still dreary after Bass, but I had school so I had to get out of my slump.

It’d been four days and I could barely part with my phone. It was practically glued in my hand as I waited for his call. There was still a small part of me that believed he would come back, like what happened in Aspasia. He came back. I had to believe in that.

I had to believe that ours was the kind of relationship that could go through so much and still come out stronger on the other end. 

I had just gotten out of my first class and headed straight to the coffee shop to get some caffeine boost. My tiny hope died when I saw the first article in a paper that sat unattended on one of the tables. It was about him partying it up in Hollywood.

The only thing that I could think to do then was to run back home and bawl some more. I was so distraught that I didn’t even realize that I had passed my house and had to backtrack five houses down; I then proceeded to lock myself in my bedroom.

He was out with Lydia and some other girls, drunk and obviously single. Tears didn’t even gather in my eyes, they just fell, running with great supply, as I blurrily crawled towards the bathroom and retched everything out of my stomach the second I reached the toilet bowl. By the third heave, my stomach was pretty much empty, but the heaving wouldn’t stop, so I sat on the marbled floor, crying as I waited for my stomach to settle down. “Bass…” I sobbed out with wracking, obliterating pain that possessed my entire being.

Two hours later, I was still stuck next to the toilet.

~E~

The next day, I found Lindsey waiting for me in the kitchen with a peace offering. She knew my weakness for pastries and anything sweet and it seemed that she bought the entire shop because the counter was packed with a lot of treats.

Without saying anything, she handed me a
venti Starbucks coffee with ‘I’m sorry for being a total biatch. Forgive me?’ written on it.

“You really were a total bitch, but there’s nothing to forgive. You were driven by your feelings, not common sense. However, the next time you do that, I’m really going to kick your ass.” Smiling, I reached out and gave her a
yoursuchacrazybitchbutiloveyouanyway hug.

“Thank you. The guilt’s been eating me alive.” She wiped the moisture from the sides of her eyes before giving me a torn look. “I’m sorry about you and Bass. I could give him a call and give him a piece of my mind, if you want?”

Lindsey, I’ve missed you, I thought as she gave me another hug. “That will definitely make him run the other way.” I laughed, knowing how Bass would react if it did happen.

“Let’s dig in and fatten ourselves up. I’m starving.” Lindsey handed me a plate as I drank the coffee.

Studying the cup again, I smiled. I was going to keep it, just to remind her that she should trust that her friends wouldn’t backstab her like that.

~E~

Amber, Lindsey and Trista all ganged up on me to come out of my room that very same night.

It was already past ten at night when we got to Carter’s party. I really knew I was back into living my own life when I got inside and found
Cece dancing with her tits out in front of some random man in the living room.

“Unbelievable, bitch. She comes to my brother’s party, knowing how much I hate her and also knowing that she took part in breaking you and Carter up. Now that’s what you call a heartless bitch,” Lindsey muttered under her breath as she disgustingly glanced at
Cece and strode towards the bar, away from the campus skank.

As always, the four of us parted and did our own thing for a bit, then caught up an hour later.

Alcohol didn’t appeal much to me, so instead of getting a drink, I strode out towards the back that led to the beach. Taking my shoes off, I strode towards the shore, feeling the cool sand underneath my soles as I went along, stopping at the spot where the sand met the water.

The moon was out tonight, but it didn’t give me that awestruck feeling like it did back in Aspasia. It didn’t feel magical, just the plain, old moon, hanging in the darkened sky, playing as the backdrop for the ocean.

Bass, where are you? Come back to me before you get lost. Please, come back, I silently pleaded, hoping whoever had the power to hear my wishes, would grant me what I wanted the most.

“Emma?” a voice came from behind me.

I said I wanted Bass back, not Carter! I wanted to scream, but found myself spinning around to face the culprit who caused so much heartache for me, making me lose the only man who loved me with no reservations.

“Carter,” I greeted him with a chilly tone. I saw him flinch at the way I shot him down.

“I heard about what happened. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it go like that at all.”

Giving him a hateful stare, I shrieked, “You’re sorry! Please, I would love to hear how you thought it’d turn out?”

Carter looked pained before letting out a breath. “I was thinking that you would realize that I was serious this time. That what you had with Bass wasn’t real. That you would come to me because you realized that, but I never thought he’d leave you. I mean, he chased you around for quite sometime.” He took a step closer, now a foot away from me. “I never wanted you hurt, but looking at you now, I caused you more pain. It hurts to see you like this.”

Seeing the real agony in his eyes, I looked down and played in the sand with my big toe, processing things. “He wouldn’t have left if I had just told him things, but I was scared. I—” I choked up, thinking of the conversation we had when he asked if there were other things that needed to be said because he wanted us to have a solid relationship. I thought keeping it from him was a way of protecting what I had with Bass and at the same time protecting his feelings, too. I didn’t want him to hurt anymore than I had, especially when the subject was related to Carter. “It’s my fault. There’s no one to blame but me.”

“I’m really sorry, Emma.”

I gave him a grieved smile before strolling away.

Chapter 14

“Falling in love is like getting drunk. You wake up with a horrible hangover, swearing that you’ll never drink again.”

- Author Unknown

Emma

I didn’t know what it was with today, but it felt like something was pulling me down, trying to drown me with thoughts of Bass and dwell on the fact that he’s gone.

I wanted to feel nothing.

