Blocked (32 page)

The world stopped spinning as April listened to the words that poured from Becky’s mouth. He’d told her she was too cold, too independent, that she’d gained too much weight, but it wasn’t until Becky stated Ben’s final excuse for leaving that April, once and for all, absolved herself of any blame in the ultimate demise of her marriage to Ben.

“He… he told me that he still wasn’t ready to be a father. That maybe he never would be.”

April hadn’t realized that during Becky’s revelation, they’d both inched toward the porch, but now she was grateful they had, because the iron seat that she’d vacated hours earlier was the perfect spot for her to land on when her knees all but gave out. Becky sat down on the second chair opposite the tiny metal-and-glass table.

“Wow.” Her mind was so overloaded, and words were lodged without a means for escape.

“April, I just told you that my husband left me. He’s fucking the chippie who works in our office, I’m close to eight months pregnant, and he wants nothing to do with our baby. What should I do? Please, you’ve gotta give me something more than, ‘wow’.”

April’s eyes sprang open as her jaw dropped wide. “You’re kidding, right?” Word blockage no longer an issue, she sucked in a deep cleansing breath to settle the rage boiling within and leaned toward her ex-husband’s wife. “
I
don’t
gotta
give
you
anything.” She kept her tone low, her temper reined in. Because the truth was, Becky didn’t even deserve her emotions. “I’m not exactly sure why you decided to come to
my
home when
your
husband left”—Becky opened her mouth, but April lifted her hand to stop the response—“because we are not friends. We are not allies. We are not sisters scorned. You did something horrendous; you carried on an affair with a married man. No, you weren’t the one cheating, Becky, he was, but you lacked conscience and morals and values. I was nine months pregnant, and you didn’t care. Where in the hell was your sense of sisterhood back then? In fact, I still don’t know why you came to me at all. Go to your friends, you mother, hell, go to your damn priest.”

“April, I’m sor—”

“Nooo.” April shook her head slowly. “I’m not finished. I had my baby more than four years ago. Where were you? Were you on the sidelines coaxing your husband into seeing his son? Were you urging him to have a relationship with his firstborn?” April’s brows snapped together in mock confusion. “I can’t remember, did you? I do, however, recall perfectly the night you had the audacity to strut your marriage and your baby in front of me. You told me that child in your belly would be Ben’s firstborn because my son was a mistake.” April snorted. “Good times, huh?”

“I’m sorry, April. I really am,” Becky pleaded. “I didn’t realize—”

April released a humorless laugh. “What didn’t you realize? That the same damn thing
could
happen to you? Or that it
would
happen to you? See, that’s the problem, Becky. If we were friends, way back when, I would have warned you that a man who cheats
with
you will have no problem cheating
on
you.” April sighed. “But we weren’t friends then, and we aren’t friends now. Our sons may be half brothers”—April saw the same awe in Becky’s eyes at the revelation as she’d felt when she first saw the expectant couple in the restaurant weeks before—“but that still doesn’t make us friends. Maybe one day our boys will meet. Who knows, Ben may have left a trail of fatherless children by then.” Her heart clenched at the thought of so many little kids wondering where their daddy was and why he’d gone away. She rose from the chair and headed back toward the entrance of her house.

“Oh my God.” Becky gasped through her hands. “I never even thought about the fact that my baby already has a big brother.”

White-hot fury burned through April’s chest. “Hasn’t that always been your problem? You’ve never thought of anyone but yourself. Go away, Becky.”

Defeat, while clear in Becky’s blue eyes, didn’t stop her from calling out to April’s retreating form, “April, I just need to know one thing, and then I promise I’ll leave you be.”

April gazed over at a very pregnant Becky, who stood with her hands wrapped around her belly as if she intended to protect her unborn baby against any battle they may face. Regardless of their warped past, April respected the determination she saw in the other woman’s eyes. “Go on, ask.”

“How did you do it? How did you move on and take care of your son and yourself on your own? You asked for nothing from that bastard, but look at you.” Becky gestured toward the house. “You have it all.”

