Blasphemous (19 page)

Carter was kissing me again as he pulled out of me and positioned my legs over his shoulders. When he began gliding manically, I reached to my side and sought for his scrotum, tugging the sac, stimulating him further.

The old instincts kicked in, noticing the evident signs of Carter about to come soon. I gripped his balls the second he released a harsh sound as the first string of semen shot out of his tiny slit, spurting my navel with his seed.

Regrouping and evening his breath, Carter got up and went straight to the bathroom. He came out with a wet towel and gently wiped my tummy off with soft strokes. “Open your legs, please,” he kindly asked as my thighs parted and he cleaned me off.

Dumping the towel on the floor, he gathered me in his arms, sighing happily before he kissed the back of my neck. “I love you, Em. I know you’re going through a lot right now, but I just want to get it out there; the moment you’re ready to start dating again, I will be the first man in line to try and steal you away.”

Funny how the situation was now reversed when it was only last year that I was madly in love with this soccer stud. It also mocked my recent relationship mishap with Bass.

If the time came that I was ready to date again, would I consider getting back with Carter? True, I may still feel something for him, but was it enough to risk being with him after the disastrous break-up we had?

To that, I had no answer. I suppose only time would tell.

Getting back on the dating wagon was inevitable, but the thought of being able to fall in love with someone else was questionable.

I had fallen already. How many times does a person drop in the depths of the abyss? I was sure most people who had infinitely loved another would tell you once. Loving someone was not a hardship.

Falling into it was.

Judging from the semi-aroused state that Carter was already in, it wouldn’t take long for him to get started again. Sure, it was great and all…

BUT.

I wanted… Bass.

Not only was he entertaining and adorable, but he knew what to do to make me crave him like I was going to lose my mind if he didn’t give it to me in a heartbeat. He simply knew my body like it was his own.

It was crazy to be this wanton.

There was no one to blame for my rapacious appetite other than Bass.

My body was programmed and played to meet his liking. I was Bass’s whore because he made it that way and I was more than happy to be his.

There’s sex and, then, there’s
The Sex
.

With Bass, it felt like it was an absolute, chimerical-like mating, a ritual of some kind where the world shifted from its axis—a kind of transcendental experience. It was epically sublime. Making love with Bass had always been like that. How could I possibly fathom taking another man after that poetic, dynamite-like,
hotter than magma, so ardently profound that it was a once in a lifetime kind of experience that only one man could accomplish?

He made me so addicted to him—so drugged out from the very essence of him—that I was ruined for any other man.

We were like a star; burning with heat, bright with hypnotizing beauty and dangerously suffused with powerful, volatile energy that could explode in due course.  Fireworks, falling stars, and the entire fucking Milky Way combined with all the other blasted galaxies thundered into one. It detonated with corrupting speed, splitting and shattering whatever’s in its wake, until you’re left with pieces of yourself. Forsaking you with miniscule fragments of the person you once were, as you try to piece them together, trying to understand what the hell just imploded.

Even though we adamantly try to glue it back,
piece by piece, we were never going to be whole again. Why? Because the cracks were there, forever scarring. Blatantly reminding you that you’re just a shell—an empty, barren carapace—and we just go on pretending that we were still the same person, because that’s all it was.

A pretense.

Acting as if life still mattered.

In truth, we craved to be back in that person’s embrace, but sanity demands us to lie to ourselves
; telling our faces in the mirror that we were going to be okay.

Each and every fucking morning without fail.

After all, aren’t we the greatest pretenders of all?

~E~

For the entire duration of the morning to the late afternoon, I was stuck in bed as Carter delivered his twenty-one promises.

Heck, my vagina was throbbing so badly for the rest of the night that it was beyond awkward to dance, but since it was my birthday, the girls wouldn’t let me sit and relax whilst sipping my drink.

Lindsey was persistent that only us girls partied, without the men, since we needed time with each other. For that, I was truly grateful because, if Carter were here, I might be in serious danger of getting excessive oral sex.

The four of us bonded with laughter, more dancing, downing shots and an abundant supply of hugs.

We drank so much alcohol that when it hit ten past one, we were ready for the hired limo to take us back to Taylor’s home. I admit, I missed the famed Chateau
Marmont, but Taylor’s home was much more relaxed.

I woke up early, coughing as if my throat had no moisture left in it. My hand started to rub the base of my throat to ease the feeling as I slid off the bed and headed through the dimly lit house, weaving my way downstairs.

Taylor’s home was masculine yet homey, with mixtures of earthy tones and leather about. It suited the man quite perfectly. Helping myself to a glass filled with cold water, I didn’t take a breath until I had finished the entire content. The refreshing taste of the cold liquid made me feel a little awake now.

Since there wasn’t a person awake at four-thirty in the morning, I leisurely explored the house. Smiling as I saw pictures of a younger Taylor and another guy,
who I’m assuming was his brother because they looked like twins—apart from the smiles and the hair color.

Striding towards the piano, I scanned the pictures with enthusiasm, that is until I found a picture of Bass with Taylor in their skiing gear, another one on a beach—his to-die for body was blatantly staring back at me—and the last picture had him with Taylor as well as a bunch of men and women on a vacation in a cabin somewhere.

“Bass, it hurts to think of you.” Saying it out loud in the empty space as I sadly smiled at the picture of him.

I’ll forever love you
, my heart added.

Even though my coping mechanism had helped me a great deal, it still didn’t shake off the reality that I was in love with him.

One whole month later.

