BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (180 page)

She looked up at him, straight into his eyes, it amazed her how at one time, she thought he was her entire world and she would have done anything to make their marriage work. She had, once upon a time, wanted to be married to him forever, even when he'd been hurting her feelings, making her feel the things he did. But now, that incredible, need, was not there anymore. That aching, painful sensation that threatened to send her to her knees if he turned his back on her, just wasn't there anymore. Making her question her own ability to discern the real thing from the look alike; as in love - how could one be sure if the man they thought they loved, was really the man for them?

"I - I don't know Victor - I don't know if I do still love you. Our marriage was not a healthy one. There are things within me, that needs to be addressed and - being with a man who makes those things worse - is not a good way to go."

Victor couldn't fight the bold red blush that burn across his cheeks and face. He knew what she was talking about. After all, at first, he'd contemplated confessing all to her, but now, he wasn't so sure that was a good idea. "Crystal, I - I know I'm not perfect, and yes, I've done things wrong, but I love you."

"I don't really think so, and if you do love me - why would you want to hurt me the way you did?"

"How did I hurt you Crystal?" Victor snapped into the defensive. "If you remember correctly, you used to hit me, jump on me, fight me! The few times I hit you, you were going berserk on me."

"You think the only way to hurt someone is to hit them?"

"Of course not, but - I - I was good to you Crystal, I worked hard! I married you, when few guys now days wouldn't even consider it! I took your brother in! And look at me now, I've gotten a second job, got our house back and begging you to come home! I mean, come on - give me credit for something."

"Well two can say that Victor, give me credit for something. Even though you made me feel like a criminal for touching your money, I eventually paid it all back to you and then some, did you ever say anything close to, wow - babe, I was wrong, good job? No, not once! What about all the money I made and never asked you for a dime after that? Yes, you paid for things, but I kept a lot of pressure off of you by not asking you for a dime! Not for a long time! So give me some damn credit, too! Shit! I'm gettin' out'ah here-..." She went to stand from the table when he grabbed her arm.

"Wait wait wait, stop! Okay, you're right - okay? You're right, you did that. And - I - I should have given you credit for that, you're right, don't go."

"I have to get back to the boys, if you wanna see them, that's what we need to discuss from now on, that. As for us, the right thing has been done, it's a shame your mother had to lose her home when in fact, she was doing us both a favor."

Victor stood his full height before her, gazing down into her eyes, "I'm not - leaving this be. You - are my wife. You think I'm gonna just walk away, say, oh well, that's that? No way! I'm going to that lawyer, tell all that's happened, go before the judge and ask for a reversal of this divorce. I didn't want it, I didn't ask for it, I didn't sign it, therefore, it doesn't exist as far as I'm concerned. You're my wife, until I sign the papers! You're not gonna leave me like this after all I've gone through."

"All that you've gone through? That's the problem with you Victor, it's always about you! How you look! You don't love me!" She turned from him making her way to her car. He followed her, "I do love you! If I didn't, I'd just let you go! Can't you get that through your head? Let's face it Crystal, if all I wanted was a woman, I could get one easily, and you know it! But I want you, you're my wife - and I want you home. I want my boys home! We're still married, I'm still your husband."

She got into her car trying to ignore him, shaking her head in denial. She couldn't believe she was going through this, was it just weeks ago she was in the midst of an emotional breakdown because he didn't want her, and now, it was all done, she'd accepted it and was willing to move on, and he was refusing to let go. It was pure madness. She started her car about to back up, but he leaned down in her window, continuing on, and grabbed her steering wheel, "Hey! Look at me!" He demanded.

She glared up at him, "You might as well start packing, separation time is up. I'm willing to even go to counseling with you, whatever it takes, but - I'm not giving you up, not now, no way." He let go of her steering wheel and stepped back from the car. "After my appointment, I'll be coming to see my boys."

