BOMAW Vol. 10-12 (88 page)

"I'm not afraid of people dad! We're basically all the same, aren't we?"

Jake stared at him as if he'd just sprouted wings, "You're not serious - I mean to really believe that? Do you know what can happen to you here?"

"Things can happen to me anywhere, I'm not going to spend my life afraid to live it. Afraid of going places. The key dad, is respect. To communicate my intentions respectfully. I think I'll be fine."

Vivian was smiling, so proud that he was soon to be her stepson.

Jake on the other hand was shaking his head, "Paul, you're talking about an ideal world."

"Dad, we have to make due with the world we live in. You know what, it's fear, the very things you're imagining that scares you, that keeps us all apart. Time to stop being afraid and just do what we have to do. People are people and we need to start seeing that first, instead of color. Now, I wanna stay, just this week. I'll do whatever you, Vivian, Dennis and Sheila want me to do to keep safe, but - this is something I really want to do."

Vivian was smiling.

Turning away, shaking his head, Jake harshly raked his hand through his hair, "This fuckin' sucks!"

L.A.

Crystal lay in bed with the realization that she should probably get up. In fact, she had a feeling that she should have been up. She wasn't sure what time it was and knew if she just rolled over - she would be able to see the time, even so - she didn't want to. She didn't want to budge. With little choice however, she turned over and glanced at the clock radio. It was 12:30. She groaned, no woman with two small children should be in bed on any given day until 12:30. Her doing so, was an act of taking advantage of the fact that she was in a home filled with family, who would see about them. Her mother, Mundo, Shawn and ... Ben.

She sat up running her fingers through her hair, wiping the sleep from her eyes. She heard voices in the hall passing outside her door, a deep voice, Ben's voice and Darren's voice. Not Mundo, not Shawn, but Ben. He was up and seeing to her son.

She quickly got to her feet, opened her door entering the hall and heading for the bathroom where she could hear they were. Ben was standing just inside the doorway, patiently talking to Darren, waiting on him to get done on the toilet. Speaking to him, as a father should - but Ben was not his father, to witness it, was causing Crystal more inner upheaval considering her words the previous night.

"Good boy - using the toilet like a trooper. Let me know when you're done."

"'K Ben'a'men." His baby voice returned along with a grunt for punctuation, it was clear what number he was working on. He glanced over her way, his little face straining and then smiled, "Poo poo mama, I poo poo! G'ou' mama - poo poo!" He waved at her to leave him as if this was something strictly to do with being a male.

Ben stood straight and turned to her, his heart thumped hard in his chest at the sight of her in the morning. Her hair was mussed, full around her head and on her shoulders, she was wearing a rumpled sleep shirt with her bare legs showing from the thighs down, no man could ignore such a sexy fresh out of bed look as what he was staring at. He smiled softly, unsure of how she was going to receive him after last night, "Good morning." He was the first to greet.

"Morning, where's everybody at? I'm sorry I slept so late, I'll take it from here."

"No need of that, I'm just fine, we're just fine. You look like you could use another hour."

"Thanks! I look that bad?"

"If I tell you what I really think, you'll bite my head off, we'll be done in a minute." He returned.

"I done! Ben'a'men, ah done!" Darren alerted Ben, breaking into their brief discussion, having rid himself of his smelly package.

"Okay Darren, I'll-..." Crystal went to pass Ben to take care of him.

"No!" He held out his hand as if to halt her, "Ben wi'my butt!" He yelled at her, losing patience with her for not leaving.

"Darren! That's for me to do!"

"No! Ben wi'my butt!"

Who, ignored Crystal's presence and stepped forward, doing just that assuring her, "Look, I got'im, no big deal." As if he'd always been taking care of a toddler, he wiped him up, pulled up his training pants, lifted him to the sink and together, the two of them washed their hands together. Sighing she asked again, "Where's everyone?"