I haven’t seen him for four weeks and yet it felt like it’d been years since I saw him last. I shivered as if cold, even though it was warm tonight. Bracing myself, I moved towards the bay windows and stared at the moonlit sky. How often had I gazed towards the moon with him next to me? Kissing me senselessly until I was drunk from his kiss, drunk from his intoxicating self?

Hugging myself tighter, I started to take shallow breaths to help ease the drumming pain in my heart as I slowly dragged myself back to my bedroom. Sliding back in the cool sheets, I tried my damnedest to make myself fall asleep, but thirty minutes later, my anger was directed at the ceiling as I cursed the night. Frustrated as hell as my thoughts lingered with Bass again.

Maybe, for just a second, I could just hear his voice? Then, maybe, I could go another month without him. Sick of hearing all the pros and cons in my jumbled mind, I snatched my phone from the nightstand, blocked my number and dialed his.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

By the fourth ring, I was just a breath away from hanging up when he finally took the call. “Yes?” he exasperatingly asked, as if he had something better to do than take a call.

Taken by surprise with his demeanor, I let out a loud gasp before I bit down on my tongue for my naïve gaffe at being a secret caller.

“Hello?” Bass said again, voiced in a higher octave than earlier, piqued.

My teeth hadn’t released my tongue since I was on dangerous ground—wanting to tell him it was me—but I was too afraid that he would hang up on me, so either way, this was the course to pursue without exposing myself for more rejection and pain.

“Your gasp gave away that you’re a woman. Are you in a habit of pissing off every person in your contact list because you’re certainly shitting on mine!
” He gave an inebriated laugh, as if disgusted. “Women! I fucking hate you all, cock suckers!”

A soft groan came out of me as I weighed how much alcohol he had consumed gauging from his word vomit.

“That sound you just made… sounds so familiar. I guess we had sex before, huh?” Bass sounded entertained now. “If you’re going to make an appointment, you can join the rest of the line.”

Women. He was talking about the women he had sex with. A gutted hiss came out of my lips as I opened my mouth to cuss him out. “Y—” I covered my mouth before I had the chance to finish.

My heart was stampeding against my chest as I listened to the silent end of the line. I checked the screen to see if he had hung up on me, but surprisingly, he hadn’t. He was still there… listening.

“Is it really
you?
” He finally managed to utter a soft sound.

Who was ‘
you
’? I could be anyone. I could be an axe murderer for all he knew.

Now, I was the one whose curiosity was heightened. The inkling of demanding
who ‘you’ was, slowly churned my stomach into a riotous disorder.

After a long stretch of silence, he finally gave up. “I have a long day ahead of me in a few hours. Have a goodnight.”

He reverted to silence again. After sixty seconds, he spoke again with such care that it felt almost like an endearment. “Goodnight.”

Goodnight, my love
, I silently spoke before I heard him cut the call with a defeated sigh.

As if in slow motion, I slid the phone off my hot ear and placed it before me, staring as if I held the most precious thing the world had to offer before I carefully placed it back on the oak side table.

Okay, that call was in my all-time high of odd and creepy, stalkerish motives, but the butterflies in my tummy hadn’t thought so.

Hearing his voice
did
this to me. I should be baffled with the kind of power he had over me, but I was too strung out with such delirious happiness to care.

It was enough to tide me over for another few weeks of hibernation.

Content and surging with Bass Bliss, I fell asleep, smiling as I recalled how he said ‘goodnight’. In the same voice he used to whisper in my ear, holding me against his heart before going to sleep.

Chapter 18

A month later…

“The most painful thing isn’t being alone, but to be forgotten by someone you can’t forget.”

                                  - Author Unknown

Emma

Tonight was Halloween and I still hadn’t decided what to wear to Carter’s party. I was enjoying my blueberry bagel with strawberry cream cheese and my morning coffee when Lindsey strolled into the kitchen, thumbs busy typing on her cellphone.

After she was done, she decided to sit next to me and took the other half of my bagel. “Awesome! Thanks for making me breakfast, doll!” she declared as she bit into my breakfast.

“I didn’t, but you go right ahead and eat mine.”

I suppose she was ravenous since she didn’t utter a single word until she was almost a bite away from finishing. “We need to make you sizzle tonight. It’s been two months, so you’re icky cobweb period is dunzo. Don’t you think it’s time to get those hot pipes working again?” Lindsey suggestively said before popping the rest of the bagel into that crazy mouth of hers.

Ha! These pipes were fine, thank you. Your brother exhausted my vagina a month ago and I barely just recovered
, I think. “Let’s take my nether region out of the equation, then I would be interested in doing whatever you want.”

“What would you be interested in?” Amber piped up, breezing in with her bra and her boyshorts on, hair haphazardly done atop her head. She went through the tiny spot between Lindsey and me and stole my coffee.

“Hey! The coffeepot is right over there!” I glared at her grinning face.

She merely shrugged before adding, “Too tired to function, doll.”

Seriously?

Amber-colored eyes studied me for a second, deciding before voicing anything. “I meant to tell you, someone on your phone named Ants called last night. He asked me to tell you that he’d love to meet for lunch on Monday.”

Oh right, I forgot my phone downstairs. Lunch with Ants would be great. I missed that hooter.

“I miss Ants!” Lindsey chimed in.

I’m sure she did, they were a riot together.

“There’s another thing…” Amber almost dragged out the words, hesitant.

I wiped my mouth as I glanced at her. “Yeah? What’s up?”