Crystal said nothing more, she was too shaken. She'd always known this side of Victor existed, but he'd never been that way with her. Bold, assertive and demanding. In school, when she'd just arrived, he'd been a brawler, constantly fighting with someone. He'd also been with quite a few of the girls and then he'd set his eyes on her. Fearlessly, without apprehension, he'd gone after her and didn't give up until he had her, and then, had her pregnant. It was his tough assertiveness that appealed to her, and yet, he'd never directed that to her, not until just now. All of a sudden, she wasn't sure of anything when it came to him, and that was worrying to her. She headed for home, she wanted to be with her papah-Shawn. Which was strange because she wasn't afraid of anyone, certainly not Victor. Even so, she was glad that she had Shawn to lean on, and even, hide behind, she realized she needed that right then.

*

"Oh my goodness, look at these gorgeous little men! Oh Ben, they are precious."

"I just couldn't resist bringing them so you could meet them. Darren looks just like Crystal and Isaac like his dad." Ben stood proud as his mother doted on the boys. He'd been on his way taking them home when he decided to take advantage of having them with him to show them to his mother.

"My goodness, they look white don't they? And she's black?"

Ben smiled, "Yeah, she is. They're not completely white mom, not Darren, they do tan, have one now; like me in fact."

"Not dark as you can get son, my goodness, do you ever tan dark! People used to look at you and wonder if your father was black instead of you being Shawn's! But 'cause there were no black boys around at the time, they couldn't very well blame that on me."

Ben smiled, "Look at me now, being in California! I've definitely browned up, no sun-tan lotion, nothing, just water and sun."

"You always did! I told you, in the summer, people looked at you so strangely."

"Well these two tan the same way."

Christine offered both boys an Oreo cookie, they were clinging to Ben's legs as they stood in her kitchen, quiet, watching her with shy eyes. However, an Oreo cookie each brought them out of their shyness enough to take it. Isaac even spoke up, "I like O'eos."

"Do you? So did your fath - I mean, Ben." She looked up at Ben, making a face, shocked at her slip, "You hear what I almost said?"

He nodded, a twinkle in his eye, "That's a mistake mom, I don't mind at all. Anyway, plans yet for getting to Shawn's and Sylvia's?"

She sighed, "I talked it over with Quincy, and yes, we have a plan, we just need a good night to execute it, so tell me, when do you think is a good night?"

"Mom, there is no such night, just go for it. They'll be home tonight, just like most nights. Besides, I'll be there tonight, and I think Crystal, I'm dying for you to meet her."

"Fine, let's get this over with. We'll be there tonight, in fact, I'm gonna make sure they'll be there, I'll call Sylvia first."

Ben smiled, impressed, "Sounds good to me, no better way to go it. Well, this visit was to be a quick one, I have to get them back, she trusted me to take them, don't wanna break that."

"That's my smart boy, and when you're off, I'll be dialing Sylvia, pray for me - she may hang up on me before I can get a word out."

"Then you'll have to keep trying, right?"

"Yes Ben, if she does, I'll keep trying, even if I have to go in person."

"Whatever it takes mom, well let me leave you to it, talk to you later. Say bye-bye boys!"

They both chirped up, calling out, "Bye-bye!" One and then the other.

Ben buckled them back into their car seats; his mother leaned in and gave them each another Oreo cookie and waved bye-bye.

*

Shawn had just finished taking everything left from the basement office across the road. Later on, he and Mundo would be reverting it back to a bedroom; and already, first thing, he laid claim to it before his sister started begging for it. Shawn felt, a young man needed his own space and so told him he could definitely move in once it was emptied. Crystal could stay with Angela or move into the room with her sons until the house and her apartment was done over the garage. The apartment over the garage connected to the house they were currently in would be one of the available spaces rented when the bed & breakfast was in full swing. The workers would be back in the morning to get going on it and complete it while the security company for across the road came in to do what they would.

Now that the room was clear, Shawn sat at the kitchen table dialing the phone company booking them to come out and install the studio's phones and broadband connections. They would be out in two days to get him up and running there. That done, as he was about to make another phone call, clicking on the dial tone, went to dial when he heard a voice coming from the receiver.

"Hello?" He questioned, realizing he'd inadvertently answered.