"Your mom and Mama JoJo have gone to church; Mundo and I have been teaching the boys to swim. Shawn is working in his office." He answered as he carried on taking care of Darren. Crystal stood feeling her heart squeeze in her chest to see her son, so totally trusting him, leaning on the vanity sink with Ben at his back, securing him in place, while his two large hands, soaped up Darren's little ones. Talking to him as he did, "Every time you use the toilet, you wash - your hands, right?"

"Was'my han'." Darren repeated as he suds them up with Ben.

"Good boy, now let's rinse."

Crystal stood aside, viewing it all quietly, resenting that he could dare be this good person that fit so perfectly with her boys. She didn't want him fitting, she didn't want him showing how right in her life he could be, or how right in her boys lives he could be. She resented that he placed before her a challenge that she just didn't want! She resented it, him, because she was feeling things. She knew once you started feeling things, it was hell to wrestle for what was right. What was right - right now - was to get her life on track, to complete her divorce and then focus on herself and her boys. She didn't want him in her life because he was stealing her control, day by day, he was taking it away - by treating her and her boys with the kind of gentle, considerate, compassion and care that she so longed for in her life, in theirs. They were drying their hands now. Finished, Ben picked Darren up, settling him on his arm, "All done." He said softly to her. "Ah done mama." Darren repeated after him.

Seeing the storm of emotions on her face, in her eyes, Ben thought it would be best to leave her alone. He gave a gentle smile and passed her going out of the bathroom leaving her to it. Crystal closed the door, looking at herself in the mirror. "I have to stop him! I can't let this happen! I don't want to want him, not now - it's too soon! God, what am I gonna do? I don't need this right now! I don't need it! God please, freeze my heart against him - I have to make this stop - I just don't know how." She agonized peering into the mirror at herself. With the shake of her head, she took a deep breath - determined to hold onto that conviction at all costs. No matter how good he was with her boys, no matter how much they needed the attention he was giving them, they had Shawn, Mundo and, their own father. She sighed once more thinking about him. Her stomach started hurting because things were starting to get more complex and she didn't need complexities of this magnitude. She turned from the mirror, stepping to the shower turning it on, covering her head in a shower cap, she stripped and stepped in.

By the time she showered, dressed and came downstairs, Ben was carrying a sleeping Darren in on his shoulder, to be put down for a nap. She had been in the refrigerator and looked up to see him coming in with him, slamming the door, overreacting to the sight of it she snapped, "Give him to me, I'll put him to bed!"

"I've got him, what's with you?" He spoke softly not to wake him.

"Nothing's with me! They're getting too attached to you! When this is all over, you'll go back to your life and Gail and they'll be left to wonder where you are!" She went to take Darren from him. "You're gonna wake him." Ben told her, not wanting to give him up.

"He's tired, he'll go back to sleep - give him to me!" She demanded.

He stood a moment staring at her, clearly unable to understand where this was coming from. "What have I done?" He asked lost with what else to say.

Unable to deal with his question or look him in the eyes, she took her son from him, ignoring him and headed for the stairs.

Ben stood in the empty kitchen unsure of what to do. Giving up, he turned and went back outside with Mundo and Isaac. The plan had been, to take Darren in for a nap, followed by him, Mundo and Isaac taking a walk to the small park not far within the estate, however now - Ben wasn't so sure.

"Ready to go Ben!" Isaac jumped at him as he made it outside. He and Darren already had lunch, they'd just eaten it not long before Darren started nodding.

"Okay m'man, we'll go in a moment okay, we have to check with your mama first." Ben said, knowing that he should have while he had her standing there. Due to her sudden about face with him, he'd forgotten that he went in to lie Darren down, let her know that he was taking a nap and also that he and Mundo would be taking Isaac with them on a bit of a stroll to the park.

Hearing that he had to ask Crystal first, Mundo looked up, "She ain't gone mind man, let's just go."

Ben stood unsure, "Maybe you should go and let her know, see if it's okay."

"Thought that's what you did when you took Darren in?" He asked.

