Blind Squirrels (12 page)

Debbie Carson opened the door.  Lindsay
and I were the first ones to arrive.  I felt absolutely out of place my nerves
were on edge.  I realized right away that neither Debbie nor Lindsey was overly
excited to hang around me, so I stood by the front door looking for Sam.  She
arrived just as I was thinking of leaving the house for the empty front yard.

“You want to sit by Max?” she
asked me.

“I couldn’t do that!”

“Of course you can.”  She took my
arm and dragged me behind Max.  There was one empty spot right beside him, and
she pushed me into it.  I stumbled and almost ended up in his lap, but he chose
to ignore my graceful entrance.  I sat down without touching him.  He looked at
me and said, “Hi, Kat.”

I smiled and forced out a soft,
“Hi.”

We received our club jerseys at
that meeting, and we were to wear them every Thursday.  The jerseys were navy
blue with gold lettering.  Mine was number five, and it said “Kat” on the
back.  Max’s carried number twelve and the nickname “Beach Bum.”   Sam’s number
was twenty-one, and it said “Bewitched,” a reference to the TV show.

After taking care of business, we
had refreshments.  Sam teased me about Max, but she did it quietly.  I met a
few of the members that I didn’t know, and I began to feel more comfortable. 
The next meeting would be at Rita’s house on the first Thursday of November. 
We were going to discuss our Christmas party.

Felicia and I were talking.  Laura
had let Felicia read a story I had written, and Felicia wanted to see more. 
First, I had to know Felicia, so we began talking before Chemistry.  Felicia
was originally from Georgia, and she had a charming Southern drawl.  She
claimed to have descended from a wealthy Southern plantation owner, and she
normally looked down her nose at lesser individuals such as me.  But my writing
fascinated her.  I wasn’t exactly good enough to be her friend, but she would
sacrifice breeding for talent.

Soon, she was candidly telling me
intimate things about her life.  I soon knew that she was in love with an older
boy named Joe that lived in her neighborhood.  She had been having sex with him
for over six months.  He was almost twenty years old, so I found the whole thing
shocking.  At the time, I was very innocent about sex and other adult situations.  

Felicia also told me that she was
the youngest of four children.  She had a brother named Bernie, and two
sisters, Denise and Martha.  All three of her siblings were attending college
at The University of Georgia, and Felicia planned to enroll there after high
school.  She just took it for granted that she’d be accepted since her
great-great-great-great granddaddy had been so rich and important to Georgia.

Eventually, I became satisfied
that Felicia was sincere about reading and enjoying my writing.  The first
story I wrote for her was a comedy-western.  The main characters were Fair Felicia,
Jovial Joe, Miss Kitty Kat, Magnificent Max, and Bad Bart (the bad guy, of
course).  Magnificent Max had to save Miss Kitty Kat from the handsome yet
ruthless Bad Bart while Fair Felicia had to win Jovial Joe away from her
nemesis, Beguiling Belinda (Bart’s wife).  A final gunfight left Kat in Max’s
arms and Felicia deciding that Joe wasn’t worth the bother.  Felicia loved the
story.

More stories would follow.  Felicia
became a big fan, and she showered me with praises.  What I didn’t know was
that she was sharing my stories with everyone she knew.  Pretty soon, I had
requests from people I’d never seen before.  I was becoming a sought after
author.  After recovering from the initial shock, I started enjoying every
minute.

The fair came to town, and Jack
Wahl asked me to go with him on Friday night.  We ended up riding with my mom,
and Donna came with us as well.  I have to admit that I was a little bit taken
with Jack, but Max still held the key to my heart.  Jack seemed interested in
me, too.  At the fair, he held hands with me, and we rode all the rides
together.  Of course, Donna was always tagging along, but that was okay.