Almost
, April thought,
almost
. “That little guy you’ve already fallen in love with?” April pointed at Becky’s stomach. “That’s how you do it. You figure your shit out and fast, because your baby didn’t ask to be born. He only asks to be loved.” She saw a fresh round of tears begin to form in Becky’s eyes.

“I’m not like you, April. Ben isn’t getting out of this without paying child support. This is his baby, goddamn it.”

April had no doubt Becky would make Ben pay, and part of her was glad. That son of a bitch needed to accept responsibility for his actions. “Good-bye, Becky,” April called over her shoulder as she walked into her house and closed the door.

Sinking into the oversized armchair, April pulled the blanket over her chilled body. The second Becky’s taillights disappeared into the night, adrenaline seeped from April’s body, releasing an emotional outpouring that no amount of ice cream would be able to pacify. She needed comfort and support, not because she felt weak but because she finally felt strong. Becky’s visit, while disturbing, had given her the closure she’d unknowingly waited four years for. April had already known she was in love with Decker before Becky knocked on her door that night, but now armed with the knowledge that her ex-husband was a runner—it wasn’t
her,
it was
him
—the last piece of her protective shell crumbled away, leaving her wide open, vulnerable, and ready to finally give all of herself to the one man who truly deserved it.

The problem—it was after midnight, her face, post-crying jag, most likely didn’t look much better than Becky’s, and Decker still hadn’t returned her call. Wiping away the last of her tears, April plucked her phone from her jacket pocket and made one last attempt at contact.

“Decker, it’s me,” she informed the voice mail, “I’m not giving up on us. This time I made the mistake, and I’m sorry. Please, big guy, call me back.”

Still snuggled in her favorite blanket, April climbed the stairs and got into bed. Still dressed in her comfy clothes with the sexy lingerie underneath, she drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Two

The Young and the Crazy

BARELY THERE LIGHT forced its way through April’s window as the thick grayish clouds held the sun captive behind them. Rainstorms and thoughts of Becky’s visit had awakened her several times during the night, and musings of Decker had kept her from effortlessly falling back to sleep.

She grabbed for her phone and called her sister, knowing full well that neither Ember nor Eli would be asleep at eight in the morning on a Saturday. Once she’d spoken to both of them and filled Ember in on her surprise visitor, which left her sister in a speechless state of shock—speechless because April quickly reminded her that Elijah was in the house and all language needed to be G-rated—she hung up and tried calling Decker once again. When the voice mail kicked in, she hung up.

“‘Leave a message?’ What in the motherfuck!” She screamed to the empty room. “Okay, I get it, I hurt him. But I got hurt too!” April paced. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

She couldn’t just storm over to his condo, pound on his door, and demand he speak to her, because no doubt his daughter would be awake, and that’s not the role model she wanted to be. However, she couldn’t wait until later that night to try a second attempt at the lingerie seduction because there were too many hours between now and then, and she was through sitting on her ass. August had been right when he said she’d been playing games—she just hadn’t realized it. Thinking of games…

She grabbed her phone once again, breathed deep, and swallowed, before slowly dialing the one number she never thought she’d use for advice… ever. “Hi, Mom, um… I need your help.”

“Hello, dear. What can I do for you?” While the tone wasn’t warm and fuzzy, it also lacked the frosty bite April was used to hearing. It almost sounded like a normal person’s voice.
Strange
.

“So you know how I was seeing that guy for a little while?”

“Yes, April, the man from the gym.”

April rolled her eyes, awaiting the next comment, the one where her mother would point out how it was she who’d gotten April the membership to the gym in the first place, hence wanting some type of gratitude for the entire relationship. However, the follow-up comment didn’t come.

She just asked a simple question with a sincere tone. “What can I do for you, dear?”

With a silent prayer and a sigh, April told her mom the condensed version of her relationship with Decker. She, of course, left out the part where she texted him first, but she also refrained from telling Ellen that Decker had said he loved her. The last thing April wanted was a lecture about a man who declares his love just before or during
intercourse
. Been there, done that. While Ellen had apparently been right about Ben, April knew in her gut that sex had nothing to do with Decker’s feelings.