There was a pause, a nervous breath and then, "Hi Shawn, it's - Christine."

It was his turn to pause, she was the last person he expected to hear on his line.

"Shawn?"

"Yeah." He wasn't willing to say anything one way or the other, unsure of what she was phoning about.

"I - uh, well..." She took another deep breath, "I phoned to speak with Sylvia, actually."

"Why?"

"To apologize to her Shawn. To, make amends, with her, with you, if - you'll let me."

"Why?"

"Because - I've been wrong. From the very beginning, as far back as you and I - wrong. I know you know about Ben, that - he's really your son."

"No thanks to you."

"Shawn, you have every right to be upset with me, but I want to be given a chance to explain, make things right."

"There is nothing you can say to me, to give me back 22 years of my son's life! Nothing! 22 years of my life - that should have been spent, raising my own goddamn son! If you didn't fuckin' want me, you could have just said so! I don't need a fuckin' rock dropped on me to get the point! I wouldn't have messed with you, screwed you over! Hell, if you wanted to, you could have brought him to me and fucked off to do what the hell you wanted, I would have kept him gladly! Raised him myself, gladly!"

"Shawn will you give me a chance to at least explain why?"

"What are you gonna say Christine? What can you possibly say to me that will get me to understand?"

Sylvia was standing at the bottom of the stairs, listening, she'd come down midway through his tirade at her, at first wondering who he'd been speaking to until she put two and two together, to realize it could be no one else but Christine on the phone. The next question was, who called who?

"Shawn, all I can tell you is the truth, nothing else. After that, you're right, it will not undo anything, certainly not the years you've missed. Shawn, I've finally told Quincy the truth, Benjamin the truth-..."

"You had no goddamn choice Christine! He went and got our DNA done! He did that! He shouldn't have had to - because all you had to do was admit it!"

"You know what, I can talk to you until I'm blue in the face, it will never make a difference to you. You are the most unforgiving person I have ever known! Honestly you are! I'm not perfect Shawn, I was a young and dumb teenage girl - who made a terrible mistake! I have nothing more to say to you, is Sylvia there?"

"Oh what, you going to beg her forgiveness now?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well we don't need-..."

"Shawn!" Sylvia called to him, stepping into view.

He was angry, staring up at her, and already knew what she would want, the phone.

"Did you call her, or she called here?"

He sat stubbornly refusing to answer.

"Shawn I swear, I don't know if you're 4 or 44 - pass me the phone." She hissed whispering.

Mad, he tossed it onto the table and left the room. Sylvia sighed, took the seat he vacated and picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Sylvia, hi."

"Has Shawn called you, or you him?"

"Actually, I called to speak with you. I really didn't want to talk to him yet, because I knew how it would turn out."

"Well, here I am, what is it about?"

"I owe you, a tremendous apology, Sylvia. I involved you, struck out at you for something that was entirely my doing, the rift between my son and I. I was wrong, so wrong and I have to make amends for that. As I tried to tell Shawn, now that it's out, I have to accept what I've done wrong. No, I didn't do it first. Yes, Ben had to take it to a clinic to prove it, but Sylvia - I - I just - could not - get it out. I just couldn't. I've lived with that lie for so long, that I - I couldn't face the truth of it coming out because of the way it would look. I was wrong, so wrong - and - I just - God - I promised Ben, that I would start new, that I would make things right. He doesn't want any animosity between us. And Sylvia, neither do I. I can't say anymore. I - I thought to come over there, bring a gift, a meal - but - Shawn wouldn't even hear me out, so - I have to settle for this, for now. I'm asking you, to forgive, and to overlook what I've done, put it behind us."

"Christine, it's done. Don't say anymore. I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes. Regardless of why you made this call, Ben behind it or not, you made it. Few people can do what you've done. That tells me a lot about you. So, yeah, let's put it behind us."

"Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome."

"Ben said, that you knew from the start."

"Yes, even though I'd met him and his brother's at Gert's, I hadn't really gotten a good look at him until they were in Chicago with Jake. Watching him talk, his voice, his mannerisms, his walk, all I could see was Shawn."