BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (173 page)

"You don't think it's wrong, for me to want her - even though she's just off one marriage, with two little boys?"

Christine stood, "Son, I'm the last person on earth, to tell anyone, what's right, what's wrong. I feel, what's meant to be, is gonna be, and if Crystal Bella, is meant to be for you, I'm not gonna be the one to block it, I promise you that. And some how, to your father, Sylvia - I'll make amends. This is after all, our new beginning."

A huge grin burst upon Ben's face, he shot to his mighty height, bent over grabbed his mother and hugged her tight. "It's good to be home mom, it's good to be home."

*

Jake was on his last break for the day, a couple of more hours, he would be going home for the day; where he would spend a few more hours working on his new home. He smiled thinking about Vivian and everyone else who showed up over lunch to check it out, listening to him while he shared his plans. He was proud, feeling apart of the new and growing family in this section of their world, that seemed to belong to him and his brother Shawn. He felt as if, that entire area, was their domain. Their territory, trespassers beware! When he left, Sylvia and Vivian had still been there, talking, looking through the barn, enjoying each other's company, swapping ideas. He'd kissed Vivian on the lips, telling them both, "Don't hang out here long, get back over there where my brother and everyone is." He warned, looking from one woman to the other.

They'd looked at each other, brow lifted, saying to one another, "Who is you married to?"

"My husband name Shawn, what's yo' husband name?"

"I ain't got no husband, yet! But I get this-..."

"Do what I said, no talking back you two! Don't make me call Shawn!" He'd threatened, grinning when he left them. They'd only laughed, carrying on as if he'd not spoken. He would call Vivian in a minute, make sure they were okay and were back at Sylvia's or Shanna's. For now, he needed to find his sons, he rang Paul first, who answered right away.

"Yeah dad?"

"Where are you? You back yet?"

"At gran's."

"Anything planned?"

"Helping you with that house. Grandpa's bringing me there to meet you after work - you working on it today?"

"Got no choice."

"You may get more help, Marcus, Luis & Shawn2 are coming along."

"Need all the help I can get, you heard from your brother, Kevin?"

"Nope, he's probably mad at me."

"Naw, if anyone, it's directed at me. I'll give him a call, see you later!"

"Yep dad, see you later."

Taking a deep breath, Jake dialed Kevin's mobile next. He didn't have to wait long before it was answered.

"I'm driving, can't talk." Kevin stated right away.

"Call me when you get where you're going." Jake returned.

"Yeah." And he clicked off right away.

He phoned his fiancée next, "Where are you?" He stated immediately.

"At Shanna's getting dinner started for you. Sylvia and I walked into town, that little store gets in some really good cuts of meat, got a recipe and instructions from Sylvia, and we'll be having it tonight, so I have to put it on now, so it's nice and tender."

"Ohhh yeah, sounds good. You gonna bring it by our house, I'll be working on it again tonight, meet me there?"

"What time you want me - there." Vivian grinned, realizing how the first part sounded and quickly added, there.

He didn't miss a thing, as his raunchy chuckle reported back to her, "And here I thought you'd had enough of me last night, obviously not." His voice came to her low and sexy. Vivian struggled not to giggle, her face ached from grinning and blushing, "I meant, what time should I bring your dinner, now stop it."

"Should I come there first maybe? Hm, for a, nice and slow, quicky, emmm - what'a'ya think? Because last night, oooh-weee, that was - yeah, so good."

"Would you stop. Besides, Shanna and Royce are back, they called soon as I walked in the door, she's by your moms now, but they'll be back later. I told them I'd cook enough for all."

"Yeah, gotta get this house done baby. That's okay, when night falls, and we're in bed, you're gonna have to bite the pillow, because I will be in again."

"Anywa-a-ay..." She intoned to change the subject, "...what time?"

"I'll see you at five-thirty."

"Okay, see you then, love you baby."

