Blasphemous (5 page)

“It will. Give me time with my feelings for Carter. It’ll go away, Bass.”

Bass wasn’t in the slightest bit convinced with my retort. “What if it won’t, Emma? It’s been months now and still the result is practically the same.
Do you expect me to wait about and see if you’ll only want me this time and not him, again?
” Bass screeched with seething anger. I could practically see the outline of his neck veins bulging out. He was red with anger.

“It will. I know it will.” I urged, but miserably failed to convince him. The urge to reach out to him was so strong, I felt desperate.

“Huh, interesting.” He looked away from me for a second before his azure gaze caught mine. “Where did Carter sleep, Emma?”

That killer of a question made me bite my lip for a second before I responded to his interrogation. “Bass… it’s not like that at all…” Fuck! I was messing this up so bad. I was so unprepared for this kind of confrontation.
Where do I even begin?

His nose flared as he flashed me a look that shot daggers at me. “No, no. I get it. I was never good enough. No matter how hard I tried to make you happy, I simply couldn’t achieve that… because I’m not him.” His voice was enough to break me, but those beautiful blue eyes, filled with pain, definitely killed me. “Be with him. I’m not going to come in between you two. I’ve done that twice now. It’s high time I stop. You are clearly taken and I was too blinded by everything to see it for what it truly is. I can’t deal with this anymore, Emma.” He started walking towards the beach. “Don’t wait for me.” Those were his parting words before I had even realized what those words truly meant. It was a double entendre.

I waited, though.

For the whole night, I waited, but he never came back. If my thoughts strayed along the lines of Bass spending the night with another woman, I pushed it away, convincing myself that he wasn’t going to do anything drastic. Bass wasn’t like that.  Even if he was hurting, he wouldn’t do that. He just wouldn’t. Bass wasn’t Carter. That’s why I liked him, right?

I spent my entire Saturday crying and rehearsing everything I wanted to tell him. How I wished things weren’t complicated with me. It was, though. Wishing it away wasn’t going to help my cause.

Fraught with emotions, I sat on the patio all Saturday night, hoping he’d come home. Even the beautiful scenery and the lulling sound of rolling soft waves didn’t help ease my tension. All hope was lost in me when the time struck one in the morning. I finally gave up and went to bed with a severe heartache. Sleep evaded me, so I laid there, staring at the ceiling, waiting for a sign—any sound—that would indicate that he was back.

I watched the time as three turned to eight in the morning, still with no sign of him. My entire Sunday was unproductive since I pretty much didn’t want to move. I situated myself on the patio again, trying to read a novel to no avail. So, I waited with my thoughts as my companion.

Bass finally came back at midnight, drunk as hell and incoherent, with only his pants on.
What the hell happened to his shirt?
“Where have you been? I was worried all weekend.”

“Trying to forget you. I don’t want to think about you with him, in bed together. Holding you like you belonged to him because guess what? You were his and I tried to steal you away.
You know why?
” He started laughing before he leaned against the wall, eyes closed. “Because I was stupid to fall for a woman who had another man in her heart.”

Forget me, how?
“Can we please move past this and start over?”

Bass made a light snort at my suggestion. “You clearly have a big heart. So big, you forgive people easily. So big, you hold two men in it, but mine isn’t that big, Emma. Nor is it forgetful.” He spoke with a scathing tone before releasing a shattered sigh. “I’m done talking about this farcical subject. Goodnight.” He uttered with profound finality before heading towards his bedroom.

I get that he was angry, but was he really going to throw what we had away? I tried to convince myself that he needed time, but as the days went by, I was losing hope.

~E~

“Cut!” the clapperboard woman called out in the background.

Bass instantly let go of me like I was diseased. His eyes were stormy and menacing after that heated kiss we just played out. The scene today was about Angela and Logan getting into a fiery
fight because he wanted her to leave her husband for him, but she was hesitant and scared to do so. Shooting it was emotional because Bass was truly channeling his anger on that score. Somehow, it felt like Bass was directing the words to me, to our personal relationship, and not the characters that we were portraying.

We had an hour break before we started filming again. I had just plopped in Ant’s chair, ready for my touch-up, when he tsk-tsked me with a raised brow. “What?”

“We need to get you some ice, sweetie. Your lip is bleeding.”

It was?
I wondered as I pushed myself closer to the mirror to inspect the wound. True enough, there was a teeny cut. My entire lip, though, looked seriously swollen. Odd, I didn’t even feel a thing.

Ants strode towards me and handed me an icepack. “Too passionate, perhaps? He’s never done this before.” Of course Ants would know. He’s been doing my make-up since the beginning. So he knew this was clearly personal.

“Come sit. I’ll do your hair first,” he said, tapping the chair for me to follow him. He was humming quietly as he fluffed my hair and got to work. I was lost in thought about the encounter with Bass earlier when Ants interrupted my train of thought. “Emma, I really like you. I think you’re a genuine person and I feel somehow protective of you. You know that, right?”

Why was he using a tone that was going to bring bad news?
“Thank you, Ants, but will you please finish what you were saying?” I rushed out, anxious.

“There’s a lot of speculation around here as to why Bass left you. Since you two weren’t really official, the rest just speculated. When Bass started hanging out around the rest of the other actors and the crew, it’s practically fair game. The women here are getting competitive to see who can get Bass to have sex with them first. This is a common thing around Hollywood. Bass Cole is a young, hot piece of ass that’s loaded with millions.” He paused and looked straight at my reflection in the big, lit-up mirror. “If it’s worth fighting for, then get your man back. That’s all I’m sayin’.”

A bet to get Bass in bed…
did any of them succeed?
My blood ran cold as the heavy feeling in my stomach started to drop while my heart pounded like I just ran for miles. “We had a fight… he’s not talking much. He tries to ignore me whenever possible.”