I was tired from all these excessive emotions. I needed a break. Just for a few hours, I sought a hiatus.

At four in the afternoon, I found myself at a bar, downing shots one after the other until I couldn’t lift my hand anymore.

A few hours later, someone was trying to break me out of my coma. There was a soft grip on my shoulder, slightly shaking me to wake up. It took a few seconds to open my eyes, blinking back, squinting as I tried to focus on the stranger’s face. “Sweetie, is there someone I can call to come and get you?” a kind woman who had streaks of purple on her dyed black hair asked. She looked at me with heartfelt concern.

I was sure I looked like the poster for a
hot mess
at the moment. Though, I think, people who had broken hearts were entitled to be messed up as they saw fit. This was the worst physical pain anyone could go through without being sick or having an actual wound. Bass, I missed him so bad it gave me constant chest pains. The thought of him with Lydia was killing me inside. “I’m sorry. I’m not usually this reckless,” I mumbled incoherently, closing my droopy lids as I leaned against the tiled wall. “He left me. It’s too late now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve been there, too, but you can’t pass out in a bar’s bathroom. It’s too dangerous. Ask your friends to be with you when you want to drink. Where’s your cell phone? We’re going to get you out of here and back to your place.”

“My purse. Thank you.”

I heard her pick my purse up and rummage to get my phone. “Who do I call to get you, honey? Can any of your girlfriends pick you up?”

Lindsey?
No, she was going to lecture me all night long; I would never hear the end of it.
Amber?
Same thing.
Trista?
I would’ve loved to have her here, but she was with Taylor in LA. That only left me with one person that I could trust not to tell anyone. “Call Carter.”

“Alright, it’s ringing,” she said in a mild tone. “No, this is Jackie. Emma actually needs you to come and get her since she can barely stand.” She paused, listening to the other end. “Yep, she’s definitely drunk. Of course, I can wait with her until you get here. Okay.”

Jackie moved closer, cupping my cheek until I opened my eyes and leveled my drunken gaze at her. “Emma? Carter is on his way. He said he lives close, so he should be here soon. Hang in there, honey.”

I gave her a sad smile, before I closed my eyes again. “Thank you, Jackie. This is so kind of you.”

The door was yanked open with such force I was sure that it cracked the tiled wall. “Emma!”

Carter. He sure knew how to make an entrance. I was relieved to hear his voice.

He was on his knees, checking if I was still breathing. I must’ve looked like I was on the verge of dying for him to even do that. “I’m drunk, not dead, idiot,” I groaned in frustration.

“You look it, Emma. God, what the hell are you doing?”

“Getting drunk.”

“I’m going to carry you out, okay?” he whispered as he tucked the hair that was on my face behind my ear. He then focused his attention to the kind Jackie. “Thank you for staying with her. She could’ve been hurt if you weren’t here.”

“Oh, it was nothing. Though try to make sure the next time she wants to get drunk, she’s with friends?”

“I will. Thank you again.”

I added my mumbled thanks before I passed out of consciousness once more.

~E~

I woke up heaving with an extremely dry throat; I thought I was choking from the air that was passing through my nostrils. When I pried my eyes open, everything around me started to spin.

“Emma? Are you okay?”

Carter.

“Water,” I alarmingly whispered. The tip of my tongue tried to wet my dry lips, but it didn’t help. Swallowing my saliva was painful.

“Here, drink slowly.” Carter sat across me as he held the bottled water against my lips.

The crisp taste of cold water was heavenly. I drank it slowly until I finished it to the last drop.

“Better?”

“Very much, thanks,” I replied as my head hit the pillow. Carter hadn’t moved from where he sat. I was wondering what he was thinking about me being reckless.

“I’ll be back.” He finally stood up, leaving the room.

My eyes were shut, but I suddenly became aware of everything around me.
Like the fact that the smell on the pillow that I was on was definitely Carter’s.

Why in the world was I here? He could’ve taken me back to my place a block away. His smell made me remember how I used to be with him.
If Bass hadn’t happened, would I still be hung up on Carter?
Maybe, but Bass
did
happen. He swooped into my life like a damn tornado. Nothing was ever going to be the same after that experience—larger than life—leaving a memory that could never be forgotten.

This was a different kind of heartache from what I had experienced before. The first one was hard. The second one was extremely difficult. However, this third one was intensely wretched,
soul-draining, and painfully numbing. The chest pains were constant. My stomach was unstable. The supply of tears was never-ending. Everything ached in me, but I was absolutely lifeless at the same time.

Heartbreak was like an incurable disease. It’s unstoppable, wreaking havoc when it latches on. Seeping inside your system, destroying everything it passes. Spreading the poison as it kills you slowly, inside out. Killing you softly.

My depressing thoughts halted when I heard Carter enter the room. “Emma? I got a few more bottles just in case you need it for later,” he spoke as he slid into bed next to me.

I stayed silent as I listened to his steady breathing. Even if Carter was persistently annoying, it didn’t change the fact that he cared for me. Tonight, I was grateful for that. Having him this close somehow gave me comfort. “Thank you,” I managed to croak out.

“I’m always here for you, Em.” He sighed, moving closer to me. “I hate seeing you this way. It hurts me to see you hurting like this.”

I hated it, too, but there was no one to blame except me. I understood Bass’s decision, but accepting it was hard. For three months, we were together most of the time. We slept, showered, ate, partied together. We were inseparable. I was whole with him.