Back in my mom’s van, Jack, Donna,
and I piled into the back exhausted.  Jack sat in between Donna and me – with
his arms around both of us.  We drove to Donna’s house first to let her off.  I
told her goodbye then watched in amazement as Jack kissed her goodnight.  I
never knew if he wanted to kiss me.  I was so mad that I wouldn’t speak to him
for the rest of the ride to his house.  He seemed genuinely confused with my
silence, but my pride was hurt too much to care what he was thinking.  At his
house, I curtly said goodbye and slammed the van door in his face.  I cried
myself to sleep, but, by the next morning, I was over my heartbreak.  I knew I
didn’t really love Jack.  I just desperately wanted a boy’s – any boy’s –
attention.  It still stung when I thought about Jack kissing Donna, but I would
soon get over it.

The following Monday, I told Aurelia
and Olivia all about my date with Jack – leaving out the part about Donna.  Aurelia
was strangely quiet, and then she refused to talk to me the rest of the day. 
The next morning, Olivia filled me in: Aurelia had a crush on Jack.  I felt
miserable.  I had made our date sound like a very romantic interlude – when it
was anything but – and I had hurt Aurelia in the process.  To compound things,
I now knew that Jack was only my friend, and I wanted things to stay that way. 
I searched Aurelia out and apologized.  I assured her that I meant nothing to Jack
and that I hoped he would realize what a great person she was.  Thankfully, she
forgave me.

November and our next Bons
Copains meeting arrived.  Rita lived in Blue Brook – the same subdivision Laura
lived in – and it was only a few miles away from my neighborhood.  The Christmas
party was going to be at Mrs. Kalakos’ house.  Her husband Dmitri had come up
with the idea to throw us a party.  We all left the meeting excited and
anxiously awaiting the chosen Saturday in December.  

Back at home, I took out my
calendar to jot down the date of the party.  I noticed that my birthday was
coming up on December 1, and my dad’s was the same day.  All at once, a flood
of emotion engulfed me when I realized that December would mark the sixth month
after my dad’s collapse.  My dad might die soon, and all I could think of was
having a good time.

Things had been tough right after
dad’s illness.  We were getting assistance from HRS, and we fell behind on some
of our bills.  Eventually, Daddy was able to qualify for Disabled Veterans
Benefits and Social Security, and we were doing much better by November.  I
hadn’t given Daddy’s ailment much thought since things had turned around.  Now
I found myself scared and feeling guilty.  Why hadn’t I spent more time with my
dad?  Could I really be about to lose him?  He seemed to be doing better, and
he was no longer smoking.  Could his life go out just like that – without any
more warning?

That night at supper, Rebecca and
my mother got into a big fight.  The stress proved too much for me, and I ran crying
to my room.  Daddy soon appeared at the door.

“What’s wrong, Kat?”

“Nothing,” I said.  I couldn’t
let him know how worried I was for him.

“Things haven’t been normal
around here lately, have they?  Rebecca isn’t helping, and even Birdie is
adding stress to everyone.  Luckily, I seem to be getting better.  The doctor
says it’s a miracle, but that’s not right.  He just doesn’t know how stubborn I
am.  I’m not leaving until my baby can take care of herself.  What do you think
about that?”

Somehow, Daddy knew what was
wrong.  He made everything better without me even explaining my feelings.  I
guess he understood how much I loved him – I didn’t have to tell him.  He
patted me on the leg and left me to my thoughts.

Later that night, Daddy was
sitting in his oversized chair.  I went over and sat down in his lap, and he
rubbed my back the same way he had when I was little.  It was the first time in
years that I fell asleep in Daddy’s arms.

The next club meeting was going
to be at Max’s house, and – even though it was two weeks away – I couldn’t
wait.  I also couldn’t wait to tell Olivia and Aurelia.  When lunch time
finally came, I went running out to find my friends.  Max was standing in his
usual spot, but he had a new friend – a girl.  I almost choked on my saliva
when I saw her putting her hands all over my Max.  This upset me so much that I
couldn’t eat.

She was back on Monday.  They
were laughing and flirting, and Olivia said that the hag was probably his
girlfriend.  Really she was anything but a hag.  She had long silky black hair,
a dainty perfect face, and a size five body.  She was everything that I
wasn’t.  I hated her.