“Well, honey, just look at your lip, hmm? Is that an act of a man who doesn’t want you? He still does, Emma. Use that to your advantage. Do what other women do to get their men back.”

“I’ve begged, but he’s not listening. I don’t know what to do, Ants. I feel helpless.”

“I’m talking about sex, silly. Use that as a weapon. It’s a trick done since the beginning of time. Just get on your knees and blow him like he’s your master. Make him feel wanted. Make him feel special. Men love to see their partner submit to them, in exchange, he’s going to be the same with you. Give and take, you know? Totally an easy plan.”

Not easy, nope, not from where I’m standing.
How do I even approach him with that kind of offer?
“I don’t know if it’ll work,” I whispered with uncertainty.

“Girl, you won’t know if you don’t try.”

Ants had a point. It was worth a shot.

~E~

When I heard the loud thud of the door being opened and closed, I knew right then and there that he’d been drinking again. Where does he go? At one of the tavernas or in someone’s bedroom?

Provoking thoughts prevailed over reason when I decided to get out of my bedroom and confront him. Without knocking on his door, I drastically yanked it open. “How many women have you nailed since me?”

Bass cocked his head sideways and darted me a murderous glare. “Of all the things to say, you had to ask me that. That speaks volumes as to how you regard me.” Bass looked ahead for a beat or two before he bent his head. “I haven’t been with anyone, Em. I couldn’t do it knowing how I feel about you. I didn’t want to betray that love by cheating on it, even if it was for a pleasurable, short time. I couldn’t do it.”

“We need to talk. Even if it results in us not being together.”

Bass looked sideways, away from my view, pained. “How long did it take you to be underneath Carter, Em?”

That’s a foul question to ask. “It wasn’t like that. Hear me out.” When I didn’t hear him protest, I continued on, “He flew out there to surprise me. I was unprepared for that kind of ambush; it was totally unexpected. I kept him at arm’s length, but Carter’s persistent. So we ended up talking about the past. For months he’s been trying to win me back, but I haven’t responded to his emails or calls because I’m with you and I didn’t want trouble for us. I liked how we were and I wanted to keep it that way.

“That first night, I woke up in the dark with his arms wrapped around me. I was confused, sleepy and still a little drunk so when he kissed me, I didn’t fight him off. When things progressed quickly, I halted him and he stopped right away. A kiss, that’s what happened.”

When he looked at me, I felt his sorrow. It gripped me and held onto me, drowning me slowly. “It wasn’t just a kiss, Emma. I think we both know that.”

He was referring to whatever feelings I had left for Carter. It hurt, but I deserved it. “He was asking questions about our relationship. He was wondering why we’re not officially dating. According to him, I was single. I feel really bad about it, Bass. It won’t happen again.”

“Do you want me to kiss another woman? Would that make you feel better?” Bass taunted, his eyes punishing. “Do you want me to fuck her like I fucked you? Making her scream as she orgasms three times in a row? Or do you want me to make love to her… slowly as I whisper sweet nothings into her ear… screaming her name while I unload my seed in her?” he bellowed.

The images with some faceless woman tormented me.
He did it
. I was hurting madly as those images played havoc in my mind.

Unknowingly, like my hand had its own demon possessing it, I struck his face.  We were both shocked at my action. “Oh God. I’m sorry, Bass,” I said, covering my hand in disbelief.

Oh hell
, I thought when I found his eyes. They were menacing and deadly like I unleashed the demon in him.

“
How long did it take you to stop him?
” Bass gripped my hand, pulling me close as I felt his rage. “Just answer the fucking question, Emma!”

Shaking, I wetted my lips as I tried to recall what happened that night in London. “I don’t know. It could be a few minutes, longer—I don’t know,” I whispered. I felt bereft when he looked away and let go of my hand.

“Bass…” We were hanging on a precarious balance and I felt it, we were falling and pulling away from each other.

“Were his hands… touching you intimately?” he asked it in such a soft whisper. It simply made me tear.

“I stopped him when he slid his hands inside my shirt.”

His face was desolate as he placed his finger over my lips. “Shhhh… that’s enough. No more. You’ve done enough. It’s enough.” He then gently kissed my forehead, stood up and started to walk away.

Panicked, I followed him out of the bedroom. “Don’t leave like this!” I called out. He immediately halted, but never looked back. When I caught up with him, he just achingly stared at me. That look on his face made me feel like a monster. “Please talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Emma. Carter was right. You were single since we agreed only on a sexual relationship. That’s all it was. Since you didn’t have sex with him, you didn’t cross the line that we agreed on.”

I never planned for Carter to kiss me. It just happened so unexpectedly I was caught off guard. I never wanted to… “That wasn’t my intention…”

Bass gripped my shoulder, hard, pulling me close. “
What the fuck was it then?
” His hate-filled voice made me feel profoundly lost.

I placed both of my hands on his chest to steady my stance. His heart pounded against my hands as we stared at each other. “You’re driving me crazy,” Bass hissed.

I was caught off guard when he crushed his lips against mine, passionate, hungry and vengeful. I melted against him. My body called out to him, missing how his lips tasted against mine.

He roughly broke our kiss, hating the sight of me. “This is where it stops, Emma,” he murmured against my ear.

My heart erratically pounded against my chest as his words sunk in. “No, don’t. Please, stay with me. I’m sorry.”

“I had given you so much of myself. So much that my love knew no bounds because I gladly gave myself away, believing you were worth everything. I was irrevocably crushed when I discovered those pictures of you and Carter in London. I needed to believe in you again before I could be with you, but it seemed that I was the one being tested. After this new revelation, I don’t think it’s possible for me to get over it.” Bass looked away from my tearing face.