"Aluv'ya back!" Jake clicked off and put his phone on vibrate, put it in his back pocket. He was on the logging truck, parked besides woods he'd be working in. He grabbed his hard hat, his safety glasses, gloves and chain saw. He was heading deep into the forest of trees where many had been previously marked for clearing. While walking in to his starting point, he though about his middle son; Kevin. He wasn't exactly sure how to deal with him, why this sudden about face when he thought all was fine with them. There had been that incident in Chicago with him, true - but he'd thought it an isolated occurrence. No such luck, as the other evening at the hospital showed. He'd gone in searching out his starting point, checked the height of the tree, looking for the spot he'd cut towards to fell it and got started. He was on the fifth tree, just about done with the wedge slice when his phone started vibrating in his back pocket. He had to make the final back cut that would send the tree down in the direction he wanted it to fall first before he could answer it. When it went down safely, he stood back, turned his chainsaw off and reached for it, checked the display, Kevin.

"Hello." He answered.

"Yeah? Calling you back, what'a'ya want?"

"No, hey dad what's up?" He asked, hearing the coolness in his son's tone.

"Hey dad, what's up?!" He returned sarcastically.

"Have I done something to you? Because if I have, can you just let me know what the hell it is, so I can try to fix it and move on."

"Look dad, just because I'm not up your ass like everyone else is, doesn't mean there's something wrong with me! I have a life, and things to do, you know! Quincy wants me to help him get some stuff done too, so I'm not gonna ignore him when he needs me, for you."

"Excuse me!? I'm your fucking father!" Jake blasted him.

"So is he! The one that raised me!" He blasted back.

"Well I fuckin' supported your ungrateful ass! Everything you fuckin' have, came out of my fuckin' pocket! He hasn't had to spend a fuckin' dime!"

"You know what dad, I'm not doing this! I'm the fuck out of here!" Kevin hung up on him.

"You selfish little prick! Fuck off then!" Jake fumed putting his phone back in his pocket. Mad as hell, racking his brain one moment to figure out what and why? To thinking he didn't give a damn, "I don't want another fuckin' boy! Hear me God?! No more sons! Fuck'em - good for shit anyway! Gonna have me a couple of girls, no boys!" He mumbled, hyped up, mind in too many places at once, not focused on what he was doing, cut the wedge slot in one tree, walked away from it to start another forgetting to fell it with the last cut to the back, and went to the next to wedge it, and went to fell it, it went down, hit the previous tree, which came down so fast, so suddenly, within a hair's width before Jake, close enough to hit the bill of his hard hat, flipping it off of his head as it went down, hitting the chainsaw blade, yanking it from his grasp to land on the ground at his toes, making him jump back just then. Adrenaline shot through him, his heart pounding so hard it took his breath away. He stumbled back tripped over another fallen log and sat there, staring around him, alone - in the woods.

He'd almost killed himself, and no one would have known.

For countless moments, he couldn't move. Had the tree fallen just a couple of inches further back, he would be dead or pinned beneath it, no doubt in agony - on his way to dying - alone. Five minutes later, he got to his feet, his chest and breathing still off; he picked up the hat, put it back on his head, went to grab the chainsaw, but the blade was lodged into the ground, trapped beneath the tree - the motor and handle sticking out.

Still shaking, unable to calm himself, his heart from tripping in beats, "Fuck this - I'm going home!"

Twenty minutes later, he pulled up in front of Shanna's home, still driving the logging truck, dusty, dirty; shocking Vivian, walking in because she hadn't expected him. Shanna wasn't back yet, wouldn't be back until later that evening.

"Jake? What-..."

He reached her in record time, lifting her up off of the floor and carried her off to their bedroom.

"Jake?!" She gasped his name.

He tossed his hard hat off across the room, dropped her on the bed and laid on her, kissing her madly, desperately, taking her breath away. She noticed something else, he was shaking, really shaking. In fact, he was shaking so bad, he couldn't get an erection and giving up, he tumbled from her to his back. Vivian, breathing hard; sat up and turned to him, "Baby, what's going on, what happened? Why are you shaking?"

His breathing was deep and heavy, as if hyperventilating, fighting to get it under control. "Jake! What's wrong?!" She shrilled, he was scaring her.

She leapt off the bed, ran into the bathroom, wetting a towel with cold water, ringing it out, she ran back, quickly climbing onto the bed right up to him, and began, wiping it over his face to cool him down, she loosened his shirt, applying the towel to his neck and chest, both were vivid red. "Baby what's wrong, your chest hurt? What?!"