Tuesday I learned her name.  Olivia
was good at snooping, and she soon discovered that her name was Trisha Byrd and
she was a junior.  She wasn’t Max’s girlfriend, but she wanted to be.  Get in
line, witch!

By Wednesday, I decided that I
had to do something.  She was stealing Max right in front of my eyes.  And Max loved
every minute of it.  He would deliberately wait until I was looking and then he
would tickle her or pick her up.  I had a feeling that he’d told her about me,
too.  She was constantly giving me evil and condescending looks.  I couldn’t
take much more.  I had to take drastic action.  It was time to write a letter.

I didn’t finish the letter until
Friday night, and I brought it to school on Monday.  I let Olivia and Aurelia
read it – nine pages, front and back.  I wanted to give Max the letter during
lunch, and neither of my friends believed I would do it.  My only concern was
Trisha.  If she was with him, I knew I couldn’t approach him.

Lunch arrived, but Max was nowhere
in sight.  I had the letter in my purse, but I was already experiencing cold
feet.  When Max appeared from around a corner, I almost swallowed my tongue.  Trisha
was with him.  I guess seeing her gave me an out – I’d already told my friends
I wouldn’t do it if she showed up.  Olivia and Aurelia told me that they would
deliver the letter if I wanted them to.  I adamantly shook my head, and they
assumed it was because of Trisha.

Max sat on a bench in between a
long line of people.  My heart was beating in my throat as I watched Trisha sit
down on his lap.  Max quickly moved her off, and they both began laughing. 
They were looking more and more like a couple.  I heard a voice inside telling
me that I was going to lose Max completely if I didn’t make my move. 

My legs suddenly started moving
in Max’s direction.  Somehow, the letter got in my right hand.  I utterly
amazed myself when I stood in front of Max and said, “This is for you.”

Trisha turned my way, and her
look seemed to be saying, “Who do you think you are?”

Max reached out and took the
letter from me.  “Is that all?” he asked.

“It’s from me.”  I’m unsure why I
said that.

“Okay.  I’ll read it later.”  He
stuck the letter into his jacket pocket.

Trisha stared at him
skeptically.  I could almost hear her saying, “You aren’t really gonna take
that, are you?”

I turned and walked away.  My
legs felt like rubber bands, but my heart felt very good.  Max would know that
I still loved him.  He would know that he held my heart in his hands; he was my
reason for living.  He would know because I told him those things at least
twenty times in my letter.  He would know I really meant it because I swallowed
my fear and delivered the letter myself.

“What did you just do?” Olivia
asked when I got back.

“I gave Max his letter.”  I tried
to act cool and nonchalant. 

“You did it right in front of his
girlfriend.  What did he say?”

“He said he would read it.  He’s
gonna read it!”

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“Neither can I.”

It was Thursday.  I hadn’t seen
Max since I gave him the letter.  I wondered if he was avoiding me.  I was
nervous about the meeting at his house, but I was going nonetheless.

I told my mom I’d be home before
ten, and I started walking up the street to Max’s house.  A car pulled alongside
of me, and I turned to see who was driving.  It was Lindsey Moore.

“Hi, Kat.  Want a ride to Max’s?”

“It’s not that far.  I’ll walk.”

“Oh, come on.  I don’t know exactly
where he lives.  You can show me.”

I reluctantly got into her car. 
“It’s less than a block...”  I pointed up the street, and we were soon in Max’s
yard. 

We were the first ones to arrive,
but Debbie Carson and Beverly Corley drove up before we went inside.  Max’s mom
answered the door wearing red knit Capri pants and a red and white striped
sweater.  She had her cigarette precariously perched in the corner of her
lips.  Corky was yipping in the background.  I didn’t see Max.

“Come in, come in.  I’m Max’s
Aunt Matilda,” so, she wasn’t my future mother-in-law after all.  “Max is in
his bedroom – just go on back.”  She pointed towards the opposite side of the
house, and I followed Debbie, Lindsey, and Bev to the last door.  Debbie
knocked, and Max opened the door.  He told us to come in.  I felt odd going
into his bedroom, but he didn’t seem to mind.  He even smiled at me as I
entered right behind Debbie.