“Hmm, that’s quite a story, little girl.”

“Look, Mom…” April strolled into her kitchen and turned on her Keurig. Discussing relationships with her mother before her first cup of coffee was never a good idea. Hell, discussing anything with her mother before coffee was a terrible idea. “I know that you and I don’t see things through the same eyes. I’m not sure when it started, and I guess at this point it really doesn’t matter, I just need your help—”

“It started with Ben.”

The creamer missed the coffee cup, spilling onto the counter, as her mother’s response startled April speechless.

“Sure, you were always strong-willed and independent, so we butted heads when you were young, but I loved seeing that fire in your eyes,” Ellen continued evenly. “It was when you started pining for and then dating that horse’s ass that the fire turned to flickers, and then finally, it burned out. I tried to talk to you about it, but we ended up arguing, and that, April, was my fault. I was the parent, and I acted more like a child than you did.”

April stared at her coffee mug, unable to drink a single drop, afraid of choking on the liquid instead of swallowing it. Never in all her life had she heard Ellen Maddox apologize for anything; this was monumental. What did it mean? “Mom—”

“Just wait a second, dear. I acted poorly, but you—you dated that dipshit for years. He was horrible to you, and you allowed it. You, my dear girl, were a moron.”

Annnnd there’s the mother I’ve grown to know and tolerate.

“One of the smartest things you ever did was not chase after him for child support and custody when he left you and
your
son,” Ellen’s voice carried a steely tone as she discussed Ben’s defection of her grandson. “Elijah should spend every day of his young life knowing just how wanted and loved he is, and you are doing a pretty damn good job.”

Good?
“Wait, I’m doing a good job? What the fuck does that mean, Mom?” The whole conversation felt like a roller coaster ride, and she hated roller coasters.

“Well, it’s not just important for my grandson to know and feel loved. It’s important for him to see how loved his mother is as well. You haven’t allowed either of you that opportunity until this man Decker and his daughter came around.”

Her mother’s words, while for once she didn’t believe them to be malicious, made her cringe. Hadn’t she come to that same conclusion last night? She hadn’t been shielding Elijah; she’d been hiding with him.

“Mom, I think you play bridge at the community center with Decker’s mom,” April blurted, her mouth moving faster than her mind. She’d meant to ease into it, ask if maybe she knew of the woman and go from there, but instead, she jumped in full throttle. She was once again stopped short when her mother’s response shocked her.

“Of course I play bridge with Robyn Brand. How do you think I knew which gym to buy you a membership to?”

April grinned. Some things never changed.

“She’s a lovely woman. A bit too involved in her sons’ personal lives, but I like her just fine.”

Information overload? Sure, the past twenty-four hours had been chaotic, but what she wanted most was still not within her reach. “Do you have Robyn’s phone number? I can’t get in touch with Decker, and it’s important.”

Without question, Ellen recited the digits, wished April luck, and disconnected the call.

She began to dial Robyn only to realize she had no idea what she was going to say to the woman. So instead, she drank her lukewarm coffee, took a shower, and made the call when she finally felt comfortable enough not to sound like a fool.

* * *

“WAIT, LET ME go where I can hear you better.”

April heard the cheering getting quieter in the background as August made his way to a less crowded area. “I’m sorry to bother you while you’re at the Phillies game, Aug, but Ember took Eli to the movies, and they won’t get out for at least another hour. I don’t want her to worry about me if I don’t pick up her call.”

“Sis, what the hell is going on? When I didn’t hear from you last night, I assumed the
royal
plan had worked.”

For the third time that day, April told the debacle of the previous night, but this time, she added her conversation with their mother as well as the one she’d had with Decker’s mom.

“Holy shit, your life is like an episode of
The Young and the Crazy.
I’m not sure if I should be entertained or exhausted.”

“It’s
Young and the Restless
, you fool.” She giggled.

“Yeah, that too. Just drive carefully and text me when you get there.” August’s voice rumbled, “I love you, Tiny.”