Before Ben could answer that, Crystal stepped outside looking for Isaac and right away, "Isaac, time for you to take a nap, come on in."

"Nooo, don't want no nap - I'm goin' wit' Ben and Mundo!"

"No you not, you going in for a nap before it gets too late for one."

"Emm mm, I goin' wit' Ben and Mundo." He pouted, getting upset.

Ben turned to Crystal, "Come on, he's looking forward to it, a stroll and play in the park will get him ready for a nap."

She ignored him again and walked up to Isaac grabbing his wrist, "Let's go, you gettin' a nap now, you been swimming all morning, that's enough."

He pulled against her grip, "Nooo, don' wan' no nap! Don' need no nap! Be-e-en, I wanna go wit' Be-e-en, go wit' Mundo-o-o!"

"Sis' what's wrong wit' you? What's the big deal, let him go with us, man!" Mundo stood trying to understand, "Why you trippin'?"

"Excuse me, he is
my
son! I say, what he is and is not going to do, thank you!"

"You need to take yo'ass back to bed, you don' obviously woke up on the wrong side! Come out here trippin' bein' difficult and shit! Come on let us take the boy to the park! Got him all upset, we was doin' just fine 'till yo'wacked out crazy ass come on the scene! You gone let us take him?" Mundo fussed and then asked.

"No my trippin' wacked out ass ain't!" She bent down and picked Isaac up because he was pulling against her, now crying, "Wanna go t'da pa-a-ark!" He cried over and over.

She ignored him turning to go into the house with him when Ben blocked her way, "You mad at me about something? Deal with me, but don't take it out on the kids!"

"Excu-u-use me!" She glared up at him.

"This is bullshit! You and I are talking later."

"I have nothing to say to you, you have nothing to say to me!
Move!
"

"What the hell is going on?!" Mundo shot observing the scene.

She turned on her brother, "Mind -
your
business!"

"Know what, be that way! Ben! Come on man! Let's roll - let's just go! Leave'ha - alter personality disorder is now engaged, Cybil is in the house, let's go before Kathy, Trudie and Sha'ne'ne leap out on us next!"

That pissed her off, she turned back to him, pointing her finger towards him and the sky, "You know what?! Don' make me give you instructions on what you need to do - because you know I will!"

"You know what, you need help! Yeah! Straight up sis'! Got that boy all upset for nothin'! This shit ain't even necessary!"

Crystal stuck her middle finger up at Mundo and turned back to Ben, shoved him aside from blocking the door. He let her, a bit stunned, as his surprised, "Hey!" Attested. "Is all of this really necessary?" He yelled at her, unable to help himself. Isaac was looking at him crying, reaching for him, clearly not wanting to go in the house.

"Like I told him to mind his business, you do the same! When I say move, move the hell - out of my way!"

"See Ben! Now ya'see! See that shit right there, yeah - ain't you glad?!"

Ignoring both of them, Crystal went to the sliding glass doors only to see Shawn standing looking out at them, he obviously could hear them from his office, when the door slid open, he asked, "What's going on? What's with the yelling, why is he crying?" He was looking at Crystal for the answer.

Mundo answered for her, "Dad, she trippin'! She havin' one of her spells! Ignore her!"

While she might ignore Ben and Mundo, she would not Shawn, "It's time for his nap and he don't wanna take one, they're not helping."

"Naw naw na-a-aw! That ain't what's happenin', she got a wild hair up her rectum, done slept half the day away, got up with a attitude and taking it out on us! The boys was just fine, we was just fine, but then, Broom Hilda come on the seen, Isaac no longer happy! Why? 'Cause Crystal ain't happy! And when Crystal ain't happy, everybody gotta suffa'! That's what's going on." Mundo informed Shawn with his sister glaring at him. Isaac hiccuping and hoping that the argument would end with him able to go with Mundo and Ben, even though, he was starting to yawn.

Shawn looked at Isaac and then at Crystal, "You do what you need to do, long as what you're doing, is fair. Okay?"