He was laid out with his arms out by his side, finally lifting one to hold Vivian close to him, his large hand caressing her back, rubbing it, holding her closer to him as if having her near, would calm it all down, "Marry me Vivian, marry me now."

"Huh? We are getting married Jake, remember? August."

"Now Vivian, marry me now." He gasped.

"What's come over you? Huh? What happened baby?" She moved from her haunches to her rear, leaning against his body, still using the cool towel to calm him, cool him.

"Why won't you marry me now Vivian? Why do we have to wait?"

"Jake, I want a wedding - I've compromised plenty with you now. Put that aside, what's wrong?"

He lay there for a while, saying nothing, and then rolling his eyes to her, he stated, "My son hates my guts."

"What? Who?"

"Kevin - he doesn't like me. Truth, he ain't too high on my list either."

Vivian slapped him on the chest, "Don't say that, he's your son!"

"I know - I know he is. He's being a shithead all of a sudden for some reason. I mean, what the hell does he want from me? I've done the best that I could! Ben is not even my son, but he treats me better than Kevin! And look at Paul, he doesn't treat me like shit! Now that's a good son - I tell you that right now! He's the star, my Paul is. But Kevin - who knows."

"You know, they say, the people that are most alike, get along the least."

"You trying to say he's like me? He's like me?"

"Well I don't know, is he like you?"

Jake sat up, "Hell no! Nothing like me! I never gave my father the kind of hell he's giving me!"

Vivian looked up at the ceiling, on the verge of whistling, not about to go there, because that is not the stories she got from Gert. According to her, Jake gave Bart all kinds of hell, but she would keep that to herself.

"What was that look you just did? Huh? What's with that look?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all, whatever you say dear."

"Yeah, that's right, because when I was the only one left at home, I did everything in my power to get my dad to like me!"

"In between giving him hell?"

"Okay yeah! I gave him hell sometimes, sure I did! I admit it! Okay?" He was on a rant, continuing, "But when he needed me, I was there! Shawn had fucked off! Derrick took off too, and I was the only one left there! Did I leave? NO! I stayed my ass put! Fuckin' helping him on that land, planting his crops - spraying his crops - harvesting his crops - bundling it up year after fuckin' year! Just so he would fuckin' like me!" He was up off the bed, yelling down at her, "And you know what? He doesn't like me!"

"He bought us that house Jake."

"He bought YOU that fuckin' house! YOU! Because my mother's behind him, prodding him, don't forget Jake, remember Jake, give Jake something, there's that other son of yours Bart, you remember him right, Jake! Let's help Jake get on his feet! I want that black velvet for my Jake!"

Vivian sat staring at him while he went on his rant, breathing hard.

"That why you want me Jake? Because your mother wants me? Because your family wants better things for you, so - you're doing this for them, so they'll finally be happy with you?"

"AH HELL! Noooo! No no no no no! Come on Vivian, don't you start now."

She hoped up from the bed heading towards the kitchen to check on the food. He followed her, "Vivian, come on! Haven't we had this discussion before?"

She wouldn't respond, checking on the food, keeping quiet.

"Come on Vivian-..."

She slammed the spoon down on the counter and turned on him snapping, "Look! Open your eyes! You've done to Kevin, what Bart's done to you! He's responding to you! The way you responded to Bart! Figure it out! Then fix it, or not! How can you expect him to like you, if you don't even like him?! You're his father! You're the reason he's here, not the other way around, so really - it all fell on you to make it right! If you were too young then to make it right, you're not anymore - because - how old are you now?! HUH?!"

Jake stood a moment gazing at her back, feeling mulish, he mumbled, "Since I'm not wanted here, guess I'll go, work on your house." He took a few steps, and mumbled out, "Just in case you give a damn, or not - I almost died today, tree came down brushed my nose hairs."

Vivian looked at him, her mouth open.

"I'll go now, obviously you don't give a damn - yelling at me, first Kevin, now you."

"Baby I didn't know, is that what sent you here in a panic?"

"Yeah, I was so scared, I almost shit myself. I could've died! Nobody would know! I was all by myself, in those woods! And all I wanted to do, is get home, to you - and what do you do? Chew me out!"

"Aaah honey, come here, you need a hug?"